Dude, I can't believe those asswipes fired you for not shutting off our
gas for 6 weeks. It was losing the truck that pissed them off the most.
Well, you can camp out here for a while. Well, this is pretty sweet.
Does this couch fold out to a bed? Yeah, totally great bed. But that's
Jenkins' bed. Your bed's over here.
Dude, that is so fucking weak.
How am I supposed to get a chick in that? Oh, don't worry, dude.
You couldn't get a chick if you had a $100 bill hanging out of your
zipper. Yeah, I could. No, dude, you're a little bitch.
I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys.
'Cause you're a piece of shit. I am not a piece of shit. Well,
yeah, but you're a little bitch. Sure are. Goddamn it, man! I swear,
you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times, I'm outta here.
It's 2 Dads 1 Movie. It's the podcast where two middle-aged
dads sit around and shoot the shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s.
Here are your hosts, Steve Paulo and Nic Briana.
Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie.
I'm Steve and I'm Nic, and today we're talking about the 1998 David Zucker
comedy hysterical classic. That's what I'm calling it. That's, that's the
proper official term, by the way, for this kind of movie. It's old enough to
be a classic, right? And it is, it is hysterical and historical as
well, a little bit. Uh, BASEketball. We're talking about BASEketball starring Trey Parker and Matt
Stone. Uh, and yeah, this was, uh, this was my pick for
1998 and You know, when we came to '98, it was like, there's so many
good choices, like '98, '99, both I think have a tremendous number of great movies
that I could have chosen. Yeah. You know, for this kind of end of our
2 Dads 2 Decades series, we were right at the end. This is the second
to last year, the penultimate, as I like to remind people, means second to last,
the penultimate year of 2 Dads 2 Decades. A lot of
great choices. I went with this one because this movie hit at
just the right time. Like, as we— I mean, literally, I think it came out
like a month after we graduated from high school. Yeah. And it was like going
to college. I remember trying to play BASEketball in college. With my dormmates
and stuff. And we would try to like, you know, figure out how much of
all the rules from the movie you could actually gather. Because there's some things they
like hint at that they don't really do a lot or explain really, which is
like the, the tip-ins that can then be claimed by the other team. Yeah,
like the double plays. Yeah. And there's that stuff. And then it's like also,
why are there like 9 guys on the team if only 3 ever play?
Like, you know, there's little things like that. We would do it with like Ghostrunners
and stuff. But, you know, it's the kind of thing that it like, it never
quite caught on, but it was like interesting enough that like as a kind of
generically like a sports fan as I was at the time. I mean, I pretty
much watched all four major North American sports. It was like cool just because it
blended stuff and it was like, this is neat. And then the fact that it
was the guys from South Park, right, was just icing on the cake, really.
I did not see Orgasmo or Cannibal the Musical until after I saw this movie.
I later found out those guys did more movies before this, went back and saw
those. You know, I'm sure eventually I know Cannibal the Musical was on my list
at some point for us to do. So, but, you know, we'll take a look
at it at the time. So, yeah, this was just a movie that I think
You know, definitely found me at the right impressionable age
of, you know, really thinking people like Yasmine Bleeth and Victoria
Silvstedt, Playmate of the Year, were gorgeous and decided to watch anything they were in.
And obviously the cool sports element to it. So, Nick, what was your kind
of background, your history with BASEketball? Yeah, I think I caught this one in college.
And again, this was one going around on video. We all loved it. And we
definitely tried to play a version of BASEketball too. And it's a good sign for
a movie where you take the movie and then try to, like, use it in
your real life. Yeah, that's a positive for sure. Um, a lot of the humor
right up our alley at the time. Yeah. Um, and, uh, yeah, the same thing
where it's like, oh, Playmates are in this stuff. Like, just this weird Maxim
magazine era horniness that, uh, that we had there in the early 2Ks. Um,
so yeah, I watched this a bunch of times. Like, when I watched this for
the pod, I realized once again, you know, like we've seen with the last couple,
or at least some recent ones, like, uh, you know, Clerks and Swingers
and these movies that we take so much vocab from watching this. I'm like,
oh shit, he said that all the time in that exact way.
So yeah, it was just a goofy, fun one, a great one to throw on
with your buds before you're like going to go out for the night or when
you're just hanging out bullshitting. Good background movie. And yeah,
a lot of like interesting cameos in this one too. Yeah, it was fun to
go back and check out. I think you're obviously right about that kind of like
before you go out thing. I feel like in my college years of the like
the pre-party at somebody's apartment before you go to the first bar and then actually
to the place you want to go, that kind of you know, evening you'd have.
I feel like this or Zoolander was like regularly just on the TV. Like nobody
actually watched it. It was just there. You know, you have these movies and then
when you go to watch them, you're like, I am ultra familiar with the first
12 minutes of this movie. And then as it gets towards the middle, you're like,
what the fuck? So, uh, wait, there's a plot? What a character arc?
I don't give a shit about these characters. I couldn't tell you what happens in
this, but I could tell you verbatim all the jokes in the first 12 minutes.
That's a good point. That's actually a really good point. Cause I just want to
mention this real quick. We watch a lot of these movies for the pod that
like I'm very familiar with. Like especially ones I've picked a lot of times.
Like I've seen them dozens and I think, I think just in general, I've watched
the same movie over and over again more often than you have. It seems like,
like as we've talked about, it's like I'll watch a movie 50, 60 times over
the course of, you know, many years. So it's like, I know the whole movie,
but I have to like watch through it just to make sure I know what
order things come in. Oh, totally. You know, cause it's like, I know all the
jokes in this and we'll talk about them when we're doing next week is too.
It's like, it's just joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke, joke. And I know them
all. Right. I could quote them all, but actually putting them in order, like you
might not be able to do that. So like having to watch it through.
Like, hey, why do they have to win or whatever? I'd be like, I don't
fucking know. I don't know. But these are the, All right, let's jump into the
facts on BASEketball. All right. The movie BASEketball was released on July
28th, 1998, with an R rating and a running time, running time of 103
minutes. It was directed by David Zucker of the famous Kentucky Fried
Theater folks, the ZAZ guys, without Abrahams or his brother Jeff
this time. Written by David Zucker, Robert Lokasz, and Lewis Friedman.
Starring Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Deon Bahaar.
Scores not particularly impressive. Rotten Tomatoes 40%,
IMDb 6.5. Those are both pretty low and a pair of
thumbs down from Siskel and Ebert. It also received 2 nominations,
though no wins, at the 1999 Razzie Awards, one for Worst
Actress for Yasmine Bleeth and the other for Worst Supporting Actress for Jenny McCarthy.
The— yeah, you were, you know, you made a comment
about how the Razzies seem to just like focus on the females and stuff.
It seems like if you're like a hot chick from something other than acting
and you dare to be in a movie, the Razzie Awards are all over your
ass. Like, it's just all these guys who are just so aggrieved that these like
playmates— not saying that they did great, but it is funny to see the pattern
of who gets nominated. There is so much bad acting to go around. They really
didn't need to pick on the ladies, but they did. Could have been an ensemble.
Absolutely. Budget. This is amazing to
me. Somehow BASEketball cost $25 million
to make. Somehow. Now, over the last couple of
weeks, dude, we watched, we watched Boogie Nights last week. We watched Swingers the week
before that, you know, before that it was like, uh, uh, I don't know,
Desperado was like $7 million. You went Clerks for $20 grand
or whatever. Yeah. There's been, I think collectively the last 5 or 6 movies we've
watched did not add up to $25 million when you put all their budgets together.
And so I don't know where $25 million shows up on the screen here.
You know, it's, the difference, I think, between, uh, something like Clerks or
Swingers, where it's like, okay, this is what it'll take for us to do all
this stuff we need to do, versus a studio saying, hey, well-known director David Zucker,
uh, how much for you to make a comedy for us? And then he finds
a way to just expend all that money. I feel like that's— you're— I think
you're right. I think also, obviously, though, the, the sets of these
BASEketball arenas, yeah, they were obviously created. Sure, these are
on a sound— or were on a soundstage somewhere. So they were all— as opposed
to a movie like Swingers or Clerks, which is obviously all on location, you know,
very, very few locations and, you know, things that are easy for them to like
rent or reserve. And this was obviously like, we know we had to build an
entire arena, fill it with, you know, 300 extras in order to like have a
crowd. So I can see that there's a lot that goes there, but like still—
And like the athlete cameos, I always wonder about that where it's like, do they
just really want to be in the movie and they do it for cheap?
Or is it like to even talk to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, it costs $400 grand.
The thing is though, Kareem already worked with Zucker— No, I— Yeah. Reggie Jackson already
worked with him in Naked Gun. Like I feel like he just has something on
these guys. He's got some photos. You know, he's got something.
He's got a thumb drive somewhere. That's just every—
anybody— we saw you eating bacon at the craft service table during Airplane. Anybody who
won a major sports MVP award any time in the '70s, David Zucker just
has absolute shit on him. Seriously, man. And it really,
it really came out on O.J. So on a $25 million budget, it must have
made how much? $7 million for 0.28 times
what it made. A significant loss of— what is that? $18 million loss.
So that is the biggest flop we've ever seen. Yeah. To supplant
Strange Brew, which was the only other movie I think that we've had that actually
lost money. I think all the others, maybe Halloween 3 also lost a little.
And Strange Brew was kind of a marginal loss. It was like, well, they lost
$2 million on a $4 million budget. So nominally a lot less than this,
but still, you know, half or whatever. But yeah, so not a box office success,
this BASEketball, because I don't remember at the time because I was pretty into movies
at this time and I worked in a movie theater. I don't remember hearing about
this in the theaters at the time. So I don't know what kind of,
uh, reach it had. This was definitely, I think for me, this would have
been something I saw either on DVD because somebody I
knew was like, oh dude, this is the South Park guys. We should check this
out and like rent it from Blockbuster. Or I think it played on Comedy Central
a ton, like an edited version, but I think it was on Comedy Central like
constantly for a year. So it's possible the first time I saw this was even
just like an edited for TV version. I'm not sure. Um, But yeah.
All right. So BASEketball, here's where we open. We open with like a flashback,
basically. There's a little like voiceover talking about the state of
sports in America, which really, I'll be honest, like isn't totally accurate. It talks about
like all these things that happen, like teams moving or yeah, teams moving cities and
players being traded and how this somehow deadened, you know, Americans' interest
in sports, which like couldn't be further from the truth. Like even in the late
'90s, sports were incredibly popular. It is kind of like anti-free agency,
like anti-Curt Flood propaganda here.
The way that this is set up, it is interesting. And the very beginning flashback
is a young version of Coop at Reggie Jackson's 3-home-run Mr.
October game, and he catches the 3rd home run. Yes, he does. He catches the
3rd one, and he says to, to his buddy Reamer, uh, Doug Reamer, standing next
to him, someday I'm going to be a big sports star. Yeah. And, uh,
and there's that. And so then we flash ahead to this whole kind of thing
that talks about, you know, like how, uh, the spirit of sports
is like, you know, we sort of hero worship, and like these are people to
look up to, and it's like this, you know, this, the thrill of victory and
all this stuff. But then Teams, you know, players started moving from team to team.
So you couldn't really keep track of your favorite players. And then teams started moving.
And this is a great set of lines, but they talk about how the Minneapolis
Lakers moved to Los Angeles where there are no lakes. The, what is it,
the Utah Jazz or no, the New Orleans Jazz moved to Utah where they don't
allow music. Yeah, really good. And then I think it's the Oakland Raiders moved
to LA and then back to Oakland and no one in Los Angeles seemed to
notice. Yeah, exactly. Which is, you know, and then the Raiders moved again to Vegas.
And as an A's fan, having them move to Sacramento and then to Vegas,
it's like, I do see the, the desire to lambast those owners who wish to
move teams around. Oh, for sure. I mean, a lot of good points made here.
And again, the density of the gags in this movie throughout
is really good. So a lot of these things about excessive celebration. It shows
a football player score a touchdown, and then him and his teammates get into this
whole Riverdance-style line dance as guys are being pushed by
on stretchers and stuff like that. So I mean, they do
pack it tight. So very, very dense, this beginning. I love that voiceover
scene. Yeah, the voiceover is great. And they talk about like a corporate sponsorship of
things. Like they show Preparation H Stadium and Maxi Pad— not Maxi Tampon Arena
or whatever with the big white, uh, uh, what is it, a blimp,
right? You know, with the— yeah, silly stuff. And this is— but this does set
you up for like the kind of humor, right, that we're in for. Like,
like you said, it's rapid fire, it's boom boom boom, and it tends to go
for the easy joke because for one reason, because there's so many jokes and they're
so fast, you kind of don't have time for like elaborate. So this isn't Judd
Apatow or Adam McKay like setting up elaborate things or dealing with people
like improving a lot or anything like that, which is— I think just a real
comment real quick— I think this really is one of those final movies of this
type, right? The very, uh, ZAZ, Mel Brooks kind of
style that was so popular in the '80s and '90s where there were a lot
of rapid-fire jokes, there's a lot of puns and a lot of like irony and
sarcasm and that kind of stuff. And we— it made way for, I think,
you know, really with the success of Old School in probably '02 or '03,
or year that came out, to this different style where it was like, you know,
it's like character-based. Yeah, character-based. And the filming of things is
improv-ing. It is riffing. It's like, you know, they'll have the actors do 3,
4, 5, 6, whatever different takes of just riffing different things, whatever lands best they
use. On that topic, this— I did watch something with Trey Parker
and Matt Stone from the time this came out, and they mentioned that what shows
up on the screen, only about 10% of what shows up on the screen was
in the original screenplay. By Zucker, Lokasch, and Friedman.
And Bob Lokasch was a producer and was on set every day. And then obviously
David Zucker as the director was also there. And apparently the majority of what's actually
on screen is stuff that Zucker and Lokasch and Stone and Parker altogether kind
of made up or riffed on, or, you know, hey, what if the joke,
would the joke work better this way? Like they did a lot of collaborative stuff.
So it's not that Parker and Stone were taking like credit for like rewriting the
script as they went. But the four of them together did really apparently just kind
of like play with stuff, which is why I think so many of the jokes
feel like South Park jokes. They feel like Parker and Stone jokes.
Jokes. David Zucker sitting there as they're saying that, saying, I didn't let you write
your own. Yeah, right. Like Jack Horner in Boogie Nights. Um, anyway,
so yeah, so they do all kinds of stuff. And, uh, we, we fade forward
to present day where we, we see, you know, again, baby Coop, little Coop saying,
I'm gonna be a big sports star, maybe a sports star. And then we've got
actual, you know, adult current day Joe Cooper played by Trey Parker.
Uh, he's the blonde mophead. And then, uh, Matt Stone plays Doug Reamer, his best
friend. Uh, Coop is peeing in bushes outside of a very nice house.
Yeah, someday, Reamer, I'm gonna own a big sports bar. So it's already twisted.
He's already twisted it around. Yeah, so we kind of see what's happened to these
guys over there, right? And they're showing up to the party of this old classmate
of theirs, Brittany, or whatever. And they're these, you know, the losers from high school,
and they show up and clearly everyone has moved on from what they used to
be and everything. And they get to the door and they're like, oh yeah,
we're here for the party. We graduated with Brittany. Her dad answers the door.
He's like You graduated? He's like, of course we graduated, cock beer. And he offers
him a beer. We would say like anything cock beer like so
often. So right off the bat I was like, yeah, yeah. He refers to several
people as cock under his breath as he goes, uh, throughout this party.
Um, they find the, the hostess Brittany Kaiser, you know,
oh yeah, hey Brittany, like, you know, kind of thing. And she's like, I didn't
think you'd show. They're not welcome. This is— yeah, everybody's wearing khakis,
they got the sweaters tied around their necks. This is like very very preppy,
upper, kind of crusty, which is like they're in like maybe suburb, suburbs outside of
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. So, but they're just, you know, wearing t-shirts and shorts and
carrying a 12-pack of Coors or whatever, right? So, so basically
the Coop's like, we should just go. And no, no, let's go up to Brittany's
room, which is a terrible idea. This is, this is not a good idea.
But they go up to a bedroom. Doesn't, they don't seem to be quite clear
what bedroom they're in. And they find some, you go through the underwear drawer,
find a vibrator. It's all very— it's pretty graphic for early
in the movie. I mean, Reimer is really going to town on this vibrator,
rubbing his face all over while it's on, which it's really funny,
right? And then, of course, Brittany busts in and she's like, what are you guys
doing in my mom's room? Just as Coop is pulling the underwear out of the
drawer and expands them to show that they're like, you know, for an
elephant with a 65-inch waist. And as Matt
Stone, as Reimer drops the vibrator and runs out the room, he says derp.
And I think this is actually the first use of derp. Oh, in like any
media ever as like that kind of exclamation of like, oops, like I'm a dummy,
or like, you know, kind of thing. Uh, and they would use— going to use
it constantly in South Park, obviously. But I think this is before it showed up
in a South Park episode. It showed up in this movie of Matt Stone is
going derp. Damn, star is born. Exactly.
Um, um, so they end up— they end up outside and they're just kind of
like shooting baskets, like, party, and they're just standing
there and making every shot. Yeah, standing still, holding a beer, just shooting hoops.
And then a couple of like the, the docker jerks from
inside the party come out and like challenge him to a game. Right, exactly.
And they're like, oh, let's play you for $20. And then, and Coop's
like, oh, make it $50. And Reimer's like, we don't have $50. He's like,
we don't have $20. But they end up challenging these two guys who look kind
of like, you know, dorky, like khaki guys, but like pretty athletic.
Yeah. And he's like, whatever, they're not any good. And then it cuts quickly
to them warming up and they're like doing alley-oop. Oh my God. Like all this
crazy shit. It's really funny. Yeah. And so they're like, "Well, we're not gonna play
that pussy 2-on-2 you guys play in the suburbs. We got a new game we
picked up in the hood," right? Sure, guys. But they explain this game,
and it's basically, they start by explaining that it's horse, and the guys kind of
call them on it. It's like, "No, no, no, it's not like horse." "Psh,
yeah." "Psh, psh, psh." You know? "It's BASEketball rules." And so they start talking about
where you shoot from different distances. It's like a single, a double, whatever.
And if you miss, that's an out, and all this stuff.
And the guys are kind of like, "Whoa, what?" And I love Coop goes,
What, you're not being sports guys? It's so good. Again,
they say that all the time. And the one— the thing that I took from
this scene that we— I used to say all the time we were playing is
losers up first. Because it's like, this is a home
run behind the meatball. Home runs behind them. Yeah. So they have this game against
the guys. They beat them at it, you know, because it's their game. And then
the guys, you know, still leave with the win because their idea is like,
oh, we'll get the chicks if we beat them. We'll win. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Then they're like, no, it's not. We got to get— first we get jobs.
Then we get the khakis, then we get the chains. Exactly, gotta have the khakis.
And he actually— so they actually invented the psych out too as the defense or
whatever, where at first I think Coop spit beer at one of the guys.
You can't spit beer at me. He's like, well, no, that's how you— that's a
psych out. That's how you do it. And at the end for the final shot,
Reamer is like getting something out of his teeth. He goes, oh, pulling out of
his teeth. Oh, one of Brittany's mom's pubic hairs. And the guy thinks, you know,
it's like, oh, that's gross. He misses the shot. And then Duck goes, oh God,
there's another one. So. So at the end of this, they're like, okay, like,
this is it. We've got to stop playing games. Cuts to immediately they're
playing BASEketball and they're exactly really good. The psych out that Coop is using on
Reamer, again, something we say all the time and we say at every NFL football
game, you want someone to miss a field goal or any of that shit.
Yeah. Steve Perry. Yeah, Steve Perry. And it should have been
gone. So here's the thing, though. I feel like this is a—
there's a, there's a, there's a generational split here. So I feel
like we are considered— I'm not sure if you're familiar with this term, but Xennials,
right? Like this sort of like micro-generation on the cusp of Gen X and Millennials.
And because we were both born in '79 and like anybody, I think from like
'77 to like '83 is sort of in this like weird kind of middle group,
right? Yeah. And, and so not fully Gen X, not fully Millennial. And I feel
like on the Millennial side of this, the psych out to use is
Steve Perry. Steve Perry. But if you're more Gen X, kind of a little
older than us, Noonan, Noonan, Miss Noonan from Caddyshack,
I feel like is the more classic because that's still— I'll still use Noonan sometimes,
but I realize now it is so much old. Someone is,
yeah, you know, you know, it's funny, back at the time I heard the same
thing differentiating Gen X from millennials by saying,
who is Uncle Jesse? Jesse is Uncle Jesse from the Dukes
of Hazzard. Yeah, Gen X. If he's Full House, you're a millennial. That's good.
Or the Uncle Jesse test. Or finish the lyric. Hello, because there's like 3
different ways to do it based on how old you are. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway,
but yeah, so I'd love— but yeah, Steve, the Steve Perry psych out is still
classic. We get introduced to our third kind of main character of
the movie now, Squeaks Scolari, played by Deon Bahr. And he's a
real tiny guy and he looks like he's probably like 5'4". Yeah. And 90 pounds
dripping wet. But he comes to shut off their gas. He works for the Wisconsin
Gas and Electric Company and he's like trying to be all official. He's like,
you know, is your canine unit, you know, is your canine like present or and/or
locked up within your domicile? Kind of— he's trying to be like, dude, whatever,
we took him to the vet, you can go, go, go, sucks to be you,
go shut off our gas. Yeah. So he goes into the back and immediately is
tackled by the Rottweiler that lives there. Oh, sorry, we took
the cat in today, my bad. Oh my God. Yeah. And he's just— I mean,
Squeak, a great character to just take the brunt of all the shit throughout this
entire movie. He's the straight man. And one of the psych-outs they use
is, I heard your sister's going out with Squeak.
The psych-out thing, like, it's, it's kind of funny because that was
what I think made the game unplayable. Playable in real life is that
psych-outs don't really work. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And it's like the
only way, and plus so many of the psych-outs in the movie, they like physically
touch the person, which like you kind of have to outlaw if you're gonna play
the game at all. It seems like some would be foul, right? Yeah, and so
it was definitely hard to like translate the game to reality without that element
of being like, oh, I'm so psyched out, I'm gonna fall down as I shoot
the ball. Like, just hold onto the ball, recover yourself, and then shoot, you know,
anyway. But yeah, so they basically,
tell, tell Squeak, hey, we'll shoot for it. You can turn our gas off
if you make a shot from here. And then, and then they do Steve Perry,
and he misses the shot, has to go get the ball where it hit the
dog. Another thing that I would say, take a shot, it's my job,
you assholes. I used to work at Domino's in college, and I would often deliver
to my own friends, and they would want me to drink with them when I
would drop the pizza off, right? I would get to say, take a shot,
it's my job, you assholes. I had a friend who worked at one of the
pizza places in town in college, and he had this thing where he just liked
to come by our apartment and drop off a pizza, like, which was really nice.
Nice, you know, a lot of times he's out delivering. But every once in a
while he would drop off a pizza that literally had like a, a normal serving
amount, whatever, of every single meat topping they offered in the place. So it was
like unedible because it was so like hung down with like all
these different sausages and chicken. Yeah, yeah. But you see, I think he just liked
wasting stuff in his job. Um, so we cut to 3 months later and
Coop has created his own BASEketball out of a La-Z-Boy recliner. So it says La-Z-Boy
along the side. And this is when there's a bit of a crowd in the
driveway. They're still playing in their driveway, but there's like people from the neighborhood,
right? Yeah. Well, before that though, like Squeak comes over because he, uh,
has lost his job and needs a place to crash. And so he's like,
hey, thanks for letting me crash your guys'. It's so great. And, uh, and they're
like, yeah, sure. He's like, wow, this is a cool bed. Oh yeah, yeah,
but that's Jenkins' bed. It's like they live with like a ton of different people.
And he's like, your bed's over here. And it's a fucking little like dog bed
box with a couple chew toys in it. And the great line I'm like,
how am I going to get a chick in that? He goes, don't worry,
dude. You couldn't get a chick with a $100 bill hanging out of your fly.
Yeah, I could. No, you're a little bitch. Like, they're just
so mean to him. Relentless on this guy. Relentless.
Yeah. And then, yeah, his reaction is, I swear to God,
if you rip on me 13 or 14 more times, I'm out of here.
Oh my God. So then we cut a few more months ahead and they actually
are playing and it's like some kind of a big playoffs, like finals thing.
They've got broadcast. Yeah. Local, like local TV probably, or something. Okay, some of the
budget going to Cato Cailin. And, and they're wearing like, uh, sweatshirts as their jerseys,
and they just say shirts, like as their shirts and skins or kind of thing.
So they win the, the, uh, our boys Coop and Reamer and
Squeak, they win the, the championship or whatever that they've got. And we meet
Ted Denzel, played by Ernest Borgnine, uh, and he comes up and basically says
like, hey, like, this is fantastic stuff which you've invented here, I love it,
these people really react to it, I'm a billionaire, like, uh, how do you— and
by the way, billionaire in 1998 was actually something really to
be like, whoa. Like there were not as many of them as there are now.
You know what I mean? It was far more rare back then. So it was
like, oh, it's a big deal. And so he's like, hey, let's create the National
BASEketball League. And you know, Coop's kind of like, whatever. He's like, well, no,
we won't let anybody like move teams. We won't let any teams move cities.
We'll do it right the first way around. And he says like, we'll do it
like when I was a kid and players were treated like, like, and Coop goes,
indentured servants? Yes. So yeah,
yeah. So now we get a cut again to 5 years, right? Yes. And there's
a full stadium. There's a dedicated BASEketball stadium.
There's a big crowd there. There's teams from different cities. They've got the house band,
Real Big Fish, the ska band. There you go. Whatever you think about
their music, probably the greatest sideburn band I've ever seen. I mean, pretty strong
sideburn situation throughout. I always liked Real Big Fish. I was
never as into them as some of the slightly like the punkier ska bands.
Like, I think I preferred, like, Less Than Jake to Real Big Fish, but,
like, I still found them a lot of fun. They were fine. Yeah. For living
in that world, I mean, one of the more palatable ska bands. If you're gonna
tell your kid, like, this is ska music, Real Big Fish is a pretty good
example of it. Yeah, Boss Tone's probably my first, you know, sort of, like,
'cause it's good music on top of being ska music, but, like, you know.
But part of the definition of ska music is that it's not that good,
so. Unless it's Operation Ivy, then it's unimpeachable. So yeah.
So, so Squeak, this is a funny gag here. So they're, they're in this game
here and the broadcaster, they've got Bob Costas and Al Michaels who are
very funny throughout this thing. And I used to give more credit to
guys like this for being goofy in movies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But being a broadcaster
is just being a fucking actor. So it's not so crazy that like, oh,
Dan Patrick is funny. Yeah. Oh, they said Bob Costas said the F-word.
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, shit. Oh.
But they're good in there and they're coming up to the end of the game
and it's a pivotal moment. They're like, okay, it all hangs on Squeaks Clary.
He's coming up to play. This is a big moment. And it shows Squeaks in
the dugout like watching on a mini TV the broadcast. He's like, oh shit,
I knew it was going to be me. He's like getting all upset.
Yeah. And then, but Squeaks goes out and he hits the hit he needs to.
And then it's Coop's turn to try and like bring it all home, I think.
Right. And so he goes to like set up for a home run that'll win
the whole thing. And then Ted Denslow, Ernest Borgnine's character, orders like a a
hot dog. Yep. And he starts to eat it while everybody starts doing what they
call the beer chug, which is sort of like a reference to the— it's like
the tomahawk chop. Yeah. Um, but they're like, yo, chug, chug, whatever. And I think
it's his, his wife next to him, who's played by Jenny McCarthy, who's obviously,
you know, like 60 years younger than him, elbows him in the face or in
the arm, and his hot dog goes straight down his throat. He starts choking.
And that's when Coop notices. And instead of just stopping to
be like, hey, somebody should go help. Yeah, Mr. Denzel. He takes the shot anyway,
this shot, and like falls and falls and misses. And so the Dallas Felons,
the team they're playing, they are the Milwaukee Beers, by the way, we should say.
But the Dallas Felons then win the Denslow Cup, the big
championship, apparently second year in a row. The Dallas, we're told, won the year before.
Yep. Um, and Denslow is like dead.
They're giving him— yeah, they're giving him CPR. Well, so Coop— everyone's pissed
at Coop, right? Yeah. So he misses the shot and then he starts getting pelted
by these eggs, and the announcer's like, oh, so unfortunate this has to happen
on Dozen Egg Night. And it's like a parody of the shot in Platoon,
I think, where Willem Dafoe is like running And so he's like getting shot and
slow— getting hit in slow motion by all these eggs. Yeah, so Denslow is
being given like CPR and the hot dogs like shooting up. Yeah, out of
his mouth and then dropping back in. But nobody's looking at it. Nobody's paying attention
to it. Then he does die. Ernest Borgnine, I have to say, made some really
great like appearances, cameos in different comedies. The Simpsons Junior Campers
episode, one of the best Simpsons episodes where Ernest Borgnine is just in there as
Ernest Borgnine. Nice. Which is really funny. I always liked him because I used to
watch the show Airwolf and he was like the pilot or whatever. Watched Airwolf.
It's about like a crazy cool helicopter. It was like Knight Rider but in the
sky. Oh nice. It was kind of the idea. And he, and he was like
one of the two, he was like the navigator. There's like a younger guy who
was like the main pilot, but he was like part of the crew. Uh,
pretty good. We love Bort. Yeah. It was one of those shows where like the
helicopter looked normal from the outside and then there'd be an entire set where they
were inside the helicopter standing up tall and like moving around. You're like, that's not,
this is like Doctor Who's fucking phone booth over here. Like, you know,
um, anyway, but yeah. So then we get some interviews. So they lost the game
and in the locker room they're all wearing shirts and hats that say like losers
on them. Which is a really good gag once again.
And then Tim McCarver is interviewing Joe Cooper and it's actually Tim McCarver and he's
basically like, you know, what do you think happened tonight? You know, Cooper? And he's
like, well, you know, it's like took a— it was a real team effort or
whatever. And I love Tim McCarver turns to the— to the back to the camera
and goes, it certainly does seem to be raining shit on Joe Cooper right now.
And I've definitely used that in interview, putting other people's names
in, but it certainly does seem to be raining shit. Yes. Very funny. And then
like, Squeaks, you want to talk to me? Nope.
There's the keg. The beer's mascot is like this big barrel
keg, and there's a good gag of the keg going to take a piss at
the trough and like, you know, using it out of the beer tap. The news
report that talks about Ted Denslow dying, the newscaster says, it appears time
finally ran out for the old cocksucker.
So then there's a reading of a
will. A ton of people are there. We're finding out, you know, where all of
Denzlow's stuff is going. Did these happen at the video will reading? I would love
to go to one in real life. I want to do one actually. I don't
know. It's one of my favorite movie scenes. I always enjoy it. Brewster's Millions.
Yeah. I don't know how realistic it is, but it happens here and it's a
bunch of people in there. And Yasmin Bleeth, who actually we were introduced to just
before the scene, who runs the Dream Make a Dream Come
True Foundation, I think they call it. Basically Make-A-Wish, same idea, dying kids or whatever.
She's there. And then Joe Cooper, you know, Coop shows up with Reamer and Coop
got a letter inviting inviting him. And then, uh, Yasmine Bleeth's character Jenna, she got
a letter inviting her. So we find out Jenna, it's her organization getting season tickets
so they can take the kids. That's awesome, great. And then Denslow leaves
the team to Coop instead of to his wife, who he'd
only been with like 3 months. Yep. Um, but he leaves the team to Coop,
but with a stipulation. This is kind of very Brewster's Millions, right, where it's like
the team's yours, but you've got to win the championship in the next, you know,
next season, or it reverts back to Yvette, the, the wife.
And then so Baxter Kane is the owner of the Dallas Fellows
we've been introduced to as well. And he's here. Definitely Jerry Jones character in this
film. Absolutely. Very much the Jerry Jones. And he even looks like it. He really
does, actually. The hair's darker, but very similar to Jones. He wants to
change the rules of BASEketball so that they can, you know, have teams move cities,
have players trade and move teams, all this kind of stuff. But the way that
the original bylaws were set up by Denslow is that it requires unanimous, like there's
no majority vote. So it's got to be unanimous to make any changes, which is
like, okay, smart thing to do. And so he's hoping that Yvette would get
the team because he knows she doesn't give a shit. She doesn't go for more
money. Um, but Coop gets the team. So now, you know, there's like this strain
for Bax— uh, for Baxter Kane where he needs to, you know, make sure the
Beers don't win next year so that Yvette can get the team so that then
they can get what they want. And he's— and he's, uh, he's got Yvette kind
of working on him. He's working on her a little bit. Um,
there's a lot of times in this movie where he'll make some kind of sexual
innuendo and then it cuts to her doing the actual thing, right? So it's like,
hey, why don't you, uh, come back to my place we can lay some carpet.
Yeah. And then it cuts to her and it looks— I'm, you know, the,
the angle and the motion of someone who's getting like fucked from behind.
And it turns out she's just like using her knee to like ram the corners
of the carpet. And yeah, she's got the knee with the big like triangle on
it, the knee pad, to try to— she's like, okay, I'm all done with this
room, should I start the next room? Yeah. And he's like, oh, my lobby could
use some buffing. And then we shows her with an actual like buffing machine down
in the lobby. I love someone getting carried away by a buffing machine, that always
gets me. Um, so we're now back to the Back to the BASEketball action.
It's the new season. Al Michaels is there with Bob
Costas again, making comments about the girls that are
the cheerleaders for the Bears, basically wearing lingerie. Like they're not even really wearing— And
says something about, "It's a retarded thing that just a few years ago, those girls
were only in grade school." And man, I hope there's lots of different definitions of
the words grade school. Does that include high school or? 'Cause if not, we're in
trouble. Yeah, hopefully a Canadian wrote that or something. I mean, at least if like
you're saying, 8th grade, then you're saying these girls are at least— because like 5
years ago, whatever— it's like they're at least 19 then, I guess. But good God,
that's, that's getting freaky with the— I don't like where Michaels went with that,
and I don't think he meant to. Well, I don't think the way it's written—
saying, hey Al, just, just freestyle. No, no, we want you to look creepy as
a joke. Um, so we get a bunch of like sequences of them playing games,
and I wrote down all the teams that were actually shown because it seems like—
nice. Okay, I tried to too. Yeah, it seems like we, uh, that there are
maybe 100 teams in BASEketball because later on in the movie we see that Crazy
bracket. Like we have, I think it's Dan Patrick and Kenny Mayne, maybe like talking
about all the different scenarios in the playoffs and it's like 9-month-long playoffs
and all this stuff. So it seems like in this world, BASEketball has taken over
all other sports. It's like the only sport that exists in the United States anymore.
And so there's lots of teams, but the ones that we actually see them playing—
and so they are the Milwaukee Beers. They play the Dallas Felons. It's like their
rival. We also get the Miami Dealers, the New Jersey
Informants, the San Francisco Ferries spelled like the boat.
The San Antonio Defenders, the Roswell Aliens,
the Detroit Lemons, and the Los Angeles Riots. I don't have
any others, but I think there's— Yeah, no, that's, that's, that's all I had.
Yeah. Yeah. The Miami Dealers, the game against the Miami. And again,
I mean, late '90s, you have to be okay with this is,
I mean, full of, like you said, easy joke, which means we've got a lot
of stereotypes. We've got a lot of low-hanging fruit. The— it's free-range chicken
night. So like The different theme nights are really funny that they have at the
stadium. And so they show the guys, the Miami dealers guys actually
have a grill going, like a barbecue grill in their dugout. They're cooking up some
of the chickens. But yeah, so they win the game against Miami.
And I love there's a, there's instead of like cleaning up the like the
arena or the floor of the court, there's like a vacuum shredding machine for the
chickens. Yes. So it goes by and like sucks in a chicken.
Yeah. Really clean it up somehow, I guess. Yes. And again, this is all in
the background. So like the foreground, they're having him getting interviewed or talking to Baxter
Cane or whatever, and there's always something happening. So one thing you
have to credit this movie for is like they're filling the screen, they're using
like the full advantage of, of, you know, being able to show you stuff.
So full frame. Um, uh, so now they end up going with Yasmine
Bleeth's character, right, to visit one of her kids in the
hospital. And, um, So she had asked Coop. He's a big,
big BASEketball fan, obviously. And yeah, what do
they— they ask him, or we're here to make your last wish come true.
You know, what is it you want? And he's like, I've always wanted to go
big game hunting. He starts naming these endangered species. He's like, what about
poisoning a reservoir or letting flesh-eating fish go in a public pool? It's like so
funny that this kid, you know, only has like purely psychotic intentions. I don't think
you're really getting the point, dude. Like, but what he ultimately gets is he wants
He wants to spend a day with the team. Yes, he wants to spend a
day with the Beers, uh, and they say, oh sure. And so they bring him
out and they do like a bunch of stuff with Jenna there at first,
like, like working on cars, like changing the oil in a car and doing laundry
and like making sandwiches and like all this stuff. But then they sort of wave—
she leaves and waved goodbye and they take Joey, like, is it to a strip
club? They take him to like an Asian massage. Oh, that's right, the massage parlor.
And then of course there's a scene like they're all, uh,
Coop, Reamer, and Joey and Squeak are all like in their beds being shown consecutively
They're laying there in the massage bed and a beautiful woman, beautiful woman,
beautiful woman. Then for Squeak, it's like Yokozuna that walks in, huge sumo wrestler.
Yeah, exactly. Um, and then they're just at a bar just getting hammered. Yeah.
And they do decide to do a drinking game because somebody, Jerry Springer, is on
TV and they decide to take a shot every time a fight breaks out.
And so they're both, they're all of them just getting absolutely destroyed.
Uh, Squeak starts making eyes to a person
on the other side of the bar. And, you know, and kind of,
yeah, like, it's a very interesting looking person. I think
it is a man in women's clothing, or it's a very masculine looking woman.
It's a little like hard to tell, but I think it's probably a man in
women's clothing. But he falls, he's sort of in love and sort of like
paying attention to that. While in the meantime, Joey is begging Coop to
like do something for him. I know I could pull through my, 'cause he's got
a liver transplant. He's drinking all this tequila, but he's got a liver transplant.
And so, you know, he's like, Kupa does know I'd
pull through if you could hit a home run. And, and then
Reamer goes, of course Coop can hit a home run. Hell, if he wanted to,
he could hit 2. Really, Coop? 2 home runs? And as Coop's about to say
something, Reamer goes, what are you talking about? This is Joe Cooper. He could hit
3. Really? 3? Reamer's such a good, like,
cockblock friend. Like, he's serving the purpose of T in Swingers
who was talking to Sue's girl and being like, you know, I don't think you
had time to call her, actually. Like, he's so good at that as like Coop's
foil throughout this. Exactly. Um, yeah, so then we've got—
we're— he's like, shit, and we have a game. Yeah, right, we gotta get to
the game. Joey has a surgery the next morning. No, that night. Or that night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they have a game, right? So, uh, so it
cuts to the game broadcast and there's Coop and he looks like absolute shit.
You know, it's tough because Trey Parker's hair always looks like he's hungover.
Yes. But I guess throughout this movie he kind of is. Like, there's never a
time where he's not. So, uh, you know, he's there and the announcers use this
line that I love. There's two consecutive things that's Oh, what's happening with Coop tonight?
He's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater. Yeah, exactly. And then,
and then Joey is in the operating room. Yeah. And the doctor's
like, he's 8 years old and he smells like Robert Downey Jr. The,
the Christian Slater line spoken actually by one of the referees played by Joey Diaz.
Oh, okay. Before Diaz was like famous for taking 250mg
gummies and yeah, overdoing the THC significantly.
Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. Smells like Robert Downey Jr. is good too. And that's so
funny too, because that, you know, Robert Downey Jr. in the late '90s, like hadn't
had his comeback yet. You know, he was still very much like, this was like
a— yeah,
yeah, yeah. It's funny, the people that, that are the butt of the joke at
different times in history, especially Robert Downey Jr., where it's like, oh, he's like the
biggest star we have over the last 20 years. Exactly. Yeah. So a
few years later, maybe this shook him and he was like, whoa, I got made
fun of by this fucking shitty— he might have loved it.
I don't know. So anyway, Coop misses his shot at the third home run,
right? He did get 2 though. Yeah, he got 2. Oh, he's hung over.
Yeah. But then, so they run off to the hospital to check in on
Joey. And you know, they go, 'cause they had gone before the, you know,
they knew what bed he was in before and everything. So they go there and
there's nobody in that bed. It's Mancuba. Oh, why, why,
why? And there's a nurse who's like, gentlemen, like, what do you do? We move
to next door. Move to next door. Runs next door and the door says morgue.
Oh, why, why, why? Gentlemen, this room.
And so they talk to him, uh, but he's like, or no, he's like in
a coma or something, right? He's, he's on the bed. Yeah, he's sleeping. But when
they sit down to talk to him, they kind of sit on the breathing tube.
Very airplane. Yeah, it's the airplane gag. And it still works though,
you know. So he stops breathing and then they stand up and he shoots up,
and then they kick the plug out of the wall so he flatlines, and they
start trying to defibrillate him with this stuff. He's like, I need those paddle things
that George Clooney uses. Not those. When, when he flatlined Reamer
looks at just like the most perfectly deadpan statement, goes, "Holy mother
of God, he's flatlining." And it's just the way that Matt Stone delivers that
line is so perfect. And then finally like, "What are you doing?" "What does it
look like I'm doing?" "An execution?" 'Cause they just keep ramping up the like voltage.
And Squeaks is holding Joey's feet. So he's also getting shocked.
He's like checking for a pulse in the ankles or something, which I'm guessing you
probably can. That's a pretty, but I've never tried that. That works.
Oh my God. Um, yeah, so the nurse comes in and takes
care of that. Yep. Um, and now we've got, uh, we go back
to Coop's house. Yeah, right. Yeah. And he's being asked, um,
by— why do I keep forgetting her name? Jenna. Jenna. Yep. He's being
asked like about why do you play the game. Yeah, this is a funny scene,
one of my favorite exchanges in the movie. She's like, oh, you know what,
why do you play the game? And he's like, Mr. October. And she goes,
the guy in the Chippendales calendar? He He goes, no, that was Dwayne Zackamore.
Oh my God, that is such a funny
joke. Um, well, and then he's talking about like being young
and like maybe like, you know, kissing a girl or, you know, like, like looking
at a girl and wanting to kiss her and then they like kiss but then
it like gets broken up and he goes, then he going home and, and doing
some push-ups, fucking the sleeve of his favorite jacket. He's like, what, what? Nothing.
Like Um,
so meanwhile, I think Doug has been asked to go visit, uh, Baxter. Baxter Kane
has invited Doug to the offices that he has there, and he's got this trophy
room that Doug's walking around and checking out. There's a signed bat by Ty Cobb
that he, for whatever reason, decides to pick up and swing, and then it slips
out of his hands as he's paying attention to something else. Into the fire.
Into the fire. Frank Drebin with the, with the priceless fish in the price.
Exactly, same concept. Uh, but inside a glass case is Kareem
Abdul-Jabbar. Yes. And, and he moves and scares Reamer a little bit. But yeah,
um, but basically Baxter talks to him about how, you know, Kane talks
to Reamer about how, uh, they make no money and that's because of the rules.
So if like the rules were changed, you know, you could make real money,
you could make money. And there's this like ongoing joke of like, you do know,
do you know when Shaquille O'Neal got rich? You know, wasn't playing in Orlando.
Kane says it wasn't playing in Orlando, it was when he played in LA.
And he's like, I thought it was when he was playing in college that he
got so rich, you know. Uh, and so then that joke kind of gets doubled
up later. But basically like Kane reminds Reamer that like, hey, your buddy owns
the team now. He's the one standing in the way of you making money.
Maybe you want to go talk to him. Him. Yeah. And Reamer's kind of like,
yeah, I don't have anything. Like, the Coop got the team. What the fuck do
I have? I don't have anything. So that's what he decides he wants to do.
It shows, um, in the background again Kareem Abdul-Jabbar leaving his last
case and like punching out on a classic time clock.
Um, so, uh, so we got a game again now. Uh, they're playing
against the Roswell Aliens, and the announcers tell us that it's anal probe night,
right? Um, and Reamer is pissed from this conversation, what Kane told
him, that, you know, he doesn't know that Coop is the one one like standing
in the way of all this stuff, right? And he's just tanking. Like, he's getting
up, just flinging the ball, walking right back to his seat. And this is when
Coop and Reamer have this conversation about what's going on, and basically it devolves into
just using the word dude in different inflections in order to have a conversation,
which like, that's pretty legit. I mean, I'm not exactly to
this level, it's exaggerated, but like, I've, I've had conversations like that with friends where
it's like you're not really saying any words, you're just using your tone of voice
to like indicate hate, you know, being unhappy about something or whatever it might be.
And so it's very funny there. Very effect— kind of reminds me of Bunk and
McNulty in The Wire having that conversation where they're just saying fuck back and forth.
Exactly. Oh man. And so, but they basically agree. Coop agrees.
He's like, yeah, this should be— this should be more of a group thing.
Like, so, you know, you're going to have part of the team and all you
guys, you're all going to have like shares in the team where it'll be jointly
owned kind of thing. Which means it sounds like maybe Coop's
even giving up enough that he doesn't have like 51% anymore. Like it sounds like
it might be a thing where, you know, he that he could be like overruled.
We never get into that like element of this. Yeah, they don't potentially— real numbers.
Yeah, they don't really do that, but that could be. But he does say like,
yeah, you know, this is all of us and everything. And then let's do it
together. One of the, one of the Psych Out scenes is just kind of showing
these, uh, these games. Yeah. And Coop is like, oh, you want to see a
scary face? And it shows him from behind and shows all the, you know,
very Beetlejuice, like when Beetlejuice makes the face. So I like the Beetlejuice shout out
there. Another, another movie— this is another thing though, like where this is the one
fantastical sort of part of this movie, the way that like Swingers had the answering
machine talk back to Mike for one thing. It's like nothing else in this movie
really is. The song in the car. Oh, that's true. That's right. The song
in the car is like the answering machine. That's a good point. So they do
it a couple of times here. That's a good point. But yeah, and then they
give, so there's this really huge guy on like the LA riots,
I think, they got to beat. Big Ed Tuttle. Yeah, that's right. And so they
give the psych out to Squeak and they tell him what to say. And he
wrote it on his hand. Hand. And so he's looking at his hand, he says
to Tuttle, he goes, hey, um, uh, your mom's deaf.
And he goes like, my mom's dead, you little twerp, or whatever. Goes like— and
then Squeak reads, I guess that's why she didn't move around a lot.
And that's the guy like falls over to make a miss or whatever, which again,
I'm just like, I don't know how this like works, but that's okay. But like
they win the game that way. But then poor Squeak is gonna get chased around
and grabbed by all these guys. They literally start throwing him around, passing him back
and forth like he's a— like he's a tennis ball. They have his head like
dunked through the hoop and he's hitting like a speed bag and everything. Yeah,
and all this, like, throughout the, the whole rest of the action while we're still
at the stadium, Squeak is getting the shit beat out of him in the background.
It's really funny. Um, and Kane,
uh, he wants the beers. What is it? He wants them to start a clothing—
Yeah, so Jenna tells them, because basically, like, Kane got somebody, whoever he— whatever rich
guy he knows, to, like, cut the funding for Jenna's foundation, basically to, like,
force the hand here. So what he's done is he's basically— that's happened.
Jenna's told Coop and Reamer that the funding's been cut, like, this organization's got to
shut down. So So Kane offers, hey, you should do merchandising.
Like the rules say you can't, you know, go to other teams or like big
contracts or whatever, but you could do, you could sell your likeness and do like
a beerswear clothing line kind of thing. And, you know, Reamer's all for it.
Coop's all against it, but Reamer's like, hey, you just said like, this is not
just your decision anymore. Like, let's, I'll do, you don't have to do it,
but I'm going to do this and I'm going to like make money for Jenna's
thing. And so yeah, that's— we get a sick montage once
again, just to show the timeless nature of this film. To the song Scatman by
Scatman John.
Uh, and, uh, it's, it's a good montage though,
just showing, you know, Reamer obviously getting like a bigger and bigger head. And he's
got, uh, his new moniker is Doug Sir Swish Reamer. He has a robe and
shit, you know, and all these handlers and all these people around him. Um,
yeah, really good. So then we cut to, uh, SportsCenter, basically Dan
Patrick and Kenny Mayne talking about, uh, as we enter month 9 of the BASEketball
playoffs. So clearly this BASEketball is a sport whose season takes multiple years, I guess.
But they, you know, they're talking about like all the different ways in which,
well, this team beats that team and this team was all this kind of stuff.
But it's very funny because they, they name like every city practically that has any
kind of professional sports. Like they're going to beat Indianapolis and that'll take them to
Miami where then if they go to Boston, then they'll have to take on Columbus
and Columbus and Los Angeles and a 3-round robin.
And it's like, holy shit, it's crazy. Kind of like Trent saying the places they
might be that night. Yes, exactly. Listing every possibility.
And they're visited in the locker room.
Yep. And of course, they both have to— if I was making a movie,
if I was the star of a movie and there was a scene of me
in a locker room, I would have a huge hog, right? That's non-negotiable. Second movie
in a row with huge prosthetic. I know, I love it. I love that we
have continuity. There's always a through line and we never know what it's gonna be.
So yeah, another, another hog foot. Hashtag huge hogs.
Yeah. So, but it turns out Kane lets them know your beers were lines being
made in Calcutta, India by children. Children. He's got photographs,
whatever. And, you know, they like— like, I'll go to the press unless you,
you know, do what I want, basically. If you don't show up to the,
to the final— because they've made the final— don't show up to the final,
don't play, or this gets out, this goes to the press. Because then if— because
Kane knows if Dallas wins the game, then Yvette gets the team and he'll get
to do whatever he wants. Um, but, uh, but then Jenna runs in because she's
also been given these pictures by Kane and is basically like, screw you guys,
you know. But she can't seem to not pay attention to their,
you know, 3-foot-long dongs. Like, I mean, they really are all the
way to the floor. Practically useful. No, no, I'd say impressive is
like a circus sideshow type thing, but functionally difficult.
Also would literally suck all the blood out of you. I was gonna say,
you'd have to be getting a transfusion every time you get a boner. It's a
dialysis erection. It requires cycling through. You have to wear
like a backpack of blood, like a CamelBak, just running through body.
Yeah, so, so Coop and Reamer getting a big fight over this, you know,
call you pig fucker. Funny to see them fighting each other.
And, you know, despite the limitations maybe of their acting, like they weren't super experienced
acting stuff, but they're effective in this because they're kind of playing
guys that aren't probably too far from how they are in real life. Yeah,
I think so. It's like friends. I think it's a decent dynamic. They're fine actors.
Yeah, they're fine. And they've had experience, quite a bit of experience before this.
I guess they made several movies themselves. Obviously they do the voice acting for South
Park for multiple multiple characters each. So they've got basic chops.
I think they are much more impressive as writers, creators, and songwriters, et cetera.
Um, and that's where they've gotten all their accolades basically has been on that side
of things. And that makes sense, but they're, they're passable. They're fine in this.
And like you said, they're really kind of playing themselves. They're playing very similar characters
to the people that they are. If the people that they are were, you know,
unemployed losers in Wisconsin who invented a game, right? It really would have been minus
the hundreds of millions of dollars they've made from South Park. At least I
think they got like a billion dollars or something in their last deal with Paramount
or whoever it was. So yeah, so, so this fight happens and, and the—
it ends with Reamer saying, now I gotta find a new best friend. And he
opens this drawer underneath one of the lockers and there's a bed with Squeaks sleeping
in. Like, wake up, bitch, you're my new best friend. That always
said that. It's Squeaks wearing footie pajamas. So funny what they let—
shout out to Dion. Fully leaning into the
character and so damn funny. But wake up, bitch, you're my new
best friend would be applicable even if someone wasn't asleep. It basically means
like, hey, come with me. Yeah, like, hey, I'm going to Carl's Jr. Wake up,
bitch, you're my new best friend. The guy's version of get in, loser, we're going
shopping. Yes, it's the guy. It's the same thing. Yeah, exactly. That just got more,
got more popular because Mean Girls is a better movie. So it kind of,
you know, got more notification or notoriety within the zeitgeist just
because that's a much better film. Film. But you know, this works for that as
well. So then, uh, so then, uh, Coop is in the car
after the big fight with Reamer, and he's all pissed off, and he's going home,
and this like radio's— the song's on the radio. It's clearly Trey Parker singing.
Yeah, right. I love that voice that he does.
Funny. It's like, it's like he's trying to do—
I mean, it's basically '80s arena rock guy. I mean, isn't that kind of— because
it's not quite like Pearl Jam. It's not that sort No, it's almost like someone
doing Foreigner at karaoke. Yeah, something like that. Yeah. Or Journey. I mean,
it's kind of like there's a, there's a tone you can hit where you
don't have to be a good singer, but you can kind of, you can do
a fake Eddie Vedder in kind of the same way, kind of pull it off.
Yeah. But yeah, this song that he's listened to is just a generic kind of
like motivational song about like whatever. If you're down, then you got to get
up. Don't let them walk all over your face, you know? But then the lyrics
start getting super specific, you know? Even if some guy's trying to blackmail you
and your girlfriend thinks you suck. So he's kind of like,
what the fuck is going on? But he's also jamming his ass off, like drumming
on the wheel. Really funny scene. It's like, that white van ahead of you is
about to cut you off. Like, literally referring to yellow crumbs on your upper lip.
Yeah, it's really, uh, one of my favorite things in this. I was surprised
at how many of the lyrics I remembered when I watched it. I'm like,
oh, I know this whole song, I've sang this a bunch. Um, but Coop is
trying to— he's going to Calcutta to investigate the clothing line. Yeah. And it You
know, we have to have a plot in a movie like this, so that's okay.
But I love this scene, though. He goes— I think it's a good enough gag,
but he goes into the child labor place, right? They're all making—
it's all kids in India. And of course, like, you know,
India, you can't get in a car without there also being goats and all this.
You know, it's probably, probably a skewed view. The hard hats are all turbans.
But the hard hats are turbans. I think that's a funny— it's a funny visual
gag. But I don't even think it's the right ethnic group.
That's the thing is we— the
American view of what percent of the world wears turbans, right,
is crazy. They literally think
everybody from like Saudi Arabia to India, everyone in between wears turbans.
Like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not even close. But yeah,
so he goes and he goes and checks it out. We don't really see what
happens there, but he goes like investigating. Kind of investigate the factory and kind of
like, yeah, like, I'm Joe Cooper, I'm in charge of this, you got to show
me, da da da, whatever. Uh, and then we cut to Robert Stack, who we've
seen in other— exactly, other Zucker movies. And he's doing his America's Most
Wanted sort of thing, right? Unsolved Mysteries. Unsolved Mysteries is Robert Stack.
That's right. Yeah, the other one was different. But yeah, so he does his Unsolved
Mysteries thing. It's like, you know, where did this man go? Joe Cooper disappeared.
And he's like doing the whole thing, but then also like swearing. The way that
they have all the like sportscaster guys swear in this, it's very funny.
It's very effectively funny. Like, um, Robert, real quick on Robert Stack,
because I think this ties in as well as it ever will. Um, the Unsolved
Mysteries episodes are available online. Okay. And, you know,
a lot of them are kind of rough, but there's some very entertaining ones.
There's one that covers kind of the escape from Alcatraz situation. Okay.
So that's kind of interesting just because it's local and it's like a real mystery
that hasn't been solved still, you know, even though it's a 35-year-old episode. But part
of what they do is they have a swimmer try to recreate the swim to
see if it was possible, like a Mythbusters kind of thing. Yeah. But this guy
that they have do the swim is in a Speedo and has the craziest
hog I've ever seen in my life. So we're talking Unsolved Mysteries, we're talking big
hogs. I have to mention this. Yeah, if you can catch that episode, it is
fucking hilarious. That's funny, very funny. Uh, also just in general,
all of Nick's TV recommendations always have to do with big hogs. I know,
man. What's going on there? Uh, it's all right though. So, so we got Robert
Wilder just talking about how Coops disappeared, nobody knows where he
went, and then we cut to the Denz Denzel Cup game. Uh, then they kept—
they keep calling it Denzel Cup V. Uh, it's obviously Denzel Cup V, but in
a Roman numeral, so they— Denzel Cup V. And, uh, Reamer is trying to
like talk the guys up because they're all down. He's like, hey, what are you
guys down? Like, well, Coop's not here. Yeah, we don't need him. Let's do it,
whatever. And so we don't need Coop. And he's like— Doug's like trying to like
hype everybody up, but— and they start cheering because Coop shows up. Yes. And so
they're all cheering, and he thinks they're cheering for him, and there's this whole thing.
And, and it's like, you know, they, they, they're just like like Reamer and,
and, and Coop are still not getting along. And so they start playing the game
and like Coop's trying but Reamer is like not trying. Like there's just— it's all
bad. They're getting their butts kicked. The funny part is they show the, the,
uh, scoreboard in this game several times and they rotate through many more scores than
actually appear. Like we see the numbers get up into the 20s and
that's never the score. So they're just, they're just playing it like a slot machine
at one point. Yeah, I was curious about that cuz it got to like 18
to nothing or something. In the 7th inning stretch. One gag
that always killed me, I always remember from this movie, is when they're announcing the
beginning of the game, they're saying that we have a big pyrotechnics display with our
pyrotechnics expert Sergio Lucky Farouche. And it's this guy who looks like Charlton
Heston with a fucking eyepatch on, holding like a box of loose like
firework rockets, smoking a cigarette. And it's just— I don't know why
that kills me. I want more. I want a movie with that character.
Like, give me a movie about Lucky, but about that guy.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Uh, there's, there's a quick Robert
Stack update again, right, where he's talking about Coop and he's saying, you know,
that he was in Calcutta and they say, uh, the clothes are being made by
youngsters not even old enough for prostitution.
And at one point Stack starts going— I don't know what he like goes on
about, but he's like talking more and more about like, you know, something that's clearly
like turning him on until somebody throws water in his face. He goes, thank you.
Like, um, but yeah, so, so they get to 7th inning stretch,
which is sort of like the halftime, right? Since it's baseball setup. And they've got
the like Malaka Laka board or whatever, which is like some kind of like balance
board of peace, I think they call it, or something, or the lagoon above the
Lagoon of Peace or whatever. And anyway, it's like Coop and Reamer are still fighting,
the Dallas Felons are on the other side of the board, and Squeaks in like
a pineapple costume. Yeah, uh, whatever. And Squeaks gives this speech to them
about like how like we are brothers, like we have sullied the Lagoon of Peace
or whatever. It's like a very fun funny speech that he gives to try and
like convince the guys, like, what are you doing? You're friends. Yeah, yeah, you should
be acting like friends or whatever. And so Doug— uh, Reamer and Coop,
uh, make up and make out. They decide to make out for a little while,
and it's long. Yeah, it's not— it's not like an
SNL 2 Dads 2 Decades with a quick pack. No, no, they really— they commit
to the bit, I'll give them that. Uh, it is Squeak, of course, on this
balance board of peace. Coop and Reamer both walk to the other side, so Squeak
is alone, and somebody lets go of the bottom and this pineapple just flies off
into the cannonball. Into the horizon. So the
game, they're coming back in and the kids in the meantime, the— oh yeah,
the Make-A-Wish type kids are watching this on TV and she's like, hey, turn this
off. I told you not to watch it. Yeah. And they see the game is
like tied up. Well, and it's Robert Stack comes on to explain that Coop like
went to like get the kids out of there, make sure they're like, they're paying
well and like it's adult. Right. And he says like, again, broadcast just for
her to tell her that Coop is a good guy. If I were a woman,
I'd want to be his girlfriend like that. That's when they throw the water in
his face. He goes into like how much he would like make out with Coop
or whatever if he was a woman. And so Jenna goes, "Okay, let's go to
the game," you know, kind of thing. Which I love the idea that like this
sports version of a Super Bowl, you could just like show up. You're good,
you know? So they get into the car and of course the cab driver is
Dale Earnhardt, who I think only lived another 2 years or so.
I think it was his death that the— This is his legacy, this film.
This film is his legacy. Good old number 3. But yeah,
like he didn't, he would be gone from us very soon after. But in the
meantime of the game, Lazy Boy has popped. So Coop's ball
that he's used for years is no more. And so
there's that. So then when the kids show up, Joey has made
Bark-a-Lounger. So same idea, just cut it out of a,
you know, easy chair basically. And he's got this, and it's so funny
'cause there's clearly like multiple versions of this ball because as Coop in
different scenes, whatever, there's the one Joey actually hands to Coop, the stitches are all
really loose. Like they look like a kid might've done it, like whatever. And then
there's another one one where it's like more perfect and they just drew,
like put the Barcalounger logo on it. Okay. And it keeps cutting back and forth.
Like, like there's no continuity to it. This makes no sense. Well, there wasn't much
budget in this. No, no, not nearly enough budget for a script supervisor.
So, but basically, uh, so basically score
to win. Yeah, exactly. He's got to hit home run, hit the home run to
win. Uh, and, and Bob and Hal Michaels is like, I'm incredibly,
this is incredibly exciting. Bob Costas, you think you're excited? Feel these nipples.
So they go and Coop takes the shot and it's the classic thing that
happened in the, you know, we're basically like bookending from the early scene out on
their driveway where the championship was won off of,
you know, the first shot is missed, but then the other team has a chance
to tip it in for a double play, which would end the game. They miss
the first one. The second guy tries that. Then apparently it's, I don't know if
it's always a free-for-all or if like only after 2 tries can the other team
come back. It's like however. But then Doug is able to, you know, kind of
keep it in the air, just not let it hit the ground. And Cooper dives
for it and throws it back up over his head. And of course it goes
in and the home run counts. And that's, you know, the end
of their game. They win. So Coop keeps the team. I guess Coop and Reamer
together keep the team. You know, Yvette decides, she turns to Baxter and
is like, Baxter Kane is like, I realized I fucking hate you or whatever for
like no good reason. But it's like, okay. And so Jenna ends up with
Coop. Yep. And Squeak ends up with his— with his paramour
from the bar, who is 6'4" or so, like really,
really big person. And then, you know, Reamer doesn't have anybody, so of course he
walks up to Yvette, Jenny McCarthy's character, and they just start making out. And they're,
because they're both absolute goofballs in real life, their makeout sesh is very gross
and weird. Yeah. Like lots of open mouth and tongue and stuff, but funny.
One of the Jenny McCarthy gags from earlier is she goes up to Baxter Cane,
who's like sitting at the game, and hands him a trailer hitch that is just
completely black, you know, Like bare metal. She's like, I got it. And she's got
fully chrome all around her lips. She's like, I got all the chrome off this
one. You want me to start on the next one? So they keep going with
that stuff. So at the end of the game, Coop is there and Reggie Jackson
shows up. Yeah. And Reggie Jackson has Lazy Boy that had popped. That's right.
Hey, I got a hold of this. Some kid tried to make off with it.
You know, you got to hang on to this. Back in my famous game in
the World Series where I hit 3 home runs, I got 2 of them,
but some little fucker got away with the last one. You know, so it's obviously—
and Coop's just like, oh man, that's crazy. That's wild. Uh, so he has a
little conversation with them and then it ends. And then Reggie Jackson's like,
hey Coop. And he's like, look, I don't have your fucking ball.
Okay. He's like, whoa, good luck. Good luck this year.
But that's basically the end. We get a little more of a voiceover to saying
like how, oh, you know, the future of sports was once again in the hearts
of the young or whatever. They've saved sport. Yes. Uh, full stop.
They have the BASEketball Cup and it's like the Stanley Cup and they're on rollerblades
now for some reason, rollerblading around with it, which is very funny. Squeaks sitting in
the top. But that's BASEketball. That is BASEketball. That's the movie.
And, and yeah, so I'll go and give my rating first on this one.
Like I enjoyed, I had a good time watching it. It certainly did bring back
a lot of memories of like where these things that we say, you know,
have come from. But I got to say, like so many of the jokes like
this, I think ages more poorly than almost any other comedy that we've seen on
the podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Like honestly, worse than Airplane, which is 20 years older.
Exactly. Airplane definitely didn't age as badly. So a lot of the jokes were
like, I don't love that. So many of these are either just like race-based or
there's a bunch of the like sort of gay jokes around the San Francisco Ferries
and all this other stuff. And you know, it's just, eh, I didn't love a
lot of that, but it was still enjoyable and I still had a good time
watching it. And it does still hold a place of like, you know, fairly amount
of fairly large import in just kind of like shaping my, you know, sense of
humor, especially early in those days. I'm comfortable with a 3 out of 5 on
BASEketball. I don't think I'm going to go any higher than that, but like it's
still worth watching, especially if you were somebody who enjoyed it young longer, check it
out again. Just be, just be forewarned, like, a lot of the jokes don't
hold up. I don't know that anything that was topical at the time feels pretty
dated now. Like, the references to Christian Slater and Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, yeah,
don't really work like they did then. You could obviously put in other people today,
right? Yeah. But, uh, but yeah, so that's where I'm at. I'm at a 3
out of 5 on BASEketball. All right. Yeah, I mean, I think I'm,
I'm pretty well in line with you. Uh, I think if you're gonna watch—
like, I love this type of movie. We've talked about— we both love them.
Oh yeah. This should be pretty far down your list if
you've never seen a movie like this. You know, it's like, okay, well, we got
to watch Airplane. We got to watch Kentucky Fried Movie. All 3 Naked Guns.
All 3 Naked Guns. Top Secret. Yes. I mean, even National Lampoon's
Loaded Weapon 1 might be like— A bunch of the Mel Brooks stuff, like Spaceballs,
Hot Shots. All that. So exactly. There's probably a lot that I'd say if you're
trying to get a comedy education, watch first. Yeah. This is enjoyable.
But again, is it enjoyable because I remember it? And was I laughing
because I'm laughing at how much fun I used to have with my friends watching
it? Or was I laughing because it's currently funny? And I think
there's like a ton of effort, a ton of real good joke writing in this.
And the subject matter's whatever. But even at the time,
it was like David Zucker was kind of an old-ish guy. Oh yeah.
So it wasn't like a fresh— this is what the youth of the late '90s
were thinking. Because a lot of those jokes were kind of like, all right,
that's what an older person would like at the time. He had to be in
his like 50s, like late '50s probably even at the time. Yeah.
But, you know, it's worth checking out if this
is really your cup of tea and you haven't seen it. BASEketball is
just a 2.5 out of 5 for me. I think, you know, like I
said, if it's your shit, watch it. Otherwise, I don't know what you get out
of it. I still— it still holds a special place for me, and I'm still
gonna be saying, wake up, bitch, you're my new best friend, until the end of
my life. I think— think Steve Perry is something that'll always,
always stick with me. So, all right, that was 1998. Nic, we've got one
more year in 2 Dads 2 Decades, and in fact, we have yet to do
a film from the year 1999. It's the last of the years within the
'80s and '90s for us to do a movie from. Wow. So you are picking
our first ever 1999 film. I'm assuming it's going to be one
of the huge massive blockbusters of the year, one of the cultural touchpoints, the real
pillars of society that came out in that year because that year had so many
great movies. So what are we watching for 1999? Yeah, I mean, not to
sound like the Criterion Collection here, but For 1999,
I have made a selection based on,
again, the people that I know that listen to this, the people we've
gotten feedback from the podcast. I think we're getting a sense of like
what our demographic, what our demographic, what our listenership is. And this is
a movie that while looking at the entirety of 1999 film would probably not
be considered one of the top ones. It's one that specifically for people
of our age, and people who were just like working office jobs
in the early 2000s is so relevant and just was
ubiquitous. Like it was, it was all over the place. You're always hearing quotes from
it and everything. So we are gonna go, uh, 1999, we are
gonna hang out with Peter Gibbons. Okay.
And, uh, we're gonna go to work at, uh, what the
fuck is the company called? Initech. Initech. Cut that.
We're going to go to work at Initech and we are going to be hanging
out inside the office space. Nice. I love Office Space.
One of my favorite movies. I've seen it so many times. You've seen it 100
times. I have spent over 20 years working in tech. So luckily
never quite that environment. I came in late enough to the game that it wasn't
that corporate by the time I got there. But yeah, very fun stuff.
Obviously, you know, there are lots of great great choices for '99. I think this
one is right up there with the rest that you could have chosen. So cool.
And you know what, listeners, we'll get to all of them. Oh, we will,
100%. We've got plans out into the year 2032 at this point. So,
uh, okay, that's a wrap. If you like what you hear, please consider heading over
to Apple or Spotify and leaving us a 5-star review. It helps new folks find
the show. Be sure to check out our website at 2dads1movie.com. That's the number 2
and the number 1. There you can explore the movies we've covered, sign up for
our newsletter, The Rewind, and even get sneak previews of coming episodes. Once again,
this has been BASEketball, another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve.
And I'm Nic. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll catch you next week.