WEBVTT

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The first Death Star was manned by the Imperial Army. The only people on board

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were stormtroopers, dignitaries, Imperials. Basically.

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So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished. And the second time

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around? The second time around, it wasn't even done being built yet. It was still

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under construction. So? So a construction job of that magnitude would require

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a hell of a lot more manpower than the Imperial Army had to offer.

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I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing.

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Plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers. Not just Imperials, is that what you're

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getting at? Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly, they'd hire anybody

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that can do the job. Think the

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average stormtrooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing in

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white uniforms. Alright, so they bring in independent contractors. Why are you so

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upset at its destruction? All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job were

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killed. Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. Alright, look,

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you're a roofer. Some juicy government contract comes your way. You got a

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wife and kids, the 2-story in suburbia. This is a government contract, which means all

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sorts of benefits. Along come these left-wing militants and blast everything within a

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3-mile radius with their lasers. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics.

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You're just trying to scrape out a living. Excuse me, I don't mean

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to interrupt, but, uh, what are you talking about? The ending of Return of the

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Jedi. My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were

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working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the

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Rebels. Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer. Done and ready

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home improvements. And speaking as a roofer, I can tell you a

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roofer's personal politics comes into play heavily when choosing jobs. Like what?

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3 weeks ago, I was offered a job up in the hills. Beautiful house,

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tons of property, a simple reshingling job. They told me if

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I could finish it in 1 day, I would double my price.

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Then I realized whose house it was. Whose house was it?

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Dominic Bambino's. Babyface Bambino?

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The gangster? The same. The money was right, but the

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risk was too high. I knew who he was, and based on that, I turned

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the job over to a friend of mine. Based on personal politics.

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Right, and then next week, the Faressi family put a hit on Baby Face's

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house. My friend was shot and killed. Didn't even finish re-shingling.

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No way. I'm alive because I knew the risk involved in that particular

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client. My friend wasn't so lucky.

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Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved.

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If they got killed, it's their own fault. A roofer listens

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to this. Not his wallet.

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It's 2 Dads 1 Movie. It's the podcast where 2 middle-aged dads

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sit around and shoot the shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s.

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Here are your hosts, Steve Paulo and Nic Briana.

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Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie.

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I'm Steve. And I'm Nic. And today we are marching through the '90s in 2

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Dads 2 Decades, and we have arrived at the year 1994. and we have

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watched the movie Clerks, written and directed by Kevin Smith.

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And this is one that I'm bringing to the table, and I just want to

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kind of make it clear, like, I am a homer for this movie. Basically,

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I am, I am a super fan, a stan, whatever you want to call it.

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I, you know, this was the first Kevin Smith movie that I saw.

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I saw it not the year it came out, probably, but like within a year,

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rented it from Blockbuster, you know, like 15 or so. And it

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immediately had an effect on me. It was like, oh my God, you can make

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a movie and, you know, you can just have your friends in it and just

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have it be in one place. And like, you know, there was— there's, there's obviously

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we'll get into all the details, but there's elements of the way Smith was writing

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dialogue for characters that is maybe a little too erudite

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at this point in his career, but still was like so refreshing and different and

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something that I'd never seen before that it really, you know, made me think about

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like, well, how do movies actually get made? That was maybe— this was maybe the

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first movie that had me thinking about how do you make a movie?

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'Cause this was clearly a dude with a bunch of his friends getting together to

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make a movie. And now I was watching it 'cause I rented it at Blockbuster.

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Like how insane is that, right? So yeah, so Clerks is just something that

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I've seen a ton of times and had a huge impact on me. But Nic,

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I understand maybe less of a thing in your life, this movie. Yeah, so I

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mean, this was around and I definitely heard about it and

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knew that people were really into it, probably around this kind of like late

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high school time, the Blockbuster card era. Yeah.

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Um, and I saw it then, and then I never really,

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uh, you know, I think so much of it depends on like what the

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people around you are into. Like when your friends are bringing up movies, okay,

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it's my turn to show something, like this is what I'm gonna put. And nobody,

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uh, that I was hanging with was like super hardcore into Kevin Smith. Interesting.

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So this didn't really come back up again. So I saw this in probably,

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I don't know, '97. Okay. And then, uh, didn't see it again.

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I've seen Dogma and Red State.

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Okay, that might be it. Oh my gosh.

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Um, so yeah, so I, I have some, uh,

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viewist universe to, uh, to learn about, I guess.

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So yeah, I don't have much of a history with this, so it was interesting

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kind of seeing this as something that was like groundbreaking

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and, and innovative in the mid-'90s and watching this

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in the mid-2020s. Yeah, you know, seeing like, all right,

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am I, what am I pulling the same stuff from? Yeah, well, I assure you

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one thing, we will be doing— there were 4 Kevin Smith movies in the '90s,

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and we will cover all 4 at some point on this podcast. I guarantee that

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much. Let's jump into the facts on Clerks. The movie Clerks was released on October

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19th, 1994 with an R rating and a running time of 92 minutes.

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It was written and directed by Kevin Smith and stars Brian O'Halloran,

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Jeff Anderson, and Marilyn Gigliotti, I think is how you pronounce her name.

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Scores on Rotten Tomatoes, 90% fresh, a 7.7

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from IMDb, which is pretty legit, and 2 thumbs up from Siskel

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and Ebert. It did not win a lot of major awards at the time of

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its release, although it did pull down certain awards. I think it was like at

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Cannes, it was the Youth Awards, basically like the young people choosing. It's like

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a People's Choice Award element of Cannes. This one— like a fancy Nickelodeon

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Kids' Choice Award. Sort of, I think. Yeah. And then also won an award

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at Sundance. And so this was kind of a, you know, it was a festival

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darling film at the time. And it was added to the National Film

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Registry in 2019. But here's the interesting, fun thing about

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Clerks. If you ever want to know facts about this movie, this is the most

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important fact to know. This movie was made for $27,500.

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$2,175. Smith says he knows that that's the amount because that was the

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total added up debt limits on

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all the credit cards he could open. And he just maxed every credit card

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he could get his hands on in order to finance this movie.

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At the box office, it made, and I did it down to the dollar for

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this one, $3,158,707 for

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115 times what it cost to make,

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which is just so astronomical. But like, how do you make a movie for less

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than $2,000? $28 grand. I mean, really,

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it's— we've seen movies with very low budgets. Nightmare on Elm Street was like $1.5

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million. I think Breakfast Club was like $1 million. And these are great movies.

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Yeah. And they look maybe more like movies than this one does.

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Right. But $27,000, just to get anything done for that much money

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is very impressive. Just to get film developed and like everything. So yeah. So those

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are the facts on Clerks. Uh, let's go ahead and dive in.

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First thing I just want to mention, if you've You know, Clerks is filmed in

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black and white, and it was filmed in black and white because the film and

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the processing were cheaper. That's why it was filmed in black and white. Uh,

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there was— I also read that the, um, when they were setting up the lighting

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and stuff, it was difficult to get lighting that had a consistent color, uh,

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scheme or whatever. That's true too. There was— so, and the black and white masks

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some of those limitations. Yeah, it, it, there was— so it's cheaper and everything.

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Then also, yes, I think the way I read it was something like, because a

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convenience store is filled with colorful labels and signs and whatever,

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it looked like a fucking mess just to try and film in there. But,

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you know, by doing it in black and white, yeah, it kind of mutes all

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that. But we don't start off at the convenience store in this movie. We start

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off in the closet, really. The phone rings. It's a messy room,

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clothes all over the floor. There's a dog sitting there just chilling.

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But coming out of the closet door, falling backwards

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because he's been sleeping in there for some reason, is the hero of our tale,

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Dante Hicks. And Dante answers the phone, and we can tell from just hearing his

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side of the conversation that basically He was closed at the store last night,

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has been up late. He's got hockey to play at 2:00, but this is his

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boss saying somebody couldn't make it. You got to come in and cover. He's like,

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okay, but you'll be there by noon, right? Yeah, I'll be there. You know,

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kind of thing. So he is guaranteed if you show up at work and,

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you know, when you're not supposed to, I'll be there by noon and

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you'll be able to play your hockey game. So he goes in. He's a good

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guy. So we get a little montage of kind of Dante starting his day,

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the dog eating and drinking water out of the toilet. Dante putting on his shoes,

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just your standard sort of getting ready stuff. Right. And his coffee, serving himself coffee

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in like the lid of the cookie jar. Yes, that's right.

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And so this is kind of very— it's like a version of the way you

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have a renegade cop who plays by his own rules, start his own day,

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you know? Absolutely. So instead of like rolling over into like pizza box and beer

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cans, like he has all his shit that he's doing. So Dante clearly like a

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slob and living that life which, you know, so many of us have experienced where

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you have a job where you don't know your schedule until like the week before,

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but then also they can call you any fucking day, you know?

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So yeah, that shit sucks. So we're with Dante that we don't want to go

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to work right now. Yeah, absolutely. But he does go in. We see him

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drive in. When he gets there, he's got a, you know, there's a bunch of

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those like rolling sort of steel doors. He opens up the one that's for the

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actual like walk-in door, goes inside, starts setting stuff up. He's turning lights.

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It shows the basic stuff. You're making that first pot of coffee. You're turning all

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the lights on. You're turning all the signs on, whatever. He notices that there's no

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newspaper that was delivered. So he goes with a single quarter to

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like a neighboring like newsstand thing, whatever, and takes all the newspapers out with

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the one quarter, essentially stealing a bunch of newspapers for his employer. Interesting choice.

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Gets the quarter back, which is fun. [Speaker] It's a good movie thing. You never

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buy a single newspaper with a quarter. Oh, you open up that door?

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Hand them out to your friends. Hey, look, I made the paper. But then

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he has to go back out to open up the rest of these sliding steel

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doors. And that's when he notices that the other 2 that are closed, somebody has

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shoved gum into the locks. So there's not, without a locksmith coming or, you know,

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basically you'd have to cut that lock off and put a new one on or

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something, 'cause it's not, he's not gonna get anything out of it. So he finds

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like a tarp in his trunk and he gets some shoe polish from the store

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and he creates a sign that says, "I assure you we are open." Yeah,

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I think it's Sign Management, I think is what it says on it or something

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like that. Yeah. And that— and this is, you know, something that I learned

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about the film is that they had to film it all at night.

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So it was kind of like a workaround. So this is one of those things

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that you can definitely appreciate no matter what you think of the

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movie, is just like taking what you've been given to work with and

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working it into the film in a way that adds to

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it. Yeah, right. So it could just be like, yeah, well, it's night, we don't

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show the outside of the store or whatever, but it's kind of in a funny

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way addressing like the reason why everything's going to be, you know,

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dark inside the store. Yeah, exactly. It's, it's, it was a thing of like,

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you know, Smith got the owner of the, the Quick Stop and the RST.

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These are real businesses. He worked at RST Video, Kevin Smith did.

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And so he got the owner to agree to let him do this. And it

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was like, yeah, you can just like do some shots, whatever, in the video store

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during the day because people don't come in there that much. Like you can work

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around that. But like, he's like, no, the convenience store, people are in and out

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of there all the time. I'm not going to close anything. So they shot a

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bunch of the exterior shots and the shots on the roof, whatever, during the day

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so that the lighting was reasonable. But every single shot that takes place anywhere other

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than the doorway. There are a couple shots, a couple scenes that are shot where

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they're kind of standing inside the convenience store, but at the door, and you can

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see that it's light out. But any of the shots where the characters are like

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behind the counter or deeper in the store or whatever, that was all done at

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night. And so, yeah, the closed, the locked closed steel doors are the

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way to kind of do that and not make it be like, wait a minute,

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why is it dark outside? So again, that kind of creativity is the kind of

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thing that lets you make a movie for $27,570.

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The one of the first people that Dante has to deal

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with as a customer is this guy buying coffee, and he asks like, hey,

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can I just sit here? Drink this coffee. He's like, yeah, I don't care,

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whatever. Guy walks up, another guy walks up to— and why would you want to

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do that, right? Well, we found out why in a second, but yes, it doesn't

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make any sense. It's a very strange thing. It's also another one of my pet

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peeves about movies though. It's a clearly empty cup that he's like sipping from.

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I hate that. I just put some water in it or something, like make it

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like— give it some weight, give us some physics here, give us so that there's

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something to sip, like, I don't know. But yeah, so it's, uh, but it's an

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empty cup. But a guy walks up to buy a pack of cigarettes and the

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guy, the customer, goes Sure about that? Is that what you want? You sure about

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that? And he's like, and he pulls a blackened lung out of his duffel

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bag and it's like, oh my God, what is that? Well, that's what your lung

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looks like now. You've been smoking this long and stuff. And he's basically just like,

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hey, you know, you can choose to not smoke. Why don't you buy some gum

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here? Here, buy some Chuli's gum. And he makes a big deal about buy this

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gum. And, and so, you know, Dante's kind of like, the guy leaves

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with the gum and then Dante says, hey, if you're going to drink that here,

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I don't want you to bother the customers. Like, no, no, no, I think I'm

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fine. I'll talk to whoever I want to. He's very, now, you know, he was

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asking permission to drink the coffee there. Now he's like, asserting his dominance basically.

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And Dante doesn't have any balls to tell him to

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leave, so he stays there. Yeah, and so this guy's like

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harassing everybody that comes up to buy cigarettes. He's got his presentation

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material. Oh yeah, and he's now— he's got a crowd gathered. He's like,

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you know, like, oh, you know, do we have to pay for— it's like somebody

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says like, oh, we're all gonna die anyways. Yeah, sure, but do we have to

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pay for the privilege? Do we have to like buy our cancer? And like all

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this stuff. And please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir,

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please sell me something that stinks up my breath and my clothes, like whatever.

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And it's just like, poor Dante is like, it's his fucking fault. He's just

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like, whatever. Um, but they're literally start throwing cigarettes at him, calling him

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cancer merchant. Yeah, cancer merchant, cancer merchant, throwing the cigarettes

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at him. And that's when Veronica, Dante's girlfriend, shows up and grabs

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a fire extinguisher from, I guess, near the front of the store and fire extinguishes

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everybody in the crowd. Yeah, finally somebody has

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a little bit of, uh, a little bit of hutzpah, a little

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bit of oomph. Yeah, yeah. And so then it turns out this guy who was

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giving the anti-smoking, uh, spiel is a

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Chewlee's Gum representative. Yes. So this is their guerrilla marketing technique,

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I guess, or just a guy who's very passionate about his job. I think,

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you know, yeah, I mean, it's either way. And this is the first moment.

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So Veronica's, uh, uh, the actress who plays Veronica, uh,

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Marilyn Gigliotti, like, um, okay, I'm just gonna put it

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this way. The acting in this movie is not great, just, just kind of across

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the board. Yeah, these are very sort of like amateur actors. They obviously— Brian O'Halloran,

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that's one way you make a movie for $27,000. Absolutely. You don't

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have to pay your friends, you know, so it's not a SAG job You don't

14:07.862 --> 14:10.455
have to pay scale. But no, Brian O'Halloran and Jeff Anderson are passable. I think

14:10.471 --> 14:13.995
Anderson, the guy who plays Randall, is probably the best actor of the group,

14:14.011 --> 14:17.424
maybe. Yeah. The two of them though are pretty equal to each other. And then

14:17.600 --> 14:20.036
almost everybody else is like quite a bit of a step down from that.

14:20.084 --> 14:23.304
Pretty bad. And the biggest problem I have is that Veronica seems to

14:23.804 --> 14:27.278
stumble over Kevin Smith's dialogue fairly often. Like she says,

14:27.390 --> 14:30.834
the way she delivers the line, which is something like, oh, you're Chewlee's gum

14:31.334 --> 14:34.792
representative and you're, you know, stoking all this anti-smoking sentiment to what, sell more gum?

14:35.224 --> 14:38.989
The way she does it is like, You're stoking all this anti-smoking sentiment to

14:39.489 --> 14:42.820
what? Selmore Gunn? And it's like this kind of pressured speech of like, she's trying

14:43.320 --> 14:46.279
to sound like angry. And it's like, you don't sound angry by doing that.

14:46.327 --> 14:49.222
You sound angry by being calmer than you should be. And that makes you sound

14:49.238 --> 14:52.149
angry. You know, there's little things like that, but she struggles with a lot of

14:52.649 --> 14:55.706
the dialogue through most of the movie. Yeah, it's kind of an issue that I

14:55.722 --> 14:59.211
have. I don't love the way the dialogue is. I don't really love this

14:59.259 --> 15:02.876
style. Yeah. And yeah, you do notice it a lot where

15:03.376 --> 15:07.833
it's like, okay, like, it has to be catered

15:08.333 --> 15:11.712
a little bit to the actor's normal cadence or their ability, because if

15:12.212 --> 15:15.559
their natural delivery is completely like issued

15:15.607 --> 15:18.669
for the way that it's supposed to be, then it doesn't— it works and it

15:19.169 --> 15:22.083
seems very forced. So yeah, like you said, it could be just the limitations of

15:22.115 --> 15:25.177
the actor. So if you had a more skilled actor, they could deliver that a

15:25.225 --> 15:28.896
little bit better. And a more experienced writer-director would have been doing rewrites during

15:28.928 --> 15:32.375
shooting, right? Like, they would have been rewriting these lines to make them still say

15:32.875 --> 15:35.020
the same thing with the way the character— that they want the character to be,

15:35.324 --> 15:37.523
but in a way that the the actor wasn't fighting against it. Yeah, that's a

15:38.023 --> 15:40.446
good point too. And that's the thing that like Smith, you know, you don't have

15:40.494 --> 15:43.690
this problem, A, because later he gets to work with better and better actors over

15:44.190 --> 15:47.063
time, obviously, as he gets budget, but also he learns things about,

15:47.384 --> 15:50.387
you know, how to adjust. And I do think that he's got that sort of

15:50.887 --> 15:53.487
like auteur flag he flies and he doesn't like to change things just to change

15:53.987 --> 15:57.132
them 'cause they're his vision. But I do think there's an element of that,

15:57.502 --> 16:01.340
that anybody, you know, with more experience than he had in 1993

16:01.372 --> 16:04.918
or 1994 while filming this, it would've been a little different. But it is one

16:04.966 --> 16:08.541
of the places in which the movie lacks a bit is in the

16:08.557 --> 16:11.827
delivery of some of this dialogue. And I think it's equally Smith doing

16:11.859 --> 16:15.306
too much with the words and the actors not just really being up

16:15.806 --> 16:19.233
to the challenge. Yeah. So Dante

16:19.538 --> 16:23.482
and Veronica are like kind of sitting behind the counter now. She's painting

16:23.982 --> 16:26.928
her nails, like kind of— He's painting her nails. He's painting her nails. She's sitting

16:27.428 --> 16:30.575
behind him. Yeah. The business is still continuing. There's just

16:31.075 --> 16:33.371
a sign that says, please leave money on the counter, and they're just sitting right

16:33.871 --> 16:36.601
behind the counter. Yeah. And she asked him like, aren't you— don't— won't people steal

16:37.101 --> 16:38.841
stuff? How do you know that they're leaving the right amount? He goes, eh,

16:39.067 --> 16:42.158
people see money out in a sign, they think they're being watched. Yeah. And it's

16:42.658 --> 16:46.591
just coffee and newspaper at this time of the morning. Yeah. Yeah. Um, so they're

16:46.607 --> 16:49.987
talking about, uh, you know, sex,

16:50.051 --> 16:52.496
sexual history. Sure. Yeah. You know, the usual, uh,

16:52.866 --> 16:56.597
conversation that always ends well. Right. I, I think, uh,

16:57.036 --> 17:00.062
It's never any problems. Look, the body count,

17:00.353 --> 17:04.156
you never want that information more than it will damage

17:04.656 --> 17:08.200
you by hearing it. There's no— first, before you ever ask this, think about what's

17:08.700 --> 17:12.274
your perfect answer and what's, what's going to happen if the answer is

17:12.323 --> 17:15.476
different than that and how will you deal with that? And then tell yourself,

17:15.556 --> 17:18.647
you know what, let's talk about something else. Yeah, right. Yeah. I think it's important

17:19.147 --> 17:21.561
to understand not just what information you're trying to get because we know what that

17:22.061 --> 17:23.422
is, but like, what is it that you think you're going to do with that

17:23.922 --> 17:25.906
information? Yeah. And what do you think about that action will improve things for you?

17:25.957 --> 17:29.177
Right. And if and when you think about it that for a second, it should

17:29.677 --> 17:32.043
become quite clear that it does not fucking matter and you don't want to know.

17:32.285 --> 17:36.118
Yeah. And so we have, we have Dante and Veronica, and Veronica's

17:36.134 --> 17:38.889
like, you know, well, how many, how many women have you slept with? He's like,

17:38.954 --> 17:42.117
I slept with 12 women. How about you? And she's like, you know, it's 3

17:42.617 --> 17:45.409
or 4 guys. I forgot what her number is. She says 3. 3. But I

17:45.909 --> 17:48.323
mean, but so she loses it on him at the 12, calls him a pig,

17:48.339 --> 17:51.972
and like, because they're like 22, this is, you know, like, so 12 people in,

17:52.004 --> 17:55.708
let's assume, maybe 6 years of sexual activeness for him. That is

17:55.740 --> 17:58.449
kind of a lot at that age. So she's like, you pig, oh my God,

17:58.465 --> 18:00.497
you know. And so what was there for you? And she said, 3, and it's—

18:00.997 --> 18:03.625
that's including you. So it's 2 other guys and then him. And he's kind of

18:03.689 --> 18:07.279
like, oh, okay, yeah, cool, cool. And, um, then there's a,

18:07.441 --> 18:10.466
a character that shows up named Willem, uh, and, uh, Willem,

18:10.531 --> 18:13.039
I think, just ordered some cigarettes or whatever, but it's like, you know, oh hey

18:13.184 --> 18:16.025
Veronica, like I know you, like how's it going? And she's like, oh hey,

18:16.235 --> 18:19.318
you know, like there's clearly like a history there. Um, and they— he asks her

18:19.818 --> 18:22.046
about her friend Sylvan and like whatever. And so then when she leaves— when he

18:22.546 --> 18:25.143
leaves, Veronica says There goes Snowball. He's like, why do you call him Snowball?

18:25.191 --> 18:27.827
He's like, oh, it's a sex thing. And he likes, even after a blowjob,

18:27.843 --> 18:29.820
he likes having it spit back into his mouth. He gets off on it.

18:29.916 --> 18:32.166
And she's like, oh my— Dante's like, oh my God, Sylvan can get talked into

18:32.182 --> 18:35.556
anything. And that's Veronica's like, well, no, not Sylvan. Like,

18:35.878 --> 18:39.107
I snowballed him. And he's like, wait a minute. Like, you didn't mention him

18:39.607 --> 18:41.340
in your list of 3 people. And she's like, oh yeah, no, I didn't.

18:41.420 --> 18:44.393
I never slept with him. I just went down on him. And she's— and that's

18:44.893 --> 18:46.755
when he starts losing it. He goes, well, how many guys have you gone down

18:46.803 --> 18:49.856
on then? And she's like, I don't know, something like 36. And he's like,

18:50.017 --> 18:53.785
what does something like 36 mean? I'm like, that's so insane. Uh,

18:54.234 --> 18:57.954
and it's 37 including Dante, but he loses his shit.

18:58.067 --> 19:01.338
He loses it. And you know, Dante is a very good-looking,

19:01.450 --> 19:05.828
likable, successful guy, and he deserves to have these ridiculously high standards

19:05.860 --> 19:08.971
for a woman asking a question that she didn't want to answer. To be

19:09.471 --> 19:11.874
fair, you're landing on the point. That's not the point that's missed. That is the

19:12.374 --> 19:15.482
point, is that Dante is that way. It's like, oh Jesus Christ, so self-absorbed.

19:16.044 --> 19:19.363
Um, and, uh, this snowball— so there's a couple

19:20.196 --> 19:23.625
I think this is one of those things, and movies will do this sometimes,

19:23.801 --> 19:27.150
where they introduce something that's like just in the culture or on

19:27.182 --> 19:30.306
the streets, but the movie is the first time that a lot of people hear

19:30.806 --> 19:33.895
about it. And then the movie kind of gets credit for introducing a thing where

19:34.395 --> 19:38.076
it's like, well, you just picked this thing up from being around. American Pie introducing

19:38.576 --> 19:41.505
the concept of MILF is a good example, right? So like, this is one of

19:42.005 --> 19:44.949
those things where I'm just kind of like, all right, like you wrote a joke

19:45.449 --> 19:48.810
about snowballing, but I'm not giving you credit for like making this up or

19:49.310 --> 19:52.533
anything like that. Yeah. And, uh, I don't know. So there's a couple of things

19:53.033 --> 19:54.920
in this where it's like, all right, that was just around there. And then you're

19:54.937 --> 19:57.502
having the guy say, yeah, you didn't come up with this.

19:58.082 --> 20:01.761
Um, but yeah, so Dante is very mad at his girlfriend.

20:01.874 --> 20:05.633
And then I think another customer comes in and he's like, oh, my girlfriend just

20:05.665 --> 20:08.182
told me she sucked 37 dicks. And the guy's like, in a row?

20:09.134 --> 20:11.782
I love it there. I love that. But I think the better joke is actually

20:11.879 --> 20:14.947
as she leaves, he follows her out and yells after her,

20:14.963 --> 20:17.014
trying not to suck any dick on your way out to the parking lot.

20:17.144 --> 20:19.486
Yeah. At which point another guy, random guy, stay there, starts following her and he

20:19.986 --> 20:23.398
goes, hey, get back here. That part, that's my

20:23.430 --> 20:26.035
favorite. I didn't notice that. Oh my God, he starts walking, the guy's, "Hey,

20:26.099 --> 20:29.319
get back here." Like, yeah, that was actually funny when,

20:29.856 --> 20:33.390
I always thought it was funny that the first

20:33.890 --> 20:37.085
draft that Smith wrote of Clerks II that ended up getting out in the early

20:37.585 --> 20:41.329
2000s was 137 pages long. And I thought it was funny that it was 137.

20:42.005 --> 20:45.946
But yeah, so now we're getting introduced to Randal. He works at RST Video,

20:45.962 --> 20:49.294
the store next door, and he's like showing

20:49.391 --> 20:51.347
up. But like, I think before that, it's the old guy is like trying to

20:51.847 --> 20:55.292
return a video to Dante because like the store's not open

20:55.792 --> 20:58.478
or whatever. And he's like, hey, like, where's that idiot? That's not a hard job,

20:58.495 --> 21:01.775
whatever. And the guy's just like giving Dante shit. Uh, and but as

21:01.792 --> 21:05.662
he goes to leave, usually he leaves the tape, but he also forgets his keys.

21:05.776 --> 21:08.610
And so Dante's like, you forgot your keys? And he like just drops them into

21:09.110 --> 21:12.151
the garbage can. And, uh, so now Randall shows up and he goes over to

21:12.651 --> 21:14.744
get the keys to RST Video from Dante and some tapes that need to be

21:15.244 --> 21:18.705
returned. Uh, and he spots the old guy like on his way out, and the

21:19.205 --> 21:21.071
guy's like, hey, have you seen a set of keys around here? And for whatever

21:21.571 --> 21:24.206
reason doesn't really make any sense. Randall quotes Temple of Doom, goes, "No time for

21:24.706 --> 21:27.851
love, Dr. Jones." And I don't know why that's in there, but I love that

21:28.351 --> 21:31.770
he says that. I mean, and this is a big deal with this

21:32.270 --> 21:35.961
movie. It's just like people of our

21:36.410 --> 21:40.650
age range, you know, Gen X, millennials are very into like quoting movies

21:41.003 --> 21:44.552
and shows and stuff. You know, it's funny, older people, like I'll hear boomers a

21:44.600 --> 21:48.133
lot will say stuff to me like, you know, nobody tells jokes

21:48.633 --> 21:51.136
anymore. You used to be able to tell. And it's not. And I always have

21:51.636 --> 21:54.168
to tell them, 'Cause this is something that's like meaningful to me. Like I do

21:54.248 --> 21:57.311
comedy. I think about this stuff a lot. It's not that you can't tell jokes.

21:57.375 --> 22:01.112
It's just that the way we communicate humor to each other as a generation

22:01.160 --> 22:04.335
is different. Yes. But if you're born in the '50s, you're like,

22:04.351 --> 22:07.976
hey, you know, one Italian, a Belgian, and a Mexican walk into

22:08.476 --> 22:10.814
a bar. That's the way you do it. And the way we do it is

22:11.247 --> 22:15.144
drop quotes from like movies that we've all seen in Star Wars and Indiana Jones

22:15.177 --> 22:19.265
and stuff. And I think this was the first, movie that kind of addressed

22:19.765 --> 22:23.016
that? Oh, aside from like just super generic, ultra broad quotes

22:23.516 --> 22:26.430
from very well-known movies that you might hear in another movie. Yeah, I, I,

22:26.783 --> 22:30.614
I was looking at you, kid. Like, the Ninja Turtles say that. I would challenge

22:30.871 --> 22:35.327
anyone to find a film released before 1994 wherein a character

22:35.776 --> 22:39.142
discusses almost anything about Temple of Doom

22:39.642 --> 22:41.867
or Star Wars the way that they do in this movie. Do you know what

22:42.367 --> 22:44.496
I mean? Like, it would surprise me. I can't remember if there was like like,

22:44.977 --> 22:48.779
you know, certainly to the extent that they discuss Star Wars is like not anything

22:48.844 --> 22:51.443
that ever happens. It comes later in the movie. But like, you know, that level

22:51.507 --> 22:54.780
of sort of detail of like plot they end up discussing is strange. But quoting

22:54.860 --> 22:58.309
Temple of Doom is like, even among the Indiana

22:58.809 --> 23:01.293
Jones movies, that's like the deeper cut. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well,

23:01.325 --> 23:04.470
he didn't say like the thing and then be like, Temple of Doom, ever seen

23:04.970 --> 23:08.144
it? 'Cause I didn't catch that Temple of Doom quote. Oh yeah, Short Round,

23:08.192 --> 23:11.819
yeah, yeah. But yeah, Yeah, so I think next

23:11.884 --> 23:15.081
up is, uh, Dante learns, uh, there he's talking about how,

23:15.275 --> 23:18.683
yeah, he's dating Veronica, but he's been talking to his ex-girlfriend Caitlin Bree.

23:18.764 --> 23:21.057
Caitlin and him have been like chatting. She doesn't live in the area anymore,

23:21.187 --> 23:23.446
but you know, they've been chatting a bunch, and he's kind of thinking like,

23:23.510 --> 23:26.108
yeah, maybe they can get back together. He's— this is like the one that got

23:26.608 --> 23:29.916
away for Dante, basically. Um, and, uh, and he's like, yeah, you know, I think

23:30.416 --> 23:32.041
it's the reason. And Randall's kind of like, oh, you think that's gonna— Randall's reading

23:32.057 --> 23:33.925
the paper. He goes, oh, you think you got a chance? Yeah, I think there's

23:34.425 --> 23:36.517
like a real chance. Like, what about Veronica? Well, you know, I'll have to talk

23:37.017 --> 23:38.513
to her. He's like, yeah. He's like, I think all four of you should sit

23:39.013 --> 23:42.285
down and talk. He's like, four? He's like, yeah, you Veronica, Caitlin, and Caitlin's

23:42.785 --> 23:46.104
fiancé. And there's an announcement and like an engagement announcement

23:46.604 --> 23:49.858
in the paper. And then before we like get to more of that,

23:49.875 --> 23:53.667
'cause that certainly throws Dante for a loop, Randall has remembered he needs to place

23:54.167 --> 23:57.121
an order for more videos. So he is now back in RST Video and he's

23:57.621 --> 24:00.698
placing an order and a woman walks up carrying her like toddler and says,

24:00.746 --> 24:03.210
"Hey, do you have Happy Scrappy Hero Pop?" And he's like— And she's wearing a

24:03.339 --> 24:05.497
Bum Equipment sweatshirt, which I really love. Yes.

24:06.399 --> 24:08.909
But you know, he's like, "Oh, Happy Scrappy Hero. Yeah, okay, let me, I'm about

24:09.409 --> 24:11.459
to place an order. I'll ask for it." for it. But before he can place

24:11.476 --> 24:15.357
the order for Happy Scrappy Hero Pup, he lists 19 adult

24:15.405 --> 24:18.886
titles. And I mean, I could run down them if we

24:18.918 --> 24:21.468
want to, but they're pretty egregious. The point is,

24:21.965 --> 24:25.478
I mean, you know, everything that they all mention, either like cum or holes

24:25.526 --> 24:28.237
or ass, I mean, there's all kinds of stuff. And so the woman's just standing

24:28.737 --> 24:31.990
there holding her toddler while he's rattling off these ridiculous titles. And then finally

24:32.490 --> 24:35.294
turns to her and goes, "Oh, what was the title you wanted?" And it's just

24:35.794 --> 24:39.144
like, but it's just like, I think this was just a chance for, for like

24:39.562 --> 24:43.608
Smith and like Scott Mosier and Jason Muse to sit around thinking up crazy

24:43.640 --> 24:46.948
riffs and some fake porno titles and just put as many of them.

24:47.012 --> 24:50.175
But like, 19— if they were the first ones to come up with Come on

24:50.224 --> 24:53.836
Eileen as the porn title, I really like that. I mean, give them

24:54.336 --> 24:56.309
mad props to that one. That's funny. Yeah.

24:57.610 --> 25:01.158
So, so Jay and Silent Bob, we see them a couple times. Yeah, that's the

25:01.658 --> 25:05.822
store. Yeah. And, and Jay What is he— he's ranting

25:06.322 --> 25:09.538
about like, oh yeah, I'm gonna fuck this. He just sucks. He's just one of

25:10.038 --> 25:13.645
these guys where you're like, I know. And hopefully you don't directly

25:14.145 --> 25:16.288
have a friend like this. It's more like one of those guys that, oh,

25:16.465 --> 25:19.623
remember when I told my cousin he could bring his friend to the barbecue and

25:20.123 --> 25:23.312
it was that fucking guy? Yeah. So it's one of those like, oh, Jesus Christ.

25:23.618 --> 25:27.016
And the fact that he's posted in front of this store, like, I've not gone

25:27.516 --> 25:30.365
into stores sometimes because I don't want to deal with whoever clipboard guys out there,

25:30.450 --> 25:34.034
like Trader Joe's. He's like, I don't need to explain to this 19-year-old

25:34.082 --> 25:37.787
why child fund is a bad way to spend my money or

25:38.287 --> 25:41.716
whatever. So Jay, it's like, I would avoid the

25:42.216 --> 25:44.779
shit out of that guy. He's going to be so fucking annoying. So we get

25:44.907 --> 25:48.195
a little view of that. Yes, no, absolutely. And yeah,

25:48.211 --> 25:51.820
Jay and Silent Bob are interesting characters. Obviously Silent Bob is silent for most

25:52.320 --> 25:54.883
of the movie, as he is in basically all the movies featuring these two characters.

25:55.572 --> 25:59.566
Jay is like really based on Jason Mewes, the actual person.

25:59.662 --> 26:01.932
I mean, at this point in his life, he was he's like hooked on hard

26:02.432 --> 26:05.603
drugs, I believe. Uh, and you know, he's gone through like rehab multiple times,

26:05.651 --> 26:08.497
and Smith has always stood by him and helped him through stuff, whatever. That's a

26:08.997 --> 26:12.865
really great kind of, uh, friendship story for them. But like, this character

26:13.365 --> 26:16.947
is a real jerk and a real kind of just bad dude, whatever. And apparently

26:17.044 --> 26:20.677
it's like not just funny enough to be as obnoxious,

26:20.805 --> 26:24.228
obnoxious as you are, and like one of those. But there's a lot of those

26:24.260 --> 26:27.715
guys out there. Yeah, absolutely. Um, we get a scene here where Dante

26:28.215 --> 26:29.961
is about to like take— because there's a cat we haven't mentioned. There's a little

26:30.461 --> 26:33.477
black cat that lives at the, at the Quick Stop. And, uh, there's litter box.

26:33.525 --> 26:36.483
He's gonna go like, you know, maybe like change litter box out, but he decides

26:36.500 --> 26:40.007
halfway through doing that he was gonna call the newspaper about the engagement announcement.

26:40.072 --> 26:43.143
So he just leaves the litter box on the counter because we get a moment

26:43.643 --> 26:45.961
where the cat runs up to use it while a customer is waiting. But Dante

26:46.461 --> 26:49.328
calls the newspaper and is asking if there might be a vindictive printer or if

26:49.828 --> 26:52.480
like it's a mistake. And he's like, well, no, no, everything's spelled right. I'm just

26:52.980 --> 26:55.226
like, I talked to her and she never mentioned being engaged. So like there must

26:55.726 --> 26:58.133
be a mistake. This is a very funny thing where he's trying to convince the

26:58.633 --> 27:02.262
person on the line, no, no, no, Like, maybe somebody's doing this as a prank.

27:02.310 --> 27:04.492
It's like, why would someone do that as a prank? He's like, I don't know.

27:04.556 --> 27:06.689
But like this, you know, he just gets hung up on.

27:08.630 --> 27:10.700
And then I think we go back outside to Jay and Son of Bob and

27:10.796 --> 27:14.165
Jay's friend Olaf and her cousin or something. There's like some reference to like

27:14.245 --> 27:18.320
how he knows Olaf, but Olaf is from Russia supposedly and

27:18.496 --> 27:22.153
is in a metal band and does a song called "Berserker," which

27:22.186 --> 27:25.554
has the very funny lyric, "My love for you is like a truck

27:25.570 --> 27:29.322
berserker." 'Would you like some making fuck berserker?' Yeah. And it's

27:29.338 --> 27:32.560
just like, it rhymes. He got the rhyme down. And for English as

27:33.060 --> 27:35.734
a second language, like, congratulations, Olaf. And again,

27:36.311 --> 27:40.030
the J-type guy is also going to have some other guy

27:40.078 --> 27:43.685
who really sucks too, but he'll be like, 'Yo, check this guy. This guy's the

27:44.185 --> 27:47.372
fucking best.' So I think the name of his band is Fuck Your Yankee Blue

27:47.872 --> 27:51.315
Jeans, which is actually pretty legit. And I do remember

27:51.539 --> 27:54.810
when I did see this movie the first time, I thought the Olaf part was

27:55.310 --> 27:58.962
very funny. So it shows how things change. Over 20 years.

27:59.700 --> 28:03.374
Um, uh, this, this was funny. So another quick— so some

28:03.406 --> 28:06.776
of these little like quick moments between Dante and the people in the store I

28:06.840 --> 28:10.385
think are very well done. Yeah. And really great. Uh, the guy

28:10.449 --> 28:13.514
who has his hand stuck in the Pringle can— you know, Donnie's like, you can't

28:13.578 --> 28:17.140
get greedy and go for the chips at the bottom. Usually I dump it out,

28:17.204 --> 28:19.450
but I just thought this time I could grab it. He goes, man, sometimes you

28:19.950 --> 28:22.915
gotta let that last chip go. It's okay. Uh, but there is definitely a lot

28:23.415 --> 28:26.669
of little moments in this movie that are clearly like either, you know, things that

28:26.734 --> 28:30.117
actually happened in working at stores like this or things that they thought

28:30.617 --> 28:33.018
of, wouldn't it be funny if this happened? And they just found places to put

28:33.518 --> 28:37.243
them into the movie. And that's definitely one of them. There's this fairly

28:37.260 --> 28:40.773
long conversation next that, like I mentioned, kind of Star Wars. We hear

28:40.838 --> 28:43.154
Dante is, or Randall rather, is like watching Star Wars,

28:44.060 --> 28:47.499
Return of the Jedi actually, in RST Video. You can't actually hear

28:47.531 --> 28:49.684
anything from Star Wars or Return of the Jedi or whatever because that would've been

28:49.797 --> 28:53.172
too expensive. So it's just weird laser blast sounds. Like it's nothing that's actually

28:53.672 --> 28:55.524
Star Warsy. But he goes and he talks to Dante. And it's one of my

28:56.024 --> 28:59.158
favorite sort of like conversations that these characters have 'cause they're discussing you know,

28:59.581 --> 29:02.360
when the first Death Star was destroyed in A New Hope, like that was just

29:02.860 --> 29:05.871
Imperial soldiers, whatever it was. Everybody on it was like bought into the plan.

29:05.936 --> 29:09.527
So when they, you know, that's casualties of war, but then there's construction happening in

29:10.027 --> 29:12.890
Return of the Jedi on that Death Star. So there's contractors and there's like people

29:13.390 --> 29:15.897
doing aluminum siding and there's plumbers and electricians, like, and they all die too.

29:16.042 --> 29:18.700
And isn't that a moral failing, you know, of the Rebel Alliance? And it's an

29:19.200 --> 29:22.163
interesting conversation. They're going back and forth a little bit until a guy walks up

29:22.663 --> 29:24.739
and is like, hey, I couldn't help but over here, I'm a roofer. And he

29:25.239 --> 29:28.018
tells this story about turning down a job because it was like some mob guy's

29:28.518 --> 29:31.183
house. So he gives it to his friend and that friend is then killed in

29:31.683 --> 29:34.516
a drive-by at the house, like later. It's just, to me, this is a very

29:35.016 --> 29:37.433
funny thing of like, you know, explaining how,

29:39.084 --> 29:41.521
you know, like the roofer doesn't just think with his wallet, he thinks with his

29:41.569 --> 29:44.149
heart or his morals. It's just, to me, it's a very funny kind of like

29:44.309 --> 29:47.339
whole conversation. And it was the kind of thing that my friends and I talked

29:47.839 --> 29:50.769
about in high school. Like, no, we never got into this specifically, but like talking

29:50.801 --> 29:54.391
about Star Wars in particular to deep levels was something

29:54.891 --> 29:56.987
we did. I used to sit in chemistry class with Patrick Inception and like,

29:57.532 --> 30:01.203
and like trivia each other on like the deepest deep

30:01.219 --> 30:04.522
cut Star Wars trivia we can think of before, you know, Mr.

30:04.570 --> 30:07.167
Hensie or whoever it was got in for chemistry. Like, you know, it was just

30:07.667 --> 30:11.366
that kind of thing. And so having these two people on screen do this conversation

30:11.719 --> 30:15.422
was so like, I feel seen for me in this

30:15.470 --> 30:18.596
movie. And it really has stuck with me ever since. But yeah. Yeah, I mean,

30:18.612 --> 30:22.251
it definitely the first time we're seeing this kind of thing. And I

30:22.604 --> 30:25.970
honestly, just the conversation with Dante and Randall about

30:26.470 --> 30:29.994
the Death Star stuff. And this has also been like this

30:30.494 --> 30:33.456
has influenced a lot of shitty stuff. And it's kind of hard for me.

30:33.504 --> 30:36.614
It's kind of like, like Anchorman. Anchorman's a very funny movie.

30:36.967 --> 30:40.334
People annoyed me for 20 years quoting Anchorman. That diminished

30:40.834 --> 30:44.261
my perception of Anchorman, even though it's not the movie's fault, you know? So I

30:44.761 --> 30:48.381
think like derivative versions of this conversation

30:48.589 --> 30:51.844
in particular, I think have shown up in a lot of things.

30:52.661 --> 30:56.101
And I really, you know, I fucking hate Randall.

30:56.230 --> 30:58.968
I can't deal with that guy. I hate the way he talks. I don't like

30:59.468 --> 31:02.882
him at all. But when the real— so this conversation is happening, I'm just

31:03.382 --> 31:07.197
like, ah, Jesus, give it. And also, you know, full disclosure, I'm not really a

31:07.697 --> 31:10.691
Star Wars guy. I've seen those Star Wars movies maybe like 2 or 3 times,

31:11.029 --> 31:15.601
uh, or so, which I think is a fair amount

31:16.101 --> 31:17.646
of times, but not, not for our generation. Right, right. Uh, but the roofer guy

31:18.146 --> 31:21.510
coming in to raise the stakes of the bit, I think really pulls it together.

31:21.623 --> 31:24.144
Yeah, like just the conversation, I'm just kind of like, okay, because who gives a

31:24.644 --> 31:28.668
shit about this guy? But this guy coming grounded in reality

31:29.168 --> 31:32.665
and being like, actually, this ridiculous shit you're talking about happened to me this— just

31:33.165 --> 31:36.373
this last year. Right? Yeah. So I liked that. I like these other

31:36.873 --> 31:40.708
people coming in to like validate the conversations they're having. Yeah, there's definitely a stark

31:41.208 --> 31:44.962
kind of line drawn between the clerks, Randall and Dante, and all these like regular

31:45.462 --> 31:49.088
people that kind of come in because none of them are as delusional

31:49.280 --> 31:52.282
about themselves as Randall and Dante are. You know what I mean? And there's this

31:52.330 --> 31:56.583
like kind of like undercurrent of like, like, you know, these two guys think so

31:56.599 --> 32:00.112
highly of themselves, not even necessarily of each other, but just their own like

32:00.612 --> 32:04.364
self kind of importance is so enormous that it's

32:04.864 --> 32:07.444
such a stark contrast between them and like almost everybody else who comes into the

32:07.944 --> 32:10.926
store. Yes. Is just a regular person for the most part. And so I feel

32:10.942 --> 32:14.648
like there's a fun sort of thing that happens there. And I know,

32:14.793 --> 32:18.563
I mean, so doing, uh, doing comedy and

32:19.063 --> 32:21.916
stuff and just in life, but especially in that world, you meet a ton of

32:21.932 --> 32:25.703
people who are these fucking been like blown away by their

32:26.203 --> 32:29.330
own intellect as philosophers. Like, they're not trying to be funny when they're talking to

32:29.830 --> 32:33.491
you. They're talking about some stupid bullshit that they're extremely confident about

32:33.686 --> 32:36.711
and nobody cares about, and they're wrong about, you know. So I like,

32:37.115 --> 32:40.319
I know so many of these. So Randall, I'm just like, oh, I've fucking talked

32:40.819 --> 32:44.347
to Randall twice every single fucking Tuesday night. Um, so,

32:44.508 --> 32:47.722
uh, so part of it I'm like, oh, I know that guy. But that's the

32:48.222 --> 32:51.193
purpose. The point of the movie isn't look how cool Randall is. No,

32:51.292 --> 32:54.710
it's look how cool Randall isn't. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We do get a great Randall

32:55.210 --> 32:58.132
moment next though, because he's just sitting reading the paper, something on the counter at

32:58.632 --> 33:01.024
RST, and a woman comes up, asks him about, hey, are either of these movies

33:01.524 --> 33:03.794
any good? Yeah, right. And he's just like, like, I don't really know, I don't

33:04.294 --> 33:05.767
pay attention to what people like. And, you know, and she's kind of like,

33:05.783 --> 33:08.241
what are you talking about, you work here? So then she tries to— she turns

33:08.741 --> 33:10.634
around and goes, well, what about these two? And turns around, he goes, oh,

33:10.699 --> 33:14.207
those suck. And she's like, ha, these are

33:14.707 --> 33:14.804
the same two movies. And this is my favorite Randall line in the whole movie:

33:14.997 --> 33:18.616
I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. She's like, my what? Your ruse,

33:18.632 --> 33:21.364
your clever attempt to trick me. Yeah. And he talks about how it doesn't feel

33:21.412 --> 33:23.859
good to be right, you know, whatever. It's— I think it's a very funny moment.

33:23.907 --> 33:27.369
But, um, but yeah, I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am, is something that I've carried

33:27.869 --> 33:30.998
with me. Um, yeah. Um, so we've got them. Oh, and the

33:31.498 --> 33:35.332
other thing is people keep coming in ordering, uh, cigarettes. Yes, buying cigarettes. And they're

33:35.348 --> 33:39.486
just saying cigarettes. Yes. Even though there's like 30 brands on display

33:39.986 --> 33:43.274
behind them, you know. 100%. Also, you'll notice, speaking of the cigarettes and what's behind

33:43.774 --> 33:45.288
them, at one point— I don't remember exactly where, because I don't think I wrote

33:45.788 --> 33:48.691
it down— but at some point, very offhandedly Eventually Dante makes a comment about,

33:49.033 --> 33:52.519
"Man, isn't it weird how all the prices end in 9?" If you

33:53.019 --> 33:55.946
look behind him, literally none of those prices. They're all 95s.

33:56.074 --> 33:59.679
There's a couple of 98s. There was like a something 86. Not a single

34:00.179 --> 34:01.916
one of the prices we can see ends in 9. And I always thought that

34:01.932 --> 34:05.703
was, like, I feel like that must have been deliberate. But yeah.

34:06.508 --> 34:09.857
Yep. And then we have another like weird customer. A guy who's

34:10.357 --> 34:13.511
like sitting on the floor, pulling every egg out of the carton. And he's like,

34:13.527 --> 34:15.881
"Well, why don't you just mix and match and make a—" He's like, "No,

34:15.898 --> 34:19.301
I need to find the perfect dozen." a, you know, just a goofy-ass,

34:19.317 --> 34:22.757
like, you know, mentally ill guy going through the eggs. Mentally ill,

34:22.773 --> 34:25.890
except we find out apparently because a woman walks up to chat with them about

34:25.939 --> 34:28.924
this guy, another customer, and she's like, oh, I've seen this before. It was at

34:29.424 --> 34:31.765
like a grocery store down the street like last year. It's a guidance counselor.

34:32.152 --> 34:34.250
And they're like, why does this happen to guidance counselors? And she goes like,

34:34.428 --> 34:37.624
if your job was that worthless, wouldn't you like be, you know, trying to find

34:38.124 --> 34:40.304
something you can control in your life? She goes, that's why it's very important to

34:40.804 --> 34:46.230
have an important job. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial

34:46.730 --> 34:49.081
insemination, which is another just like, man, that's a line that's just packed. Like,

34:49.275 --> 34:52.712
it's like 7 or 8 words long, but it's fucking packed. And they just watch

34:52.744 --> 34:56.833
her leave. Very funny to me. But yeah, uh, and they're talking about,

34:56.978 --> 35:00.156
uh, let's see, now Randall and Dante are talking about the,

35:00.301 --> 35:03.835
the jizz mopper profession. Yeah, I think, I think Randall sells cigarettes to a little

35:03.915 --> 35:07.386
girl first. He's not paying attention to what he's doing and sitting behind the counter

35:07.771 --> 35:10.181
at Quick Stop, but like ends up handing a pack of cigarettes to a little,

35:10.197 --> 35:13.480
like a 4-year-old, whatever, little kid. And that comes back later. But yeah, then they're

35:13.980 --> 35:16.177
talking, then Randall's talking about like, you know, you know, like, I think like,

35:16.193 --> 35:18.077
how much do you think a jizz mopper makes? Or whatever. And he's like,

35:18.093 --> 35:21.538
what are you talking about? It's like nudie booths, you know, adult bookstores,

35:21.570 --> 35:24.645
whatever. And he kind of explains the whole thing while a customer walks up to

35:25.145 --> 35:28.119
him. And what's the customer buying? A roll of paper towels and like a thing

35:28.184 --> 35:31.692
of Windex. And he's very offended at their conversation about what we can

35:31.724 --> 35:35.448
only assume is his profession. So the jizz mopper himself

35:35.496 --> 35:38.840
gives them shit for like talking about it. And I do like it. He says,

35:39.017 --> 35:41.750
I don't know if you knew this or not, but cum leaves streaks if you

35:42.250 --> 35:45.257
don't clean it right away. It's like, oh my God.

35:46.123 --> 35:49.747
Um, so, and, and this is the kind of stuff that comes out

35:50.247 --> 35:53.612
if you're just like beating a certain conversation topic into the ground, like,

35:53.660 --> 35:57.893
right, what jokes can we churn out of this? And that come leave streaks line

35:57.909 --> 36:01.277
I think was just, uh, yeah, that was a nice one. Yeah. Uh, so they're

36:01.293 --> 36:04.420
talking about like the types of customers that piss them off, right?

36:05.286 --> 36:08.493
You know, so the classic thing, the person saying like, so how much does this

36:08.509 --> 36:11.510
cost? Yeah, right behind them Is this big sign about how much it costs?

36:11.558 --> 36:15.395
And, you know, just asking obvious questions. And then Randall hates

36:15.475 --> 36:18.751
everybody at the video store. Yes. Although the one,

36:18.863 --> 36:22.459
the one thing that I've taken from this scene, like, I literally, I can't remember

36:22.540 --> 36:26.441
all the contexts, but I will use anytime I can shoehorn, ooh, Navy SEALs

36:26.746 --> 36:30.278
into something, I will, like, just to reference, like, a bad thing that someone's excited

36:30.778 --> 36:34.324
about. Like, this, this offended me a bit because I like the movie Navy

36:34.437 --> 36:38.097
SEALs. I think it's very fun. I like that they refer to beers

36:38.194 --> 36:41.608
as rain grenades. Grenades. And, uh, there's lots of, lots of good stuff

36:41.672 --> 36:44.909
in Navy SEALs. We'll be getting to it in season 9. Oh good. 2 Dads

36:44.925 --> 36:48.034
1 Movie. Uh, but yeah, it's funny to

36:48.050 --> 36:51.879
kind of go through because every job you have this like, uh, these types of

36:51.911 --> 36:55.485
people. And it doesn't matter, you know, where it's at.

36:55.533 --> 36:58.065
If you have a certain type of job, you have this kind of person that's

36:58.145 --> 37:00.949
always driving you fucking crazy. Randall says this job would be great if it weren't

37:01.449 --> 37:03.994
for the fucking customers. He means all of them. Yeah. Uh, but at this point

37:04.494 --> 37:08.521
Veronica comes back to sort like talked to Dante and smoothed things over from

37:08.602 --> 37:11.215
earlier. And they kind of left, you know, she left kind of in a huff

37:11.715 --> 37:15.232
or whatever, but she's brought him lasagna, again, another totally empty platter, clearly the way

37:15.732 --> 37:18.365
that Dante takes it from her. But you know, like, that's cool. You do,

37:18.446 --> 37:22.125
we do hear from Randall off screen, 37, just like from off screen

37:22.625 --> 37:26.056
with whatever. But yeah, so then he finds out, Dante does,

37:26.574 --> 37:29.791
via phone call that the boss is not coming in. It's already past

37:30.291 --> 37:32.927
due. He's not getting relieved. He's not getting relieved. Boss went to Vermont, right?

37:32.976 --> 37:35.185
They're in New Jersey. He's in Vermont now. So clearly the guy was like,

37:37.405 --> 37:39.598
He had no plan to come. No intention to come. Just get Dante there,

37:39.872 --> 37:41.855
let him open the store, and then I'll just go on. And you know Dante

37:41.887 --> 37:45.135
will stick around for the whole day. Like calling in the sick day from

37:45.635 --> 37:48.957
the line at Space Mountain. Yeah, right. Like we've talked about. Exactly.

37:49.103 --> 37:52.714
I had no plan to show up. But yeah, this is also, I think,

37:52.731 --> 37:56.131
the third time of five that Dante says, "I'm not even supposed to be

37:56.631 --> 37:59.435
here today." That does recur several times. I haven't mentioned the other ones, but yeah,

37:59.451 --> 38:02.400
that's something that he yells into the phone. Alone.

38:02.816 --> 38:05.252
Yeah, but they got to deal with this hockey game now. This is— yeah,

38:05.284 --> 38:08.601
they've got a commitment. We, we got a commitment. And, and again, uh,

38:08.906 --> 38:11.966
great usage of the budget because I

38:12.466 --> 38:16.213
think it shows 3 total people in this rooftop hockey scene, you know. But the

38:16.713 --> 38:19.322
sound is very effective. You feel like there's really a game going on and you

38:19.822 --> 38:22.479
get a lot of shots of the rollerblades. Yeah, of the sticks and of the

38:22.979 --> 38:26.950
ball. And there's, you know, there are definitely 2 people in, uh, goalie gear because

38:27.014 --> 38:30.337
Randall is wearing goalie gear in his CCCP sort of USSR

38:30.837 --> 38:34.087
jersey. And there's somebody else that also has got goalie gear on.

38:34.135 --> 38:37.254
So it's like either, yeah, there was just, they switched things around and then shot

38:37.303 --> 38:39.730
people, you know, for just a moment or whatever. But yeah, it makes it look

38:40.230 --> 38:42.045
like it might even be like 3 on 3. Like it looks like a fairly,

38:42.628 --> 38:46.612
you know, large amount of people up there. But they have locked up the stores

38:47.031 --> 38:48.898
and there's a sign, I think, on the front of Quick Stop that says like,

38:49.059 --> 38:51.989
we'll be back open after the first period or something like that, right? And so

38:52.022 --> 38:54.588
they've started playing up there, but there's a guy who's come to the store who

38:54.604 --> 38:57.247
wants to buy a pack of cigarettes, like literally everyone in this town wants to

38:57.747 --> 39:01.043
do at all times. And you know, he cries, climbs up the sort of ladder

39:01.543 --> 39:03.116
and is like, when are you guys gonna be open? What the fuck? I want

39:03.616 --> 39:06.047
to buy cigarettes. Like, ah, you know, wait, wait. And he basically starts talking shit

39:06.547 --> 39:09.943
about how bad Dante is at hockey. Um, and so, you know, Dante's like,

39:09.959 --> 39:12.374
fine, get up here and you do better. And my first thought, from the first

39:12.874 --> 39:14.660
time I saw this movie, my first thought was like, yeah, but that guy's not

39:14.708 --> 39:17.912
got rollerblades on. Yeah, he's gonna fuck you up. Like, you wear

39:18.412 --> 39:21.582
the rollerblades because it's a— you can make the difference on sneakers. Like, it's a

39:21.711 --> 39:25.252
deliberate disadvantage to be on the rollerblades. The rollerblade is the— it's

39:25.752 --> 39:29.178
the QWERTY, uh, board alignment. It's meant to slow you A little bit. Yeah,

39:29.338 --> 39:32.951
exactly. So this guy, they go to do the face-off and he just bowls Dante

39:33.031 --> 39:36.675
over, slams him to the ground, and then, you know, Brett Hull slap

39:37.175 --> 39:40.914
shot the ball off into oblivion, uh, at which point that's when they realize that,

39:41.219 --> 39:43.804
oh my God, nobody brought a second ball. That's it, we only get to play

39:44.304 --> 39:47.593
for like 8 minutes or whatever and then we're done. Unfair. So unfair.

39:47.962 --> 39:51.526
Yep. Um, and another— man, we've had a couple hockey scenes with,

39:51.655 --> 39:55.074
uh, Wayne's World, a couple episodes. Yeah. Big fan.

39:56.390 --> 39:58.573
I do love a line here from Jay. This is probably the best line delivered

39:59.073 --> 40:02.970
by Jason Mewes, is when they're looking for another ball and Dante looks down and

40:03.470 --> 40:06.934
just says, anybody, any balls down there? And Jay goes, pear the biggest you ever

40:07.434 --> 40:10.818
seen, dingleberry. I just love that.

40:11.107 --> 40:14.621
About the biggest pear you ever seen. Uh, so we're back in the store and

40:15.121 --> 40:18.055
there's this old man, uh, who goes up to Dante. He wants to use the

40:18.555 --> 40:22.148
bathroom, right? And but then he has all these follow-up, you know, conditions He's like,

40:22.726 --> 40:26.805
customers only, but yeah, sure, go ahead. Okay, and what's the toilet paper

40:26.821 --> 40:29.871
like in there? Is it the soft kind or is it the hard— oh,

40:30.192 --> 40:33.291
you know, it's the rough stuff. Well, can you open a package

40:33.340 --> 40:35.877
of the soft stuff and send it back there with me? You know, oh,

40:35.957 --> 40:39.264
I need something to read, I need a magazine. Can you give me a porno

40:39.764 --> 40:43.487
magazine? Um, oh my God, he does.

40:44.242 --> 40:47.716
So he's off in the bathroom, uh, and then more more ex-girlfriend

40:48.216 --> 40:51.082
news for Dante. He finds out that one of his exes died. Yes,

40:51.098 --> 40:55.189
mid-backstroke. Oh, at the YMCA. And which is actually reused

40:55.689 --> 40:58.083
as a plot point in Mallrats. Oh, okay. Get there, there will be someone who

40:58.583 --> 41:01.313
dies at the YMCA mid-backstroke with a little, with a little more backstory and explanation

41:01.813 --> 41:04.108
as to why in that one. But this one starts an argument between Dante and

41:04.608 --> 41:08.044
Randall because, uh, you know, there's a funeral, it's today, it's at 4,

41:08.060 --> 41:11.370
it's the only time, she's buried tomorrow, like, or whatever, right? And,

41:11.579 --> 41:14.085
and he's like, oh my God, I gotta go, you gotta cover the stores for

41:14.585 --> 41:16.156
me, like, watch. And Randall's like, no, I'm not gonna miss what might be the

41:16.656 --> 41:19.370
social event of the season, like, I gotta be there too. And Dante is like,

41:19.434 --> 41:22.951
"You didn't date her. You barely knew her." Like, whatever. And so they agree basically

41:23.451 --> 41:26.646
to close the stores, both of them, and just go to the wake.

41:27.529 --> 41:32.589
And so they drive off there and they arrive and they're

41:32.621 --> 41:35.544
there for 5 minutes, I think it says on the thing, 5 minutes,

41:35.801 --> 41:39.688
and off they run because there's a huge problem and

41:41.022 --> 41:44.587
they need to leave because Dante knocked over the casket. No, no, Randall.

41:44.652 --> 41:47.767
Randall knocked the casket over. Knocked the casket over. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah,

41:47.783 --> 41:50.652
so they, they come running out of there. They're kind of getting chased.

41:50.924 --> 41:54.675
Yeah, everyone. So short-lived little trip over there. I did

41:55.175 --> 41:58.137
miss the conversation in the car about Cousin Walter. Cousin Walter again is another thing

41:58.637 --> 42:02.417
that Kevin Smith reuses, referring to horrible sex stories by someone named Cousin

42:02.449 --> 42:04.516
Walter. Okay, ends up showing up several times.

42:04.997 --> 42:08.475
Jason Lee's character in Mallrats has a Cousin Walter in a

42:08.636 --> 42:12.066
story that he tells about him. But, but yeah, it's basically like Randall basically gets

42:12.566 --> 42:14.711
Dante to admit trying to suck his own dick and then makes fun of him

42:15.211 --> 42:18.382
for it, even though he clearly like baited him into it by insinuating that he

42:18.882 --> 42:21.701
himself had tried, because that sounds like the kind of friend Randall is. Sure,

42:21.846 --> 42:25.533
yeah, yeah, right. So he said this guy Walter broke his neck

42:25.549 --> 42:27.554
trying to suck his own dick, right? And he got there.

42:28.323 --> 42:31.947
That's what he said. At that point, if you're like, look, if I'm paralyzed,

42:32.011 --> 42:35.843
can you just keep me posed like this then? I'm not going

42:35.940 --> 42:39.451
anywhere anyway. Um, so there's an old man,

42:40.429 --> 42:43.641
uh, at the store, a customer there who's talking about kind kind of

42:43.673 --> 42:47.472
like Weekly World News type stuff, like National Enquirer headliner

42:47.972 --> 42:51.594
thing. And, and he won't leave. Like, he says this one thing and

42:52.094 --> 42:55.498
then he's hanging there and he keeps just saying shit. And they're, they're having a

42:55.998 --> 42:59.431
conversation, but not— yeah. And then, uh, at some point Randall just like

42:59.931 --> 43:03.772
spits water in this guy's face. Yes. Yeah, because he's— Dante's basically saying, you know,

43:03.836 --> 43:07.161
you can't do certain things because, you know, you work here. And Randall's like,

43:07.226 --> 43:11.440
oh, so you're telling me, you know, position dictates or title dictates action?

43:11.558 --> 43:14.898
Like, like that I will or won't do I will or won't do strictly because

43:14.946 --> 43:17.216
I work here and therefore an employee. And he's like, and so he spits in

43:17.716 --> 43:21.691
the guy's face just to sort of prove, it's almost like a juvenile version of,

43:22.512 --> 43:26.312
you know, Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park talking about chaos theory. It's a very juvenile

43:26.812 --> 43:29.372
kind of version of that. But he's basically like, look, see, I did something the

43:29.452 --> 43:32.116
title would dictate I wouldn't do. So you're wrong. And it's like,

43:32.925 --> 43:36.262
not really what he meant. Not fully understanding it. Definitely not getting it. But yeah,

43:36.343 --> 43:39.416
but the guy freaks out but ends up like, I think Dante has to give

43:39.916 --> 43:43.193
him his money back and the guy leaves. The next customer that

43:43.693 --> 43:47.211
shows up is this like fitness trainer guy who chats with Dante a

43:47.711 --> 43:49.861
little bit. Dante gives him a gallon of milk and the guy's, "Oh, I heard

43:50.361 --> 43:52.191
you grunt there." He's like, "I didn't grunt." Like, "I saw you." "No, you're outta

43:52.271 --> 43:55.806
shape," you know, giving him some shit. And he's chatting, this girl their age walks

43:56.306 --> 43:57.867
up and they're all chatting, kind of realize they all know each other, at which

43:57.964 --> 44:01.086
point some other random guy walks up and goes like, "Do you work here all

44:01.135 --> 44:03.610
day or whatever?" And he's like, "Yeah." And Dante's not really paying attention to this

44:03.659 --> 44:06.656
other guy, but finally he like basically writes out this thing and hands him and

44:07.156 --> 44:10.003
goes, "Here's a fine for $500." was like, whoa, what the fuck? What do you

44:10.503 --> 44:13.828
mean $500 fine? Like, what happened? He's like, well, you know, somebody here sold a

44:14.328 --> 44:17.348
pack of cigarettes to a 4-year-old. You say you're the only one who's been working

44:17.364 --> 44:20.577
here all day, so the fine's yours. Like, and given the, like,

44:20.738 --> 44:24.336
extreme, you know, age of the child, it's an even bigger fine. And both

44:24.352 --> 44:27.840
the other 2 people are like, damn, dude, fuck you. Yeah, yeah. Selling cigarettes to

44:27.905 --> 44:32.237
kids? Jesus. Like, I like the fast action by the regulatory agency

44:32.269 --> 44:35.342
here. I know, right? This is a record response time. Must be

44:35.842 --> 44:37.940
the city, like the municipal group. It can't be anything higher up than that.

44:38.408 --> 44:41.572
Um, but yeah, so Dante gets the big fine and, and yeah,

44:41.814 --> 44:45.485
was pissed off. Yeah. I mean, as it should, it's as

44:45.823 --> 44:49.662
a cat, as an employee somewhere, I mean, to personally get fined,

44:49.678 --> 44:52.860
that's gotta be, that's gonna be rough. But that's the, that's definitely what happened.

44:52.908 --> 44:55.183
I mean, that's definitely the way those things are written out for sure. Yeah.

44:55.716 --> 44:58.672
Um, so Randall, even though he works at the video store next door,

44:58.866 --> 45:01.967
he's like, I gotta get a movie for tonight. And he's like, okay, we'll pick

45:02.000 --> 45:04.530
a movie. He's like, I need to go to the good video store. Um,

45:06.576 --> 45:10.780
And, and I totally get this, and I, I know that the video stores

45:10.844 --> 45:14.535
were like this maybe a little bit, but the theaters were for sure where the

45:15.035 --> 45:18.049
same movies weren't going to the same— that now I feel like every theater gets

45:18.549 --> 45:21.612
the same movies more or less, at least the top 10. Yeah, are gonna go

45:22.112 --> 45:25.174
to all theaters. And, uh, to have to like find the right store to even

45:25.447 --> 45:29.539
rent, uh, to have a selection for you is good. So he's gonna

45:30.039 --> 45:32.892
go do that. And, uh, and now Caitlin showed up,

45:33.133 --> 45:36.627
right? So Caitlin shows up surprising Dante and is basically like saying

45:37.127 --> 45:39.143
like, hey, when I saw— when I— when my mom told me that she told

45:39.643 --> 45:41.819
the paper about the engagement, like, I decided to come down here and like talk

45:41.883 --> 45:45.505
to you because I knew you'd freak out. And basically her thing is like,

45:45.889 --> 45:48.405
her fiancé or boyfriend, whatever,

45:48.998 --> 45:52.587
asked her to marry him and she said like basically,

45:52.699 --> 45:56.144
I don't know, you know, didn't answer him right away, didn't say yes, but he

45:56.644 --> 45:58.964
insisted she wear the ring. And then the mom— her mom saw that, and so

45:59.464 --> 46:01.983
then her mom told the newspaper. Like, that's sort of what happen. But she's like,

46:01.999 --> 46:04.150
but I don't want to marry him. I don't want to marry anybody. I'm not

46:04.182 --> 46:06.802
looking to get married. She wants a career. Yeah, she's finishing college and she's going

46:07.302 --> 46:09.583
to like start her career and like, and then maybe someday get married kind of

46:10.083 --> 46:13.157
thing. Um, but this is all Dante needs to hear to understand that like they

46:13.657 --> 46:15.761
can get back together basically. Like Caitlin's saying, like, I'm not going to date him

46:16.261 --> 46:17.912
and I'm not going to marry— I'm not going to marry him. I'm not going

46:18.412 --> 46:20.773
to marry you. But by not marrying him, like that ends that relationship. Like,

46:20.821 --> 46:24.706
that's not— he's not going to stay with me, whatever. So I am back

46:24.851 --> 46:28.729
with you sort of thing if you want me kind of thing. Which delights

46:29.229 --> 46:31.861
Dante to no end. Like, this is clearly what he wants. And this is the

46:32.361 --> 46:34.687
girl they were talking about earlier, had cheated on him 8 and a half times.

46:34.832 --> 46:37.931
8 and a half times, right, exactly. So yeah, I mean,

46:38.590 --> 46:42.043
just Dante going back to the same self-destructive behavior.

46:42.123 --> 46:45.110
Terrible, terrible idea. Dante,

46:45.191 --> 46:48.724
or Randall rather, returns from Big Choice Video to explain to Dante

46:49.224 --> 46:52.707
the wonderful movie that he has rented for the evening, the hermaphrodite porn

46:52.803 --> 46:55.999
Best of Both Worlds. So good for him, I guess.

46:56.577 --> 47:00.142
Oh, there's one thing they do to Dante.

47:00.238 --> 47:04.205
So he's inside the store, and I think Jay and Silent Bob do

47:04.705 --> 47:08.284
a little prank on him, and they write like a speech bubble that says,

47:08.556 --> 47:11.688
"I eat cock," right, on the door, so that when Dante comes out to be

47:12.188 --> 47:15.397
like, "What's going on out here?" it's like right there. So I like that kind

47:15.897 --> 47:19.685
of stuff. Yep. So now Dante has convinced Randall

47:19.701 --> 47:21.242
to like hang out of the store for a while so he can go get

47:21.742 --> 47:23.828
changed so that he can take Caitlin out to dinner. They've agreed to go on

47:24.328 --> 47:27.233
a date, so he leaves, and now it's just Randall at the store. And then

47:27.265 --> 47:30.346
Caitlin comes back. She has changed her clothes. She looks like ready for a date,

47:30.394 --> 47:32.975
like whatever. She's like, it's a little Paula Poundstone for me, a little like a

47:33.475 --> 47:36.783
tie, whatever, but whatever. You know, so she's chatting with Randall a little bit and

47:37.283 --> 47:38.626
is just like, hey, can I use the bathroom in the back? And Randall's like,

47:38.642 --> 47:42.117
well, there's no lights back there, so you can go ahead, but like, you know,

47:42.133 --> 47:45.657
be careful. There's no lights. So she goes back there and then Dante shows

47:46.157 --> 47:48.098
up and is like wearing a sweater and like the whole kind of this looks

47:48.598 --> 47:51.509
like a guy going on a date in the mid-'90s. Yeah. And is talking to

47:51.558 --> 47:53.772
Randall, is just kind of like, oh man, this is so great. Can you believe

47:54.272 --> 47:57.546
it? Like whatever. And then Caitlin comes back clothing

47:57.562 --> 48:01.381
a bit disheveled, satisfied look on her face, is surprised

48:01.881 --> 48:04.848
to see Dante at the counter and is like, "How did you get here so

48:05.348 --> 48:06.966
fast?" And he's like, "Well, I left an hour ago to go get changed.

48:07.014 --> 48:10.930
What do you mean get here so fast?" Turns out she thought that back

48:10.946 --> 48:13.899
in the bathroom, for whatever reason, there's no good reason why she thought this,

48:13.915 --> 48:17.574
but she thought that Dante was back there and letting

48:17.671 --> 48:20.704
her just do whatever she wanted with him.

48:21.538 --> 48:25.149
Turns out that old guy from earlier who got the porno and the

48:25.649 --> 48:29.077
nice toilet paper He was dead, and apparently rigor mortis affects most

48:29.577 --> 48:32.411
parts of the body, it sounds like, because he still had an erection, and Caitlin

48:32.523 --> 48:36.273
fucked a dead guy. And they all figure this out, and Caitlin gets

48:36.773 --> 48:39.799
sick, and they like call the police and like, you know, to come get the

48:39.815 --> 48:43.422
guy. And like, there's this very, uh, makes Dante look

48:43.922 --> 48:46.034
very bad sort of conversation with like a police or, you know, some kind of

48:46.066 --> 48:49.432
whatever the investigator, the person that's there, you know, is like getting information.

48:49.528 --> 48:51.836
So when did this guy show up? And, you know, why did he have a

48:52.336 --> 48:54.336
porno? I gave it to him. Why'd you give him a porno? Well, he asked

48:54.400 --> 48:56.741
for it. You know, like all this stuff. And it just makes Dante sound like

48:57.241 --> 49:00.427
an absolute degenerate. Uh, but you know, sure enough, uh, she even

49:00.460 --> 49:03.548
says— this is like one of the most unrealistic lines in a movie, full of

49:04.048 --> 49:06.306
them to be fair— is like, oh, she's gonna need years of therapy. Like,

49:06.370 --> 49:10.154
as if a cop or whoever would say that about the person in the moment,

49:10.219 --> 49:13.182
you know? And then she's in the— Kaylin's in the— go ahead. No, I was

49:13.198 --> 49:16.714
like, Kaylin's in the back of the ambulance and Willem climbs into

49:16.763 --> 49:20.135
the back of the ambulance. I— that's weird. I also don't

49:20.635 --> 49:23.942
get like, why is she riding in the same ambulance with the dead

49:24.442 --> 49:25.052
guy? Like, it doesn't make sense. This is the subject of your trauma. Yeah,

49:25.069 --> 49:28.884
that 'You're gonna need years of therapy. Now we leave

49:28.932 --> 49:31.469
you in there,' you know? It's because Smith could only afford the one van.

49:31.597 --> 49:34.567
He had to film the whole thing all at once. That's definitely what happened.

49:34.712 --> 49:38.147
It is kind of— it's an extreme version of John Candy's story in

49:38.163 --> 49:40.844
Home Alone about leaving his kid alone with the corpse. It's like,

49:41.133 --> 49:44.858
this is taking that to a much higher level. Much higher level there.

49:45.628 --> 49:49.754
Um, yeah, so Caitlin— I mean, for that character,

49:50.380 --> 49:53.238
that character is treated fucking brutal.

49:53.511 --> 49:57.346
Yes. It's not good. All for the— all for the crime of cheating

49:57.395 --> 50:01.177
on the worst guy in the world 8 and a half times. Yeah.

50:02.374 --> 50:05.933
Um, so this craziness is all happening, and then Jay and Silent Bob,

50:05.949 --> 50:09.152
who've been hanging out out front— they're like the drug dealers, they're just like always

50:09.249 --> 50:12.881
out front of the, uh, store— and they invite— they invite

50:13.381 --> 50:15.768
him out to a party later, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, hey, you should

50:15.784 --> 50:19.188
come out with us, whatever. And, and Dante's like, yeah, that doesn't sound like what

50:19.688 --> 50:21.353
I want to do right now. And, and this is when we get, you know,

50:21.369 --> 50:24.459
Jay is telling him all this stuff, whatever, it's kind of spouting nonsense. But he

50:24.959 --> 50:28.195
goes to leave after insulting Dante, and Silent Bob— this is when Silent Bob speaks

50:28.695 --> 50:31.281
for the only time in this movie— and he says, you know, basically like,

50:31.330 --> 50:34.497
because they're talking about how like, oh, that girl Caitlin, you're with her? He's like,

50:34.514 --> 50:37.532
not really. I thought you were with that girl Veronica. I saw her, I always

50:38.032 --> 50:40.792
see her bringing you shit, whatever. He's like, yeah. And then Silent Bob says like,

50:40.808 --> 50:44.278
there's a million beautiful women out in the world, but only not very many

50:44.778 --> 50:46.861
of them will— or like very few of them will bring you lasagna at work.

50:47.038 --> 50:49.734
Yeah, right. And it's just like saying like, know what you have, dude. Like,

50:49.766 --> 50:52.339
stop, stop chasing, you know, whatever. And so,

50:53.237 --> 50:56.892
so there is that. In the meantime, Randall is talking

50:56.924 --> 51:01.109
to Veronica, thinking that he is doing— claiming that he thinks he's doing Dante a

51:01.157 --> 51:04.925
service by letting her know he really wants Caitlin. Yeah,

51:04.941 --> 51:08.372
you should just, you should just back off. He wants Caitlin. Uh, and,

51:08.452 --> 51:12.139
uh, then Veronica goes to confront Dante about this because Dante has realized from

51:12.155 --> 51:16.083
the talk with Jameson and Bob, oh shit, I should be with Veronica. She really

51:16.099 --> 51:19.995
cares. Yeah, she cares about me. With a fucking fire extinguisher earlier,

51:20.075 --> 51:22.688
like Yeah. And, and so this is, this is the person I should be with.

51:22.736 --> 51:26.343
I should stop chasing someone like Caitlin, who by the way is probably not

51:26.843 --> 51:29.213
going to be going on any dates anytime soon. She's got some shit to work

51:29.713 --> 51:32.515
through now. Um, but yeah, like that's his realization. So he wants to go kind

51:33.015 --> 51:36.203
of reconcile with Veronica, but she's just been told what,

51:36.347 --> 51:40.242
you know, and she like, again, this actress does struggle with

51:40.742 --> 51:44.539
these lines a little bit. The, this, this tirade she goes on lasts quite

51:45.039 --> 51:48.707
a while and is full of odd sentence structure that I

51:49.207 --> 51:51.255
can't tell again if it's just the way it was written or is it the

51:51.336 --> 51:54.782
actress just kind of stumbling over pieces of it, but it loses some of its

51:54.942 --> 51:58.341
oomph. But the end result being she's breaking up with Dante.

51:58.421 --> 52:01.899
Like that's, they're over. She's been tired of like supporting him and

52:01.932 --> 52:04.224
waiting for him to figure out like what the fuck to do with his life.

52:04.577 --> 52:08.055
And now, fuck you, I'm gone, I'm done. So yeah, that's it

52:08.103 --> 52:12.287
for Veronica and Dante. And what is Dante supposed to be like 22,

52:12.351 --> 52:15.766
23 years old? It's so funny to think about someone

52:15.878 --> 52:19.179
that age being like, you gotta do something. With your life. You got to figure

52:19.679 --> 52:23.089
it out. It's like, shit, dude, I'm in my mid-40s and I'm maybe kind

52:23.589 --> 52:25.860
of figured out some of it, but not— you and I at 22 were in

52:25.973 --> 52:28.905
college working towards upper division credits and majors.

52:29.978 --> 52:33.070
Something going on there. Um, yeah, so,

52:33.343 --> 52:36.579
so that's it for Veronica and Dante. And now, uh,

52:37.092 --> 52:40.617
Randall and Dante are kind of— well, Randall comes back in the store and Dante

52:40.889 --> 52:44.446
tackles him, basically. They're fighting over this fact that, you know, Randall just blew

52:44.462 --> 52:47.715
up Dante's spot essentially and then ended his relationship quite,

52:48.789 --> 52:52.108
uh, with quite a bit of finality, right? That was sort of like, like maybe

52:52.608 --> 52:54.400
there would have been more trouble between Veronica and Dante, probably would have been,

52:54.416 --> 52:57.655
but Randall kind of nailed that last nail into the coffin and shut

52:57.703 --> 52:59.883
the lid and everything. So, so they fight for a while but end up,

53:00.011 --> 53:02.608
you know, sort of just making up the way a lot of guys do,

53:02.913 --> 53:05.398
especially at that age. You know, you fight with your friends and then you sort

53:05.898 --> 53:08.925
of just like talk it through kind of thing. Um, yeah, don't leave. If you

53:09.425 --> 53:11.634
get in a fight with one of your friends, don't leave the scene because you

53:11.650 --> 53:14.841
need to have that moment where you're just both kind of sitting there afterwards like,

53:15.001 --> 53:18.588
oh man, oh Jesus, I can't believe you hit hard. And then you really

53:18.620 --> 53:21.441
bond. We see this here. We saw this in They Live with, uh, oh,

53:21.457 --> 53:24.890
that's right, with Keith David and Roddy Piper. So hang out, like,

53:24.970 --> 53:28.774
have the fight but hang out. Yeah. And then this is when— and Dante drops

53:29.274 --> 53:32.239
the fifth and final 'I'm not even supposed to be here today,' which pisses Randall

53:32.303 --> 53:35.317
off. And there's this whole thing. So, but they end up choosing to clean up

53:35.430 --> 53:38.776
together. And it's, uh, pretty much, I think, close to it. I don't

53:39.276 --> 53:42.382
remember where it ends after that. Like, yeah, yeah, I think, I think that's the

53:42.398 --> 53:45.317
end of the day. They kind of lock up. So yeah, day in the life.

53:45.417 --> 53:46.922
And the last line is, is, 'You are, you are closed,' because it says like,

53:46.938 --> 53:50.478
'Are you sure you were open and Randall throws that

53:50.526 --> 53:54.123
back in like, oh, you're closed now or something. Yeah. So that's Clerks.

53:54.685 --> 53:57.784
All right. So that is Clerks. Yeah. I'll go ahead and give my,

53:57.928 --> 54:00.561
my thoughts first. So like I said, this, this is a movie that I know

54:01.589 --> 54:05.057
for sure. Like I am a super fan of, I love this so

54:05.557 --> 54:08.413
much from this movie because I have so much nostalgia for it because it meant

54:08.913 --> 54:12.829
so much to me in both my movie sort of viewing history,

54:12.845 --> 54:16.233
but also my just interest in films and in moviemaking,

54:16.939 --> 54:19.829
which is not something I ever really explored through my life, but it's always just

54:20.329 --> 54:22.621
kind of been in the back of my my head. This is something that,

54:22.701 --> 54:26.230
you know, I love it for what it meant for later

54:26.730 --> 54:30.273
films that came, right? This is the movie that made studios and other people in

54:30.773 --> 54:33.193
Hollywood look at Kevin Smith and give him money to go make other movies.

54:33.610 --> 54:36.513
So there is, there is, there is a seed of almost everything that came after

54:37.013 --> 54:40.636
and Kevin Smith in this film. It actually has a sequel that far is far

54:40.668 --> 54:43.459
superior to this movie. It's actually got several sequels,

54:43.491 --> 54:47.101
but Clerks II is like a legitimately hilarious movie in ways that Clerks

54:47.601 --> 54:51.277
couldn't quite be, uh, so much of. Um, but yeah, this is, this is like

54:51.342 --> 54:53.222
one of those movies I know I'm gonna give a higher, much higher score than

54:53.722 --> 54:55.760
you are, Nick, and that's fine. But I'm a 4 out of 5 on Clerks.

54:55.857 --> 54:58.652
I love this movie. I can't give it something higher than that because like,

54:59.054 --> 55:03.151
you know, the, the script is too erudite for the characters. The actors stumble

55:03.232 --> 55:06.799
over so many of the lines. But there's so much about this movie that means

55:07.299 --> 55:08.807
so much to me. I'm not going to give it a lower score than that.

55:08.871 --> 55:11.828
And I'm a 4 out of 5 on Clerks. All right. Yeah, I mean,

55:11.844 --> 55:14.830
that makes a lot of sense. And, um, Um, yeah,

55:14.846 --> 55:17.156
so there's certain things about this that, like,

55:18.487 --> 55:22.159
you know, your, your comment about the script being too erudite for the characters

55:22.656 --> 55:26.425
is right on. And that's something that sticks with me in a lot of situations

55:26.441 --> 55:29.408
where I'm like, I fucking hate this, I just don't like this.

55:30.114 --> 55:33.128
Um, the— in Kevin Smith himself, uh,

55:33.337 --> 55:37.154
it's funny, I haven't watched a lot of his movies. I'm very interested

55:37.330 --> 55:41.245
in the guy because I think he does a lot of weird

55:41.341 --> 55:45.082
things, like this whole kind of world that he has created, like with his fandom

55:45.130 --> 55:47.988
and stuff. And he has very loyal fans and everything.

55:49.305 --> 55:52.724
My favorite podcast is a podcast called Guys.

55:52.917 --> 55:56.128
Okay. And what they do is every episode they'll take a certain type of

55:56.628 --> 55:59.788
like obsessed online community through Reddit or whatever. It'll be, you know,

55:59.821 --> 56:02.919
rockabilly guys, guys that are really into the band Tool, or guys

56:03.015 --> 56:06.740
that are, you know, really into motorcycles or whatever. And they did an episode

56:07.240 --> 56:10.687
about Kevin Smith guys. And I didn't know that Kevin Smith will literally sell

56:10.960 --> 56:14.679
anything. Like, it's amazing what— like, this mentality

56:14.743 --> 56:17.918
of, I had to max out all my credit cards to make Clerks, has never

56:17.934 --> 56:21.621
left him. Yeah. And it seems like he is scraping for every possible dollar out

56:22.121 --> 56:25.533
there and will license or like do whatever with his fucking characters.

56:25.885 --> 56:28.787
But he has this whole community of people that really love him and love,

56:29.012 --> 56:32.699
love what he does, you know. It just doesn't quite hit

56:33.199 --> 56:36.483
exactly for me. Sure. These two characters, like we talked about in the last movie,

56:36.547 --> 56:40.763
we kind of have competing visions of

56:41.263 --> 56:43.802
of an apathetic, like, youthful existence, uh,

56:44.396 --> 56:48.315
depending on where you grow up. Like, Dante and Randall

56:48.347 --> 56:52.652
seem to care about their lives. I mean, at least to the— caring

56:52.684 --> 56:55.912
about their own comfort and caring about what happens tomorrow, but they're not putting a

56:56.412 --> 56:59.718
lot of thought into, like, long-term planning for their life. And then O-Dog and Kane,

56:59.815 --> 57:02.963
you know, the same thing, but they have zero opportunities. Yeah.

57:03.268 --> 57:06.830
And, uh, I think the, the message should that Randall

57:06.879 --> 57:10.742
and Dante should both get killed in some way, and O-Dog

57:11.242 --> 57:14.108
and Kane should move to New Jersey and work at a video store and a

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convenience store. Fair enough.

57:17.795 --> 57:21.322
This— I get the influence of this movie, and I am impressed

57:21.822 --> 57:24.512
by what they were able to do with the budget, but Clerks can't do any

57:25.012 --> 57:27.782
better than a 2 out of 5. That makes sense. That's a 6 out of

57:27.814 --> 57:31.308
10 from the 2 Dads 1 Movie. I think 2 is a very,

57:31.341 --> 57:34.579
very respectable score given you don't have all of the little

57:35.079 --> 57:37.945
markers that I have for this one. So not not a big deal at all.

57:38.394 --> 57:42.772
All right, that was 1994, and what are we going to watch for 1995,

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Nick? What's next up? Okay, I'm excited about this one because this is another one

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I don't think I've seen since high school. All right, and a movie that

57:49.925 --> 57:52.811
at the time, like Clerks was for a lot of people, one of these movies

57:52.827 --> 57:56.756
where you're like, now this is what fucking cool— okay,

57:57.061 --> 57:59.803
and I want to see if it holds up because I, I'm thinking that maybe

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it wouldn't. But we are going to 1995, uh, one of kind of

58:04.059 --> 58:07.248
earlier, like, that, that came out in this phase of, uh,

58:07.602 --> 58:11.000
with Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction. And then we had the people that were

58:11.064 --> 58:14.781
like coming out alongside Tarantino but had similar influences, uh,

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and this is, uh, Robert Rodriguez's 1995 film starring,

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uh, the great Antonio Banderas, who we might know from Puss in Boots.

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Uh, we're gonna go to Mexico and, uh,

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and hang out with 1995's Desperado. Wonderful. I don't

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I've ever seen Desperado all the way through. All right, I, I remember I watched

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El Mariachi, which was, which was sort of his precursor. That was his Reservoir Dogs

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slash Clerks, right? That was his first thing. I don't think I've ever seen Desperado,

58:39.720 --> 58:43.198
at least not all the way, so I'm very excited. Banderas is fantastic. Uh,

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yeah, very much. Uh, Salma Hayek. Yeah, gorgeous. Not to mention the

58:47.208 --> 58:50.069
ladies here. Absolutely. So that'll be a lot of fun. Next week we will watch

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Desperado. Uh, thank you for that one, Nick. That's a wrap.

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So if you like what you hear, please consider heading over over to Apple or

58:56.548 --> 58:59.142
Spotify and leaving us a 5-star review. It helps new folks find the show.

58:59.623 --> 59:03.149
Be sure to check out our website at twodads1movie.com. That's the number 2 and the

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number 1. There you can explore the movies we've covered, sign up for our newsletter,

59:06.594 --> 59:10.120
The Rewind, and even get sneak previews of upcoming episodes. We'd also love it if

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you followed us on Instagram, TikTok, and Bluesky @twodads1movie. Once again,

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this has been Clerks, another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve.

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And I'm Nic. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll catch you

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next week. Thanks everyone.