Well, it's a well-known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of
the 5 wealthiest people in the world known as the Pentaverate,
who run everything in the world, including the newspapers,
and meet triannually at a secret country mansion in Colorado
known as the Meadows. So who's in this Pentaverate?
The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds,
I'm Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. I hated
the Colonel with his wee beady eyes and that smug
look on his face. Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken.
Oh. Dad, how can you hate the Colonel?
Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly,
smart arse.
It's 2 Dads 1 Movie.
It's the podcast where 2 middle-aged dads sit around and shoot
the shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s. Your hosts,
Steve Paulo and Nic Briana.
Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of 2 Dads, 1 Movie. I'm Steve.
And I'm Nic. And today we are talking about the 1993 Mike Myers
cult classic, So I Married an Axe Murderer.
This was my pick for us. And this is one of those movies that I
think I definitely saw this not in the theater, not that early on, but I
was high school probably when I first saw it. And it kind of came and
went. I think it was maybe even like after Austin Powers came out, or you
know, I would have gone back to watch this kind of thing when you're trying
to complete the Mike Myers catalog. I love Wayne's World and Wayne's World 2,
and then Austin Powers like blew me away the first time I saw it,
you know. And and then it was like, oh, he did this other movie?
Oh, okay. And again, like this is another one that for some reason I really
feel like registered with theater kids, and so I feel like yeah, like like hit
that. I think it was the beat poetry stuff or something, whatever. So I remember
watching it and enjoying it, but like not thinking much of it. Just kind of
like, okay, cool. That wasn't bad, like, you know, the kind of thing. Right.
Then I met my wife. We've been together, oh God,
since, you know, 2005, I think, at this point. So, you know, 21 years.
And this is a huge movie for her. Like,
she loves this movie. Her and her dad used to like quote this movie back
and forth to each other. And it like, you know, became like, she's like,
we got the Piper down. Like, it became like shorthand within her family.
And so I was like, well, I guess I better watch it again. I mean,
like, whatever. And so watching with her a few times in my early 20s,
it was like, oh, I get it now. It's like, it's something about like watching
it with somebody that like was laughing at every weird little joke.
Yeah. Made it like really hit for me. So it's become a movie that I
absolutely adore, but it definitely didn't start that way. Uh, it took time and
kind of the right, the right viewing partner to really kind of latch me into
it. So Nic, what's your history with, uh, Axe Murderer? Yeah, so I
told you before the pod that this is one kind of like you with,
uh, You know, with like Bloodsport or certain ones we've talked about in the past
where in your head you're like, oh yeah, I've definitely seen this. Like, I know
that, I know that movie because you know stuff from it. You would understand references
about it. And then when I watched this, I'm like, dude, I don't know if
I have watched this entire thing, uh, all the way through before.
I knew a lot of the jokes, like, you know, same as you, like friends
would quote certain things. Like, it's a fun voice to do, the dad, the Scottish
voice. I'm actually psyched to be doing this pod with you because you were the
king of voices and this is good. Other than Stallone, this might
be like one of the best voices we have. On the podcast. So yeah,
I knew it from friends and I think I'd, I definitely dipped in and seen
parts of it, probably like the phenomenon of the
pregame movie. Okay. Like we talked about, you know, put something on and
then we're going to go out to the bars where we have all these movies
where I am so familiar with the first half hour of it, but I couldn't
tell you how it ends. Okay. You know, so this might be one of those
where it was like on early because there's chunks of it that I knew.
But yeah, watching it through, I'm like, oh, this is my first complete viewing,
I think. Okay, that's all right. Well, I think that's a good thing. Hopefully you
enjoyed your time. We'll get into it, obviously. and find out exactly whether
you enjoyed your time with the movie or not. But let's jump into the facts
and get this stuff out of the way, the basics and all that on So
I Married an Axe Murderer. The film was released on July 30th,
1993 with a PG-13 rating and a running time of 93
minutes, directed by Thomas Schlamme and written by Robbie
Fox. The movie stars Mike Myers, Nancy Travis, and Anthony LaPaglia.
Scores, not particularly great, but also not like bottom of the barrel.
Mm-hmm. We got a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is Rotten,
they don't give you that fresh whole tomato icon until you hit 60%.
Okay, the threshold there. So it is a you know essentially you have to get
a D minus. Yeah, you do. You got to at least get that D minus
to pass the class. This is a fail, but close. It was a good effort.
I think maybe most of the Rotten Tomatoes critics are saying similarly IMDb
a 6.5, which is like well below the seven that kind of marks a good
movie, but above we've seen some with like fours and fives as their rating,
and right that's pretty. It's not a Halloween three season.
Yeah, exactly. And then Cisco. Siskel and Ebert,
2 thumbs down from Siskel and Ebert on this movie. There were no awards,
anything that I could find, certainly nothing listed on the IMDb page, which is what
I usually use as the source of truth. And maybe partly because on
a $20 million budget, which none of the actors
in this movie earned much money, there's no way, right? Because Myers was not a
draw yet, really. Yeah, unless they had to give him something because of the
popularity of Wayne's World. But it is like— Probably very little. He wasn't like a
huge, huge star yet. This came out the same year as Wayne's World 2,
I think. I can't remember exactly. It was '91, '92,
'93 is like all these movies kind of together. So he definitely hadn't like blown
up in that sense. Right, for sure. But he did get to play 2 roles.
I'm sure under SAG rules probably means you get more money, I suppose. Where the
hell did $20 million go? Like, this just doesn't look like a $20 million movie
at all. Did they hire a very like Shel Silverstein as the poetry
consultant or something like that? Did the Claremont in Berkeley charge them a ton of
money to film the exterior? Like, it's bizarre. Yeah,
you don't really see it that much. And it's just like, definitely I would like
a line item audit of this budget because I don't really This and Troop Beverly
Hills. I think that's exactly where all the money went. Okay, uh,
unfortunately the box office did not do well. It earned $11.5 million. That's 0.58
times what it cost. Obviously a huge flop when it comes to the box office
numbers. Uh, I understand, Nic, you might have a couple of additional points to bring
up here. Yeah, so I was just like learning a little bit about this movie
and the production because it did definitely seem to me
like it's different than other Mike Myers stuff that we saw, where a lot of
it is like these self-created characters that he has. Right. And he definitely had influence
on this film, but it wasn't like originally made for him. So this is based
on a script that had been kind of going around since the '80s, written by
this Robby Fox guy who gets credit for writing. Yeah. And it was supposed to
be more of like a New York City, like Jewish comedian
ax murderer thing. It was described as like a Woody Allen meets Hitchcock
kind of situation. And they talked about like Billy Crystal and Garry Shandling and
Albert Brooks and stuff starring in this. But of course, like over the years it
gets moved so much and it ends ends up being one of those scripts that's
like, we got to do something with this, we haven't been able to attach anyone
to it. And they finally get Mike Myers involved, and there's all these changes,
you know, obviously the Scottish thing, that's like his thing. So they're changing the,
um, the origin and the city and stuff. But I guess despite all this,
uh, the original writer still has like the sole writing credit,
even though, you know, the scripts are vastly, vastly different.
Um, and then the other thing is that the director Thomas Schlamme and Mike Myers
did not get along during this production, and, you know, at some point weren't speaking
to each other. I've heard heard this about Mike Myers, that he is, uh,
difficult. Yes, I have heard the same thing. Yeah, and you know, so that makes,
that makes sense. But, uh, good on him for being difficult in his second movie.
Like, if you told me Mike Myers got difficult after Austin Powers
and then was slightly, slightly humbled by The Love Guru,
yeah, I would have expect— I would have accepted that as a through line.
But like, to be ballsy and to be kind of like, you know, uh,
to be a prima donna on set, yes, at this stage in your career is
like, bro, it's really funny. It's like, I was in the Sprocket sketch, do you
know who So
yeah, I thought that was interesting, and it kind of, you know, like why it
made certain things make sense, uh, in this movie, right? Because there are parts of
it where you're like, oh, this is probably from a cobbled-together thing.
It's not like one, one idea from the brain of Mike Myers. So I thought
that was some interesting stuff to start us off. Yeah. Um, yeah, so that's the
facts. And, uh, you want to get us started off on the movie here?
Absolutely. So, uh, this starts off— this is kind of one of my favorite types
of opening. It's actually very similar to a movie we saw a few weeks ago,
The Birdcage. which starts off with We Are Family.
I think that's— Yeah. It's not the Pointer Sisters. Who is it? Sister Sledge.
Sister Sledge. Thank you. I knew it was something like that. Yeah, and then we
fly over the ocean and into Miami and then onto Ocean Avenue in South
Beach, right? Well, this is very similar. We start off with The Laws, There She
Goes, a song we will hear not once more in this movie, but twice more
after this. 3 whole times do we get this music cue. But we're sort of
zooming in over the bay towards like the Ferry Building in San Francisco.
Just beautiful. And obviously, you know, I grew up here. I know you've lived here
a long time. And it's always fun to watch these movies where they're set and
especially like a pre-tech boom San Francisco,
right? Yes, for sure. Like sneakers and Pacific Heights and stuff. And it's like,
you know, you get this version of San Francisco that for some reason to me
always feels much more Italian than what San Francisco
is today. There's something just very Italian about San Francisco of like the '70s,
'80s, and '90s. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's that.
So we're zooming in and we end up seeing a bunch of like kind of
the San Francisco skyline, Well, the song plays and then there's a cut. It doesn't
go smoothly in, but we then cut to, uh, Rhodes Cafe,
which is like a coffee shop and sort of poetry jazz nightclubby
thing, but like very hipster, very early '90s, very anti-grunge.
This feels like a group of people— It is weird. Yeah, it is this like
Gen X, like the non-grunge Gen X group. Like the people
in this movie and the people in Singles would have hated each other. For sure.
Like, they would not have gotten along at all. They wouldn't. They would have
hated each other in the way that the guys in Swingers
who had the gun confrontation in the parking lot hated each other. Like,
they'd be playing NHL, you know, '92, I guess, in this
movie. But, uh, but yeah, it's like they don't know how similar they
are, and the reasons they hate each other are so surface level. So surface level.
But yeah, they're, uh, totally agree with that. This place,
um, Rhodes, is a, uh, it's a real location in
North Beach in San Francisco. It's called Or at least most recently
was called the Vesuvio Cafe. Oh, okay. It's still there. Nice. Because we definitely
spotted this as somewhere we'd been before. That was interesting. Yeah, I kind of was
thinking that because I did not spend a lot of time in San Francisco in
my 20s. A lot of people, you know, who lived even out here in the
East Bay like would, but I, you know, I would go to Oakland and I
would, and I would spend more time in the East Bay growing up and not
really go out to SF. But I thought to myself, man, this is the kind
of place, like looking at it and seeing the people in it, I'm like,
sure, I was 13 when this movie came out, so it wasn't exactly the target
audience then, but 10 years after that, I absolutely would have been down to,
like, hang in a place like this. Like, what a— what a cool fucking hang
that place did look like. It is the Gen X version of the,
um, the Foot Clan secret lair in the Ninja Turtles
movie, where it's like all skate ramps and free cigarette machines and stuff. This is
like, oh, this is what you do. Everyone's got interesting clothes and
they fucking have stupid glasses and we're drinking coffee and smoking and,
like, just seemed like a good-ass time. Absolutely. It always makes me think of,
like, the way that the Emporium in Dazed and Confused fits Texas. as teenagers
perfectly. This is that, but for San Francisco 20-somethings. Yes.
Otherwise, they're perfect mirrors of each other. Right, right.
Okay, so we go and work, and it's one of the— the second greatest,
in my opinion, second greatest follow shot in the history of cinema is following this
cappuccino cup. Of course, the best being Henry and Karen
going into the Copa, right? That's the best follow shot. But the second best is
this cup of cappuccino making its way to the dishwasher, getting filled back up,
and then getting out onto the floor and ending up in Mike Myers' hands.
And this is Charlie McKenzie, who is our main character, our protagonist, our hero of
our story. Uh, and he makes a couple of funny little jokes. I mean,
you know, funny, not funny. You can kind of like— it's Mike Myers. They're very
Mike Myers jokes. It's very Mike Myers. And there, there is a Mike Myers through
line. And like any of his ridiculous characters, whatever accent he
assigns to him, he has a certain type of like sarcastic humor
that, that is like present here and is still present in probably Shrek 5,
right? You know, exactly. Um, absolutely. Yeah. So he gets his cappuccino.
I will say The hello thing does not fucking do it for
me at all. I don't like it. And I feel like it infringes on your
hello that you do at the beginning of this podcast. And I only
have one hello guy in my life, Steve, and it's you. Well, thank you so
much. I actually ripped off a couple of fantasy football podcasters who— a
combination of— there's one guy who would start off and go like,
hello, everybody. So I don't do that.
I do a very toned-down version of that. And then what is it? Paul Scheer
in for How Did This Get Made does like,
hello, people of Earth, is how he starts. Oh, nice. So mine is sort of
like a similar— I'm obviously trying to greet the audience, but, you know, like my
own way of doing it. But, but it's more about— I always think I've realized
in hearing back our episodes, I go like, 2 dads, 1 movie. That's kind
of like, I'm not sure what the hell's going on there. It's good, but you
get a rhythm and then in your head, that's just how it goes forever.
Exactly. So it never changed. So sitting next to Charlie is his best buddy
Tony, who is dressed like a pimp. most insane,
like, huggy bear. Yeah, like he says, he's seriously dressed like he
was one of the guys on, uh, VH1's The Pickup Artist. Oh my
God. You know, where they have these guys wear like fur hats and go like
insult women until one of them gives them their phone number. Like,
he has this crazy look, but they do point it out, you know, and he
is actually an undercover cop, you know. It's— but it's— here's
the thing though. Yeah, like, I don't— I don't— this strains credulity.
Like, the initial kind of joke of like He would wear that in
1993 and actually think he's being hip. Like it's so kind of unbelievable.
He's supposed to be clueless, right? He is. But like, come on.
Yeah. To me, it goes a couple of steps too far. But but you know,
like you said, to the credit of the movie, the other character Charlie calls him
out. Like, did you look like a moron? You look ridiculous, right? But he is
dressed. Yeah, fur and spirit Halloween Jamiroquai costume. There you go.
Yeah, exactly. There is a funny moment here where where you know he's Tony's talking
about how he asked Charlie about his girlfriend. Oh, we broke up. And are you
gonna do a You're gonna do a poem about her. There's all this back and
forth, but he asks him to, like, name why he dumped previous girlfriends,
and Charlie gets down to one where he doesn't have anything better than, she smelled
like soup, which is something that always makes me laugh. She smelled exactly like vegetable
soup, uh, because that would be pretty gross. Better than clam chowder,
but yeah, still, still, um, concerning. Yeah, I guess that's true. Uh,
yeah, there's not a good soup that you can just smell like, I think.
And, and unless there's some, like, ginger, like one of those healing,
like, Eastern medicine soups that's almost like a medicine. Maybe if
somebody— if I met somebody who smelled like chicken tortilla soup, I might not mind.
Yeah, yeah, sounds a little— ladies, work on your soup smells.
Um, so, so Charlie gets on stage to do his like
beat poem and stuff, and this isn't— it's like not an open mic. It's clearly
something that he's a regular at. People are like excited to see what he's— it's
like a scheduled thing. Like, that's his slot to come up because even the band,
there's a jazz trio, right? And, and they know kind of how to play to
his beat, or, or, or they play the same kind of tune. He does it
too, but like, the point is they've worked together. Clearly this is not like a
random rockaoke kind of thing or whatever, you know, like rockaroki,
whatever they call that shit. And he's got like a slideshow going on behind him
too. So as he's going through his like, woman, whoa man,
uh, which is funny. It's a funny like play on,
you know, the beat poetry, slam poetry style, uh,
although there's not like a regular one really that it
shows in this. No. Because a guy who's like about to start, but then it
doesn't really show his— Yeah, we see, we see this guy intro. He's got like
curly red hair and he talks about how this is a poem about the aliens
who brought me on their ship and who I, you know, enacted great destruction upon.
Yeah, what I— while fleeing or whatever. Uh, and then it says autobiographical and it's
kind of like hahaha. But then we cut to the conversation between Charlie and Tony.
We don't hear anything about that, but it's clear that he is far weirder than
Charlie. So Charlie gets up there and it's almost like he's He is the
like guy off the street for this crowd. Yes. You know what I mean?
He's like the normal one. So, um, so yeah, so he does this poem about
his ex-girlfriend. She stole his cat. That's, uh, he's convinced that she stole his cat.
Uh, we then cut to, uh, the next day and Charlie
goes to a butcher called Meats of the World. And, uh— Is this a real
type of store? 'Cause I feel like that would be kind of an awesome place
to browse. I mean, why wouldn't it be? Isn't it, isn't that kind of what
most butcher shops kind of are? I mean, in a sense. I mean, I guess,
I guess what they wanted to do with this was say, yeah, it's a butcher
and yeah, they'd have haggis. Right, right, because that's gonna be a rare thing.
So you're not gonna have just a Scottish butcher. So we made it
a global thing. I don't think anybody would buy that, that,
you know, in the United States, maybe Boston could have enough Scottish
folks to like support like a full Scottish butcher. You know, Little Scotland in San
Francisco, you know, the Glasgow District. Like I said, Italians,
a lot of Italians in the '90s. Yeah,
so Charlie's there and he goes to pick up the haggis from the
woman working at the butcher shop. Very cute,
younger woman, very busy. They're not really chatting too much. No, her name's
Harriet. Little connection. This time she's actually not that busy. This one, I don't think
there's anybody else in the shop. Oh, okay. They're chatting a little bit, but you
know, there's like a flirtatiousness, but neither of them, you know, really kind of says
anything, kind of whatever. I'm pretty sure this is the first time you'll notice it,
and you'll see it throughout the entire movie. She has a Band-Aid on the tip
of a finger on her left hand. It is never explained. It is never mentioned.
I don't know if that's just because Nancy tracks herself with a knife. But I
mean, but then, then I feel like there could have been something mentioned. Why does
she— I mean, the movie takes place over months and she still has this Band-Aid
on the entire time. Very strange, but something I noticed. Uh, this could be like
a Lisa Left Eye Lopez type or a Nelly type thing.
Nelly, exactly. Yeah, could be a vanity Band-Aid.
So Charlie's here to pick up a haggis because he's going over to his parents'
house, uh, for dinner and he's gonna bring it as like a gift or whatever.
Uh, and so, you know, so he buys the haggis and then we cut to
his parents' house. Looks like maybe they live out in like the Sunset. or somewhere
near Balboa Park, like that kind of part. That beautiful house would be $3.5 million
today. Absolutely. Multi, multi, multi-million dollars for a house like that in
San Francisco. But there are areas of SF,
if you're not familiar with San Francisco, that very much look like suburbs. The actual
downtown is still off in the distance, but you're just in a flat— streets of
rows of houses, and that's kind of what it looks like. So they're there,
and we meet the parents. We meet Stuart McKenzie, played also by Mike Myers.
We meet— I can't remember her name— May. May McKenzie is his mother, played by
the late Brenda Fricker, RIP. Brenda. She passed recently.
Pigeon lady in Home Alone 2. Home Alone 2, and a handful of other really
great roles, actually. Uh, good stuff. And, uh, and for some reason
Tony's already there, which I always think is a little strange, right? Because it's obviously
like he's been invited over as well. And clearly, I think the idea is Charlie
and Tony like grew up together, right? Right. So like he, he's practically at
home, right, at the, at the Mackenzies. So yeah, you could picture Tony drinking milk
straight from the carton out of, uh, Charlie's parents' fridge and getting yelled at
for it. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Tony's exactly who I think— Tony, use a glass!
What I think of, uh, of the San Francisco '80s and '90s. It's this guy.
If this was about Tony's parents, yeah, it might have been more authentic. Uh,
one thing I do want to say, I don't know if this counts, but I
feel like Mike Myers's haircut throughout this entire film, very pumpkin pie minus
a slice. He has a pumpkin pie haircut with one slice taken out.
Because the part does help the, the extreme pumpkin pie-ness. But you're not wrong,
it's got— it's— yeah, he is a bit of a— It's very specific. Mike Myers
had the look of a little boy. He still does. Like, he looks— he has
gray hair now and he looks like a little boy with gray hair. It's wild.
Still looks like Simon sitting in that bathtub. Oh, I have
one make it look like an accident type line coming out of
Charlie's dad where he's talking about like, oh, they're gonna
watch the Celtic game, I think, right? Yeah,
yeah. And he says the soccer game's about to begin. Would he say soccer?
He would not have. Probably not. No, but they had to change this for American
audiences. Exactly. He would have said football or footy or something like that. Yeah,
or even just the match, like the match is also The
house is funny. They have like a Scottish wall of fame. They have all these
black and white photos of famous Scottish people. And it's not just like family
members of— oh no, it's like Sean Connery. Richard Attenborough, I think, is up there
or something like that. Yeah. And there's a great line here too when Tony and
Stuart are chatting, whatever, and Tony's like, so you were telling
me about this group of people that runs the world? And he goes, that's right,
they're called the Pentaverate. And he's like, well, who's in this Pentaverate? He's like,
the Queen, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, the Vaticans, and Colonel Sanders before
he went tits on fire. And it's just a very funny thing. It's probably gonna
be the opening, the opening scene. Um, it's a, it's a funny character
trait for his parents that they're both like Weekly World News,
like National Enquirer. And this is like that Weekly World
News. I think it still exists, but it was always like crazy shit, the most
like pre-Photoshop. So it was someone with an X-Acto knife who was making these versions
of like these weird hybrids and stuff. So yeah, the InfoWars of the
'90s was definitely, uh, the parents are into. Yeah, the sad part about this is
that May and Stuart would be huge Fox News people if they— if this all
moved 30 years into the future. Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah, major Fox News types.
And, uh, and May was talking about how, uh, she's— she's not eating because
she's losing weight with, uh, Garth Brooks's juice diet. So— She's
about the juice. Yeah, shout out to suspected serial killer Garth Brooks,
speaking of Weekly World News. That's right. So in— so— so May gets
the paper for Charlie, and, and, you know, she's talking about— which is the Weekly
World News— and she's talking about this Mrs. X You know, it's like, oh,
look at this, Mrs. X, you know. And it lists 3, uh,
women. Mrs. X apparently is this unknown killer who marries men and then
kills them like on their wedding night, or at least on their honeymoon, like very,
very quickly. And it mentions, uh, what the, the information we get right
now is her first husband was a lounge singer in Atlantic City, then another was
a Russian martial arts expert— that was how they put it— and the
last is a plumber named Ralph Elliott. So that's— those are the pieces of information.
Of course, you know, Charlie's like, I don't don't give a shit about this,
Mom. That's the Weekly World News. Who cares? Yeah. Um, and so,
yeah, so they have— and this is then the scene as well when I think
most people recognize some of the stuff that Stuart says to the other son,
uh, whose name escapes me now, but he calls him Heed. I think in
the credits he is literally listed as Heed. Heed, Heed,
paper. Yeah, so that, that's definitely funny.
And this, this poor little like Screech Powers looking kid with curly
hair and a big head and The dad's just endlessly tormenting
him. Another Dazed and Confused reference because he looks exactly like the redheaded girl
from Dazed and Confused that like drives around with the nerds. Like she's got
this big puff of red hair. He looks exactly like her. It's about as red
of hair. That just came to me anyway. Yeah, and then so
yeah, we get the like you know this kid will be crying himself to sleep
tonight on his huge pillow or whatever. Like all that kind of stuff. And it's
so funny here because Anthony LaPaglia clearly couldn't do a take without.
busting up. Now it makes sense that Tony the character laughs,
right? The way— but it looks like a real laugh. Yeah, he looks
like he's trying to stifle it and failing. And I think they just went with,
we need to move on. Like, you're not, you're not getting this without laughing at
the stuff Mike's saying, so let's just move on. But it works because Tony laughing
at it works in character, so it's fine. But it does look like it was
more of a struggle than that. Um, yeah. Um, okay,
so the dad— yeah, the dad is hammered, right? And, uh,
And the mom wants to fuck Tony, basically.
So they're— oh, and she's shown in the Weekly World News. This is kind of
funny, is like the headline of it is like, pregnant man gives birth.
Junior. Impossible. And, uh, so,
so yeah, as they're leaving, uh, as Charlie and Tony are leaving,
his mom May just grabs Tony and just gives him this like ridiculous
kiss that lasts forever, right? And her hands are all over him. So we got
the horned-up mom, we get the drunk dad, we got a lot of good stuff.
I believe she calls him a right sexy bastard.
That's right. So now we cut
to another day. We're at work with Tony now. He's a cop, and so he's
there at work, and his boss is Alan Arkin, who plays,
I think, the captain, right? He refers to him as captain. And one of the
things that we get is Alan Arkin is playing a very Alan Arkin role in
this. I feel like Alan Arkin often plays emotionally
intelligent, sensitive characters, often therapists. Like, this is a thing that he
kind of— a milieu he rides in or has in his career.
And Tony's kind of like, oh, you know, Captain, being a cop's
not what I thought it would be. I thought I'd be, you know, like chasing
a guy, chasing a criminal through a crowded city square, whatever. And Alan Arkin's like,
we have to do paperwork. It's a very important part of our job. It's,
you know, it might be boring, but, you know, it's like— and he goes,
that's the other thing, Captain, you're too nice. He's like, I'm too nice? Like,
it's this whole kind of subplot of Tony wishing his life was more like Mel
Gibson's in Lethal Weapon, basically. Like, uh, or, or Eddie Murphy in
Beverly Hills Cop, right? You know, that's what he wants and he doesn't get it.
And Alan Arkin, it is funny that it's such a contrast to the, like,
the Bill Duke, uh, CCH Pounder,
like, uh, police chief character that we see all the time. Um, so yeah,
he plays that very well. He really does. He's great in this. I even love
the part where he's like, you know, you should tell me, like, like, you never
tell me that you're getting chewed out by the, by the chief. Where he goes,
well, Tony, the thing is, I don't answer to a chief. I actually answer to
a, a committee. Some of the members are elected, some are appointed, some are— and
he's just going on. He's just like, this is what I'm talking about, man.
It's not— this isn't cool. Like, it's not fun. Yeah, I want to be able
to tell people about the exciting things about my job. Um, so Charlie
is back in the, uh, oh yeah, meats of the world. And this time it's
busy. It's crazy. Like tons of people. Yeah. And there's like, you know, one person
getting every country's meat. You know, there's not any kind of consistency. And Harriet's
all over the place behind the, uh, behind the register. Um, this is where Charlie
makes a comment. She's like, well, do you actually like haggis? He's like, no,
I don't. He's like, I actually think that most Scottish food is based on a
dare. That's fair. Yeah. No, honestly, like the black sausage and all kinds— there's all
kinds of horrible stuff. Yeah. Part of the world. Uh, so yeah, so he offers
help because he mentions his dad's a butcher. Which is not actually information we had
prior to this, but hey, that works. Yeah. So his dad was, you know,
is, was, whatever, a butcher. I worked in the shop a lot, so I can
help you out. And so she does. And this is when we get the second—
this is a point I want to talk about. So when I told my wife
Heather, I was like, oh, we're gonna watch Sweeney Todd: The Murderous Night. She's like,
oh, it's so great. And, you know, I'm like, I know, I really enjoy this
movie. She's like, yeah, I love it, and it's got such a great soundtrack.
And I was like, I remember really liking the music in this movie. Like,
like, I remember that. But watching it through, I decided I would write down all
the music cues, and there are only 3 pop songs on
the soundtrack in this. Now there's Stuart sings a version of a song, or there's
the Bay City Rollers play and he kind of sings along. But like, as far
as like non-diegetic, like we're gonna use this for the movie soundtrack, there are 3
songs. We've heard The Laws, There She Goes, here is Big Audio Dynamite, uh,
their song Rush, which was a huge hit. And then there's like one more,
and then we hear— Princess by the S. Yeah, 2 Princes later, and that's it.
And then we get The Laws 2 more times, which is interesting. But that's the
montage song for this segment. When Charlie is helping Harriet out, and they're kind of
they're flirting, but he is you know being very helpful, but also playing around.
And he's like he's being wild and goofy with the meats and stuff, doing like
pounding the meat and making moo noises. Yeah,
like you know all that kind of stuff. Very very strange, but very Mike Myers.
Being very Mike Myers for sure. Good gag.
I always like the karate chop massage. It's it's a good gag and
an actual good massage move if you're giving someone a massage. Like around
their neck and shoulders, that does work very well. It was the first massage technique
that we taught either of our kids. So like my daughter, who's eight, is awesome.
Walks up behind you, sitting in a chair, and she's just the right height where
she starts chopping on my on my shoulders and like oh my gosh, that's awesome.
That's the best. She's getting really good at it. So Charlie
and Harriet, like they're you know they're they're hanging out. They're things are going well.
They're having a blast together. She loves his shit. Yeah. Oh yes, that's the thing.
She's really buying all it. All his jokes, man. She's into it. She's like oh
we're so busy, and she looks back and he's like doing the bend. and June
thing with 2 filet mignons on forks and dancing them around.
And she's like, oh, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.
I liked— but it would be very much a health code violation— but I did
enjoy the part where he had some— I don't know if it was awful or
if it was trimmings or something he was gonna throw away anyway, but it was
like this, this, this, you know, kind of bloody-looking meat
that's been chopped up and whatever, and he's got it in his sleeve. And he
goes up to a customer and he's like, Mom, Mom, call the school nurse!
There was an accident in woodshop! Call the— I think that's funny as hell.
But like the actual reality of it is like that one, that poor woman is
now traumatized. She's never coming back to that store. And whatever that is, you can't
sell it. Now, I don't know if it was— oh, I guess it might have
just been trimmings that were going into the trash. But like, that's like a health
code violation, really. Sure. And you know, as a new employee of a butcher shop,
save the goofin'. To be fair, I don't think he was being paid, at least
not in cash. They do end up after this, they like go out on a
little bit of like a date. They end up at the Palace of Fine Arts,
which is a great location in SF. Yep. Not probably anywhere near where her butcher
shop is, by the way, because it's sort of out— yeah, it was kind of
in the city. Yeah, geography doesn't work great. But they passed
by some Russian sailors. An interesting— because, you know, in the US there's always like
other countries' uniformed military walking around. What was that about?
That was really fucking bizarre. And again, if you know where this location in SF
is, it is as far from water basically as you can get. It's kind of
in the center geographically of the city. But anyway, they say something
in Russian and she turns and says something in Russian back to them. So we
don't know what it is. At least the version I looked at didn't have subtitles
or anything. So it's just meant to be— doesn't matter what she says. She speaks
Russian fluently, right? And he notices, like, you speak Russian
or whatever. And so, but they, you know, it doesn't really go anywhere there.
And they kind of like— there's like dancing and frolicking. It's just
kind of like very, you know, fun, I guess. Yeah, it's like kind of thing.
And they go back to her place. Yes. And we got to talk
about the absolutely— it's like, this is more insane than the sneakers This
place is nuts. 'Cause at least at Sneakers Loft, they theoretically have like
better sources of income. Like a business, they're running out of it.
This is supposedly Harriet— this is the funny
part. We learned— I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit, just this one piece.
We will meet Harriet's sister Rose later, and she says something
about, this is our place, Harriet's and mine. She comes and goes, but she
always ends up back here. That to me reads that they own it,
right? What the fuck? Like, even, even SF in
like the '80s or '90s, it's not like it was a cheap place to live.
No, not at all. You know what I mean? So this place looks like it
is 3,000 square feet. It's 2 levels. Yeah.
Right? It's like a big like loft warehouse loft type thing. It's decorated impeccably.
It's amazing. It's one of the most cool looking homes in like
any movie, in my opinion. Yeah. It does have— It could be the coffee shop.
Like, it could be. Yeah. It's a cool enough place that like it could be
a public space for people to hang out. And like, I've never— and I've known
people who are like very good like interior decorators for their own homes and spaces,
and they have a lot of stuff. You know, you, you know, you, you go
over to somebody's house sometimes and it's like bare walls, and you're like, whoa.
Other places it's like people really curated like a whole look. And still this place
is like TGI Friday's level amount of shit on the walls. Like really
fucking wild, but all like pretty cool. Like all that 15-foot-tall
poster of Atlantic City is amazing. It really is cool. That is good. I don't
think it was fair of him to make that, uh, joke about it. Honestly,
dude, that was dope as shit. Could have cut that out. That looked cool as
fuck. Yeah, no, wonderful place.
And, you know, we have the Mystery Loft, of course. And one
thing that Charlie notices is she has like all these martial arts
weapons on the wall and she kind of brushes by. He's like, what's going on
with this? And she's like, oh, my friend gave them to me. And she says
she has a friend who— and then she again uses the exact words, who is
a martial arts expert, which I feel like is a thing that would be said
by Frank W. Dukes and not very many other people. Yeah, he's a martial science
guy. Oh, I'm sorry. My apologies. You're absolutely right. That is my bad. Sorry,
Frank. If you're out there listening. Uh, yeah, but it's kind of weird
that like everybody says martial arts expert, in my opinion. It's odd. But she does
brush it off. We later learned that these belonged to her ex-husband
who is missing, at least. That she doesn't mention— I get that
it's like first date, whatever, but that she doesn't say anything, doesn't take this opportunity
to be like, you know what, yeah, that was,
that was, that's my ex's. Even just say my ex's stuff. Yeah. Even if you
don't go into the details, right? Because I get it, you're not trying to scare
somebody off, but the fact of the matter is that's your reality. If you're this
woman, you have these ex-husbands, they went missing, right? You're gonna have to have this
conversation at some point, right? Like, it just seemed odd to me that she was
so dismissive about, like, oh, it was friend stuff. Like, whatever. You for sure
have to fucking, um, have to disclose that. Like, if you— if you're legally,
like, betrothed to somebody who's, like, the subject of a manhunt,
like, you have to tell somebody on a first date. I feel like that's true.
It's sort of in the same ballpark as, like, you know, you have to declare
when a murder occurred in a home if you're gonna sell it, or if you
have HIV. So, yeah, you definitely have to do all of that. It's very required.
Uh, so, uh, he's gonna go. He kind of says something about he usually rushes
into this stuff too much, and she's like, well, I want you to stay over
and fuck me, so let's do that. Yep. So they do, uh, and they go
up and they hump under these sheets that my parents definitely had in the
'90s. They also look a lot like the upholstery that was on every
other couch. Yeah, right, at every other friend's house that you would go, you go,
oh, that upholstery again, like same shit. Um, but yeah, then they're sleeping
after that, and she is asleep, but yelling out
the name Ralph in her sleep, which gets obviously Charlie's attention. And he
kind of goes, huh? And then, you know, he wakes her up, she wakes
up, whatever. And he's like, you were— you said the name Ralph. You were yelling
the name Ralph. Like, who's Ralph? Oh, Ralph? She's my friend.
And he goes, oh, she, huh? Oh, she's your friend?
Sure. Like, as if there's a woman named Ralph, right? But they go back to
sleep. When he wakes up,
Harriet is not in bed there with him. So he gets up and he kind
of like— he walks downstairs wearing just like a shirt and his underwear. And he
sees there's like a frosted glass window into
the shower that you can see from below, which like seems like it has no
purpose other than to be titillating. Just to creep. Somebody nearby. You know,
it's a very strange choice, but there, there it is. It is frosted. It is,
you know, but he sees a figure, a woman showering, and he goes
up to like kind of sneak in on her, assuming, I think quite reasonably,
that it's Harriet. Yeah. A very reasonable assumption. She never
mentioned living with anyone else. else and everything. So, but no, this is Amanda Plummer.
This is Rose, uh, who is Harriet's sister,
uh, and so, you know, there's a moment where he busts into her— into the
shower while she's in it. He screams. She doesn't really react a whole lot.
No, she's pretty fine with it. She's good. Like, uh, and then, uh,
like, he gets dressed and goes downstairs, and she's already downstairs then, like, having obviously
finished her shower and everything. And she says— this is a funny moment,
I love this— she says, uh, Harriet left you a And she like picks it
up out of her like pocket or off the table. I can't remember exactly,
but she picks it up and instead of handing it to it, looks like he's
gonna hand it to him, and then she unfolds it and starts reading it out
loud to him like that's the appropriate thing to do. I love that moment for
some reason. I think it's very funny. Yeah, and she says she's gonna make him,
oh, like chill out, I'll make you this breakfast, I'll make you all this stuff.
And then it cuts to her just pouring Froot Loops in a bowl. She's like,
I didn't have any of that. Silver dollar pancakes, bacon, freshly squeezed orange juice.
And then it's like, I don't have have any of the other stuff.
Yeah, no, Froot Loops are good. And she's being— she's being weird to him because
what she's saying to him is, hey, don't worry, like, I'm gonna tell Harriet that
nothing happened. And he's just kind of like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?
Yeah, Rose, nothing did happen. Nothing did happen. And she's just like,
yep, wink wink. He's like, no, no, like, I don't like where this is going.
So this is an interesting character introduction in my opinion. Like, Rose comes off initially
as both very aloof and kind of like not bothered by anything,
it seems, but then also I don't know if it's fair. I mean, obviously having
seen the movie as many times as I have, like, I know this character well,
but it's like, I don't know if it's fair at this point to say she
comes off as dangerous, but she definitely comes off— Unhinged?
Yeah, for sure. Like that kind of thing. So we get this, this sense initially
that like, whatever this woman's story is, it's probably not great,
right? It's probably not a great thing, whatever's going on with her. So,
so we get just a little bit of that. But yeah, but then she says,
don't worry, Charlie, just be careful. And it's like, whoa, what the
fuck? Like, what is that? That's the part where you're kind of like, you don't
know. You know, again, as we know through the movie, like, it turns out she's
kind of warning him against herself in some ways. But like, but at this point,
it's like, what is that about? Is this, you know, but again, like, I'm getting
ahead of things, but it's, it, this movie does a lot of things really
well from a very high-level plot scenario.
Like, like, like, like hint, like dropping things early, paying them off later.
Like, that stuff works a lot. It's not without holes. Don't get me wrong.
Like, this is one of those moments where they're really between yelling
Ralph, the martial arts stuff, Rose saying be careful. Like, we are hammering
home that Charlie should be fearful of Harriet. Yeah.
Right? That maybe Harriet is Mrs. X. So I love any
time a movie gives the audience more information than it gives the characters. I love
being ahead of the characters and like begging them to catch up,
you know? And sort of like wanting them to get where I am. That to
me is sort of what I love best. You know, it's great sometimes when movies
don't give the audience the info and then we all find out at the same
time as the characters. Well, that can be good. Right. something about the dramatic irony
of like knowing that the character, or, or, or at least suspecting
before the character suspects something, knowing something before the character knows it, and then realizing
like, oh man, they're— when they get there, they're going to freak the fuck out.
When they get where I'm at, it's going to freak them out. So yeah,
the whole feeling of like, don't go in there, like all that, he's right behind
you, like, yeah, for sure. The guy's in the barn, don't go in the barn.
Like, um, uh, yeah, so, so that leaves us on
like kind of a weird moment, right? So now we, we cut, we got one
of our other great songs, we got 2 Prince is playing as, uh, as Charlie
and Tony are heading out towards Alcatraz. I gotta ask
you, honest, actual honest opinion about this song and Spin Doctors in general. What is
like— like, I enjoy it. I think, uh,
yeah, I could, I could fuck with it. It doesn't bother me. Spin Doctors were
a guilty pleasure for me in the '90s. They— I no longer feel guilty about
it. I think both Two Princes and Little Miss Can't Be Wrong are fucking bangers.
They put a smile on my face. Like, they are so nostalgic. Both those songs
got played so many in so many different movies and so many different— we hear
them on the radio all the time. There is something about, if I wanna think
about what life felt like in the mid-'90s, throw on some fucking Spin
Doctors. Oh yeah. Pocketful of Kryptonite. Just put the album on. It's nothing, you know,
it's bubblegummy kind of, you know, there's nothing deep or, you know,
meaningful about the music per se, but it's so fun. Oh, there's good deep stuff.
Yeah, fucking been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town.
Yeah, I fuck with them. with the Spin Doctors. They're like a little below the
Counting Crows on my hierarchy, but we're all in there. And there
are things that were formerly guilty pleasures, and like you said, the guilt dissolves
with time, and you're like, no, that's just a pleasure, homie. And there was stuff
that I thought I hated back then for some dumb reason, and then ended up—
like, I thought for some reason in high school I hated Toad the Wet Sprocket.
Yeah, I do not hate Toad the Wet Sprocket. Their music's fantastic. Like, I love
it now, you know? But nice. Yeah, anyway, we're gonna do, uh, Drop Zone someday,
and, uh, oh, I think they feature Fall Down in that. Nice.
It's a skydiving movie. All right, very cool. And we'll have to do son-in-law in
order to get Little Miss Candy Rock. There we go. Um, so, so Charlie
and Tony are on the boat, they're going to the— to do the Alcatraz tour.
And I can't— I think we're kind of shown early on that this is like
one of the things they do frequently. Yeah, they're kind of talking about like,
oh, what guide do we get today and stuff. So this is like where they
go to just hang out and bullshit, which like— I think I've been on 2
Alcatraz tours in my entire life. Yeah, 46 years living in the Bay Area.
Maybe once was with Boy Scouts and then like one other time, I don't remember.
But like, this is not something, as far as I'm aware, any locals just do.
No, not at all. On any kind of basis at all. But apparently Tony and
Charlie really just love doing the Alcatraz tour. And it is cool, at least was
back then. It's all self-guided now. There's no more, you know, there's no tour guides
anymore or anything. It's like those audio, those headset things. But still, like, so they
go and they get Phil Hartman's character is their
tour guide. And I can't remember his real name, but everybody calls me Vicky.
I think he says, my name is John Johnson, but everybody calls me Vicky.
Everybody here calls me Vicky. I love Vicky. So he
does a little tour, gets them to, to, uh, what do they call it?
Uh, not Main Street. What do they call it? It's like the, the Broadway.
They call it Broadway. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like it's where the worst
of the worst were, you know, housed. And he tells a story about Machine Gun
Kelly, and I won't repeat the whole thing, but basically that like Machine Gun Kelly
had what we in the prison system refer to as a bitch. Yeah,
yeah, that's good, good little Phil Hartman, uh,
cameo there. And then while he's talking to it while he's telling this story.
Charlie and Tony are in the front, and, and Charlie's just
like, yeah, so anyway, I really like this girl. And then Vicki kind of looks
at him like, what the fuck? I'm in the middle of my story. Kind of
looked— dude, like, the death stare, right? Yeah, fuck it, for real. But how,
how inconsiderate. I mean, I will say Charlie and Tony, very inconsiderate
throughout this tour to people who haven't been. Oh, absolutely. Yep. They stop in front
of the cell forever to just chitchat. I mean, really, their actions Second worst
interruption of an Alcatraz tour that we've seen on this podcast.
Really?
So we've got a we've got a montage now with our song again. We've got
There She Goes by the Laws again, and it's not. I don't know why I
thought that was Sixpence None. Oh no, that's the Laws. Did they cover it?
Okay. I don't think so, but I've always known it as the Laws, and I
don't think it was a Sixpence. If it was a cover, it would have been
maybe an older. If there was a version from Sixpence was Kiss Me. That was
Kiss Me. Okay. Yes. Um, so we get a montage and basically, you know,
it's a montage to show that Harriet loves Charlie's shit and Charlie
is being goofy as hell and her sister's being normal. They're like all
hanging out. Present a lot. She's there a lot for sure. Yeah, but they're like,
they're doing stuff together and Charlie and the sister, it looks
like it's not weird between them. He's being pretty normal with her. Yeah, and it's,
it's just, uh, it's like the dating montage. This is how we compress time and
say, okay, now, now when we come out of this audience accept the fact that
they're like a full couple. They're, you know, definitely, uh, uh,
you know, not dating other people or whatever. They're like together, right? That's sort of
what we're getting. And we cut then to Fog City Diner, which unfortunately closed several
years ago, was a very cool place right there on Embarcadero. Yep. Uh, and they
are now— it is now, uh, Charlie and Harriet and Tony. And I don't
know if we get Tony's girlfriend's name, but she is played by Debbie Mazar,
who we've seen before. She was in Goodfellas. Yeah. Um, one— somebody who I just
love as a character actress. And they're doing like a would you rather,
right? Like freaked out kind of, would you rather this crazy thing happened or this
crazy thing happened? And they've all got very kind of creative but like
gross things. And then we cut to Debbie Mazar's character
and they're just like, or? And it's her cue and she says, or would you
rather be electrocuted? Yeah. And they're all kind of like,
and? It's like, no, no, that's it. That's like really scary. I was electrocuted once.
Which I think is very funny, but like, no, like it doesn't land with any
of the characters. Right, right. No. And this is such a such a common character
is the the outside party who is not good
at playing the thing, like goofing around the way that you and your friends like
to, and definitely stands out from it. They don't speak the language. Good thing you're
hot, Debbie. And and we get we get a couple
more hellos in this scene, I think. Well, we get the negatory good buddy.
Tony and Charlie fight over the the check. That's right. I'm gonna pay the check.
He's like no no no no no no. No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, negatory, good buddy, negatory. That kind of stuff. And then Harriet
takes the check and she pays apparently. So, and Harriet and Charlie decide they're going
to walk home together. Right. In the rain. Pouring rain. Pouring, right? Like more than
it generally— even when it rains in our area, it doesn't tend to pour like
that. Yeah, this is crazy. Really crazy. Um, and it's definitely, you know, showing their,
their relationship solidifying. And hey, I'm willing to put up with your jokes,
so of course I'm willing to go out in the rain, uh, to walk home
with you. It was her idea. Yeah, she's the one who wanted to walk.
And he said like, I love that you wanted to walk home in the rain.
Yeah. All right, and then I think we cut to Tony,
back to Tony. No, I'm sorry. Nope. Back at their house, back at the
Mackenzies'. Yes. Another scene, dinner at Mackenzies'. This time Harriet is coming over to meet
the parents. May answers the door and like,
you know, come on in and hugs Harriet. Oh, you know, you're so beautiful,
like whatever. And then Stuart comes down without his pants, without his trousers,
and goes to like tap Harriet on the shoulder or something. And she full on
like, you know, judo kind of grabs his arm and twists it
behind his back. And, you know, he's like, I like this one, Charlie. Like,
you know, Um, but yeah, so then,
uh, the one of the funniest moments in this to me— oh,
so, so, uh, May offers to show Harriet the baby pictures of
Charlie, right? And he goes to excuse himself to like use the bathroom,
I think, right? And I love— my favorite moment in this is that there's a
dartboard on the back of the bathroom door with Queen Elizabeth II's
picture on it, which I just think— I love the idea of Stuart sitting,
taking a crap, and throwing darts at the Queen. Very funny.
Very Very funny. And Charlie in the bathroom finds that Weekly
World News, which is kind of open to the article about the serial killer that
his mom had told him about. And he's looking at it, you know, so he's
making the realization, like, you know, axe murderer, like, you had a
plumber in, in New Jersey or whatever, Russian martial
arts guy, Atlantic City lounge singer. Yeah. So he's getting very suspicious
because he's like, okay, these are all the exact places she's lived. We've seen clues
of the Atlantic City thing. We've seen The Russian,
she spoke in Russian. The martial arts stuff. Someone named Ralph, she's yelling out the
name of. Right? There's all kinds of things. I think she maybe even mentioned the
song because they because he takes that paper then to Tony after dinner's done.
It's like the next day, whatever. He goes to Tony at the police station and
he's telling him, Tony, you got to look into this for me. Look into this
Mrs. X thing. And he goes, fucking Charlie, this is the weekly world news.
What are you talking about? Yeah. And he's like, no, but look at all these
things. He's pointing out all this stuff and he says something about where you.
you know, uh, the lounge singer like was famous or something for his cover of
Only You or something like— it was something like that. And Tony goes, does she
even know the words to Only You? And he's like, I don't know if she
knows, you know, but he just really wants Tony to like look into it.
Yep. Very, very important. Uh, Charlie— this is a good moment of the
time where Charlie is, uh, he's at Harriet's, I think. Yes. And he's watching a
current affair. And I remember as a kid thinking that that was so
like compelling, even though I didn't know what they were ever talking about. But just
the way that triangle goes like, like flies at you,
right? Good-ass sound. And then he's using the ThighMaster. Yes, he is.
The Suzanne Somers ThighMaster. Great. I— we, uh, have a ThighMaster,
uh, at our house. My wife has one. She's had it for a long time.
One time when, uh, when we were dating, we didn't live together yet,
my daughter and I went by her house to like feed her cats and stuff.
And, uh, she was out of town and the ThighMaster was there. And Wren is
like 3 years old. She's like, what is this? I'm like, oh, you put it
between your legs and you squeeze. And I have this video of her struggling so
hard, like She's so mad at this thing. She's like,
like trying to squeeze the thigh mask. Like, damn it, it doesn't work. This one's
broken. So I love seeing the thigh mask. Very good.
But one of the things he's seeing on, uh, a current affair is that poisoning
murders are on the rise. And it's always people you know, right? Yeah.
Inside the family, people you live with, people you trust. Like, that's— and yes,
and poisoning is becoming very important. So of course, this is the point where Harriet
comes in with a drink that she says is a health shake,
and she spent half an hour making it. But it looks like Hawaiian
Punch with frothy foam on top. It's very weird. It's a little frothy on top,
but it looks clear, kind of reddish pinkish. Yeah, does not look
like a shake of any kind. You should have said juice or something. Maybe.
Yeah, and maybe that was the idea because we got the juicer. The mom had
a juicer, so maybe it was like a juicing thing. But to call it a
health shake, I was looking at going, there's no— it's not even like blended with
ice. There's nothing here that's giving it any texture at all. Yeah, this just
looks like like, you know what it really looked like to me? You're old
enough now, you've had a colonoscopy, right? You know that shit you got to eat,
drink ahead of time the day before? That's what it fucking looked like to me.
So I also would not have drinking that shit, Charlie. Maybe that's what, uh,
maybe that's what she wanted. It's pretty convenient if you're Scottish and you get a
colonoscopy. You just have the kilt on, you don't really need to pull the pants
up and down. Is that convenient or is that worse somehow? It might be worse.
Might be worse. Um, so he doesn't want
to touch this because he's just been freaked out by the current affair He's like,
get this away. Like, no, no, no, sorry, I can't. Shit. And she's saying,
well, I spent a lot of time making this. I made this for you.
What's going on? What's happening? And then he finally just goes and hides in the
closet. She's like, all right, whatever, dude. Fuck you. She leaves. And then there's a
good gag of the closet collapsing on him, which I always like to see that.
It's always funny when there's like more shit coming from above what you can see
in the closet than could possibly be in any number of shelves above there,
you know? Exactly. Like it's a vaulted ceiling closet to be able to hold all
that. Skylight 3 floors up. And there's a dump truck on the roof just pouring
shit down. Exactly. Um,
but yeah, but then so they go to go to go to bed and she's
kind of like, you know, I'm so sorry, it's not a big deal that you
didn't want to drink my shake, it's okay. And then she was saying something like,
I just feel so comfortable with you and I trust you so much and I'm
so glad that we're so comfortable with each other. I mean, boy, if you think
about it, like, we sleep next to each other and I mean, I could do
anything to you. And you— and it's like— and this is like one of the,
one of the scenes, one of the moments in the movie that really doesn't work
for me because this is a woman who— let's just like lay it all out—
she is not a killer. She has had 3 husbands disappear mysteriously
on her honeymoon. Mm-hmm.
She must be aware in some way that that is something other people would
think is strange. She doesn't talk about it openly. So it's like a source of
either guilt or shame or something, right? There's that. And so
why would she talk about this? Like, this feels
like very— you're gonna get people thinking you're
a fucking killer if you talk shit like this. Like, it's just a little strange.
strange. I feel like somebody in this— in her position would feel that much more
guarded and sort of like unwilling to sort of just say shit like this.
It's a little weird. Yeah, it does seem like she, she would have to know
all this stuff. She would have to know that it's really fucking with them.
Otherwise, it's a weirdly like clueless thing to say. Exactly.
Um, so we're at the, uh, at the San Francisco Globe,
right? I like the fake newspapers. Yes, clearly the, the font
or the text is all very Chronicle, right? It's clearly the Chronicle. Yeah,
um, and we're at the marriages, uh, desk. Yeah, it's like the announcements basically.
And so he's putting— Charlie's gonna go make an announcement, right? Because they're for
his parents' 30th anniversary. Yeah, throwing— have an anniversary
party coming up. Um, just like not a thing. I mean, it's not a thing
anybody does anymore, I assume, is— I didn't really realize that was a thing before,
announcing anniversary. Like, I guess I know there's marriage announcements, obviously there's obituaries, like maybe
even births potentially, but like an anniversary is like a weird thing. It's not like
you're inviting the public to their anniversary party. Like, yeah, I, I know it's
odd, but it's probably one of those things. His parents are big newspaper clipping people.
That's true. It's probably important for them to have really good cutouts. Yeah, make it,
cut it out and put on the fridge. That's a good point, actually. Yeah.
Uh, while he's there, he overhears a couple of the, uh, the workers there who
are kind of talking back and forth about one of these cases, right?
And, uh, one of them, uh, played by Michael Richards, right?
And, uh, fuck, who's the other guy? I don't remember his name, but he was,
he was like the, uh, the landlord— not the landlord, the superintendent on Friends that
was always like fixing stuff for, for, uh, Rachel and Monica.
He was like, that guy, he's been in a ton of movies that we've seen,
and then others. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those character actor guys that was
in everything in the '80s and '90s, it felt like. Uh, and, and Charlie's trying
to get— he's like trying to get some info from them, but they, they keep—
or Michael Richards keeps assuming that he's just offended at what he overheard
him say. Because he was talking about how like the Ralph Elliott would die,
like, because Ralph Elliott went missing, but then they found out like, no, he died,
and he was found in a like sewage drain pipe or
And he goes, well, you take your work— he was a plumber— you take your
work home and that's what happens, you know, kind of thing. And somebody who isn't
Charlie says like, hey, that's somebody's like family, like you should be nicer.
And he goes, no, no, wait, wait, did they say anything about the wife?
And he goes, no, no, I get it, kid. I get it, pal. Like whatever,
I'm sorry, I was being offensive. No, no, did they say anything about the wife?
Look, I'm sorry that I said— and you know, he's like freaking out. And like
Kramer, whatever, Michael Richards walks away like, you know, oh, look at me, I'm the
insensitive guy. It's funny, if you guys, uh, it's a really funny scene.
If you guys look up, uh, Michael Richards offensive joke tirade on YouTube, I think
this will be the first thing that pops up. This will be the first hit.
You're gonna love it. Don't go to the second page though, because boy, it's gonna
get real dark real fast. But yeah, this would definitely be the first thing.
It's this and the fire hose scene from UHF. Yeah, yeah.
Uh, so, uh, so, you know, more stuff happening.
He's like, right, what the fuck's going on? Uh, he's with Harriet
now in front of the Painted Ladies. We get some good SF, like,
landmarks here. Alamo Square Park. Um, and I think he's just at
this point, she's like, he's being too weird, he's being too suspicious,
he's freaking her out. And she's just like, whatever, dude, I'm done. Well, he dumps
her. Yeah, I mean, he basically says like, I don't think we should see each
other anymore. And she's like, why? And he's just like, I don't think we should
see each other anymore. And you know, that's it. But he's,
you know, she's pissed at him rightfully. Yeah, but the end. And now
if Charlie didn't— if he didn't work, uh, for free
part-time at the butcher shop. What, what does he do? Like, do we ever get
a glimpse of, like, Charlie? He's not an architect. No, he's not
anything. Is he just a professional, like, unlit cigarette beat
poet? Like, I don't think that pays well. I don't think so. I don't think
it does. But you're absolutely right. I don't think we get any indication whatsoever.
He drives a beautiful classic convertible, right? He's, he's,
you know, his parents are clearly wealthy. I mean, if he'd inherited the Butcher
shop, he would have said that instead of just my dad was a butcher and
I worked in his shop sometimes. He would have said that differently. So yeah,
we don't get really any indication, I don't think, of what Charlie McKenzie does for
a living. Yeah, why does he have money at all? It's really kind of crazy.
Yeah, yeah, we never see his apartment either. I think we see it for like
one second, but it's so— yeah, it's super short because I was looking forward.
Oh, that's right, I remember. And it has a great view if I remember.
He's like in North Beach. Beautiful place. It's like a beautiful North Beach like he's
on the— he's on the roof and it's like a 3rd floor, like, North Beach
apartment. Fucking crazy, dude. Um, so, uh,
so now we've got a, uh, another poetry performance,
right? So now that he and Harriet have broken up— Charlie and Harriet are broken
up— so we get the, the next woman, whoa man performance, and it's got Harriet's
picture in the background. And the big difference was when he did the one about,
uh, Sherry, I think was his, his ex at the beginning of the movie,
he's got this little candle in like a votive, like a glass votive holder thing,
and he blows it out at the end of the poem. And with the Harriet
poem, he picks that up and puts it in front of his face but does
not blow it out and then puts it back down. I think because, you know,
he's not 100% sure that the flame is gone. Okay, right. So that's our
little signal there. Very nice. Yeah. Uh, and so Tony, uh,
Tony calls. Yeah, right. And, uh, Tony tells Charlie
that someone had confessed to this, to the murder of Ralph Elliott.
So it's like, well, it's not Harriet, like, we found somebody.
Exactly. Somebody confessed to that. Right. And, and, and I think even there's something about—
they even hinted that there were others. Yes. Like, he says that, right? So it's
like they're gonna talk about that. So he— Charlie goes running back to Harriet,
basically, like, to her apartment, like, Harriet, I'm so sorry, whatever. And she's like,
you blew it. No, leave. Yeah. And so he does, like, you know, a movie
trope. It's not something that doesn't happen often in movies but would never really happen
in real life, right? He gets that jazz trio from Rhodes Cafe out to,
like, near her window and does, you know, the live poetry version of John
Cusack standing, uh, yes, on Ione Skye's lawn with his boombox and say anything.
Um, but yeah, like, uh, you know, she takes him back after his,
you know, heartfelt little beat poem. It's fucking crazy that after him,
like, just blowing that whole relationship, he's able
to win her back by showcasing his most annoying hobby. Yeah,
exactly. It really— hey, what's the thing about me that all your friends say,
geez, if it weren't for that one thing, he'd be cool? Yeah, right. If I
was more impressionable, maybe even if I was— maybe if I was a little older
when I first saw this or something, I would've thought that
being like a beat poet really would've gotten the girls. And I'm glad I never
got that idea 'cause it's definitely wrong, so. It's called a beat
poet 'cause you're always beating off. So Charlie
and Harriet, they were back together and it didn't take much to
convince her. I mean, she really— Yeah, just a little. Just that poem and now
they're back sharing a bathtub again. That's right, yeah, yeah. And he's being
fucking annoying in the bathtub. He really is. But then like the doorbell rings,
I think, right? And so Harriet like goes downstairs or something, whatever. He comes downstairs
in a towel. Yeah. And Harriet, wearing like a bathrobe or whatever, is introducing
him to a woman who I swear in the past I thought was Linda Hamilton.
Dude, I, I had this down to look up because when
we were watching it, Jeanie's like, she's like, that's the chick for— that's— or,
or no, remember in T2, they're in credited,
Linda Hamilton has a sister who's also in that. And Jeanie was like, that was
like her— Could be Linda Hamilton's sister. Yes. And I thought so
too, but it wasn't. It is not correct. acted as somebody who I don't think
really was in very many other movies, whoever they are, but it's Ralph. Yeah.
And so he's like— she's like, hey, look, this is my friend Ralph. And he's
like, oh my God, there is a woman named Ralph. This explains, you know,
in addition to the fact that somebody else has confessed to the murder
of Ralph Elliott, there is now also an explanation for Harriet
yelling Ralph. This is great. This is like— it's sort of the,
I thought everything was terrible, this is now continuing to prove to me that nope,
I had it wrong before. I'm actually— this is actually awesome. Nothing's wrong.
Woohoo! This is perfect. Yes, and this is,
uh, really, really exciting. And there's kind of a fun moment there
where he's like, I'm naked, aren't I? He goes to hug her and his towel
drops and he's like, I'm naked, aren't I? Like, yeah. And he like still holds
the hug and everything, plays that off. He's really charming these ladies.
Oh my gosh. Um, now we're at his parents', uh, 30th anniversary
dinner, uh, which is at a restaurant called Cock of the North, which I enjoy.
Love that. Great name. Cock the North. Uh, and at
this restaurant, at this party, uh, it ends up that Charlie asks
Harriet to marry him. He proposes. There's too much romance in the air. And she's
super kind of nervous about that at first, does not give him an answer right
away. It's kind of like, uh, are you sure? Whatever. But then like Stuart,
like his dad, basically gives like a speech about how thankful he is that,
that Charlie threw this party, and I wish for you 30 years like
I've had, and like all this stuff, whatever. And it's very like, uh, it's very
sweet, very heartfelt, whatever. And Harriet Harriet turns to Charlie and says, yes, like,
I'll marry you. And so that's super exciting. We cut quickly
to their wedding, right? So they're— it's in a church. Uh,
one side, the McKenzie side, is filled with a shit ton of people.
Yeah. Uh, Harriet's side, not so much. Yeah. Apparently she has no other family
because Rose is her maid of honor, but the next person sitting like
in the front of her side is Ralph, like the woman that we just
met. And there's like— and there's a few other people, but it doesn't look like
she has like parents there or anything, you know what I mean? It's an interesting
thing. So yeah, there's like 20 people on her side and like 200 on Charlie's
side, which I find is kind of interesting. Yeah, definitely a Scottish forward. Yeah,
right. Um, there's a— and, and when she's, uh,
it's her turn to say I do, Harriet, there's a, there's a very long delay,
but she does say it eventually. And then at the reception, we've got Charlie's
dad, uh, dancing along with a guy who's playing like cheetah pattern bagpipes.
I've never seen bagpipes that had this, like— it's very interesting. They're like Guy
Fieri's bagpipes. They're the hipper, cooler bagpipes.
And he's playing If You Think I'm Sexy by Rod Stewart,
which goes on for a long time. That's right. And then,
and then Harriet makes a request to sing a song. Oh, that's right.
She wants to sing a song to Charlie. Very, you know, very special. And it's
Only You. So now we've gotten, right, you know,
Charlie's very relaxed. Yeah. Before this song, he feels good about stuff. We, as an
audience, we get Charlie's in danger, Charlie's in danger, Charlie's in danger. A turn.
Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. And then now this is
the first sort of tip back the other direction. Wait, so she does know the
lyrics to Only You? Yeah, that was a question early on, and that's interesting.
And it's not the Only You by 112 featuring Biggie Smalls and
Mase. That actually didn't come out till a few years later. It's a lesser Only
You, right, she was singing. Very old and lame. Yeah, exactly.
So then this was a funny thing because I know, just because I've seen the
movie a lot, that the exterior shots of this place they're going for their
honeymoon, this resort, whatever. Those exterior shots were shot at the
Claremont in Berkeley. Okay. In the hills, right? So however, they used matte
backgrounds to change what the area around it looks like. You don't see like downtown
Berkeley, like, you know, it looks like they're out in the woods or whatever.
But I remember thinking that, oh my god, wait, they're driving across the Golden
Gate Bridge to the north. Here's another chance for me to be a pedantic asshole
about the geography of the Bay Area. No, it's totally legit because they drive north
over the Golden Gate Bridge It's the appropriate shot. They're driving along the coast with
the water on their left. That's appropriate 'cause they're driving north. And then it's a
fictional place that they arrive. So it's like, there's no geography bullshit that
I can call out, unfortunately. 'Cause at first I thought I really was gonna fucking
nail his ass with this. Oh man, it would've been so good. No, they were
smart to use a fictional location. And this area that they're going is called Poet's
Corner. There you go, that's right, yeah. Which I think is the name of a
neighborhood in Pleasant Hill. In Pleasant Hill! With particularly bad crime rates. I totally
remember that because back when I was house shopping in bad crime neighborhoods, that was
definitely one of them. It's probably great.
It's probably $2 million houses now. Now, sure. But I fully said,
when we were watching this, I said to Jeanie, oh, they're going to Pleasant Hill.
She's like, what? And again,
they're going to a place that's themed after his most annoying hobby. It would be
like someone saying, hey, let's go to the Fantasy Football World Resort for
our honeymoon. It's called Stadium Swim in Vegas. That's what that's called.
And Charlie, you mentioned it before, but he has the classic cinema
bad connection. Convertible, the bad version of a good convertible. It's like old and kind
of dirty and kind of shitty looking, but it's also like it's a classic.
It's like, yeah, exactly. It could get one montage, you buff that thing
up, you can pay for the entire wedding. Yeah. Um, so Tony
is still suspicious. Well, no, Tony— no, no,
what happens is Captain Alan Arkin busts in on Tony
into his office or whatever and is like— and he's doing the— he's doing the
tough act that Tony wants. I'm like, you, you fucked up again. If I don't
need— like all kind of stuff. And he says, you know, Captain, what are you
talking about? What are you talking about? Oh, that woman that confessed to the Ralph
Elliott murder, she confessed to a few more murders. He goes, I knew she would,
I knew she would. Yeah, she confessed to the murders of like Abraham Lincoln and
Julius Caesar, you know, whatever. It's like, oh fuck, like, so she's a nut.
So she did not kill Ralph. So this gets Tony freaked out because now he
is worried about— because he and Charlie shared a moment when at the wedding
when she sang Only You, they shared a little look like, oh damn, that's kind
of shitty. Uh, we're back below 100% again. Exactly right, we're back at 98,
99. Now Tony He's at like 80%. Now he's worried because it's like,
shit, maybe she did kill Ralph. And so he decides he needs to get up
to where they are, but he goes to call, and this is a weird thing
that happened. I don't know if this works from like the way telephone systems
work. He couldn't call up to Poets
Corner because of a storm. There was something about getting
his phone call from San Francisco to, you know, let's call it,
I don't know, Sea Ranch or something. It's somewhere up along the Sonoma Coast,
right? So he couldn't call. So he He commits,
like, fucking gets a plane, like, to fly him up
there. Yeah. And it's Steven Wright, the comedian,
very funny deadpan comedian, is the pilot. Good to
see Steven Wright. Absolutely. And then,
and then it's like when they land, he is able to call.
It's something weird. Like, why is he able to call through a payphone once they
land? Yeah, it doesn't make— kind of odd. Doesn't make any sense. But anyway,
I think I skipped Skip ahead a little there. But it does, it does allow
us though to see Charlie receiving a phone while he's seated
at a restaurant, which is a lifelong dream of mine. That is pretty— I really—
and not my own fucking phone, not my cell phone. I want a, a wired
phone in a tray, on a silver tray. 100%. If you are answering
your cell phone at a nice rest— at the table at a nice restaurant in
the middle of a dining room, you are a fucking asshole. Yep. If a waiter
or maître d' brings over a corded phone on a platter
and tells you you have a Not only are you allowed to make that— take
that call there at the table, everyone else in that room needs to shut the
fuck up and let you take that call. Exactly. Because clearly you are very important.
And I mean, you're on the border of being able to pull a, can I
have the room please, to all the people there at the restaurant.
If you're in one of those back kind of banquet rooms, you can do that.
If you're in the main dining room, that's too far. But if you're in one
of those back rooms that's open for dining but could be a banquet room they
could close off, totally within your rights to ask for the room to be cleared
for you. But yeah, what I did skip over though was Tony confirming,
um, that Harriet was married to all the guys who died. So he like calls,
you know, somebody who knew the martial arts guy and was like, oh yeah,
and he like sends a picture. Oh yeah, she like lost weight since then,
but that's her. And then somebody else was like, oh yeah, she's got her hair—
hair's longer now, but that was her. So like, he is able to confirm that
the lounge singer and Ralph and the martial arts guy, all these people were married
to Harriet. And this, for Tony, is all he needs to be like, 100%,
she is Mrs. X. Yeah. Charlie's absolutely in danger. danger. Like, this is what's
going on. And so now he has— this is when he decides he has to
get the plane and get up to, uh, Poet's Corner. And this is kind of
like, uh, Scatman Crothers making his way to the, um, to the
lodge in The Shining. Like, okay, this is an emergency. Like,
I gotta get there. I can't just go now from there. And there was a
quick scene of Harriet, like, she had all her makeup and stuff, and she opened
a big thing of, like, powder foundation and pulled out, uh, it looked like a
chain with, like, 3 different rings attached to it. So it was like, is that
her old wedding rings? Must be, right? So we saw that very quickly. It's true.
Um, so, uh, let's see.
We get the commandeering a vehicle moment. Yeah, yeah.
So early on, that was one of the things that Tony complained to the captain
about, that he hasn't been allowed to do, right? He hasn't chased a criminal across
a crowded city square. I've never commandeered a vehicle. And Alan Arkin's like, that does
sound like fun, you know, whatever. So he needs to go get this. So he
tries to commandeer this vehicle from the airport after landing to
get the rest of the way to the hotel, and it's Charles Grodin, and he's
He's like, I need to commandeer this vehicle. And he just goes, no, no,
I know you actually don't have the power to do that.
Please.
Yeah, Charles Grodin was good in this. And then, uh, so at the same time
where Charlie and Harriet were at the dinner, yeah, and then there's another couple at
the dinner celebrating, you know, 30 years or a big anniversary.
So they're doing this creepy thing, which always I see as more
of like a Game of Thrones type thing than a modern day thing, where it's
like the honeymoon chair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So everyone at the restaurant starts getting all
excited to carry them in this chair back
to their room so that they can fuck and everyone can just put a glass
up to the door and listen from the— Just know that they're banging. Why are
you so interested in this? Um, but Charlie's obviously very uncomfortable with this,
but this is happening here, and it's kind of hard to fight. Tony was able
to tell him over the phone, right? Ralph is— you know, basically the person
who said they killed Ralph was lying. Harriet killed Ralph. Harriet is Mrs. X.
This is how Tony puts it, because he's done all this confirmation of who she's
married to. He said, Harriet is Mrs. X. Tony's like, And he tells him there's
no doubt. Yeah. Like, this is the case. So now Charlie's freaking out. He is
able, once they get into the, uh, honeymoon suite or whatever, he is able to
like lock her into the closet, I think, or something
like that. He locks her in somewhere. Yeah, the closet, I think. Um, but that's
when Rose is suddenly there wearing the,
uh, Patrick Bateman, uh, wearing the, the poncho,
you know, for getting ready to kill fucking— I don't know if that wasn't Jude
Law. Who was that? Jared Leto, right? That he decided to kill. with the axe
and everything. And so she's ready to go. She's got the hatchet, she's got the
thing, and she starts attacking Charlie. Yeah. And now Harriet can see what's
happening. Wherever she is, she's behind a glass door or something. And so she's now
screaming at Rose. So now Harriet is realizing what's actually happening, as the audience does,
as Charlie does. We all get the story at the same time, which is that
Rose has been killing Harriet's husband. She even yells at Charlie
like, you tried to take her from me, you tried to come between us,
so now you're gonna die, kind of thing. It's like, holy shit. Which is like,
I think there was a thing she said something about, you weren't supposed to be
in the room, like to Harriet or something like that. There was something, 'cause I'm
thinking to myself, this is not particularly sneaky. This is not like, how did
she get away with this 3 times already? It's very, that's the part that becomes
much less kind of believable about the whole thing. Leaving town used to do a
lot more for you, I think. Yeah, just moving from town to town.
Pre-internet, that's a big thing. So Charlie's able, I think, to climb
out the window, right? Yep, so Charlie's out the window and then they're kind of
fighting on the roof and of course, you know, bad weather and everything. And we
got some exciting axe handle, like, trying to chop his fingers as he's hanging off
the roof. Yep. Um, Tony is trying to
get into the room to save the day. He cannot kick the door open for
the life of him. 10 times, 12 times. This old fucking hotel,
like, it should be easy to police kick a door open in a hotel like
that, right? Yeah. Uh, and so Tony takes, like, 5 kicks to boot it open.
At least so many. But he does get in, and of course then, then lets
Harriet out of the closet. Harriet's like, oh, Tony, good, you're here.
Charlie's in danger. And he's like, yeah, I know. And he opens the cuffs,
they're like, you're under arrest. Like, all this stuff. And there's a great
scene where as Rose— this is my favorite part of this— as Rose is up
on the roof, yeah, like hacking away at Charlie's— where Charlie's hands
are, 'cause he's hanging sort of by the awning or whatever. So you
can hear the thunk, thunk, thunk of the hatchet going into the roof over and
over again. And Harriet's telling Tony, who's like smoking a cigarette trying to get a
confession out of her, he's like, we could do this here, we can do this
downtown. It is funny how he goes to the cops I've seen on TV mode
immediately. Like, he's too juiced up. He got to commandeer a car. There's no
landing that guy's ego. Yeah, I mean, to be fair, he got a ride.
Like, he didn't commandeer anything. But in his mind, he's the real cop. Exactly.
First time. But he's kind of like— she's like, you can hear them, they're on
the roof. Like, go save Charlie, he is gonna be killed. Go. Like, you know,
and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We get a mutual,
uh, nut shot, uh, when they're, when they're fighting up there on the roof.
Well, not really nut, but just The— she, uh, Rose gets Charlie in the
nuts and then he kicks her in that same area, which she seems to react
like it hurt as much. Which, I mean, I'm sure it hurts. It hurts.
It's— I mean, look, I remember I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I saw
a girl get kicked between the legs because some kid said, oh, girls don't have
anything there, this won't hurt. And that is not true. That is not what happened.
That girl got hurt bad, you know, because somebody kicked her. Like, it doesn't matter
where you get kicked, you get kicked hard enough, right? So yeah, so she reacts.
The thing about it is that when Charlie got Like, I think
they were wrestling over the ax at the time. They both had their hands on
the hatchet. If he got kicked in the nuts, there's no way he is maintaining
control of that hatchet to keep her from plowing it into
his skull at that point, while also keeping his footing on the curved,
you know, on a pitched, wet roof. Like, the number of things that
he had to simultaneously handle was like, no. Getting kicked in the nuts absolutely zeros
out that ledger. Like, you are fucked. That would be a death blow for sure.
100%. Yeah. You're either getting the ax in the head at that point, or you're
falling off the roof. off the roof 30 feet to the ground and dying
that way. Either way. But Charlie overcomes
in the fight and is able to get himself saved. Rose gets taken
in. Yep. And Rose is arrested. Rose is arrested. She doesn't even
seem unhappy about it. No, she's kind of just like, all right, well, this is
the next thing I'm doing. I think it's just like, yeah, she was kind of
like, well, I was gonna get caught at some point. Yeah. And it was this
time. All right. Like, so yeah, that's pretty much it. And we get the 3rd
music drop of The Laws. There She Goes, as we kind of roll into
the, the closing credits. There's not really anything else to it. Yeah, we got a
final poem, uh, by Charlie. That's right, I forgot about the final poem.
So, so he's got his poem that kind of sums up, you know, a lot
of the stuff that, that happened. Uh, it was good. So yeah, life continues now.
So Charlie and Harriet are married and they're living off a single butcher
shop wage, uh, to cover 2 apartments in San Francisco,
and including that loft that apparently is half Rose's, and she's
not helping out with now. So there's a mortgage or rent on that, whatever.
it is. Like, I'm sure she was contributing something, not that we know what she
does. Like, we don't— we know nobody's jobs in this entire movie except we know
Tony's a cop, Harriet owns a butcher shop, Stuart was once a butcher. Yeah,
yeah. I don't think we've got a job for anybody else that aren't people that
were met in those jobs, you know what I mean? Like, like the captain and
stuff. But yeah, but that, uh, that is So I Married the Next Murderer.
All right. Okay, so look, I, I love
this movie. I really do love this movie, but I'm also pretty realistic about this
movie. It is not something that is like— this isn't one of
those movies that I'm like, oh my God, if you haven't seen this, like,
you've got to see it. Like, I love it. I enjoy it. Like I said,
a lot of it is shorthand between my wife and I. Negatory, good buddy.
We've got a Piper Doon. Like, these are things that we just like, we'll find
ways to like fit into everyday conversation. Yeah. And that's so much fun. And I'll
love that forever. It's a good movie. I do recommend it. I don't
think it's one you need to like rush out and see. So with a little
nostalgia bump, like I do with— like I did with Summer Rental, I'm going with
a 3.5 out of 5 on So I Married an Actor. Murderer. I think it's
very enjoyable, you know, but it is not without its flaws. And, and,
and we've, I think, covered most of those. Yeah, last hour or so.
But yeah, so what is your take, Nick, on So I Married an Axe Murderer?
Yeah, I mean, so not having seen this, right, I didn't have the,
the built-in nostalgia and stuff. And, and with
a lot of comedies that I hadn't seen that are from the
'80s and '90s, watching them now, like, comedy is tough. Comedy is tough to hold
up. Um, this was surrounded by some great Mike
Myers stuff. I love Wayne's World. Wayne's World 2 holds up so well.
Austin Powers, still great. Uh, and for some reason,
I feel like with Mike Myers is kind of the same, uh,
to me as Sacha Baron Cohen, where I like him when he's in a costume.
Sure. But I don't really like him when he's just like being a guy.
Um, and, uh, and again, like with what we talked about at the beginning,
where this script was not the original
I, I think that it could have been better if it was just scrapped.
Like, let's take the general outline of it and just redo it.
Yeah. Rather than keep trying to like change and rework and rework,
because then it became a kind of a jumbled thing. Like, the idea
of it's a thriller but it's a comedy is interesting.
And like, the, the, the plot ideas— I like the cameos.
I liked, uh, I liked Alan Arkin. I liked Grodin a lot. I love
Charles Grodin, man. Phil Hartman is great in this. Phil Hartman, Steven Wright. We got
some really, uh, some really good people in this. in there. Overall though, a lot
of the jokes didn't work that well for me. I didn't like Mike
Myers' character. I was not rooting for him in any way. Like we talked about,
he doesn't have a job. Like, what does he do? What is he offering this
woman except for a very niche type of humor that only she thinks is
funny? Because he's never— he's not— other than the would you rather scene,
he's not like riffing with his buds. It seems like he's more subjecting
everybody to his shit than like going along. Fair.
Fair. So I wasn't a huge fan of this. I definitely see why people like
it, and everyone has told me I'm wrong to not like this movie. But for
me, So I Married an Axe Murderer is just a 2 out of 5 for
me. 2 out of 5. Right. So it gets us to 5.5 out of 10,
which is, you know, we're there with Rotten Tomatoes. We are kind of right at
5.5. Yes, right there. So yeah, so that is how we land on So I
Married an Axe Murderer. And Nick, what hilarious comedy
are you going to bring to the table next week? Yeah, so I thought we'd
continue the run of hilarious comedies. No, so,
uh, I had something different picked, but when I slotted this one in,
it was for a couple reasons. Uh, we talk sometimes about how many episodes we've
done. We're on, what, like 70-something now, right? 75, I think.
75. And, uh, and there's certain people that we haven't seen yet who are
such big stars of this era. So this movie is— A,
it's one of my wife's favorite movies. I've watched it.
I, I really have enjoyed it over the years, and it brings us some
people we haven't seen yet. Okay. Uh, and we're gonna get to see Tom Cruise
for the first time. Big. We're gonna get to see Jack Nicholson for the first
time. Huge. Uh, and bigger than all that, we get to see Kevin Pollak for
the first time. Oh, thank God. I was wondering when we were gonna get to
Kevin Pollak, man. Does he do any impressions in this one? Because I really love
it when he does impressions. All right. Um, so we are gonna watch 1992's
courtroom military thriller drama A Few Good Men.
Yes, I love A Few Good Good Men. I'm a huge fan. Uh,
I think this will be the first time we've got an Aaron Sorkin-penned screenplay.
Yeah, this is the first time we'll see Demi Moore, I think. Yeah, I think
you're right. First time we'll see Kiefer Sutherland. Yeah, I think probably at least
one or two more, maybe. No, sec, I feel like no.
Uh, oh no, Executive Decision we didn't do on this podcast, right? Right, we did
that on Cinema 9 because he was in that. That's a good point, might be
the first J.T. Walsh for us. Like, yeah, a lot. Like, this is, this is
a wonderful 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon movie. has Kevin Bacon in it,
but it is just like the cast is stacked. Yes. And it's such a different
kind of movie where it's just like, this is script and acting and dialogue as
opposed to like a First Blood type thing where it's explosions and grunts, you know?
100%. And, and we'll get into it obviously next week when we watch it.
First of all, yes, thank you so much for bringing it. One of my favorite
movies of all time. Absolutely excited to talk about it with you next week.
Um, you know, and I'm sure you knew this because it says it up front
of the movie, but like, uh, this was a play originally, and a couple of
Aaron Sorkin's early movies Malice starring Alec Baldwin was also originally a play. And there
is a feel to movies when they're adapted
from stage plays. 100%. You nailed most of it, right? It's kind of the character
dialogue acting core of it really has to land and be really great.
And then you'll notice how few locations there really are. There's like, you know,
I think in this movie, 4 or 5, like that really dominate kind of everything.
And because it's not on stage, they will throw in, you know, other other places
they go that maybe would have been inferred potentially on stage play.
But yeah, it's like really cool. So, all right, A Few Good Men next week.
That's fantastic. I think you're absolutely right to finally bring us Tom Cruise
and Jack Nicholson and these other actors. It's like Kevin Pollak, most importantly, of course.
Yeah, so that's what we will watch. And I think we might have a third
mic for that podcast, actually. Not a dad,
but since it's one of her favorite movies, she's going to Join
us for the recording next Wednesday morning when we wake up at five a.m.
My wife Jeannie is going to join us for it. That's fantastic. I should let
you know though, the episodes have been coming out at three a.m. Pacific ever since
our buddy Jeff Harrow asked them to be there for his five a.m.
Central dog walk. Okay. Do that for him. So yeah. So even earlier,
we got to make sure that Jeannie's here at three to do that. So yeah.
Cool. Very much looking forward to that as well. That's a wrap.
If you like what you. If you like what you hear, please consider heading over
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the show. Be sure to check out our website at twodads1movie.com.
That's the number 2 and the number 1. There you can explore the movies we've
covered, sign up for our newsletter, The Rewind, which I think Nic has some good
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Once again, this has been So I Married an Axe Murderer, another episode
of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve. And I'm Nic. listening. We'll catch you next