Something on your mind? Just wanna let you
know you're sitting in my chair. Is that a fact?
Yeah, that's a fact. Well, for a man that don't go healed,
you run your mouth kind of reckless, don't you? No need to
go healed to get the bulge on a tub like you. Is that a fact?
Mm-hmm. That's a fact.
Yeah, well, I'm real scared. Damn right
you're scared. I can see that in your eyes.
All right, man, go ahead. Go ahead,
skin it. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens.
Listen, mister, I'm getting awful tired of your— I'm getting tired
of your gas. Now jerk that pistol and go to work.
I said throw down, boy.
You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed?
No?
I didn't think so. Here, Milt.
Keepsake.
Hang it over the bar. All right, youngster, out you go.
Don't come back, ever.
Oh, what do you say, Milt? 25% of the house take sound
about right? It's 2
Dads 1 Movie. It's the podcast where 2 middle-aged dads sit around and shoot the
shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s. Here are your hosts, Steve Paulo
and Nic Briana. Hello everybody, welcome to another
episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve. And I'm Nic. And today we are
talking about the 1993, like, absolute classic Western
movie Tombstone starring Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer.
This was my pick for us. We're done with 2 Dads, 2 Decades. We're just
back to like going on vibes. Yeah. Or what movies
do we want to rewatch or just think we should tackle?
We don't really have a theme right now. We will again in October when
we grace you all listeners with Shocktoberfest
2: Electric Boogaloo. There's no actual meaning behind the Electric Boogaloo
part. I'm just giving a subtitle to all of the sort of sequel theme
months that we're doing. But yeah, so this is just like, I wanted to watch
Tombstone. This is one of my favorite movies. Of all time. And so I was
like, let's bring it to the pod. Let's talk about it. It's been requested by
a few listeners. Absolutely. Something comes up when people talk about the great movies of
the '90s in particular. They bring this up. The cast is like just loaded
front to back. It's full of lines that have like survived the test
of time. You know, this is a movie that's 33 years old now. And,
and it's still, you know, really is quotable still,
you know, and actually funny enough, I would say this real quick, quotable in a
way that's a little different than I think a lot of the stuff that's quotable
today in that it's not really memed that much. You don't see a lot
of like, you know, image macros with the text. It's just that people know the
words and say things like, I'm your huckleberry, or, you know, throw down, boy,
or whatever. Like these things just get repeated more so than like getting
into the current generation's way of like making everything an animated GIF. Yeah,
the visual's not attached as much. Yeah, exactly. So it's more like people our age
saying it to each other. Exactly. But I mean, this is ripe to be discovered
by the young generation, and I hope it'll start getting memed more 'cause it's well
deserving of it. So my history with Hume Stone is, I mean, I saw
this in high school. I was probably, you know, a couple years after it came
out. I think I just turned 14 maybe, I think, when this came out.
And, and so I was probably about 16 or 17 when I first saw it.
And it was just one of those movies, again, I think I saw it because
people were saying stuff like, I'm your Huckleberry, and whatever. Like, what's that from?
Oh dude, you haven't seen Tombstone? Like, you know, kind of thing. So I watched
it with some friends and just fell in love with it right away. And it
became one of those things where I would watch this movie, you know, a couple
times a year for a while. In college, it was the thing where I think
I actually introduced this movie to like 2 or 3 people in college who just
hadn't gotten around to seeing it. Uh, and I was like, oh my God,
Same thing somebody did to me. You got to see Tombstone. Come on, come come
watch. You know, it's nice that it's only about you know a little over two
hours. It's not like you know a lot of these westerns especially can turn into
these epics, right? I mean, the fact that Kevin Costner wasn't involved in this
one maybe maybe you know dials back the running time a little. It's the Costner
cut. It's twenty minutes shorter automatically with him not in it. Exactly. So but yeah,
so this ended up becoming one of my favorite movies of all time and some
something that I quote all the time. My wife is a massive fan of this
movie as well. She actually was obsessed for years. with Tombstone the place. She like
visited it as a child with her family driving cross-country between California and Oklahoma
and, and just kind of fell in love with just the whole mythos of it.
And so this has been something she and I have shared as well. So all
that having been said, Nic, what's your history with Tombstone?
My history with Tombstone is just about as dry as all the
water bottles in Tombstone, Arizona. I have never seen
it before, and there's no good reason for it. It just
Barely. It just missed me for some reason, and I definitely was aware of a
lot of the the culture around it and the quoting of it and stuff.
All my friends love it. It's not like I had somebody that said, "Oh,
it sucks. Don't watch it." But I did always, like from when I was a
kid, have in my head the idea three things about movies which all
proved to be false. One was that black and white movies
suck. Two is that westerns suck, and three is that anything with subtitles sucks.
Right? So I'm shutting myself out of a lot of plots by that like declaration
when I'm eleven years old, and I you know. live hard the rest of my
life that way. So yeah, I'd never seen this.
And, uh, I— funny enough, I messaged you before
the pod. There's this rap song, uh, where one of the verses—
it's this, this rapper's name, Necro, from the early 2000s.
Great rapper, producer, terrible person. Don't support him financially. But,
uh, he had this verse where every line in the verse was basically a direct
quote from Tombstone. Wow. And I'm just like bobbing my head along with it.
I'm like, oh, what's a smoke wagon? And then I never, you know,
never watched the movie until 20 years after that song comes out. So I'm very
excited to have a little context around one of my favorite jams. And this was
an absolute ride to watch. And I'm very excited to
talk about it with you. That's great stuff. I— yeah, it's— let's
just get into it. Let's jump into the facts because we don't want to delay
this any longer here. The facts on the movie Tombstone. I got to be honest
with you before we get into it, people, a little disappointing for me. I'd just
be totally honest with that. I said it, but let's talk about it. It was
released on Christmas Day, 1993, December 25th, with an R rating
and a running time of 130 minutes. It is directed by George P.
Cosmatos. I think that's how you pronounce it. Cosmatos? Cosmatos, probably.
Written by Kevin Jarre. Starring Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, and Sam Elliott.
Scores, Rotten Tomatoes, 76%. And that's my first big
fucking problem with this shit. Like, how did 24% of
critics who watched this movie give it an overall
negative review? I don't understand. I just don't understand that.
I'm not saying this movie should be like 100%. It's not that. But like,
85, high 80s, something like that is more what I would've expected.
Mid-70s is a travesty. The IMDb score at 7.8 is
significantly more in line with how I think about it. Stronger. We've talked about how
like anything over 7 is reasonable, anything over 7.5 is strong. And when you get
to 8.0 and up, you're talking about the top, you know, 50 or 60 movies
or whatever on IMDb. So 7.8 is solid and good quality. And then the homies
Siskel and Ebert, well, should I say the homie Ebert and the chud Siskel?
We got a thumbs down from Gene Siskel and a thumbs up from Roger Ebert.
And if you look on our website, we actually have a stats page where we
compare my, you know, sort of my, uh, reviews and Nic's reviews and ratings
with the, the Siskel and Ebert thumbs up and thumbs down system. And you'll notice
that for both of us, we have a significantly higher rate
of agreeing with Roger Ebert than with Gene Siskel. Yeah. And it's very interesting to
me, that split. It's really, really interesting. Gene had a heart filled with
hate, and that's why he died early. There you go. Uh, 1994 MTV Movie Awards,
got a couple of nominations, the only kind of awards activity on this movie.
Both of them, by the way, for Val Kilmer, both nominations without a win.
He was nominated for Best Male Performance. Okay. Totally viable.
And for Most Desirable Male, which kind of like our—
what was it? Brad Pitt in Seven versus Antonio Banderas in Desperado.
It was like, this movie in particular is how Val Kilmer is seen as
desirable? He's kind of sweaty and clammy and sick the whole time.
He's sick the whole time? He's coughing up blood? He's coughing up blood. What are
you gonna do? He's just really crazy. But, but this is what I
thought was interesting. The winners, one of them made sense and one of them didn't.
The actual winners that year, and I think I'm gonna start doing this more.
Yeah. When we see nominees and not wins. The best male performance that year
went to Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. No argument, no disagreement.
Fine, absolutely. But the most desirable male at the 1994
MTV Movie Awards was Billy Baldwin in Sliver.
Stood the test of time. Are you kidding me? 4th of
3 Baldwin brothers. Like, yeah, but they were really
trying to shoehorn Billy Baldwin into our lives at some point.
Like, he had a few-year window where they were really trying to Baldwin it up
for us. It was, it was— I feel like, because I mean, maybe I'm wrong,
there's just Billy, Stephen, and, and Alec, right? We're not— there's not a 4th.
They're not actually a 4th Baldwin that's in movies. I don't think— There's probably some
other one that uses the last name to like get on Republican fundraisers as
like a celebrity host or whatever. Stephen Baldwin.
There's an Adam, I think. Oh my God. Okay. Well, anyway, on a $25
million budget, I'll point out, by the way, the exact same amount of money that
the film we watched 2 weeks ago, Basketball, cost.
Jesus fucking Christ. 5 years later. Oh my
God. 5 years later, Basketball was made for the same amount of money
that Tombstone was made for. This one, however, did quite a bit better, pulling in
$73.2 million, almost 3 times what it cost, which, to be honest with
you, any rated R movie, especially in the '90s, it was tough to pull
in, you know, 3, 4, 5, 6 times what it cost. So kudos. Definitely a
success, if not like some massive blockbuster in the in the cinemas.
But yeah, so those are the facts on Tombstone. All right, and we'll
just go ahead and jump in and get started here. Yeah, we start with a
cold open. We love a good cold open here. Weird cold open. I mean,
unconventional relates to unlike any of the other movies we've seen
really other than I don't know Starship Troopers has kind of newsreel footage,
but it's a different feeling for sure. Absolutely. This this starts
off with a incredible voiceover from Robert Mitchum, who we've seen
in, in, uh, he was in Cape Fear, and I think we've had one or
two other movies where Robert Mitchum has showed up. One of those classic voices.
Uh, he does the narration here. It's 1879, and he talks all about
sort of like post-Civil War, uh, silver discovered in Arizona, you know, the,
the march west, all this stuff, but talks specifically about the original kind
of version of organized crime in, in the United States, at least by this claim.
Yeah. Which was a gang of like horse thieves and bank robbers and murderers
named the Cowboys. Um, now there, I'm not going to get into all this stuff,
but there is actually a really long documentary, uh,
slash fictional retelling. It's not fictional, it stays true to it,
but it's called Wyatt Earp and the Cowboy War. I think it's on Netflix or
Hulu, one of the two. It's well worth watching. It's like 4 or 5 episodes,
um, and it really sticks very close to the actual history of Wyatt
Earp and Tombstone, Arizona, and the Cowboy Gang, uh, and where it
differs from the movie Tombstone. Because there's a heck of a lot of stuff in
the movie that isn't really actually all that all that historically
accurate. This movie is what you would not call this a biopic. You would
call this historical fiction. Yeah. Um, so it's very much based with real people in
real places, and there are lots of like keystone moments that are true and real.
But even the way like the shootout at the O.K. Corral happens is not exactly
how it happened in real life. Uh, Ike does run into a building and hide.
That really happened in real life, but there's lots of it that's different. So,
but we get a little bit of this sort of like historical background, uh,
and then we cut very quickly to a wedding in
Arizona Territory. This is obviously, well, pre-statehood for Arizona by a significant margin.
And so this is a wedding that's happening. It's obviously a
wedding of Mexican folks. I think they even say something about Mexican police.
Yeah, it seems like, yep. And the cowboys show up and decide
that they've got a beef with the folks here. And they,
what do they throw the scarves down and say like, you killed 2 of us.
Yep, so we're gonna kill all of you. Watch how we do. Yeah, and it's
real brutal. I mean, they proceed to kill every male in sight,
basically, except for the priest and the groom. Yeah, initially. Right.
And then, you know, they end up just taking everybody out. And it's,
it's really— yeah, it's really rough. And the priest,
they spare the priest, right? Initially. So we kind of see like Curly Bill in
his red shirt, Powers Boothe. He's like, you know, kind of the, the main psycho
of the cowboys. And then Johnny Ringo is like the quiet, cool, but maybe more
of a leader than him. Right? Right. Well, Michael Biehn. Yeah. So Johnny Ringo,
played by Michael Biehn, he's definitely the right-hand man because even later in the movie,
Curly Bill says something about like, oh, boys, yeah, yeah, I don't know what's
gonna happen when Ringo takes over this outfit, that kind of thing. So Curly Bill
Brocius is in charge, Johnny Ringo's his right-hand man. Ringo is
this legendary gunslinger, fastest hand since—
was it Billy the Kid? No, Wild Bill. Fastest hand since Wild Bill Hickok,
right, is sort of the legend around him. And, uh, this very
funny moment where one of the obviously Mexican members of the Cowboys
gang is trying to translate for Curly Bill, who doesn't speak Spanish, like what
the priest is saying, whatever. And he's like, he says something about Uh, sick horse
or something. He talks crazy. And then Ringo's like, that's not what he said.
Your English is worse, or your Spanish is worse than your English. Yeah, translates that
it's basically quoting the Bible about a pale rider and death camp comes with them.
It's from the Book of Revelation. Um, but the priest is like jawing at them
as they go sit down to eat, and Ringo's not having any of it.
Puts one right between the priest's eyes, which seems to actually surprise the rest of
the cowboys. Yeah, like, oh, we wouldn't have killed the priest, dude. Like, apparently they
have some, uh, level that they don't generally go to. But also, once Ringo
does it, it's not like anybody actually is upset with him in any way.
Oh boy. Oh man, it's gnarly. And, uh, the guy who plays the kind of
Mexican member of the gang, the actor is the guy who played
the Greek in season 2 of The Wire. Oh, okay. He's not— he's not
a Mexican guy. He's like a Jewish guy from New York. That's so funny.
And it just probably is one of those, like, he can Rob Schneider it up
once in a while when needed. Exactly. Um, so great scene, a great job to
establish, like, okay, here are the stakes, these are our bad guys, right? Yeah.
And then we get our first appearance of Kurt Russell, Wyatt Earp,
stepping off a train as he's arriving in town for his adventure.
He's left his life as a lawman and he's on to
make a fortune. Came from Kansas, from Dodge City, Kansas, where he was a celebrated
marshal or sheriff or whatever the hell he was or whatever. And he's like,
yeah, he's going to go. He's going to Arizona to get into silver mining and
strike it rich. When Kurt Russell steps off that train,
we get a glimpse at what I honestly believe is the single greatest mustache
in cinema history. in a movie full of fantastic mustaches.
Like, there are like so many great mustaches in this movie, but something about Kurt
Russell's mustache in this is just perfect. The way it like slightly curls up
and it's like nice and flat and like, I don't know, man, it's, it's beautiful.
Um, he hears as he gets off the train, he hears a man like whipping
a horse basically to try to get it to come off the train. Yeah.
And he does, you know, we get a quick glimpse at what kind of man
Wyatt Earp is when he steals the, the whip or whatever it is,
the, the leather, uh, strap away from the guy,
smacks him with it. It's like, hurt, don't it? You know? And it's like,
okay, all right, he doesn't like when people abuse animals. So this is, this is,
uh, you know, the Save the Cat moment. Oh, okay, this is our good guy.
He just did something nice to an animal. So, you know, and, and he immediately—
so, uh, he's immediately approached by like one of the local politicians or
lawmen who's like, oh, Wyatt Earp, hey, we could really use— like, get out of
here. Like, so there's a lot of this throughout the film, like, I'm not interested,
like, I'm, I'm retired. I think in the first, yeah, 15 or 20 minutes,
he, he turns down at least 3 job offers. Yeah. Uh, from various law
enforcement officials. Um, so he's met by his brothers now and their wives.
So his brother Virgil, played by Sam Elliott— so good— uh, and his brother Morgan,
played by Bill Paxton, the late great. And again, just seeing all these faces,
every guy that I see throughout this movie, I'm like, yeah, yeah, like it's really—
it's awesome. I mean, we can't even stop. We even should mention, like, going back
to the Cowboys, right? We saw there's Michael Rooker is in that gang. He plays
McMasters. There's Thomas Haden Church. Yep, is in that gang. Stephen Lang. Yeah,
Stephen Lang is in it. There were— yeah, there were people I didn't even realize
until I looked at the credits. Yeah. Oh geez. And John John Corbett is in
that. Like, I mean, this is so loaded. It's a loaded cast altogether.
Oh, and then actually Wyatt's wife, Maddie, who we meet as the brothers,
you know, sort of connect, their wives all walk up and Maddie arrived
with Wyatt. She's played by the actress, can't remember her name now, something Delaney,
whatever, but she played Gale Stanwyck in Fletch. That's right. Is the thing I actually
think of her from. But she is obviously also quite the drug
addict. She's already like showing very like withdrawal-like symptoms and talking
about how she can't find laudanum anywhere. And laudanum was basically a mixture of like
opium, alcohol, uh, cocaine and caffeine, I think, is essentially
what laudanum was. Yeah, good old Long Island iced tea, but of every pharmaceutical,
right? And also given to you for headaches. It was, it was like Advil for
a while, especially in the Old West. So, uh, pretty wild stuff.
Um, yeah, so then we— so we got all the herbs together, they're here to
strike it rich, they go off together. There's a nice, like, kind of, hey,
yeah, they all pause in front of a mirror and like, let's get a look
at it ourselves, you know? And then someone starts
to talk, and Wyatt's just like, just be quiet, let's just enjoy it. Exactly.
Um, so then we got introduced to a few more characters. We cut to a
poker game going on where we meet Doc Holliday, played by Val Kilmer,
and his girl— his woman, uh, Kate, uh,
who has this kind of hard to, uh, locate accent.
But Doc does refer to her as his, like, Hungarian devil. So she's
this, like, generically— I mean, the voice, the accent, I don't know what Hungarian people
specifically sound like when they speak English, but, like, she just sounds Eastern European,
sort of. But they are, you know, he basically— Doc gets accused
of cheating and, you know, claims he isn't,
whatever. But he like baits the guy into coming at him, you know, to try
to attack him, stabs him, and like, and then does steal everything from the rest
of the poker room. Like he's taking money and stuff. It did look like a
non-fatal stabbing at least. I mean— But who the hell knows back then, right?
I was gonna say, I think anything that isn't immediately— I mean, if you twisted
that knife at all, you're not gonna get to a doctor in time. Well,
it didn't show the guy die immediately. No, that's true. So Doc
just runs off with like what's on the table, plus steals cash on the way
out. I like that they stole some of the casino chips too. Like, did they
really? I thought he was just gonna cash those in. It was just— it was
more just to like get everything off, right? Yeah, but it was kind of like
Grandma's arm just wiping everything off the table at Teddy KGB's. It was very nice.
Um, yeah, so then they, they go to leave and he's like, oh honey,
why don't we just forget the luggage? Yeah, he says, uh, I'll calculate that's the
end of this town, right? Yeah. And he is just an absolute
one-liner machine. I mean, throughout this movie, everything Doc Holliday is just
pure gold. He says to the guy accusing him of cheating, he goes, if I
thought we weren't friends, I don't think I could bear it. He's this
sort of Southern gentleman. The accent that Val Kilmer puts on for Holliday is great
too, 'cause it's not too thick and too over the top, but it just comes
out in little ways. Like when he says, like, you know, Wyatt Earp is my
friend, you know, it's like, it almost sounds like Bill Clinton, but it works.
So now the Earps arrive in Tombstone. We see some cowboys drive
through, you know, on their horses. We pass Boot Hill. We're getting sort of the
sense of like, what is Tombstone? It looks like a small town. But there's a
lot going on. There's a lot of people walking around, you know, at least a
couple of main streets through town and different— there's saloons and there's a theater
and there's a grand hotel and like all this different stuff. And when the Earps
arrive, they're greeted by John Behan, who is the, I think, the county sheriff,
Cochise County. And he, you know, is basically like—
he's the only one, it seems like, who doesn't know by sight that Wyatt Earp
is Wyatt Earp because he's surprised when the guy says— It's so funny. Yeah,
like, oh. Like, I love the pre, like, readily available photograph era
of just identifying someone. Be like, you're not Wyatt Earp, are you? Are you?
He's like, sure am. You're like, whoa, sorry, Mr. Earp. Like, what the
fuck, dude? You got the ID? I do. Okay, Bihan.
I love how fucking hateable they make him within the first like
10 seconds because he comes up, he looks like an absolute asshole.
I think they worked with like the MIT Applied Mathematics
Lab to figure out the most infuriating tilt for his hat. Yeah, it's just at
this angle that makes you want to punch it off his head. And then he
says he's part of the nonpartisan anti-Chinese League.
I just— it's like, oh God, not— I love— I mean,
obviously hate, but love that it's nonpartisan, that they're saying like,
regardless of what other political disagreements we have, we can agree on one
thing, right? Gosh darn it. Like, yeah, Jesus Christ. But, you know,
apropos for the time, certainly accurate, uh, for the time.
So yeah, so, uh, basically, uh, they get a little,
uh, sort of like tour around town then from, uh, Fred White, who's the town
marshal. Right. So we got— and he's the marshal, and then BN's— and Earp even
says something, or maybe it was Virgil says something about like, you know, a lot
of law in this town. He's like, well, BN's not law, and the only real
law is the cowboys. You see it by the red sashes. We get a little
bit of that intro. So now— and Virgil even says he had a run-in with
them up in Frisco, which I'm assuming he means San Francisco, but he might mean
Frisco, Texas. I don't know. Um, but he said up in Frisco, so I figured
that's what he meant. Yeah. Um, and then they notice, you know, there's all these
saloons and all these like casinos and stuff, and Fred says like, hey, everybody,
you know, makes money hand over fist except here at the Oriental. Nobody goes in,
like whatever. So Wyatt decides to go in, and there's a great line from Virgil,
like, there he goes. Like, they just— they're so used to Wyatt just being like
doing his thing immediately on his bullshit the second they get to a new town.
Yeah. Yep. Um, oh my God, and this scene is just incredible,
right? It's really great. So the reason that the Oriental isn't doing well
is that there's one guy there played by Billy Bob Thornton. Very early
appearance. Very heavy, right? Yeah, he looks very overweight. He does look like
that. And, uh, and I feel like again As we say this, I would have
to go to a personal trainer for 11 months to approach
that. 100%. Not a personal comment.
But the reason the casino is not doing business is because this
guy's just bullying everybody off the table and yelling at everyone and throwing shit around,
and they can't deal with them. Like, the owner of the casino seems like a
nice enough guy, but he has no will to take care of this dude who's
not a member of the Cowboys. No, he is not. Which seems like the
Cowboys— like, this is too low-hanging fruit for the Cowboys to not kind of like
take over the muscle there. But whatever. It doesn't seem like they're interested in the
way that like the mafia would be, you know, 60, you know, 50, 60 years
later. They don't seem that interested in, uh,
running businesses or even like protection rackets and stuff. They're more just into
like stealing and killing and like in the moment kind of doing whatever they want.
Yeah, much more, much more frankly. Yeah, like old pirates. Yeah. And that thing,
they wouldn't want a stake in a, in a business because then they got to
deal with the business and like actually taking money off of people
in some kind of reasonable way. And it seems like they enjoy the gambling part.
True. So I guess what I'm more saying is like the guy, Billy Bob,
should have been one of them. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah, right.
But whatever. Well, he's too much of a wuss probably to join Curly Bill's outfit.
Uh, but yeah, you, you want to take us through why it's a visit here?
Because I, I love the entire thing. It's fantastic. He goes up, he talks to
the, the bartender, he's Milt, who's the owner-operator, and he tells him kind of about
the situation. Like you said, with Billy Bob Thornton's character, his name Johnny Tyler is
the name of the character, and he's already Yeah, he's yelling at some guy who's
playing Faro, and he's, you know, he's got this guy sitting next to him.
Apparently he's like, tell him, dealer, you know, oh, you flipped that card over.
Yeah, just unreasonable shit, right? Being absolutely crazy. And so, and so Wyatt walks
up to him and is like, you're in my seat, which is just such a
perfect, like, like, like that power move, that initial thing, be like, you're in my
chair. Yeah, he says, right? And they go back and forth a little bit,
and that's when, uh, Billy Bob, you know, Tyler says, like, you know,
well, you sure, uh, Something about like, you talk big
for a guy who don't go heel. Like, you talk a big game for a
guy who don't go heel, which I think means carry a gun, right? And he's
saying, well, no need to go heel and get a drop on a bulge like
you or whatever. And it's like, he basically is, you know, they're talking shit.
Yeah. And it's like Billy Bob gets up, Johnny Tyler gets up and is like,
I'm gonna kill you. You know, like, whatever, you're making me real mad. And he
goes, yeah, fine, do it. Like, he's basically just, he doesn't have a gun on
him. Yeah. Like, it doesn't seem to, but he's just not afraid of this guy
at all. And he can see it in his eyes, like how scared he is.
And he— I might— one of my favorite lines in a movie full of great
lines is, skin it, skin that smoke wagon and see what happens.
I said throw down, boy. Like, when he says, I said throw down, but it's
like so good. And finally he just grabs him by his ear and drags him
by the end, and he's slapping him. I mean, he's beating him like,
you know, uh, he draws blood. Yeah. I mean, just like it's
a parental of the time type beating that he's putting on this guy who
was so tough that he was driving business away from the casino in the old
fucking West, which is so menacing, if nothing else. That guy around, it was
really great. And he just before leaving Wyatt's like, what do you say, Milt,
about quarter, quarter of the house stake sound about right? So he's now got a
quarter interest in the game at the Oriental. So yeah, so him and Doc
Holliday both kind of figured out ways to, to rip off casinos and different,
you know, protection racket and then, uh, straight-up robbery.
Um, yeah, so, so now, uh,
he encounters Doc Holliday, right? And there's kind of a reunion there.
Yeah. And he calls the sheriff over and the sheriff's like, what the fuck
So as this is happening, uh, Billy Bob comes up with a shotgun. He's like,
oh, why you— and they just like fully ignore his ass. It's really funny.
It's funny. Doc yells out, Johnny Tyler, where you going with that shotgun?
And clearly Tyler knows Doc, and he goes, you know, Doc, I didn't know you
was in town. And he's like— and then he says like, this is Wyatt Earp.
And now, now Johnny Tyler's scared. Yeah, because, because he knows Doc Holliday
personally, and probably not to a point where he would count him a friend.
Like, this is somebody that he's Intimidated by, scared of. He knows, and he knows
Wyatt Earp by reputation, and he's not about to fuck with Wyatt Earp. So he's
just completely like, okay, I'm done. But yeah, when he's just like still standing there,
right? Doc looks up. Oh, Johnny, I didn't realize you were still there. You may
go now. And then when Wyatt calls Fred up, and Doc is
just like, like goddamn it! Oh, I love it too. There's a line here too
where they're talking about how Morgan tells Doc, oh yeah, Wyatt just got us a
game at the Oriental. He's like, you know, oh, like I didn't think you'd go
for that. Well, didn't you always tell me like you know? Gambling is, is a,
is a sport. Or is it— well, I said poker is, you know, like,
but, you know, Faro is— no, nobody— you shouldn't play that. The house always wins.
And Wyatt says, well, it's not like anybody's holding a gun to their head,
make them play. And Doc says, it's what I love about you, Wyatt. You can
convince yourself of anything. It's just like, just another classic,
like, line from Doc Holliday. The sheriff and the marshal are
there kind of talking to them about like, oh yeah, we got law and order
in this town. Like, as this conversation's happening, And then there's a classic like shootout,
like, you accused me of cheating at cards. Yeah, that's right. Cheated at cards.
One guy kills the other guy. Yep. And then immediately the,
the punishment for killing somebody on the streets is you have to hand over whatever
guns you currently have for an indeterminate amount of time. Just until—
just so the judge doesn't see it. Like, that's, that's why. Until you sober up.
Yeah. And it's like— and the guy even says, I think— so this is Turkey
Creek Jack Johnson and Texas Jack Vermillion, or 2 of these characters. And Turkey
Creek is the one who says, you know, like, it was a fair fight.
Like, we, you know, we waited for them to draw. Like, he's saying, like,
we didn't— essentially the gun version of a sucker punch. We didn't sucker punch.
They drew and we defended ourselves. And he's claiming it should be fine. But Fred
White, you know, the marshal is like, no, I got to take your guns,
you know, kind of thing. At least— and again, yeah, for how long, who knows?
Like, doesn't really say. Creek apparently did take a bullet to the ear. He's got
his ears all bleeding. So he got lucky, it looks like. Yeah. But these are
2 fairly important guys who will come back later, right? Texas Jack and future affiliates.
Turkey Greek. Yes, good guys. Um, so now— oh, now we get the fancy wagon
that pulls into town, which is like the theater company, right? Yeah, yeah, it's just
a group of actors. And, uh, and it's— oh yeah, because, because I guess the,
the theater there would show like a bunch of different stuff, so it wouldn't necessarily
be like one production. No, it'd be like traveling crew. Exactly, like they would travel
from town to town. Yeah. And we get Billy Dane. Billy, Billy,
Billy Dane. Just fucking cut that. Uh, Billy Zane and,
uh, Dana Delaney. Right, right. Here, the, uh, fancy actress who are not a couple.
No, no. So it doesn't complicate anything for us there. No. It makes this part
of the movie very easy for us. Right, right. But so she spots,
uh, spots, you know, the, the Earps with, I think, Behan and Doc,
and they're all kind of standing at the one end of the street and,
and makes a comment about, you know, like, I want one, basically.
Yeah. Who's that tall drink of water over there? She's on the back. And he's
like, drink of water? What the hell is that? It's 1890.
Um, but yeah, so, uh, they've arrived. So then we
cut next to their performance, which is like this sort of, uh, a, you know,
set of small sketches and skits, uh, you know, at the Birdcage
Theater. That— the place is all cowboys on the ground floor. There's balconies where,
you know, like, Bian and I think his woman, uh, are up there or something.
Or then it's like Doc and Kate and Wyatt and, you know, all the,
the couples are all kind of sitting up and watching the show. And they start
off with a juggler who somebody— I don't know if it's John Corbett or one
of the other cowboys— like shoots at him or whatever. And like juggling like bowling
pins. Like bowling pins. And he just shoots and he just explodes the pin,
so no harm. But Jesus Christ, right? This is the worst possible situation
as a performer. And then Billy Zane comes on to do the St. Crispin's Day
speech from Henry V, which I'll be honest, I'm actually fairly familiar with that speech,
and it didn't sound right to me. I don't even think those are the actual
words until the very end. Okay, like there's other stuff in there. I'm like,
that doesn't sound right to me. Like, I had— I literally recently had to look
it up to put it in a screenplay I'm writing, so I know like the
St. Crispin's Day speech is fresh in my mind. And he says a bunch of
other stuff first and then gets to the whole like, you know, All who fought
with us on St. Crispin's Day. But it's like a very short version of it.
But they love— the cowboys love it. Curly Bill in particular. I love the Curly
Bill gets up and he's like, that's all kind of stuff. And they're all fucking
shooting guns in the air. All I can think about when they do that is,
what does the ceiling look like? It must just be about to come apart.
Isn't part of the importance of a theater the acoustics? And you're just ruining that
by putting bullets through the ceiling. 100%. Um, oh man.
So then there's kind of a longer Oh, and who's, uh, what's Jason Priestley's character?
I don't know if we talked about Billy yet. So Billy is an interesting guy.
I think he's actually with Behan. Like, I think he's like a deputy county
sheriff guy. He's like with the cowboys, but he's not
one of them. He's not, right? It's an interesting position. Yeah.
Later on, he loves the play though. Yes. He— oh, like, this culture
come to my town. I can't believe— We also get a sense that he is
quite attracted to Billy Zane's character as well. And that's obviously going to complicate
things for him at this time and place. But yeah, I think later we see,
uh, when the Cowboys have been deputized later on in the storyline, he decides to,
to leave them. And it's like, so if he was also deputized but not a
member of the Cowboys, I mean, that's why I'm guessing he's actually with BN at
this stage as well. But he's friends with Curly Bill, uh, for sure. And,
and, you know, Curly Bill has him come over and sit down with him.
Billy, um, a lot of really simple names. And there's a lot of guys named
Bill or Billy or John or, you know. And I know it's like historical,
but I'm like, Curly Bill, if I was trying to think of a really bad,
bad guy, which he is, and he's Sure. That's not that tough of
a name. Curly Bill Brocius. Yeah. I mean, just Bill Brocius sounds— Bill Brocius is
like Bill Brasky. It sounds good as hell, right? Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky.
Bill Brocius is 13 feet tall. Um,
so, so the final performance that they have from the theater company is, is Faust.
Right, right. The deal with the devil, like, right. So that's all happening, you know,
very much, uh, like, uh, Sun Tzu's The Art of War appearing in Wall Street,
you know. It's just like, hey, we're not, we're not foreshadowing. Very subtle,
very subtle. Yeah. But whatever, this is a— it's a fucking dumb guy, basically a
dumb guy explosion movie, which I love. And you get a— but it's
a little culture. So they're leaving and then you got them kind of talking on
the way out. And oh, the one who's playing the devil in the play is
this woman, Janet Delaney. Josephine Marcus. Yeah, yeah, who's like— and she's a well-known
actress, right? I guess they— it's a big deal that she's in town. She's the
draw. Yeah, like she's known. People know her by name in this, in this time
and place and everything. And it's very funny too, before she unmasks and bows,
Wyatt says kind of just to no one in particular, he says, well, who played
the devil? And, and, you know, so she takes off her mask and is looking
straight at him, which Maddie even notices. And, and, and Wyatt says,
well, I'll be damned. And Doc leans over and goes, you may indeed,
if you're lucky. That's so good.
He's on fire, dude. It's great. So yeah,
um, yeah, so, you know, he's obviously like, whoa, when he sees her.
Yeah. Uh, on the way out, we've got Morgan again, a great like
kind of plot device being like You guys believe in God? 'Cause I sure do.
You know? What do you think happens when you die? Always beware the character
that has like a very, like a lot of plans for the future and a
strong belief in the afterlife. And also like any youngest sibling, that's just
never a good place to be if you're in a large group of family.
Like don't be the youngest sibling. You're toast. Yeah, so yeah, so they're
talking. And so basically Morgan and Wyatt go off to the Oriental to run the
Pharaoh game for the night. But it's a big, big crowd, partly because they got
rid of Johnny Tyler. So it's just the place in general is getting more attention.
I think because the Earps are involved, that probably attracts a certain amount of talent.
And then the actors are deciding to, to kind of post-show there. Yep.
And so that becomes— So people wanna hang where they're at. Exactly. So it's big.
You got a lot of the cowboys are there. It's just like when Mike The
Situation from Jersey Shore is at a bottle service type event. It's the exact same
thing. Only if he's with Sammi Sweetheart though. Like, um, yeah, no, but, uh,
so the, the actors show up and like people are dancing with Josephine. And,
and it was funny, Doc says something about, you know, if she showed up,
how— what would you do? And, you know, do you consider yourself a married man,
Wyatt? forsaking all others? He goes, yeah, I guess, like, whatever. Which is a shitty
fucking answer, by the way. Like, I get that you're married to a drug addict,
but like, you know. But it is funny where it's like, why it's just
like, well, it looks like my wife is a drug addict. Not that my
wife has a problem that she could use help with. It's like, well, she has
become this thing. What can I do? How could I have had anything to do
with this? How could I? It couldn't possibly be all good. First night in a
new town, she asked me to stay with her. Well, better go out with the
boys. And, and, and, and I couldn't possibly have added to her stress being a
law enforcement officer for decades. That couldn't possibly have been a problem for her.
But anyway, so, so, because I love that when Josephine comes up then to sort
of offer Wyatt a dance, basically he just turns around drinking his coffee or whatever.
And Doc says, I stand corrected, Wyatt, you're an oak. Which comes back because—
Yeah. But yeah, so, so this is basically it. And it's just a lot of
things. But this is, I think, when Curly Bill— yeah, Curly Bill and Ringo
show up to play a little faro and they recognize Doc
Holliday, I think. Or do they know they recognize— there's some chitchat between all
of them at this point. They're all kind of well-known. Why Curly Bill and
Johnny Ringo and Doc Holliday are all kind of known to each other by reputation,
at least. Yeah, yeah, they definitely, they definitely are aware of each
other. And oh, one thing it says, you know, Doc Holliday, the reason that he
made this move is that he thought the heat would be better for his tuberculosis.
Yes, or the dry weather. So basically starting here,
he is Bubba from,
or what's the name from Con Air? Like he is sweaty.
He is like The sweatiest man for the rest of this movie,
which is funny why we talk about the most desirable male. Yeah, because you'd
slide— Slip Inside was big then. Maybe you jump on Val Kilmer and whoop,
right off. It's just so pallid in most of this. It's just, I don't see
it. But anyway, I'm also not the target audience for the most desirable male award.
Uh, but this is okay. This is great. And this is like our first,
our first good like encounter between the two, right?
Groups. And it's interesting, Curly Bill and Ike, uh, Ike Clanton's with them as well.
So Ike and Johnny and Curly Bill are all kind of menacing a little bit
and kind of threatening. But Earp's just like, Wyatt's just like, well, let's just play,
play cards. Like, I'm not here to be a lawman, whatever. I'm here to play
cards. And so, and sure enough, Curly wins $500 real quick.
$500 in 1879 was like a year's wages for like
the average person. Yeah. Uh, you could buy a house for $500. Like, I've seen
some estimates depending on if you're looking at like regular inflation, you know, Consumer Price
Index, like what you could actually buy with it. $500 in the mid— in mid-19th
century was anywhere between several thousand and nearly a million dollars. Just depending
on exactly how you want to, right, you know, determine value. Real estate.
Yeah, because you could buy a house for $500, right? So, so it's very wild
that he wins that on like a single hand of— I don't even know,
by the way, no clue how you play the game Faro. So Faro, I looked
it up. Okay, it's almost like war kind of, but you have like, uh,
there's like 5 cards on each side, so you're trying to like beat the dealer's
card or whatever. Okay. Um, so it's a very simple like higher card type.
Oh, interesting. And I think— I forget how the odds slightly favor the house.
Yeah, but I mean, it's one of those Like you know 52-48 type game.
Probably a draw to the house probably does it or something like right? Yeah,
yeah. Interesting. And it is funny when it shows how successful the casino is and
they're winning like deeds to mines and stuff like that. It's really cool. Very good
stuff. Yeah. So the cowboys they encounter the table there and it's a little tense.
It's a little tense. Bill is playing and he won but they're still the fucking
cowboys. He's still Bill's Bill's fine because Bill wins and he's like
and he even said because Ike's been like John like you're law dog we don't
want no law around here law dog you start. And so then Bill wins $500.
He goes, shut up, Ike. Like, this is good. You know, we're kind of cool.
But Ringo and Doc Holliday start talking to each other, and I love it
is that like, you know, Ringo— Doc says something about Ringo, whatever, and Wyatt goes,
don't worry about him. He's drunk. He goes, in vino veritas. And I don't know
the rest of it, but they then speak back and forth to each other in
Latin several times. I was disappointed in the subtitles because I really wanted
to see what they were saying. But he then says to Kate, Doc does,
he goes, oh, it would appear that Mr. Ringo is an educated man.
Now I really hate him. Yeah. Oh, first he said he hated him because
he reminded him of him or something, right? Reminds me of me.
But then, so Ringo decides to pull his gun and do the, like,
you know, sort of, I'm twirling around and back and forth and spinning it and
doing this, which I'm always thinking to myself, man, you know, the amount of pressure
you need, if maybe if the hammer's not cocked back, it takes more. But like,
that seems dangerous. I don't think that gun had a safety on it back then.
There's no such thing. So it's like, that's gonna potentially go off in any direction.
But he does this really impressive stuff. Everyone loves it. Who's cheering?
And it's like very much like, wow, this is the entertainment of 1879. Like,
you know, um, and so then Doc, not armed, uh, has his little,
uh, tin cup that he's got, you know, whiskey or whatever he's got in it,
tequila or something, and he starts flipping it around using the little like handle of
the mug. And everybody loves that as well. I love that. But it also diffuses
the situation completely, and Bill laughs about it, and it's like, all right, come on,
let's go. And so it's really great. Great. We get a scene real quick in
this moment too. We're showing how prepared Wyatt is. He's got a— it's like a
sawed-off shotgun attached to the bottom of the table that he can reach and shoot
at somebody who's across from him. So he is, you know, prepared for, for the
worst to happen. But luckily he doesn't have to deal with it because, uh,
Doc actually both started the shit and defused the
shit. And as unpredictable as Doc was, that was a big kind
of moment because like he could have turned that into a bloodbath and probably taken
out all those Like the idea is that as good as Johnny Ringo is,
Doc is so legendary and good that like he's like unfuckwithable, you know, even if
there's multiple people there. So Wyatt is kind of like
the next day he's on a little I'm gonna go on a ride up and
he encounters Josephine, yes, who's on a pale horse.
Dun dun dun. But they've
kind of a nice, you know, little flirty get to know each other. And the
thing is that the horses want to fuck each other. So it's like springtime.
It's like hey, I can't help it. I'm on top. of this thing that wants
to fuck the thing that you're on top of. So we just gotta go.
Well, he suggests that they just go their separate ways. And she's like,
let's run it out of them. And she's sidesaddle. So the amount of like crazy
horse racing she's doing sitting sidesaddle is impressive. 'Cause that would
have to be very easy to fall off. You know what I mean? Like,
but she's able to not fall off. So they go and they find a little
picnic spot, sort of, not really with like food, but they sit down and like
the horses water. It's really cute too when the horses are— They're like, they're tall.
Their little heads are like next to like their horse kissing or whatever. Luckily they're
not actually banging, but you know, You know, that would have been a lot more
graphic. It would have got it the NC-17 instead of R here. Um, and we
would have had a link to Boogie Nights too. Exactly right. But, uh, but yeah,
so they're just chatting and, you know, she's asking him questions about what he wants
out of life. Are you happy? And he thinks it's even ridiculous to ask yourself
questions like that. And yeah, he comments that he's never met a woman who talks
like you and all this stuff. And so he's like, well, I'm happy as the
next man, I guess. Which is like, oh man, that's not a great answer.
Yeah. Uh, and but this is clear, this is the romance building. You know,
we— it was made clear right away Josephine wanted him. Like, yeah, we've seen several
things of that. And he's obviously finds her attractive. But now we're getting
to where he recognizes that life might not be the same if
he were with Josephine as it is that he's with Maddy, right? And that's,
and that's sort of the real first sort of seed
of my marriage is not going to last forever kind of
thing, right? Well, and she's, you know, in his world, like, he's a lawman
in Kansas, and then to him, the greatest possibility for the expansion of
his universe was going to Tombstone and striking it rich there with his wife
and his brothers, right? And he now has shown him that the world is millions
of times bigger than even that. So he's just like, what the fuck? Yeah.
And, uh, he's— oh, and she says that she's with, like, since they
can't be together, she's with B-Man right now. Just for now. Can you fucking untilt
his hat, please? And she just says he's handsome and he's charming and
that's it. But he, you know, she does— she makes it clear she doesn't have,
like, long-term interest in B-Man. Like, you know, whenever her troupe moves
on, right, they're obviously there for a little while to do some shows in town.
she's not gonna bring him with her or come back to him.
That's just while they're there. It's a good guy to connect yourself to, honestly,
when you're in a new town, like the lawman. And like you said, like,
he's a good-looking guy. He's well-dressed, except for one fucking thing.
We could lose the cane on top of the hat. We could lose both the
cane and the hat. We could use the cane to knock the hat off his
head, then he's wonderful. Then I'll marry him.
So yeah, this is really a nice little encounter.
And she's like, you know, I'm not a lady. And Doc's like, oh, you're a
wife. It's like, you're a lady, all right. You know, it's very— It's, it's,
it's cute while we're also making it clear we are talking about adultery here.
Oh, 100%. But it's still somewhat cute. So— That's why they had to show him
save the horse from getting slapped early on, because they're like, remember, good guy here.
So then, uh, he goes home and Maddie is just destroyed,
wasted on Laudanum, uh, giggling in bed,
sweating, just like— it's a real nightmare. And he tries to like sort of—
oh, like they talked about room service, Wyatt and Josephine. So he goes to Maddie
and is like, why don't we just just pick up stakes. So apparently they've already
made a ton of money. There's not a real clear sense of how much time
has passed since their arrival in Tombstone. If you told me it was 5 days
or you told me it was 5 months, I'd probably believe you either way,
right? Sure. But apparently it's enough that they've already made a ton of money
just running the game at the Oriental. They're only getting a quarter of the profits
as well. But he says, why don't we just pull up stakes and keep going
and we'll get room service, whatever? And she just thinks this is the most ridiculous
thing. She laughs at it, but then— but is also like laughing in the way
you laugh at someone because you think they told a joke. You know what I
mean? Like, she's not really laughing at him so much as she's laughing at the
funny joke she thought he told, and he was being serious. And she seems so
out of it anyway that her response to a lot of things will just be
laughing at it. Like, something that she doesn't want to have to seriously consider is
something she's just gonna laugh at. Yep. Um, yeah, so she's really out of
it, and that's disappointing for, for Wyatt. Yeah. Because he's like, man, you know,
comes home from meeting Josephine, and it's not even quite in his head yet,
like, I'm gonna run away with Josephine. No, but— Hey, what if we did this?
Yeah. Hey, what if you became this different chick? He's trying— like, that's— see,
that's a good point at the end. What you just said at the end there
is why it doesn't work for him in sort of a good guy way.
But he thinks he's being the good guy by falling for this other
woman, and instead of just leaving his wife for her off the bat,
he tries to twist his wife into her. Yeah. And in his mind, that's like
more noble, better. That's like— it's like, no, no, no, no, no,
dude. That's still cheating, still emotional, whatever. whatever it
is. It's all bad, but yeah, betrayal of some kind. So, um, later that night
we're back at the Oriental. Uh, Doc is playing piano, Kate's sitting against him,
and a couple of cowboys including Thomas Haden Church and Ike Clanton are both there.
And, uh, and I love Thomas Haden Church so much.
Uh, he's great in this. I— it— again, we're talking about the
lack of name diversity. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like the wedding at Goodfellas,
right? Everyone's either named Billy or Bill. Yeah. Or, well, like, he's another
young Billy, but he's not Billy the Kid. Nope.
He is Billy A. He's also not the Jason Priestley Billy. He's not Bill—
well, he's not Curly Bill. He's not Wild Bill. He's not— yeah. And Jason Priestley
has a curly mustache. He's not Curly Bill. That's correct. Powers Boothe with a
straight mustache is Curly Bill. Um, but anyway, so yeah, so this is another— this
is Billy Clanton. I think this is Ike's brother, I think, is who this is.
I'm not 100% sure, but, but they're, they're, uh— he basically— Doc is playing
Chopin. He's playing Nocturne by Chopin on the piano, and, and Thomas Haden Church doesn't
like this, and he's like, you know, why don't you play some Oh, Susanna,
Camptown Races, you know, uh, Stephen Foster, you know, Stephen Stinking
Foster. And Doc looks at him and goes, well, this is Nocturne. He's like,
what? You know, Frédéric fucking Chopin.
This is so good. This is really good. And I love that they had their,
like, Stephen Foster was like their, uh, like New Kids on the
Block of the day. Exactly. If you're like a cultured guy, you're like, Stephen Foster,
you piece of shit. Uh, yeah, really fun. He's like, look,
man, I only know 4 songs. Like, we're gonna be here all
night. I'll get to it. I don't know, Doc probably does know a lot.
He probably does like Mozart and Beethoven and Bach and shit. Like, I could see
all that. I kind of like the pre-recorded music era is so interesting
because like you had to know a guy who could play like a piano or
guitar, whatever the fuck, or sing, or be okay with someone who's
trying who's not that good. Yeah, you know, if you're lucky there was a player
piano. That was like the first, the first type of recording, right?
Right? Uh, so we've got, uh, we've got Curly Bill in
an opium den, right? And he's out of his mind,
right? Looking like Matty. And he comes out of there, yeah, and he's like,
oh, this actually— she's correct, I feel fucking
great. Like, and he has this crazy— I mean, I love how they
make him like 25% Captain Hook in this movie. Like, there's some goofiness to
him that they add that really— I love Powers when he says, I feel Capital.
Yes, I love it. It's so good. And he comes out
and he's like shooting it, and then there's a great camera shot of him like
firing his guns at the moon, but he's coming straight at the camera. Yeah,
really good stuff. I will say though, this is the first, uh, one of many
indicators in this movie that, uh, all guns— no gun ever
needs to be reloaded. Nope. Because he has 2 6-shooter revolver
pistols and he fires 20 shots. I counted 5 from the gun in
his left hand, 7 from the gun in his right hand, and 8 that we
can't see him when he's firing, so we don't know which hand it came
out of. But that's 20 shots, and there's no— there's no way in his state
that he's sitting there carefully reloading the little cylinder. Here's the thing,
Steve does not need to be a ballistics expert to understand how many shots
a 6-shooter would have available to it.
Yeah. I love it. This would be a good analysis someday,
is, uh, which movie has the most, like, superfluous gunshots that,
like, couldn't have been possible. There's so many later in the
movie too. But, but yeah, a lot of— a lot of shotguns that clearly have
2, barrels and 2 shells that get fired 7, 8, 9 times without
being opened. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Uh, but basically, uh, Fred White, the marshal,
comes out to try to take Curly Bill's guns away because— Very reluctantly, because all
the lawmen are kind of like— the sheriff and the marshal are looking at each
other. He's like, oh, someone should do something. The sheriff's like, oh, this is not
a county issue, this is a town. It's like, be in, you punk. So he
goes out, uh, to try to take the guns away from Curly Bill, and Bill
at first is kind of like, oh hey, Fred, sure. And he's like, you know,
you know, sort of like does that thing where you haven't dropped the guns,
but you're not holding the, uh, the handles anymore, you know, the, the whatever.
And so he goes up, but he still ends up kind of pointing the guns
upside down at Fred and shooting one of them right in his chest. I mean,
because that's gonna kill you instantly. Yeah, especially back then. I mean, if not instantly,
it's not like it's recoverable, right? You know, that kind of thing. And so he
shoots, and it seems like Curly Bill's even surprised. He goes, Fred? Like, he almost
like he didn't mean to or something. Yeah, was he that fucked up, or was
he just messing with him? Yeah, because it gave us a real good blast of
like the Cape Fear score dramatic music. It was like, yeah,
like really, uh, really hit you hard. So Wyatt comes out of the Oriental and
slams Curly Bill in the head, knocking him out with a gun. And, and everybody
out now, all these townspeople are like, he killed Fred White, get a rope,
like go hang him up. And Wyatt's like, no, no, he'll stand trial. He'll go
before a judge, he'll stand trial, you know, whatever. There'll be justice, but it's not
going to be street justice. Of course, all the cowboys, Thomas Haden Church, Ike Clanton,
they're saying like, cut him loose, let him go, he's a cowboy, not none of
your business, like whatever. Wyatt's not gonna do that either. I love when he gets—
Ike comes and kind of rushes at him and he gets his pistol, Wyatt does,
right up against Ike's forehead. And it's like, he's like, you die first,
you get it? Your friends may get me in a rush, but not before I
turn your head into a canoe. Do you understand? Like, I mean, he's just like—
and you know, they're all like, oh, he's bluffing. And Ike's like, you're not bluffing.
Yeah. He's not bluffing. Back off, back off. He's not bluffing.
Um, and then I love Doc comes out to help and Thomas Haden Church is
like, oh, it's the drunk piano player. You're probably so drunk you're seeing double.
And Doc just pulls a second gun and goes, I've got a gun for the
both of you. Oh my God. I think that would work, actually.
Yeah, right? I think so. Yeah, both. You probably hit one or the other,
right? Maybe it would just go to either side of the actual target though.
I don't know. Oh my God, it's so good. And so luckily,
you know, they were able to get them to, to take off. Well, Morgan and
Virgil show up and kind of, you know, disperse the crowd. They got their own
guns, whatever. And it's whatever. But the very next scene is we find the Urp
Boys all talking to each other, and White's explaining how the judge said,
well, did you see White get shot? He goes, no, by the time I got
there, White was dead. He's like, well, then there's no crime if there's no witness,
which is like Like the most amazing legal argument I think I've ever heard in
my entire life. Dude, it's totally a like I don't it's Friday
at four forty-five p.m. and I don't feel like doing the paperwork kind of thing.
Like B plus B plus B plus Ednik Roboppel like just trying to end her
day. Yeah, so great billiards room by the way for the
time. I mean how great of a spot would that have been to hang out?
Absolutely. Looks like maybe it's a side room at the Oriental, not the same room
with the Pharaoh tables in it, but and Bill passed. Oh, I love this game.
You know someday when I have me my own big house, I'm gonna build me.
my own billiards table. You know why? Because I believe in God and
I'm gonna live forever. And I wonder if anything bad will happen to him while
playing billiards later on. Okay, so, um, this is actually also— this is a good
scene though because they're talking about how much money they're making on this stuff,
and you start seeing Virgil not being super comfortable with it.
Yeah, he's sitting, he's kind of hanging his head, he's drinking pretty hard. It's clear
that he is struggling a bit, and he's the first one to really start commenting
to them about, you know, that the town is in trouble. Like, the people who
just live here and want to just live their lives are hurting. Yeah, the cowboys
are hurting them, and we're just making money off this town, and that sucks.
Like, I don't— I'm not happy about that. I don't like that. Um, when he
goes outside, Virgil goes to go home, he like pulls a kid out of the
street before he's about to get run over, you know, gives him back to the—
I can't tell if it's the mother or the schoolteacher, but it's a woman with
a bunch of kids with her. Yeah, she's got a huge scar down her face,
and it's all these things reminding Virgil like, this is a fucking hard place to
live. Yeah, this is like a terrorized population here, and we just happen to have
like one of the few profitable types of businesses, right? And, and are,
are men who are— which is no problem defending themselves. On the population, like,
how many women with a scar in their face like that is because their husband
lost at fucking Faro the night before? Or got super drunk at a bar,
right? Like, right, yeah, between alcohol and gambling, that's, that's, you know,
who knows what else is happening at that place too. Um, so then we cut
to the next scene and Virgil is now the town marshal. Town needed a new
marshal, Frank White died, uh, and he's now town marshal and he's putting up a
decree that says you cannot carry guns in And people are
up in arms with this. And it's not just the cowboys. This is like townspeople
are pissed about it, right? They're kind of like, this is stupid. And he's like,
well, my— They're calling him Virgil Hussein Earp. Exactly. You know,
thanks Obama, Virgil. But he says, we're not saying you can't own a gun.
We're not saying you can't carry a gun. We're just saying you can't carry a
gun in town. The world's first gun-free zone, apparently.
Yeah. And you know, it doesn't really— But what am I gonna put my holsters?
Right. So, but then, and then Wyatt shows up and
is pissed. He's like, I told you we're staying out of it. Like the whole
thing he's arguing with him with, with Virgil. And then Morgan, he's like, Morgan,
back me up. And Morgan, you know,
you back your brother's play. So they're now both marshals, and Wyatt is pissed
about it. He is just not happy about it at all. Um, but yeah,
that's, that's it. Yeah. And Morgan's response is like, you know what, Wyatt, I did
the thing that I thought you would do, and I backed my brother up.
There you go. So we got some good conflict between them. Yeah, exactly.
Um, so, uh, so Doc, and, uh,
Doc is now He's still at the Oriental. He's still playing at the
Oriental. And they say he's been going 36 hours. 36 hours, which, you know,
not great for anybody. Mike McD
would have a tough time. I would say it's not a great idea to be
awake gambling, drinking, and smoking cigarettes for 36 hours, no matter who you are.
If you have tuberculosis, I think in particular, maybe don't.
Yeah. I'm not a medical professional, but that's my thing.
So he's playing— And depending on when your monthly glass of water was.
You only get a couple. But yeah, but Ike
is playing poker, actually. That's right, he's not playing Faro, they're playing poker. And,
uh, Ike accuses Doc of cheating. Doc gets accused of cheating a lot.
Yeah. So either he does cheat, which it seems like is very likely, or he's
very good at cards and just gets accused of it a lot. Um, but you
know, I'm trying to see here. So Ike basically threatens, uh, Doc.
Uh, they kind of defuse it, but then Doc starts coughing
up blood and falling down, and they gotta get get— like, White and a couple
people got to get Virgil, got to get him out of there to get him
to like a doctor or something. Um, and then before Ike leaves, he like slaps
Milt the bartender and is all talking shit about the Earps, whatever. And so Virgil
just knocks him out and arrests him, um, puts him in the drunk tank or
whatever they've got there at Tombstone County City Jail or
whatever the fuck it is. And Ike is accusing the Earps of like,
you're in league with Doc Holliday. Yeah, yeah, like you're, you're all
working here like helping to rip me off. And he kept calling them
And I remember, like, when my friends were all watching this movie in the
late '90s, if someone was like, you're a pimp, you're a pimp, I'd be like,
no, thank you. It had a very similar phrase. P to the I to the
M to the P. Um, so, so yeah,
Ike wants to kill them, and they're able to take him into jail. Uh,
in the meantime, the doctor is visiting Doc Holliday and being like, all right,
bro, like, you have to rest hard as hell. Like, you're not going to get
better unless you do that. Also, you're not allowed to fuck. Yeah, exactly. Don't,
don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble, don't stay up late, don't have sex, all this
stuff. And, and he's like, No, that's not
gonna happen. And Kate, by the way, is a horrible enabler as well, because she
walks over, you know, look, frankly, looking all good and like getting on the bed
with him, but then gives him the cigarette to smoke. And it's just like,
man, that, that, you know, he even says something about, I think you'll be the
death of me or something. Yeah, it's like, no shit, dude.
Um, but now the, the, the Clantons, Billy and Ike
Clanton, and a couple other cowboys, about 6 of them altogether, have come back into
town and are telling everybody that they're gonna kill the Earps. Yep. They're just making
sure everybody knows, we're gonna kill the Earps. And so they all hang out at
the sort of this area behind the O.K. Corral. And initially
Wyatt's like, let's just let 'em sober up, it'll be fine. And Virgil's
like, no, it won't. Like, they're just gonna, you know, even if they don't do
anything today 'cause they're drunk and they sober up and don't do anything, they're just
gonna be back. Like, it's not anything. He goes, and this is the important part
about Virgil's sort of decree about town is that they're carrying guns, they're breaking the
law, we can arrest them. We're not shit unless we're enforcing these laws that we
just put in. Like, no one's gonna respect us if we say this is the
law Yeah, and then let these guys do whatever the
fuck they want. Exactly. Wyatt's argument is like, oh, that's a misdemeanor, like whatever,
you know. But it's like, you know, Virgil's pointing out, look, they're threatening our lives.
We're law enforcement. They're threatening our lives and they're doing this. They're carrying guns,
they're breaking laws. Like, we need to go enforce the laws. Yeah. And so Wyatt
acquiesces and goes, all right, well, you might as well swear me in then.
So now he's a marshal as well. Uh, I feel like at that time,
it's funny, like the misdemeanor talk. I feel like there were 3 punishments you could
have. You could have get out of town, You could have one night in
jail or you can have hanged. Yeah, pretty much. Like, just nothing else. Maybe there
was a duel in there somewhere. I don't know. Yeah. But basically they swear Wyatt
in and then Doc shows up with a shotgun. Or no, he doesn't show up
with a shotgun. He just shows up and they're like, shouldn't you be in bed?
And he's like, no, I heard what was going on. I'm here, you know?
And so they give him the long gun and they all, just the 4 of
them, the 3 Earps and Doc decide to walk down to the O.K. Corral.
And what a shot. What a scene. It's really great. It's so, it's so— There's
a building on fire for some reason. I'm not really sure what got set on
fire, but something got set on fire. Yeah. And, and, you know, again, I'm just—
I haven't done it yet, but almost certainly the, the COVID art for the episode
today will be some form of them walking down the street with that burning building
behind them. It's a classic look. Um, but they're heading to the O.K. Corral.
This is like— this is the kind of thing that you've heard of even if
you've never seen the movie Tombstone. For sure. Like, if you have any— have had
any education in the history of the Old West at all, the shootout at the
O.K. Corral, or the showdown at the O.K. Corral, whichever it's referred to, is a
famous real-life event that occurred in Tombstone, Arizona. It's not made up.
So they get there, and luckily for them, immediately 2 of the cowboys run off.
Like, they basically are like, we're here to arrest you. Well, the sheriff— as they're
walking there, the sheriff runs by them, right, and is like, uh, I just disarmed
them, so don't even worry about it. It's like, what the fuck? And then he
goes and like hides in some, you know— Oh yeah, he hides in what appears
to be like a boudoir photo shoot for Josephine. Um, but yeah, so,
so there's that. And they're right— that's right there. So they're kind of watching through
the window, and there's all this stuff that's like everybody's kind of And I just
paused, right? There's 4 on 4. Everybody's like, nobody's pulled their guns yet.
Although, although obviously, uh, Doc's holding the shotgun. Yeah. But again, everybody else is holstered
and there's kind of whatever. But then Doc winks at Thomas Haden Church's character,
who then reacts, and Wyatt like clocks it and is like, oh damn, or whatever.
It's like, and they just start shooting and everybody's, you know, left, right, center.
Ike runs off into the same building Behan's hiding in. Uh, I think, was it
like, uh, Virgil gets— catches one in the leg. Morgan catches one in the arm.
But the Earps do prevail. Doc does a great move where there's a guy kind
of taking cover behind a horse, and Doc shoots the shotgun to spook the horse
so the horse like does a wheelie, and then he fucking shoots the guy.
It was really great. It was really smart stuff. And I feel like if— I
like that this happens so quickly because I think, you know, in real life it
was one of those things that all was over in a minute, minute and a
half. Exactly. And I— if this movie was made 5 years later,
there would have been so much slow motion in this scene, I feel like.
So I kind of like the straightforwardness this. 100%. Yeah,
that's— it's good stuff. So, uh, Billy, uh, got killed,
I believe. Yeah, Thomas Haden Church gets shot. THC gone. And a couple
others— Ike survives. Um, yeah, this is one of the times also when I
said no one ever reloads a gun in this movie, because like the shotgun in
particular that Doc has, he probably fires 5, 6, 7 shots that we see in
order. And this is not— there's no drum barrel associated
with this, with this shotgun. It should be like a 2-shot thing at most.
And so, yeah, so there's that. Um, oh, oh, someone was about to
kill Doc. Yeah. And he's like, I'm gonna— I'm gonna take you out. And he's
like, you're a daisy if you do. And then Morgan ended up saving the day
and shooting that guy. Morgan saves the day. But, uh, but so then they got
to go in and, uh, uh, Virgil is getting worked
on because he, he took that shot to the leg. Or no, no, he took
the shot— he got shot in the arm. The arm, right. Um, well, we've got
a— no, no, sorry, I've got 2 different things. That's right. So now, uh,
we have this later. the funeral of the guys who got
killed in that shootout going through town in these horrific
caskets that have like sunroofs in them. Miss me with that forever,
dude. I want to be in the most opaque casket that's
ever existed. It's like a permanently open casket. Yeah, out of here, right?
And they've got like really ridiculous like makeup on. Yeah. Like the coroner or whatever,
like put them in, you know. The mortuary guy.
Um, and they're carrying a sign that says like— the cowboys are leading this
funeral procession and they're carrying a sign that says murder in the streets of Tombstone,
you know, as they go to bury their buddies. Hey, look at that, every accusation
is a confession. Seriously, go all the way back there. Uh,
and then come, you know, next scene, drunk Ringo is stumbling through the streets
and, you know, there, and he says, I want your blood, I want
your souls, and I want them both right now. And he basically
threatens the Earps, and then Curly Bill drags him away, like, not, not the time,
not the time, whatever. But this is when he says, oh boys,
I'm scared of what'll happen with this outfit once Ringo's in charge. Like,
yeah. Because he is a crazy person. But clearly
the cowboys are going to get their revenge. This is not something they're just gonna
let sit here. Well, and Doc says, I'm like, Doc's like, I'm your Huckleberry during
this Johnny Ringo kind of meltdown. So it's like, it doesn't happen, but it
shows us like, dude, Doc is the only one who's down to fight this guy
who's wildly waving his guns around, right? Yeah. So, so yeah,
so now it's a dark and stormy night, uh, lightning off in the distance,
etc. And the ladies, uh, uh, all 3 of the Earp wives
are hanging out, uh, in one of the houses together. Um, doing tarot cards.
That's right, doing tarot cards, and it's the death card, etc., you know, all the
bad stuff. Uh, Behan goes to see Josephine, who doesn't want anything
to do with him anymore because of the way he like hid during the gunfight.
Fucking Uvalde'd it up there, dude. What a fucking coward. But yeah,
so, so she's basically like, fuck off. And he says something like, well, after tonight,
like, everything, you know, I'll be the only law in, in Tombstone,
or some shit like that, whatever it is, basically talking about how the Earps are
in trouble, right? So she actually runs and goes to the wives, the Earp wives,
and even says to Mattie, like, I know it's terrible that I'm here, don't— but
I think something awful is gonna happen. At which point a masked, you know,
sort of hooded figure bursts through the door and fires a shotgun into
the house. Now, it doesn't hit anybody. Yeah. But like, they tried to kill their—
the wives, which is like, again, there are not a lot of sort
of mores and rules around, you know, frontier justice, but it does seem like
that's a line a lot of people wouldn't cross. They mostly don't seem to be
going after family members, right? Yeah, wives and kids, just in general.
person you have the beef with. Yeah, it doesn't seem like this is a,
uh, everybody, you know, gets killed along with you. It's, it's more like, no,
no, you did wrong, so we'll kill you. We'll leave everybody else alone. And in
particular, women and children seem to be off limits for most. So this is a
surprising thing. Yeah. And, and now, uh, Wyatt and Morgan, I think, are at
the bar, like at the billiards area. Uh, Wyatt keeps going and filling
himself like the tiniest drops of beer. Like, fill yourself a full fucking beer.
How was beer then, do you think? Pre-refrigeration? It's like cask.
Like you've had that cask beer. It's like, that's gotta be terrible. That's rough.
Yeah. I mean, at the time it must have been like, whoa, this is amazing.
But I mean, a little, you know, easier drinking than liquor. So that's nice.
And, you know, uh, more portable and less fragile than wine,
right? Wine would've gone bad easily. Wine's a rough one to transport. Exactly. So,
you know, um, you do what you gotta do. So they're playing there and they're,
you know, just after the shooting has happened at the women's thing and the door
opens and Virgil comes in and they're just kind of like, hey Virgil, how you
doing? Yeah. Yeah. What'd you forget? Dry enough out there for you? Just kind of
bullshitting, but he clearly has been shot badly in the arm real
bad. Yeah, uh, missing or artificial limb, can we
call it? We haven't had it in a while. See, because they do say in
the epilogue that Virgil didn't have the use of his arm. That's right. So that's
what I would argue. I would argue, is it actually missing if it's still physically
there? Yeah, uh, because it's definitely not artificial. Like, we're too— we're too early in,
in world history really for artificial limbs. It would have been quite the thing.
That would have been that Wild Wild West movie with Kenneth Branagh and Will Smith.
Yeah, but, uh, nice steampunk arm for him. Exactly. Um, all right, well, we We
were close. We haven't added it in a while. It's one of our favorite hashtags
on, uh, 2 Dads 1 Movie. Yeah. Um, so, uh, so like while
they're kind of tending to Virgil, like they're under attack now by the cowboys,
uh, Morgan gets shot in a very gnarly way in the back,
deep, just lower back. There's no— and they're trying to get the,
the bullet out of him and really like, it looks awesome. What hope? I mean,
this is the crazy thing about this era is you can have these injuries which
would be minor and treatable in the present day. Yeah. Yeah, where it's
like, oh no, you're just fucked. Oh, you got a cut there? Well, you got
a week. Yeah, it's wild. And, and, and, you know,
Wyatt's got Morgan in his arms as Morgan is basically just, you know,
the doctor says like, I can't do anything, the bullet's too deep, there's no way
to fix this, like this is it, you know. And they got the, the,
you know, his wife, Morgan's wife, and Maddie, they're all screaming at the door and
stuff. And, and, you know, Morgan turns to Wyatt and is saying, hey, you know,
like, he goes, you know, they say about that thing about a light when you're
dying, I can't see that I can't see shit. Like, and then
he dies. So we got all that. We paid off all that foreshadowing about Morgan
and the near-death experience. We did. We did. Yeah. And I, and I
put in my notes, never be a true believer with plans for the future.
There you go. You're signing your own death ticket there. So now the Earps
are leaving town. Oh well, first when Wyatt runs out to react
to Morgan's death. This— so there are 2 parts of this movie, uh,
where when I was watching it, I kind of thought like, I feel like
this was a replacement director. Like, I feel like this wasn't the original director,
just because I know the other movies that I know of George P. Cosmatos are
Rambo: First Blood Part 2, right? And, uh, Cobra,
Sylvester Stallone, right? And this scene of Kurt Russell out in the rain,
and then later on a scene which I'll mention, yeah, seems like they were
directed by a guy who knows how to direct Sylvester Stallone. It was like
a little insane. It was like, I think we could have done a little
better here. But I like Wyatt's reaction to it. Yeah. And then he has to
rappel his mistress as he's like reacting to his brother dying.
He's like, get away from me! It's a good meltdown, but it was very over
the top. It's the sort of like— no pun intended— you know, look right there,
over the top. Oh, that's such a good movie. Anyway, uh, it's sort of the,
you know, everybody around me gets hurt, so get away, right? You know,
but the problem is he turns the other direction and there's his wife. Oh,
okay. I thought he was like, bitch, my wife is right there. No, no,
it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I'm toxic. That makes his
character a little better of a Yes, it's, it's, it's, it's, don't you see?
Like, look, because he's got his brother's blood is all over his hands. Literally,
he's like, my— his blood is on my hands. It's not a metaphor, it's literally
here. You should go away or you'll get hurt too. But then that caring sort
of, you know, thing that he gives to, to Josephine, he turns around and Maddie
witnessed it. So now Maddie knows, well, clearly you care about this woman enough to
say that to her. And this was a time when I feel like adultery
was like— the bar was low. Oh yeah. Like, it was, it was like,
you know, you were meant to be not even looking at other women or other
men if you were, you know, in a relationship. Unless you were somebody who just,
you know, went to whores. Like, there were only 2 levels, it seemed like.
Yeah, it's weird. It seems like, yeah, the best of times
and the worst of times for adultery, right? If you're like someone with the status
of a sheriff or like a Wyatt Earp type guy, it almost seems like,
oh yeah, it's a no-brainer that these guys go and cheat on their wives.
They have hard jobs, they travel a lot or whatever. But also biblically, you can't
even look. You can't look at an ankle or you're gonna get shot. Exactly.
Um, but yeah, so now it's time for the Earps. Oh, and during this scene
where he's out in the rain, this is like— my wife was watching, not making
a lot of comments during the movie, which she really enjoyed, but while he's yelling,
and she just says at the end of it, to me, the wet mustache
was the funniest part. It does hang a bit,
doesn't it, when it gets really sopping? Um,
all right, so now it's the next day. They're leaving town. They've packed up.
They got Morgan's casket in the back. Virgil's got that arm in a sling.
He can't use it anymore. And they roll past Ringo and Curly Bill are sitting
on a porch, and this is that really is definitely a very common meme or
animated GIF that gets used a lot, right, is Wyatt rides up
and says to Curly Bill, I want you to know that it's over. Like he's
saying, like, we're not doing anymore. And Curly Bill looks
at him and goes, well, bye. So good.
But as they leave town, Curly Bill says to Ike,
hey, grab a couple of— he says a couple of people, go grab 'em,
go finish it. Yeah. You know, go take 'em down, whatever. And this
is— And Curly Bill and Ringo and the crew were were sitting in
front of the oysters and beer place. It was weird. So maybe Wyatt was just
like, you know what? Those oysters will kill him in 2 days. I don't need
to kill this. This is a landlocked state, uh, landlocked territory.
We're getting them from Lake Mead. Where are these oysters coming from?
Havasu? Um, oh man. Can you imagine what the, uh, what the
crabs and clams and oysters and horrible things inside Havasu are? Oh my God,
right? A lot of crustaceans. So, so Virgil— he gets
Virgil to leave town with his wife, you know? So he's on his way out
on the train, and like immediately at the train station, you know, Wyatt is attacked.
He ends up taking out one of the henchmen. Yep. And then, uh, Ike,
I think, is remaining. And instead of killing Ike, he does this sick— he slices
his face with the spur. Oh, I love it. And he says,
you tell him I'm coming and hell's coming with me.
Again, I see a red sash, I kill the man who's wearing it. Oh man.
So this is Wyatt's rampage. Oh, he's flipped now. We get a
big, uh, sort of montage of just hunting down cowboys,
shooting them in opium dens, and killing them on horseback. And just
all kinds of stuff. Um, we get to— they've killed
a ton of cowboys. Oh, by the way, I say they, uh, the night that
they attacked Virgil and Morgan and the women, McMasters,
played by Michael Rooker, he came up along with Turkey Creek and, uh, Jack,
uh, Texas Jack, and told Wyatt they went after your women. I'm not
okay with that. Like, I'm out. Like, yeah, that was too far for me.
Yep. Well, I don't even know that Turkey Creek and Texas Jack were actually in,
but the Rooker was. McMasters, Rooker He threw down his sash like, I'm done,
I'm out. Uh, and they all say, Wyatt, if you need us, you let us
know. So now we've basically— the posse is Wyatt and Doc and McMasters and
Turkey, you know, Creek, and, uh, and Texas Jack. And so it's— that's who,
by the way, both guys named Jack. It's another thing. You got Turkey Creek Jack
Johnson and Texas Jack Vermillion. Like, they're all named Jack. I don't even— I'll bet
you Doc's hollering. I think Doc's first name is John or Jack as well.
Yeah. So, but anyway, um, so they're, you know, doing the ones— they're the ones
hunting down the cowboys, killing and stuff. They get to a river where it looks
like they're gonna even possibly just stop for a little bit, water their horses and
stuff, but they start getting fired at from across the river and they have to
duck. And it's Curly Bill and a bunch of his guys, and they got them
on both sides. Yeah. They're coming on both sides of them and pinning them in.
And this is, you know, a little, um, maybe a little unrealistic.
I think this is where the historical fiction part of the movie really kicks in,
is Wyatt just says, no! And he like gets
up and walks into the river. Uncovered. He just like starts walking across the
river, shooting straight. And again, uh, George P. Cosmatos learned this when
he made Rambo: First Blood Part 2. If you're determined enough to
shoot who you're shooting at, then you will not get shot yourself if you
fully expose yourself. This is Rambo standing in the river with his bow and arrow
while he's got like 9 machine guns missing him, right? Exactly.
So yeah, this is the other scene where I was like, that's a Stallone director
right there. So, uh, Wyatt does kill Curly Bill
there in the river, uh, and And, you know,
basically, like, they win, basically. The cowboys who aren't dead run
off. Yep. And so, uh, Turkey Creek and Jack and Doc
are all standing around kind of cleaning stuff up. He goes, you ever seen anything
like that? I've never seen anything like that. And, you know, they're basically like,
what do we do? And I think it's, uh, you know, like, well, I can't
remember exactly how Turkey Creek opens it up, but Doc's response
is, Wyatt Earp is my friend. Yeah. And Turkey Creek goes, well, I got— hell,
I got a lot of friends. And Doc's like, I don't. I love it.
It's so good. It's such like a— for such a testosterone
movie, that's such a sweet like realization for a character to have
on screen. And so, uh, I think the next thing we see is, uh,
so B.N. has deputized the Cowboys. So Ringo
and, and the remaining Cowboys, they're actually, I guess, county sheriff
deputies, right? Because the way you become a sheriff is to have the
badge. Yeah, that's what it seems like in this. Yeah, if you— and you
kill the sheriff, you take his badge, you are the new sheriff. It is like
the WWF. Intercontinental champion. But nobody even killed the sheriff. Behan's with them. That's the
thing. Like, he's just hanging out. He's like, he's on their side. Like, yeah,
he's just got a ton of badges. Uh, Billy Zane has been killed.
Yes, exactly. And, you know, basically, uh,
Josephine's like, what the fuck? Someone tried to steal my watch and he called them
cowards and they killed him. This is out of control. You guys suck ass.
Yeah. And this is when Jason Priestley's Billy quits and he says like, I'm not
gonna be a part of this, whatever. Um, and, uh, and yeah.
And then, uh, I think while they're riding, or that while the posse is riding
Doc like passes out and sort of almost falls off his horse or whatever.
So they have to find somewhere to stop with him. And yeah, they end up
at Hooker's Ranch, which is run by Hooker,
who's played by Charlton Heston. Yeah, that's right. And what I read about the director
switching, the original director of this film did direct these Charlton Heston scenes.
Oh, and they left him in. So it's weird that like that was in there,
and then they had the other guy— like all the other stuff is the other
guy. Really? Yeah. Yeah, so maybe they only had Heston for a very
brief period of time or something like that. Certainly not in a lot of scenes.
So, um, yeah, so, uh, so Johnny Ringo— like,
they come to announce, like, Johnny Ringo wants a one-on-one with Wyatt.
Yeah, like, we'll tell him where to meet. And they— the Cowboys got
McMaster basically and dragged his dead body. I mean, like, mutilated him, it seems like.
If you turn on your gang, you're never gonna survive in a movie. So they
got McMaster. Doc is holed up there at Hooker's
Ranch. Actually, Josephine stops there and they chat a little bit. Like her stagecoach stops
to water the horses, so they chat a little bit. Wyatt and Josephine do.
And of course, Wyatt at this point, like Maddie's gone. Whether or not he and
Maddie are actually done, she's definitely not around, right? Right. She she went off with
Virgil. But yeah, so they chat for a little bit, and then Ringo challenges Wyatt.
And then you know Wyatt's asking Doc. He's like, you know,
I can't beat him, can I? Like like what makes what makes Ringo do the
things he does? A man like that. And and Doc's got this great little kind
of mini monologue where he's like. Like he's got a hole in him
that just has been there forever, and he doesn't know how how to fill it.
Everything, all the killing, all the drinking, all the women, like he doesn't fill the
hole. You know what does he want? He wants revenge for what? He goes for
being born. Yeah, and it's cool. You see like Wyatt because
earlier in the movie, like when Doc and Ringo encounter each other, Doc is telling
everyone like Ringo reminds me of me. Yeah, like Doc is talking about
himself. Oh yeah, in that moment you see Wyatt getting like a little heartbroken
over it as Doc. is like, again, like you didn't expect like
a Mikey and T sweetness of like a male friendship in, in a movie like
this. But yeah, a really great scene between them. Yeah. And then, uh, Doc asks
Wyatt for his badge. He's never, he's never known what it's like to wear one,
you know. And Wyatt's thinking, well, I'm off, I'm walking off to my death now,
so yeah, have my badge. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm gonna die.
Ringo's going to kill me. And so, uh, so he gave— he
gives Doc his badge and then Uh, you know,
basically Wyatt goes to where he's supposed to meet Ringo, and, and Jack—
Texas Jack and Turkey Creek are there, and they tell him, like, hey, he's up
around the bend or whatever, you know, waiting at this oak tree. And so Wyatt's
gonna go, and then we see from Ringo's perspective, a man in an overcoat and
a hat shows up, and he's like, you know, I didn't think you'd show,
whatever. And like, you know, Doc, this is his arm, you Huckleberry, you know.
And it's— I love Doc coming out of the shadows. So good. Oh my God.
And he's basically like saying, hey, it's not your— I don't have a problem with
you, you know, I was just joking or whatever. And Doc's like, I wasn't Let's
do this. Yeah, you know, and it's a great— they circle each other and,
and, and, you know, like, it's just fantastic because it's
like, it's so menacing and kind of, um,
it doesn't look like a duel. It doesn't look like the duels that like we
like learn about. No, you know, it's almost like a sword fight more. The Aaron
Burr, Alexander Hamilton shit. It doesn't, it doesn't feel like that. It's so much
more— yeah, like there's so much more strategy and sort of of like agility
and things that are part of it. Yeah. And sure enough, Doc's the one that
gets the shot off and puts it right in between Ringo's eyes. And he's like,
come on, come on, as he's like about to fall down. He's really, you know—
Definitely did not turn his head into a canoe. No, it did not. The,
the bullet kind of seemed like it just went in and maybe even rattled around
in there a little bit. Uh, yeah. And yeah, and then Doc seemed to— he
really needed Ringo to get his shot off before he died, right? Like, that seemed
like an important— like, for Doc's honor, I can't shoot a guy who wasn't Even
able to shoot back. Yeah, that's what you know. By that time, it didn't really
matter. But yeah. So yeah, that was super
great. And and then Wyatt shows up. Right, right. Well, Doc had put the the
badge like on Ringo, and so Wyatt comes and sees it and realizes what
happened. Whatever. But Doc's not there. I don't think. Is he or does he still
there? Oh, I can't remember. Still there. Yeah, I forget. Yeah, but but anyway,
now it's the four. It's it's just oh no no because Doc's there because yeah
it's like Wyatt and Doc and Turkey and Turkey Creek and and Dex and Jack,
they go on their kind of final ride. Their little montage of taking out the
rest. I wrote down the last charge of Wyatt Earp and his immortals. You know,
it's sort of what it is. Yeah, let's go get the rest of them.
Even to the point where they get Ike Clanton to just drop his sash from
horseback, and Doc and Wyatt kind of shake hands like, well, that was it.
I love that they're shaking hands mid-horse ride, which I love so much.
I really— and this scene, it is cool.
I mean, they could have manipulated the timeline to have Curly
Bill be the final death of the movie in like a big dramatic thing,
whatever. But it's kind of cool that it's like, oh, you know, the job of
a lawman's never done, and we're always chasing this. So we have this kind of
like triumphant, like finishing the job kind of thing. It sort of— it feels more,
quote, realistic to have— yeah, you killed the 2 big bad guys,
but then really the end of the job is mopping up. Yeah, you know,
getting rid of all the other folks. So yes, then we cut to basically
one of our final scenes. There's another one after this, but you know, we would
call this the coda, right? This is after the climax, like the, you know,
the main story is done. Let's just wrap up the bits. We're at the Glenwood
Sanatorium in Colorado where Doc Holliday is, uh, actually receiving last rites,
it sounds like. Yeah. In Latin, so, uh, from a Catholic priest.
And, uh, Wyatt shows up and is ready to play cards with Doc,
and Doc does not sound good. You know, he's barely able to talk. You hear
him wheezing through every breath. Um, and he basically begs Wyatt, you know, hey,
if you've ever felt any affection for me, if you've ever loved me at all,
like, leave. Like, I don't want you to see me like this anymore, and I'm
almost done, right? Kind of thing. So Wyatt leaves him a book he wrote
Apparently he self-published in the 1880s the book My Friend Doc Holliday, and he gives
it to Doc, but Doc does not have time to read it because as soon
as Wyatt leaves, basically Doc gives that death rattle, you know, that final
exhale. Doc is, uh, as he's talking to Wyatt, he's like,
I don't want to play cards, like, let me just talk. And this is where
he starts giving his, like, deathbed thing. He's like, oh, I was in love once.
And Wyatt's like, hey, buddy, that's awesome. them with my cousin.
He's like, hey, well, why don't we get some— she was
15. All right, buddy. Hey, well, look, there's lots of crime down there in
Tombstone. I better get out of here. But didn't she like join a convent because
of the scandal or something too? So now she's— oh, so you ruined your 15-year-old's
life. Um, whatever, normal for the time. But yeah, really,
really sweet scene between them. And that he had written the book— I mean,
imagine how hard it was for a guy to even like look at another guy
and be be like, you are my son, you know, let alone write a whole
like ode to your pal. So, uh, I like that. And Doc dies,
and now, uh, Josie is backstage for her performance.
Josephine and Wyatt shows up there backstage. Yeah, they're in Denver, so not far obviously
from wherever, uh, in Colorado Doc was. And Wyatt basically shows up and is like,
I want to do room service, I want to be with you forever. And then
I always love this little part of Josephine at the end, you know, she's like,
don't worry, Wyatt, my family's rich. And it's like, oh well, fuck, all right,
it all just landed in such a fun— landed in place for Wyatt Earp,
didn't it? Jesus. Like, because Maddie apparently died. Like, we get a
little more narration from Robert Mitchum at the end, and it was like Maddie
died and Josephine and Wyatt lived off happily ever after. So that's right.
Uh, great. The voiceover does— it sounds great. Oh yeah,
it sounds so cool. And then it's funny that they connect it— like,
it seemed important to the filmmakers to like connect it to early
Westerns, right? Because they were talking about when Wyatt Earp died,
you know, and he was very old when he died and had a very long
successful life. These Hollywood and Western actors were there.
Then the last words of the movie are, Tom Mix wept, which is just
like— I don't even know who Tom Mix is. Some Western actor. Yeah, yeah,
obviously. Uh, but the end credits where we have
the most ass-kicking music and the credits are playing
over the 4 of them doing an endless walk to the OK Corral
is so fucking cool. So yeah, that is Tombstone,
man. Holy moly. Yeah. Um, all right, I'll give my thoughts first. I brought
this to the table, and like, I'll just be honest, I, I know I've told
you this, Nick, but I'll say it to the listener as well. Um, this is
like one of my top 5 movies of all time. I think that this is
the greatest Western that was released in the '90s, in a decade that frankly had
few Westerns, but the ones it had were fantastic. When you look at Dances with
Wolves, Unforgiven— well, those are the '80s, uh, or at least Young Guns 1 I
think was. Young Guns 2 might have been the early '90s. But like, you know,
thinking in the '90s, you had, uh, uh, Dances with Wolves, you had Unforgiven,
You had this, you had Wyatt Earp. Like, there were a lot of really— there
weren't a lot, but the ones that we had were very good westerns. Yeah.
This to me is the top. And I know it didn't win Best Picture like
Dances with Wolves. I know Unforgiven didn't. Like, it didn't win awards the way those
other movies did. But to me, this is like the crux of what
like a Hollywood western is, right? It's a star-studded
cast. It's got a great screenplay. It's got tons of action.
It's got that particular brand of gore that
feels very apropos to the time. There's sort of the way like
the gore in Braveheart feels very appropriate because it's like,
yeah, at this time war was fought with like, you know, this is the 15th
century or whatever. War is fought with like heavy metal things being slammed into human
skulls. Right. Like that's what war was. And it's like, this was like, yeah,
like, you know, iron, you know, disgustingly dirty
balls of iron getting thrown into your body at rapidly high speeds
would kill you. Even if somebody could dig the fucking thing outta you, you would
just die from the poisoning or whatever. You know, there's just all kinds of like
horrificness about this is just accurate to like the middle of the 19th century.
And so that part's great. I love the cast. I love the screenplay. I love
the dialogue. I don't think the movie— the movie doesn't lag.
It's a little over 2 hours, but I feel like it earns it. I don't
really think personally for me, there aren't really slow parts to this movie. I'm a
5 out of 5 on Tombstone. I've been giving out a lot of 5s lately,
but fuck it. We just haven't really— we've had a lot of really good movies.
And this one to me is another clear 5. Awesome. Yeah.
Like I said, dude, I had never seen this before. I'm so excited that I've
seen it now. I watched it twice in the, in the weeks leading up to
us, uh, recording here, and I'm glad that I did. Um,
yeah, so enjoyable. Every member of the cast I thought
was fantastic. It was great just being able to recognize so many. Oh my God,
oh, like, who's that behind the mustache and everything?
Um, I got a couple things that I need to talk about here. Yeah.
Uh, one, one thought that I had that really delighted me, and then if you
could indulge me for a minute, every morning the actors have to
You arrive at set, 6:30 in the morning, and you're there and you're getting
your fake mustache put on and everything. About 11 AM every morning,
Sam Elliott walks in just with the mustache he woke up with,
holding a Budweiser, and he goes, morning, ladies, and walks into his trailer.
So I picture that, that like added in my head. I don't think there was
a single fake mustache in this movie, to be honest with you. I knew you
would, I knew you would no-butt it with your improv skills, but you know what,
I'm allowed to make my jokes. Number 2 is that Powers
Boothe. Okay, greatest name in the history of actors, I think.
I love it so much. Fantastic. I think that because he died does not
mean that that name should die. I think that it should be like the Dalai
Lama. Powers Boothe should be a title, and it should be a new guy.
So we gotta find someone who has like a subpar name that could be the
new Powers Boothe. So if anyone wants to write in, tell me that. Uh,
well, should it be somebody that is in any way like Powers Boothe? Do we
just give that name to Stacy Keach? Ah, I mean,
he's a— oh, he's a good Powers Boothe. Yeah, he'll have a short reign as
Powers Boothe because he's pretty old, but I like that though. Good one. Yeah.
So we'll think of which Powers booths might be out there for us.
The way I would have ended this movie after the whole Wyatt Earp,
like, and Josephine, like, hey, I got nothing to offer you, but let's
go live like rich people for the rest of our lives. She's like, hey,
guess what? My dad's rich. All right, perfect. They should have ridden off
on like a just-married, like, stagecoach with like cans tied to it
and shit and splashed Maddie with a huge-ass mud puddle as they were driving
out of town. Oh, yeah. That would have been perfect. This is the most fuck
my bitch wife movie that I've ever seen in my life. It's really bad.
It's really bad. Look, and I gotta say, this movie has everything
that I wanted from it. I love it. It's changed my mind on Westerns.
I enjoyed the shit out of it. There's a couple things that might just keep
it from being perfection for me when I'm looking at the other 5s. This is
a 4.5 for me. I'm gonna watch this again within 2026,
most likely. Great movie. Beautiful. Great pick. Thank you, Steve. 9.5 out
of 10 on Tombstone from the 2 dads. So again,
we're not doing any theme or whatever. You can go any which way, any direction,
any year you like, Nic. So what spectacular peak
of cinema are you bringing to the table for next week? Well,
you know, it's funny when we, when we did the 2 Dads, 2 Decades thing,
we kind of, we planned it all in advance. So I was thinking like,
you know, back what, months and months ago, like, okay, what am I going to
pick? Like, what needs to come up? And this is, I know some pitchers who
are normally like fastball pitchers, once in a while, once in a while they'll throw
you a curveball. Sure. This is an eephus that I'm throwing underhanded and, and kicking
off my back heel like a hacky sack. All right. Before it gets to home
base, because I picked a movie that my
wife and my daughter really liked during the pandemic. Okay. And I thought this was
like a cute movie, and I didn't know how many people had seen it before,
were familiar with it. It's like a fun— there's a lot of '80s in it.
It's very like visible '80s, like really funny over-the-top '80s rich
people stuff. And, uh, this is just a goofy, lighthearted movie.
Uh, we're going to watch, uh, we're going to Beverly Hills and we're
gonna hang out with the local Girl Scouts and we're gonna watch Shelley Long and
a bunch of other— hey, I remember that person— in, uh, Troop Beverly Hills.
Nice. I don't know if you've seen this one before. I absolutely have. This is
definitely one I saw several times as a kid. Like, it was,
it was one of those movies I think my mom liked and It was PG,
and so it was just like we had it at the house and it was
just on. Yeah, a lot. We would watch it fairly often. I had a huge
crush on Carla Gugino in this in this movie because we were kids. You know,
still think Carla Gugino's gorgeous in everything she's done since. But like yeah, like it
was definitely a movie I watched many many times. So very much looking forward to
watching Troop Beverly Hills again. I think it's been thirty years or
something since I've seen it. Probably. I really was a kid. Probably still the same
about it. It might be. But yeah, I'm super excited
to watch that with you. So very cool. So next week, Troop Beverly Hills.
All right. So that's a wrap. If you like what you hear, please consider heading
over to Apple or Spotify and leaving us a 5-star review. It helps new
folks find the show. Be sure to check out our website at twodads1movie.com.
That's the number 2 and the number 1. There you can explore the movies we've
covered, sign up for our newsletter, The Rewind, and even get sneak previews of upcoming
episodes. Once again, this has been Tombstone. another episode of 2 Dads
1 Movie. I'm Steve. And I'm Nic. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll
catch you next week. Thanks,