Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

This week, the dads close out Shocktoberfest with a Halloween movie that dares to ask: “What if we removed the only thing people liked?”

Halloween III: Season of the Witch is the Michael-Myers-less oddball of the franchise, and both dads went into it as first-timers—Steve because he wanted to finally see what the fuss was about, and Nic because, confession time, this is his first Halloween movie. Ever. And no, the Love Guru doesn’t count. What they got was a synth-heavy, jack-o’-lantern-lit fever dream about murderous masks, ancient pagan sacrifices, and android assassins who self-immolate like it’s their job. (Because it is.)

Tom Atkins stars as Dr. Dan “Deadbeat Daddy” Challis, an aggressively unconvincing heartthrob with a mustache that actively subtracts charisma. He stumbles into a plot involving Stonehenge, evil corporations, and masks that melt children’s faces into snake pits—like you do. Meanwhile, a jingle that will haunt your dreams (“Eight more days ‘til Halloween, Silver Shamrock!”) plays on loop enough times to qualify as psychological warfare. Ellie, the hot daughter of a dead toy store owner, teams up with Dr. Dan for an investigation-slash-motel-stay that rapidly turns into softcore, plot-free chaos.

There’s no Michael Myers, but there’s a ton of Carpenter synth, an uncomfortable amount of middle-aged sleaze, and the kind of practical effects that make you both gag and applaud. Is it good? Not really. Is it memorable? Oh hell yes. And hey, it made money. Just not after people realized they got bait-and-switched out of a slasher icon and into an unhinged anti-capitalist druid conspiracy thriller.

Shocktoberfest goes out with a bang (literally—RIP gasoline android guy), and the dads are left confused, intrigued, and lowkey obsessed. Happy Halloween indeed, Silver Shamrock. You weird little freak.