Transcript

Intro Clip

Well, it's a well-known fact, Sonny Jim, that there's a secret society of the 5 wealthiest people in the world known as the Pentaverate, who run everything in the world, including the newspapers, and meet triannually at a secret country mansion in Colorado known as the Meadows. So who's in this Pentaverate? The Queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, I'm Colonel Sanders before he went tits up. I hated the Colonel with his wee beady eyes and that smug look on his face. Oh, you're gonna buy my chicken. Oh. Dad, how can you hate the Colonel? Because he puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly, smart arse.

Steve

It's 2 Dads 1 Movie. It's the podcast where 2 middle-aged dads sit around and shoot the shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s. Your hosts, Steve Paulo and Nic Briana. Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of 2 Dads, 1 Movie. I'm Steve.

Nic

And I'm Nic.

Steve

And today we are talking about the 1993 Mike Myers cult classic, So I Married an Axe Murderer. This was my pick for us. And this is one of those movies that I think I definitely saw this not in the theater, not that early on, but I was high school probably when I first saw it. And it kind of came and went. I think it was maybe even like after Austin Powers came out, or you know, I would have gone back to watch this kind of thing when you're trying to complete the Mike Myers catalog. I love Wayne's World and Wayne's World 2, and then Austin Powers like blew me away the first time I saw it, you know. And and then it was like, oh, he did this other movie? Oh, okay. And again, like this is another one that for some reason I really feel like registered with theater kids, and so I feel like yeah, like like hit that. I think it was the beat poetry stuff or something, whatever. So I remember watching it and enjoying it, but like not thinking much of it. Just kind of like, okay, cool. That wasn't bad, like, you know, the kind of thing.

Nic

Right.

Steve

Then I met my wife. We've been together, oh God, since, you know, 2005, I think, at this point. So, you know, 21 years. And this is a huge movie for her. Like, she loves this movie. Her and her dad used to like quote this movie back and forth to each other. And it like, you know, became like, she's like, we got the Piper down. Like, it became like shorthand within her family. And so I was like, well, I guess I better watch it again. I mean, like, whatever. And so watching with her a few times in my early 20s, it was like, oh, I get it now. It's like, it's something about like watching it with somebody that like was laughing at every weird little joke.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Made it like really hit for me. So it's become a movie that I absolutely adore, but it definitely didn't start that way. Uh, it took time and kind of the right, the right viewing partner to really kind of latch me into it. So Nic, what's your history with, uh, Axe Murderer?

Nic

Yeah, so I told you before the pod that this is one kind of like you with, uh, You know, with like Bloodsport or certain ones we've talked about in the past where in your head you're like, oh yeah, I've definitely seen this.

Steve

Like, I know that, I know that movie because you know stuff from it.

Nic

You would understand references about it. And then when I watched this, I'm like, dude, I don't know if I have watched this entire thing, uh, all the way through before. I knew a lot of the jokes, like, you know, same as you, like friends would quote certain things. Like, it's a fun voice to do, the dad, the Scottish voice. I'm actually psyched to be doing this pod with you because you were the king of voices and this is good. Other than Stallone, this might be like one of the best voices we have. On the podcast. So yeah, I knew it from friends and I think I'd, I definitely dipped in and seen parts of it, probably like the phenomenon of the pregame movie.

Steve

Okay.

Nic

Like we talked about, you know, put something on and then we're going to go out to the bars where we have all these movies where I am so familiar with the first half hour of it, but I couldn't tell you how it ends.

Steve

Okay.

Nic

You know, so this might be one of those where it was like on early because there's chunks of it that I knew. But yeah, watching it through, I'm like, oh, this is my first complete viewing, I think.

Steve

Okay, that's all right. Well, I think that's a good thing. Hopefully you enjoyed your time. We'll get into it, obviously. And find out exactly whether you enjoyed your time with the movie or not. But let's jump into the facts and get this stuff out of the way, the basics and all that on So I Married an Axe Murderer. The film was released on July 30th, 1993 with a PG-13 rating and a running time of 93 minutes, directed by Thomas Schlamme and written by Robbie Fox. The movie stars Mike Myers, Nancy Travis, and Anthony LaPaglia. Scores, not particularly great, but also not like bottom of the barrel.

Nic

Mm-hmm.

Steve

We got a 55% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is Rotten, they don't give you that fresh whole tomato icon until you hit 60%.

Nic

Okay, the threshold there.

Steve

So it is a you know essentially you have to get a D minus. Yeah, you do. You got to at least get that D minus to pass the class. This is a fail, but close. It was a good effort. I think maybe most of the Rotten Tomatoes critics are saying similarly IMDb a 6.5, which is like well below the seven that kind of marks a good movie, but above we've seen some with like fours and fives as their rating, and right that's pretty.

Nic

It's not a Halloween three season.

Steve

Yeah, exactly. And then Cisco. Siskel and Ebert, 2 thumbs down from Siskel and Ebert on this movie. There were no awards, anything that I could find, certainly nothing listed on the IMDb page, which is what I usually use as the source of truth. And maybe partly because on a $20 million budget, which none of the actors in this movie earned much money, there's no way, right? Because Myers was not a draw yet, really.

Nic

Yeah, unless they had to give him something because of the popularity of Wayne's World. But it is like—.

Steve

Probably very little.

Nic

He wasn't like a huge, huge star yet.

Steve

This came out the same year as Wayne's World 2, I think. I can't remember exactly. It was '91, '92, '93 is like all these movies kind of together. So he definitely hadn't like blown up in that sense.

Nic

Right, for sure.

Steve

But he did get to play 2 roles. I'm sure under SAG rules probably means you get more money, I suppose. Where the hell did $20 million go? Like, this just doesn't look like a $20 million movie at all.

Nic

Did they hire a very like Shel Silverstein as the poetry consultant or something like that?

Steve

Did the Claremont in Berkeley charge them a ton of money to film the exterior? Like, it's bizarre.

Nic

Yeah, you don't really see it that much. And it's just like, definitely I would like a line item audit of this budget because I don't really This and Troop Beverly Hills.

Steve

I think that's exactly where all the money went. Okay, uh, unfortunately the box office did not do well. It earned $11.5 million. That's 0.58 times what it cost. Obviously a huge flop when it comes to the box office numbers. Uh, I understand, Nic, you might have a couple of additional points to bring up here.

Nic

Yeah, so I was just like learning a little bit about this movie and the production because it did definitely seem to me like it's different than other Mike Myers stuff that we saw, where a lot of it is like these self-created characters that he has.

Steve

Right.

Nic

And he definitely had influence on this film, but it wasn't like originally made for him. So this is based on a script that had been kind of going around since the '80s, written by this Robby Fox guy who gets credit for writing.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And it was supposed to be more of like a New York City, like Jewish comedian ax murderer thing. It was described as like a Woody Allen meets Hitchcock kind of situation. And they talked about like Billy Crystal and Garry Shandling and Albert Brooks and stuff starring in this. But of course, like over the years it gets moved so much and it ends ends up being one of those scripts that's like, we got to do something with this, we haven't been able to attach anyone to it. And they finally get Mike Myers involved, and there's all these changes, you know, obviously the Scottish thing, that's like his thing. So they're changing the, um, the origin and the city and stuff. But I guess despite all this, uh, the original writer still has like the sole writing credit, even though, you know, the scripts are vastly, vastly different. Um, and then the other thing is that the director Thomas Schlamme and Mike Myers did not get along during this production, and, you know, at some point weren't speaking to each other. I've heard heard this about Mike Myers, that he is, uh, difficult.

Steve

Yes, I have heard the same thing.

Nic

Yeah, and you know, so that makes, that makes sense. But, uh, good on him for being difficult in his second movie.

Steve

Like, if you told me Mike Myers got difficult after Austin Powers and then was slightly, slightly humbled by The Love Guru, yeah, I would have expect— I would have accepted that as a through line. But like, to be ballsy and to be kind of like, you know, uh, to be a prima donna on set, yes, at this stage in your career is like, bro, it's really funny.

Nic

It's like, I was in the Sprocket sketch, do you know who So yeah, I thought that was interesting, and it kind of, you know, like why it made certain things make sense, uh, in this movie, right? Because there are parts of it where you're like, oh, this is probably from a cobbled-together thing. It's not like one, one idea from the brain of Mike Myers. So I thought that was some interesting stuff to start us off.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Um, yeah, so that's the facts. And, uh, you want to get us started off on the movie here?

Steve

Absolutely. So, uh, this starts off— this is kind of one of my favorite types of opening. It's actually very similar to a movie we saw a few weeks ago, The Birdcage. Which starts off with We Are Family. I think that's—. Yeah. It's not the Pointer Sisters. Who is it?

Nic

Sister Sledge.

Steve

Sister Sledge. Thank you. I knew it was something like that. Yeah, and then we fly over the ocean and into Miami and then onto Ocean Avenue in South Beach, right? Well, this is very similar. We start off with The Laws, There She Goes, a song we will hear not once more in this movie, but twice more after this. 3 whole times do we get this music cue. But we're sort of zooming in over the bay towards like the Ferry Building in San Francisco. Just beautiful. And obviously, you know, I grew up here. I know you've lived here a long time. And it's always fun to watch these movies where they're set and especially like a pre-tech boom San Francisco, right? Yes, for sure. Like sneakers and Pacific Heights and stuff. And it's like, you know, you get this version of San Francisco that for some reason to me always feels much more Italian than what San Francisco is today. There's something just very Italian about San Francisco of like the '70s, '80s, and '90s. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's that. So we're zooming in and we end up seeing a bunch of like kind of the San Francisco skyline, Well, the song plays and then there's a cut. It doesn't go smoothly in, but we then cut to, uh, Rhodes Cafe, which is like a coffee shop and sort of poetry jazz nightclubby thing, but like very hipster, very early '90s, very anti-grunge. This feels like a group of people—.

Nic

It is weird. Yeah, it is this like Gen X, like the non-grunge Gen X group.

Steve

Like the people in this movie and the people in Singles would have hated each other.

Nic

For sure.

Steve

Like, they would not have gotten along at all.

Nic

They wouldn't. They would have hated each other in the way that the guys in Swingers who had the gun confrontation in the parking lot hated each other. Like, they'd be playing NHL, you know, '92, I guess, in this movie. But, uh, but yeah, it's like they don't know how similar they are, and the reasons they hate each other are so surface level.

Steve

So surface level.

Nic

But yeah, they're, uh, totally agree with that. This place, um, Rhodes, is a, uh, it's a real location in North Beach in San Francisco. It's called Or at least most recently was called the Vesuvio Cafe.

Steve

Oh, okay.

Nic

It's still there.

Steve

Nice.

Nic

Because we definitely spotted this as somewhere we'd been before.

Steve

That was interesting. Yeah, I kind of was thinking that because I did not spend a lot of time in San Francisco in my 20s. A lot of people, you know, who lived even out here in the East Bay like would, but I, you know, I would go to Oakland and I would, and I would spend more time in the East Bay growing up and not really go out to SF. But I thought to myself, man, this is the kind of place, like looking at it and seeing the people in it, I'm like, sure, I was 13 when this movie came out, so it wasn't exactly the target audience then, but 10 years after that, I absolutely would have been down to, like, hang in a place like this. Like, what a—.

Nic

What a cool fucking hang that place did look like. It is the Gen X version of the, um, the Foot Clan secret lair in the Ninja Turtles movie, where it's like all skate ramps and free cigarette machines and stuff. This is like, oh, this is what you do. Everyone's got interesting clothes and they fucking have stupid glasses and we're drinking coffee and smoking and, like, just seemed like a good-ass time.

Steve

Absolutely. It always makes me think of, like, the way that the Emporium in Dazed and Confused fits Texas. As teenagers perfectly. This is that, but for San Francisco 20-somethings.

Nic

Yes.

Steve

Otherwise, they're perfect mirrors of each other.

Nic

Right, right.

Steve

Okay, so we go and work, and it's one of the— the second greatest, in my opinion, second greatest follow shot in the history of cinema is following this cappuccino cup. Of course, the best being Henry and Karen going into the Copa, right? That's the best follow shot. But the second best is this cup of cappuccino making its way to the dishwasher, getting filled back up, and then getting out onto the floor and ending up in Mike Myers' hands. And this is Charlie McKenzie, who is our main character, our protagonist, our hero of our story. Uh, and he makes a couple of funny little jokes. I mean, you know, funny, not funny. You can kind of like— it's Mike Myers. They're very Mike Myers jokes.

Nic

It's very Mike Myers. And there, there is a Mike Myers through line. And like any of his ridiculous characters, whatever accent he assigns to him, he has a certain type of like sarcastic humor that, that is like present here and is still present in probably Shrek 5, right? You know, exactly. Um, absolutely. Yeah. So he gets his cappuccino. I will say The hello thing does not fucking do it for me at all. I don't like it. And I feel like it infringes on your hello that you do at the beginning of this podcast. And I only have one hello guy in my life, Steve, and it's you.

Steve

Well, thank you so much. I actually ripped off a couple of fantasy football podcasters who— a combination of— there's one guy who would start off and go like, hello, everybody. So I don't do that. I do a very toned-down version of that. And then what is it? Paul Scheer in for How Did This Get Made does like, hello, people of Earth, is how he starts.

Nic

Oh, nice.

Steve

So mine is sort of like a similar— I'm obviously trying to greet the audience, but, you know, like my own way of doing it. But, but it's more about— I always think I've realized in hearing back our episodes, I go like, 2 dads, 1 movie. That's kind of like, I'm not sure what the hell's going on there.

Nic

It's good, but you get a rhythm and then in your head, that's just how it goes forever.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

So it never changed.

Steve

So sitting next to Charlie is his best buddy Tony, who is dressed like a pimp. Most insane, like, huggy bear.

Nic

Yeah, like he says, he's seriously dressed like he was one of the guys on, uh, VH1's The Pickup Artist.

Steve

Oh my God.

Nic

You know, where they have these guys wear like fur hats and go like insult women until one of them gives them their phone number. Like, he has this crazy look, but they do point it out, you know, and he is actually an undercover cop, you know.

Steve

It's— but it's— here's the thing though. Yeah, like, I don't— I don't— this strains credulity. Like, the initial kind of joke of like He would wear that in 1993 and actually think he's being hip. Like it's so kind of unbelievable.

Nic

He's supposed to be clueless, right?

Steve

He is. But like, come on. Yeah. To me, it goes a couple of steps too far. But but you know, like you said, to the credit of the movie, the other character Charlie calls him out. Like, did you look like a moron? You look ridiculous, right? But he is dressed.

Nic

Yeah, fur and spirit Halloween Jamiroquai costume.

Steve

There you go. Yeah, exactly. There is a funny moment here where where you know he's Tony's talking about how he asked Charlie about his girlfriend. Oh, we broke up. And are you gonna do a You're gonna do a poem about her. There's all this back and forth, but he asks him to, like, name why he dumped previous girlfriends, and Charlie gets down to one where he doesn't have anything better than, she smelled like soup, which is something that always makes me laugh. She smelled exactly like vegetable soup, uh, because that would be pretty gross.

Nic

Better than clam chowder, but yeah, still, still, um, concerning. Yeah, I guess that's true.

Steve

Uh, yeah, there's not a good soup that you can just smell like, I think.

Nic

And, and unless there's some, like, ginger, like one of those healing, like, Eastern medicine soups that's almost like a medicine.

Steve

Maybe if somebody— if I met somebody who smelled like chicken tortilla soup, I might not mind. Yeah, yeah, sounds a little—.

Nic

Ladies, work on your soup smells. Um, so, so Charlie gets on stage to do his like beat poem and stuff, and this isn't— it's like not an open mic. It's clearly something that he's a regular at. People are like excited to see what he's—.

Steve

It's like a scheduled thing. Like, that's his slot to come up because even the band, there's a jazz trio, right? And, and they know kind of how to play to his beat, or, or, or they play the same kind of tune. He does it too, but like, the point is they've worked together. Clearly this is not like a random rockaoke kind of thing or whatever, you know, like rockaroki, whatever they call that shit.

Nic

And he's got like a slideshow going on behind him too. So as he's going through his like, woman, whoa man, uh, which is funny. It's a funny like play on, you know, the beat poetry, slam poetry style, uh, although there's not like a regular one really that it shows in this.

Steve

No.

Nic

Because a guy who's like about to start, but then it doesn't really show his—.

Steve

Yeah, we see, we see this guy intro. He's got like curly red hair and he talks about how this is a poem about the aliens who brought me on their ship and who I, you know, enacted great destruction upon. Yeah, what I— while fleeing or whatever. Uh, and then it says autobiographical and it's kind of like hahaha. But then we cut to the conversation between Charlie and Tony. We don't hear anything about that, but it's clear that he is far weirder than Charlie. So Charlie gets up there and it's almost like he's He is the like guy off the street for this crowd.

Nic

Yes.

Steve

You know what I mean? He's like the normal one. So, um, so yeah, so he does this poem about his ex-girlfriend. She stole his cat. That's, uh, he's convinced that she stole his cat. Uh, we then cut to, uh, the next day and Charlie goes to a butcher called Meats of the World. And, uh—.

Nic

Is this a real type of store? 'Cause I feel like that would be kind of an awesome place to browse.

Steve

I mean, why wouldn't it be? Isn't it, isn't that kind of what most butcher shops kind of are? I mean, in a sense. I mean, I guess, I guess what they wanted to do with this was say, yeah, it's a butcher and yeah, they'd have haggis. Right, right, because that's gonna be a rare thing.

Nic

So you're not gonna have just a Scottish butcher. So we made it a global thing.

Steve

I don't think anybody would buy that, that, you know, in the United States, maybe Boston could have enough Scottish folks to like support like a full Scottish butcher.

Nic

You know, Little Scotland in San Francisco, you know, the Glasgow District.

Steve

Like I said, Italians, a lot of Italians in the '90s.

Nic

Yeah, so Charlie's there and he goes to pick up the haggis from the woman working at the butcher shop. Very cute, younger woman, very busy. They're not really chatting too much.

Steve

No, her name's Harriet.

Nic

Little connection.

Steve

This time she's actually not that busy. This one, I don't think there's anybody else in the shop.

Nic

Oh, okay.

Steve

They're chatting a little bit, but you know, there's like a flirtatiousness, but neither of them, you know, really kind of says anything, kind of whatever. I'm pretty sure this is the first time you'll notice it, and you'll see it throughout the entire movie. She has a Band-Aid on the tip of a finger on her left hand. It is never explained. It is never mentioned. I don't know if that's just because Nancy tracks herself with a knife. But I mean, but then, then I feel like there could have been something mentioned. Why does she— I mean, the movie takes place over months and she still has this Band-Aid on the entire time. Very strange, but something I noticed.

Nic

Uh, this could be like a Lisa Left Eye Lopez type or a Nelly type thing.

Steve

Nelly, exactly. Yeah, could be a vanity Band-Aid. So Charlie's here to pick up a haggis because he's going over to his parents' house, uh, for dinner and he's gonna bring it as like a gift or whatever. Uh, and so, you know, so he buys the haggis and then we cut to his parents' house. Looks like maybe they live out in like the Sunset. Or somewhere near Balboa Park, like that kind of part.

Nic

That beautiful house would be $3.5 million today.

Steve

Absolutely. Multi, multi, multi-million dollars for a house like that in San Francisco. But there are areas of SF, if you're not familiar with San Francisco, that very much look like suburbs. The actual downtown is still off in the distance, but you're just in a flat— streets of rows of houses, and that's kind of what it looks like. So they're there, and we meet the parents. We meet Stuart McKenzie, played also by Mike Myers. We meet— I can't remember her name— May. May McKenzie is his mother, played by the late Brenda Fricker, RIP. Brenda. She passed recently.

Nic

Pigeon lady in Home Alone 2.

Steve

Home Alone 2, and a handful of other really great roles, actually. Uh, good stuff. And, uh, and for some reason Tony's already there, which I always think is a little strange, right? Because it's obviously like he's been invited over as well. And clearly, I think the idea is Charlie and Tony like grew up together, right? Right. So like he, he's practically at home, right, at the, at the Mackenzies.

Nic

So yeah, you could picture Tony drinking milk straight from the carton out of, uh, Charlie's parents' fridge and getting yelled at for it.

Steve

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Tony's exactly who I think—.

Nic

Tony, use a glass!

Steve

What I think of, uh, of the San Francisco '80s and '90s.

Nic

It's this guy. If this was about Tony's parents, yeah, it might have been more authentic. Uh, one thing I do want to say, I don't know if this counts, but I feel like Mike Myers's haircut throughout this entire film, very pumpkin pie minus a slice. He has a pumpkin pie haircut with one slice taken out.

Steve

Because the part does help the, the extreme pumpkin pie-ness. But you're not wrong, it's got— it's— yeah, he is a bit of a— It's very specific.

Nic

Mike Myers had the look of a little boy. He still does. Like, he looks— he has gray hair now and he looks like a little boy with gray hair.

Steve

It's wild. Still looks like Simon sitting in that bathtub.

Nic

Oh, I have one make it look like an accident type line coming out of Charlie's dad where he's talking about like, oh, they're gonna watch the Celtic game, I think, right?

Steve

Yeah, yeah.

Nic

And he says the soccer game's about to begin. Would he say soccer?

Steve

He would not have.

Nic

Probably not. No, but they had to change this for American audiences. Exactly.

Steve

He would have said football or footy or something like that.

Nic

Yeah, or even just the match, like the match is also The house is funny. They have like a Scottish wall of fame. They have all these black and white photos of famous Scottish people. And it's not just like family members of— oh no, it's like Sean Connery.

Steve

Richard Attenborough, I think, is up there or something like that. Yeah. And there's a great line here too when Tony and Stuart are chatting, whatever, and Tony's like, so you were telling me about this group of people that runs the world? And he goes, that's right, they're called the Pentaverate. And he's like, well, who's in this Pentaverate? He's like, the Queen, the Gettys, the Rothschilds, the Vaticans, and Colonel Sanders before he went tits on fire. And it's just a very funny thing. It's probably gonna be the opening, the opening scene.

Nic

Um, it's a, it's a funny character trait for his parents that they're both like Weekly World News, like National Enquirer. And this is like that Weekly World News. I think it still exists, but it was always like crazy shit, the most like pre-Photoshop. So it was someone with an X-Acto knife who was making these versions of like these weird hybrids and stuff. So yeah, the InfoWars of the '90s was definitely, uh, the parents are into.

Steve

Yeah, the sad part about this is that May and Stuart would be huge Fox News people if they— if this all moved 30 years into the future.

Nic

Oh, for sure.

Steve

Yeah, yeah, major Fox News types.

Nic

And, uh, and May was talking about how, uh, she's— she's not eating because she's losing weight with, uh, Garth Brooks's juice diet.

Steve

So—. She's about the juice.

Nic

Yeah, shout out to suspected serial killer Garth Brooks, speaking of Weekly World News.

Steve

That's right. So in— so— so May gets the paper for Charlie, and, and, you know, she's talking about— which is the Weekly World News— and she's talking about this Mrs. X You know, it's like, oh, look at this, Mrs. X, you know. And it lists 3, uh, women. Mrs. X apparently is this unknown killer who marries men and then kills them like on their wedding night, or at least on their honeymoon, like very, very quickly. And it mentions, uh, what the, the information we get right now is her first husband was a lounge singer in Atlantic City, then another was a Russian martial arts expert— that was how they put it— and the last is a plumber named Ralph Elliott. So that's— those are the pieces of information. Of course, you know, Charlie's like, I don't don't give a shit about this, Mom. That's the Weekly World News. Who cares?

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Um, and so, yeah, so they have— and this is then the scene as well when I think most people recognize some of the stuff that Stuart says to the other son, uh, whose name escapes me now, but he calls him Heed.

Nic

I think in the credits he is literally listed as Heed.

Steve

Heed, Heed, paper.

Nic

Yeah, so that, that's definitely funny. And this, this poor little like Screech Powers looking kid with curly hair and a big head and The dad's just endlessly tormenting him.

Steve

Another Dazed and Confused reference because he looks exactly like the redheaded girl from Dazed and Confused that like drives around with the nerds. Like she's got this big puff of red hair. He looks exactly like her. It's about as red of hair. That just came to me anyway. Yeah, and then so yeah, we get the like you know this kid will be crying himself to sleep tonight on his huge pillow or whatever. Like all that kind of stuff. And it's so funny here because Anthony LaPaglia clearly couldn't do a take without. Busting up. Now it makes sense that Tony the character laughs, right? The way—.

Nic

But it looks like a real laugh.

Steve

Yeah, he looks like he's trying to stifle it and failing. And I think they just went with, we need to move on. Like, you're not, you're not getting this without laughing at the stuff Mike's saying, so let's just move on. But it works because Tony laughing at it works in character, so it's fine. But it does look like it was more of a struggle than that. Um, yeah.

Nic

Um, okay, so the dad— yeah, the dad is hammered, right? And, uh, And the mom wants to fuck Tony, basically. So they're— oh, and she's shown in the Weekly World News. This is kind of funny, is like the headline of it is like, pregnant man gives birth.

Steve

Junior.

Nic

Impossible. And, uh, so, so yeah, as they're leaving, uh, as Charlie and Tony are leaving, his mom May just grabs Tony and just gives him this like ridiculous kiss that lasts forever, right? And her hands are all over him. So we got the horned-up mom, we get the drunk dad, we got a lot of good stuff.

Steve

I believe she calls him a right sexy bastard.

Nic

That's right.

Steve

So now we cut to another day. We're at work with Tony now. He's a cop, and so he's there at work, and his boss is Alan Arkin, who plays, I think, the captain, right? He refers to him as captain. And one of the things that we get is Alan Arkin is playing a very Alan Arkin role in this. I feel like Alan Arkin often plays emotionally intelligent, sensitive characters, often therapists. Like, this is a thing that he kind of— a milieu he rides in or has in his career. And Tony's kind of like, oh, you know, Captain, being a cop's not what I thought it would be. I thought I'd be, you know, like chasing a guy, chasing a criminal through a crowded city square, whatever. And Alan Arkin's like, we have to do paperwork. It's a very important part of our job. It's, you know, it might be boring, but, you know, it's like— and he goes, that's the other thing, Captain, you're too nice. He's like, I'm too nice? Like, it's this whole kind of subplot of Tony wishing his life was more like Mel Gibson's in Lethal Weapon, basically. Like, uh, or, or Eddie Murphy in Beverly Hills Cop, right? You know, that's what he wants and he doesn't get it.

Nic

And Alan Arkin, it is funny that it's such a contrast to the, like, the Bill Duke, uh, CCH Pounder, like, uh, police chief character that we see all the time. Um, so yeah, he plays that very well.

Steve

He really does.

Nic

He's great in this.

Steve

I even love the part where he's like, you know, you should tell me, like, like, you never tell me that you're getting chewed out by the, by the chief. Where he goes, well, Tony, the thing is, I don't answer to a chief. I actually answer to a, a committee. Some of the members are elected, some are appointed, some are— and he's just going on. He's just like, this is what I'm talking about, man. It's not— this isn't cool. Like, it's not fun.

Nic

Yeah, I want to be able to tell people about the exciting things about my job. Um, so Charlie is back in the, uh, oh yeah, meats of the world.

Steve

And this time it's busy. It's crazy. Like tons of people.

Nic

Yeah. And there's like, you know, one person getting every country's meat. You know, there's not any kind of consistency. And Harriet's all over the place behind the, uh, behind the register. Um, this is where Charlie makes a comment. She's like, well, do you actually like haggis? He's like, no, I don't. He's like, I actually think that most Scottish food is based on a dare.

Steve

That's fair. Yeah. No, honestly, like the black sausage and all kinds— there's all kinds of horrible stuff. Yeah. Part of the world. Uh, so yeah, so he offers help because he mentions his dad's a butcher. Which is not actually information we had prior to this, but hey, that works.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

So his dad was, you know, is, was, whatever, a butcher. I worked in the shop a lot, so I can help you out. And so she does. And this is when we get the second— this is a point I want to talk about. So when I told my wife Heather, I was like, oh, we're gonna watch Sweeney Todd: The Murderous Night. She's like, oh, it's so great. And, you know, I'm like, I know, I really enjoy this movie. She's like, yeah, I love it, and it's got such a great soundtrack. And I was like, I remember really liking the music in this movie. Like, like, I remember that. But watching it through, I decided I would write down all the music cues, and there are only 3 pop songs on the soundtrack in this. Now there's Stuart sings a version of a song, or there's the Bay City Rollers play and he kind of sings along. But like, as far as like non-diegetic, like we're gonna use this for the movie soundtrack, there are 3 songs. We've heard The Laws, There She Goes, here is Big Audio Dynamite, uh, their song Rush, which was a huge hit. And then there's like one more, and then we hear—.

Nic

Princess by the S.

Steve

Yeah, 2 Princes later, and that's it. And then we get The Laws 2 more times, which is interesting. But that's the montage song for this segment. When Charlie is helping Harriet out, and they're kind of they're flirting, but he is you know being very helpful, but also playing around.

Nic

And he's like he's being wild and goofy with the meats and stuff, doing like pounding the meat and making moo noises.

Steve

Yeah, like you know all that kind of stuff. Very very strange, but very Mike Myers.

Nic

Being very Mike Myers for sure. Good gag. I always like the karate chop massage. It's it's a good gag and an actual good massage move if you're giving someone a massage. Like around their neck and shoulders, that does work very well.

Steve

It was the first massage technique that we taught either of our kids. So like my daughter, who's eight, is awesome. Walks up behind you, sitting in a chair, and she's just the right height where she starts chopping on my on my shoulders and like oh my gosh, that's awesome.

Nic

That's the best.

Steve

She's getting really good at it.

Nic

So Charlie and Harriet, like they're you know they're they're hanging out. They're things are going well. They're having a blast together. She loves his shit.

Steve

Yeah. Oh yes, that's the thing. She's really buying all it.

Nic

All his jokes, man.

Steve

She's into it.

Nic

She's like oh we're so busy, and she looks back and he's like doing the bend. And June thing with 2 filet mignons on forks and dancing them around. And she's like, oh, this is the best thing I've ever seen in my life.

Steve

I liked— but it would be very much a health code violation— but I did enjoy the part where he had some— I don't know if it was awful or if it was trimmings or something he was gonna throw away anyway, but it was like this, this, this, you know, kind of bloody-looking meat that's been chopped up and whatever, and he's got it in his sleeve. And he goes up to a customer and he's like, Mom, Mom, call the school nurse! There was an accident in woodshop! Call the— I think that's funny as hell. But like the actual reality of it is like that one, that poor woman is now traumatized. She's never coming back to that store. And whatever that is, you can't sell it. Now, I don't know if it was— oh, I guess it might have just been trimmings that were going into the trash. But like, that's like a health code violation, really. Sure.

Nic

And you know, as a new employee of a butcher shop, save the goofin'.

Steve

To be fair, I don't think he was being paid, at least not in cash. They do end up after this, they like go out on a little bit of like a date. They end up at the Palace of Fine Arts, which is a great location in SF.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

Not probably anywhere near where her butcher shop is, by the way, because it's sort of out—.

Nic

Yeah, it was kind of in the city.

Steve

Yeah, geography doesn't work great. But they passed by some Russian sailors. An interesting—.

Nic

Because, you know, in the US there's always like other countries' uniformed military walking around.

Steve

What was that about?

Nic

That was really fucking bizarre.

Steve

And again, if you know where this location in SF is, it is as far from water basically as you can get. It's kind of in the center geographically of the city. But anyway, they say something in Russian and she turns and says something in Russian back to them. So we don't know what it is. At least the version I looked at didn't have subtitles or anything. So it's just meant to be— doesn't matter what she says. She speaks Russian fluently, right? And he notices, like, you speak Russian or whatever. And so, but they, you know, it doesn't really go anywhere there. And they kind of like— there's like dancing and frolicking. It's just kind of like very, you know, fun, I guess. Yeah, it's like kind of thing. And they go back to her place.

Nic

Yes.

Steve

And we got to talk about the absolutely— it's like, this is more insane than the sneakers This place is nuts.

Nic

'Cause at least at Sneakers Loft, they theoretically have like better sources of income.

Steve

Like a business, they're running out of it. This is supposedly Harriet— this is the funny part. We learned— I'm gonna skip ahead a little bit, just this one piece. We will meet Harriet's sister Rose later, and she says something about, this is our place, Harriet's and mine. She comes and goes, but she always ends up back here. That to me reads that they own it, right? What the fuck? Like, even, even SF in like the '80s or '90s, it's not like it was a cheap place to live. No, not at all. You know what I mean? So this place looks like it is 3,000 square feet. It's 2 levels.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Right? It's like a big like loft warehouse loft type thing. It's decorated impeccably. It's amazing. It's one of the most cool looking homes in like any movie, in my opinion.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

It does have—.

Nic

It could be the coffee shop. Like, it could be.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

It's a cool enough place that like it could be a public space for people to hang out.

Steve

And like, I've never— and I've known people who are like very good like interior decorators for their own homes and spaces, and they have a lot of stuff. You know, you, you know, you, you go over to somebody's house sometimes and it's like bare walls, and you're like, whoa. Other places it's like people really curated like a whole look. And still this place is like TGI Friday's level amount of shit on the walls. Like really fucking wild, but all like pretty cool. Like all that 15-foot-tall poster of Atlantic City is amazing. It really is cool.

Nic

That is good. I don't think it was fair of him to make that, uh, joke about it.

Steve

Honestly, dude, that was dope as shit.

Nic

Could have cut that out. That looked cool as fuck. Yeah, no, wonderful place. And, you know, we have the Mystery Loft, of course. And one thing that Charlie notices is she has like all these martial arts weapons on the wall and she kind of brushes by. He's like, what's going on with this? And she's like, oh, my friend gave them to me.

Steve

And she says she has a friend who— and then she again uses the exact words, who is a martial arts expert, which I feel like is a thing that would be said by Frank W. Dukes and not very many other people.

Nic

Yeah, he's a martial science guy.

Steve

Oh, I'm sorry. My apologies. You're absolutely right. That is my bad. Sorry, Frank. If you're out there listening. Uh, yeah, but it's kind of weird that like everybody says martial arts expert, in my opinion. It's odd. But she does brush it off. We later learned that these belonged to her ex-husband who is missing, at least. That she doesn't mention— I get that it's like first date, whatever, but that she doesn't say anything, doesn't take this opportunity to be like, you know what, yeah, that was, that was, that's my ex's. Even just say my ex's stuff.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Even if you don't go into the details, right? Because I get it, you're not trying to scare somebody off, but the fact of the matter is that's your reality. If you're this woman, you have these ex-husbands, they went missing, right? You're gonna have to have this conversation at some point, right? Like, it just seemed odd to me that she was so dismissive about, like, oh, it was friend stuff.

Nic

Like, whatever. You for sure have to fucking, um, have to disclose that. Like, if you— if you're legally, like, betrothed to somebody who's, like, the subject of a manhunt, like, you have to tell somebody on a first date.

Steve

I feel like that's true. It's sort of in the same ballpark as, like, you know, you have to declare when a murder occurred in a home if you're gonna sell it, or if you have HIV. So, yeah, you definitely have to do all of that. It's very required. Uh, so, uh, he's gonna go. He kind of says something about he usually rushes into this stuff too much, and she's like, well, I want you to stay over and fuck me, so let's do that.

Nic

Yep. So they do, uh, and they go up and they hump under these sheets that my parents definitely had in the '90s.

Steve

They also look a lot like the upholstery that was on every other couch. Yeah, right, at every other friend's house that you would go, you go, oh, that upholstery again, like same shit. Um, but yeah, then they're sleeping after that, and she is asleep, but yelling out the name Ralph in her sleep, which gets obviously Charlie's attention. And he kind of goes, huh? And then, you know, he wakes her up, she wakes up, whatever. And he's like, you were— you said the name Ralph. You were yelling the name Ralph. Like, who's Ralph? Oh, Ralph? She's my friend. And he goes, oh, she, huh? Oh, she's your friend? Sure. Like, as if there's a woman named Ralph, right? But they go back to sleep. When he wakes up, Harriet is not in bed there with him. So he gets up and he kind of like— he walks downstairs wearing just like a shirt and his underwear. And he sees there's like a frosted glass window into the shower that you can see from below, which like seems like it has no purpose other than to be titillating.

Nic

Just to creep.

Steve

Somebody nearby. You know, it's a very strange choice, but there, there it is. It is frosted. It is, you know, but he sees a figure, a woman showering, and he goes up to like kind of sneak in on her, assuming, I think quite reasonably, that it's Harriet.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

A very reasonable assumption. She never mentioned living with anyone else. Else and everything. So, but no, this is Amanda Plummer. This is Rose, uh, who is Harriet's sister, uh, and so, you know, there's a moment where he busts into her— into the shower while she's in it. He screams. She doesn't really react a whole lot.

Nic

No, she's pretty fine with it.

Steve

She's good. Like, uh, and then, uh, like, he gets dressed and goes downstairs, and she's already downstairs then, like, having obviously finished her shower and everything. And she says— this is a funny moment, I love this— she says, uh, Harriet left you a And she like picks it up out of her like pocket or off the table. I can't remember exactly, but she picks it up and instead of handing it to it, looks like he's gonna hand it to him, and then she unfolds it and starts reading it out loud to him like that's the appropriate thing to do. I love that moment for some reason. I think it's very funny.

Nic

Yeah, and she says she's gonna make him, oh, like chill out, I'll make you this breakfast, I'll make you all this stuff. And then it cuts to her just pouring Froot Loops in a bowl. She's like, I didn't have any of that.

Steve

Silver dollar pancakes, bacon, freshly squeezed orange juice. And then it's like, I don't have have any of the other stuff. Yeah, no, Froot Loops are good. And she's being—.

Nic

She's being weird to him because what she's saying to him is, hey, don't worry, like, I'm gonna tell Harriet that nothing happened. And he's just kind of like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what the fuck?

Steve

Yeah, Rose, nothing did happen.

Nic

Nothing did happen. And she's just like, yep, wink wink. He's like, no, no, like, I don't like where this is going.

Steve

So this is an interesting character introduction in my opinion. Like, Rose comes off initially as both very aloof and kind of like not bothered by anything, it seems, but then also I don't know if it's fair. I mean, obviously having seen the movie as many times as I have, like, I know this character well, but it's like, I don't know if it's fair at this point to say she comes off as dangerous, but she definitely comes off—.

Nic

Unhinged?

Steve

Yeah, for sure. Like that kind of thing. So we get this, this sense initially that like, whatever this woman's story is, it's probably not great, right? It's probably not a great thing, whatever's going on with her. So, so we get just a little bit of that. But yeah, but then she says, don't worry, Charlie, just be careful. And it's like, whoa, what the fuck? Like, what is that? That's the part where you're kind of like, you don't know. You know, again, as we know through the movie, like, it turns out she's kind of warning him against herself in some ways. But like, but at this point, it's like, what is that about? Is this, you know, but again, like, I'm getting ahead of things, but it's, it, this movie does a lot of things really well from a very high-level plot scenario. Like, like, like, like hint, like dropping things early, paying them off later. Like, that stuff works a lot. It's not without holes. Don't get me wrong. Like, this is one of those moments where they're really between yelling Ralph, the martial arts stuff, Rose saying be careful. Like, we are hammering home that Charlie should be fearful of Harriet.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Right? That maybe Harriet is Mrs. X. So I love any time a movie gives the audience more information than it gives the characters. I love being ahead of the characters and like begging them to catch up, you know? And sort of like wanting them to get where I am. That to me is sort of what I love best. You know, it's great sometimes when movies don't give the audience the info and then we all find out at the same time as the characters. Well, that can be good.

Nic

Right.

Steve

Something about the dramatic irony of like knowing that the character, or, or, or at least suspecting before the character suspects something, knowing something before the character knows it, and then realizing like, oh man, they're— when they get there, they're going to freak the fuck out. When they get where I'm at, it's going to freak them out.

Nic

So yeah, the whole feeling of like, don't go in there, like all that, he's right behind you, like, yeah, for sure.

Steve

The guy's in the barn, don't go in the barn.

Nic

Like, um, uh, yeah, so, so that leaves us on like kind of a weird moment, right? So now we, we cut, we got one of our other great songs, we got 2 Prince is playing as, uh, as Charlie and Tony are heading out towards Alcatraz.

Steve

I gotta ask you, honest, actual honest opinion about this song and Spin Doctors in general. What is like—.

Nic

Like, I enjoy it. I think, uh, yeah, I could, I could fuck with it. It doesn't bother me.

Steve

Spin Doctors were a guilty pleasure for me in the '90s. They— I no longer feel guilty about it. I think both Two Princes and Little Miss Can't Be Wrong are fucking bangers. They put a smile on my face. Like, they are so nostalgic. Both those songs got played so many in so many different movies and so many different— we hear them on the radio all the time. There is something about, if I wanna think about what life felt like in the mid-'90s, throw on some fucking Spin Doctors.

Nic

Oh yeah.

Steve

Pocketful of Kryptonite. Just put the album on. It's nothing, you know, it's bubblegummy kind of, you know, there's nothing deep or, you know, meaningful about the music per se, but it's so fun. Oh, there's good deep stuff.

Nic

Yeah, fucking been a whole lot easier since the bitch left town. Yeah, I fuck with them. With the Spin Doctors. They're like a little below the Counting Crows on my hierarchy, but we're all in there. And there are things that were formerly guilty pleasures, and like you said, the guilt dissolves with time, and you're like, no, that's just a pleasure, homie.

Steve

And there was stuff that I thought I hated back then for some dumb reason, and then ended up— like, I thought for some reason in high school I hated Toad the Wet Sprocket. Yeah, I do not hate Toad the Wet Sprocket. Their music's fantastic. Like, I love it now, you know?

Nic

But nice. Yeah, anyway, we're gonna do, uh, Drop Zone someday, and, uh, oh, I think they feature Fall Down in that. Nice. It's a skydiving movie.

Steve

All right, very cool. And we'll have to do son-in-law in order to get Little Miss Candy Rock. There we go.

Nic

Um, so, so Charlie and Tony are on the boat, they're going to the— to do the Alcatraz tour. And I can't— I think we're kind of shown early on that this is like one of the things they do frequently. Yeah, they're kind of talking about like, oh, what guide do we get today and stuff. So this is like where they go to just hang out and bullshit, which like—.

Steve

I think I've been on 2 Alcatraz tours in my entire life. Yeah, 46 years living in the Bay Area. Maybe once was with Boy Scouts and then like one other time, I don't remember. But like, this is not something, as far as I'm aware, any locals just do. No, not at all. On any kind of basis at all. But apparently Tony and Charlie really just love doing the Alcatraz tour. And it is cool, at least was back then. It's all self-guided now. There's no more, you know, there's no tour guides anymore or anything. It's like those audio, those headset things. But still, like, so they go and they get Phil Hartman's character is their tour guide. And I can't remember his real name, but everybody calls me Vicky.

Nic

I think he says, my name is John Johnson, but everybody calls me Vicky.

Steve

Everybody here calls me Vicky. I love Vicky. So he does a little tour, gets them to, to, uh, what do they call it? Uh, not Main Street. What do they call it? It's like the, the Broadway. They call it Broadway.

Nic

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Steve

And it's like it's where the worst of the worst were, you know, housed. And he tells a story about Machine Gun Kelly, and I won't repeat the whole thing, but basically that like Machine Gun Kelly had what we in the prison system refer to as a bitch.

Nic

Yeah, yeah, that's good, good little Phil Hartman, uh, cameo there. And then while he's talking to it while he's telling this story. Charlie and Tony are in the front, and, and Charlie's just like, yeah, so anyway, I really like this girl. And then Vicki kind of looks at him like, what the fuck? I'm in the middle of my story.

Steve

Kind of looked— dude, like, the death stare, right? Yeah, fuck it, for real.

Nic

But how, how inconsiderate. I mean, I will say Charlie and Tony, very inconsiderate throughout this tour to people who haven't been.

Steve

Oh, absolutely. Yep.

Nic

They stop in front of the cell forever to just chitchat.

Steve

I mean, really, their actions Second worst interruption of an Alcatraz tour that we've seen on this podcast.

Nic

Really? So we've got a we've got a montage now with our song again.

Steve

We've got There She Goes by the Laws again, and it's not.

Nic

I don't know why I thought that was Sixpence None. Oh no, that's the Laws. Did they cover it? Okay.

Steve

I don't think so, but I've always known it as the Laws, and I don't think it was a Sixpence. If it was a cover, it would have been maybe an older.

Nic

If there was a version from Sixpence was Kiss Me.

Steve

That was Kiss Me. Okay. Yes.

Nic

Um, so we get a montage and basically, you know, it's a montage to show that Harriet loves Charlie's shit and Charlie is being goofy as hell and her sister's being normal. They're like all hanging out.

Steve

Present a lot.

Nic

She's there a lot for sure. Yeah, but they're like, they're doing stuff together and Charlie and the sister, it looks like it's not weird between them. He's being pretty normal with her.

Steve

Yeah, and it's, it's just, uh, it's like the dating montage. This is how we compress time and say, okay, now, now when we come out of this audience accept the fact that they're like a full couple. They're, you know, definitely, uh, uh, you know, not dating other people or whatever. They're like together, right? That's sort of what we're getting. And we cut then to Fog City Diner, which unfortunately closed several years ago, was a very cool place right there on Embarcadero. Yep. Uh, and they are now— it is now, uh, Charlie and Harriet and Tony. And I don't know if we get Tony's girlfriend's name, but she is played by Debbie Mazar, who we've seen before. She was in Goodfellas.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Um, one— somebody who I just love as a character actress. And they're doing like a would you rather, right? Like freaked out kind of, would you rather this crazy thing happened or this crazy thing happened? And they've all got very kind of creative but like gross things. And then we cut to Debbie Mazar's character and they're just like, or? And it's her cue and she says, or would you rather be electrocuted? Yeah. And they're all kind of like, and? It's like, no, no, that's it. That's like really scary. I was electrocuted once. Which I think is very funny, but like, no, like it doesn't land with any of the characters. Right, right.

Nic

No. And this is such a such a common character is the the outside party who is not good at playing the thing, like goofing around the way that you and your friends like to, and definitely stands out from it.

Steve

They don't speak the language.

Nic

Good thing you're hot, Debbie. And and we get we get a couple more hellos in this scene, I think.

Steve

Well, we get the negatory good buddy. Tony and Charlie fight over the the check.

Nic

That's right.

Steve

I'm gonna pay the check. He's like no no no no no no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, negatory, good buddy, negatory. That kind of stuff. And then Harriet takes the check and she pays apparently.

Nic

So, and Harriet and Charlie decide they're going to walk home together. Right.

Steve

In the rain. Pouring rain. Pouring, right? Like more than it generally— even when it rains in our area, it doesn't tend to pour like that.

Nic

Yeah, this is crazy.

Steve

Really crazy.

Nic

Um, and it's definitely, you know, showing their, their relationship solidifying. And hey, I'm willing to put up with your jokes, so of course I'm willing to go out in the rain, uh, to walk home with you.

Steve

It was her idea. Yeah, she's the one who wanted to walk. And he said like, I love that you wanted to walk home in the rain. Yeah. All right, and then I think we cut to Tony, back to Tony. No, I'm sorry. Nope. Back at their house, back at the Mackenzies'.

Nic

Yes.

Steve

Another scene, dinner at Mackenzies'. This time Harriet is coming over to meet the parents. May answers the door and like, you know, come on in and hugs Harriet. Oh, you know, you're so beautiful, like whatever. And then Stuart comes down without his pants, without his trousers, and goes to like tap Harriet on the shoulder or something. And she full on like, you know, judo kind of grabs his arm and twists it behind his back. And, you know, he's like, I like this one, Charlie. Like, you know, Um, but yeah, so then, uh, the one of the funniest moments in this to me— oh, so, so, uh, May offers to show Harriet the baby pictures of Charlie, right? And he goes to excuse himself to like use the bathroom, I think, right? And I love— my favorite moment in this is that there's a dartboard on the back of the bathroom door with Queen Elizabeth II's picture on it, which I just think— I love the idea of Stuart sitting, taking a crap, and throwing darts at the Queen. Very funny. Very Very funny.

Nic

And Charlie in the bathroom finds that Weekly World News, which is kind of open to the article about the serial killer that his mom had told him about. And he's looking at it, you know, so he's making the realization, like, you know, axe murderer, like, you had a plumber in, in New Jersey or whatever, Russian martial arts guy, Atlantic City lounge singer.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

So he's getting very suspicious because he's like, okay, these are all the exact places she's lived.

Steve

We've seen clues of the Atlantic City thing. We've seen The Russian, she spoke in Russian. The martial arts stuff. Someone named Ralph, she's yelling out the name of.

Nic

Right?

Steve

There's all kinds of things. I think she maybe even mentioned the song because they because he takes that paper then to Tony after dinner's done. It's like the next day, whatever. He goes to Tony at the police station and he's telling him, Tony, you got to look into this for me. Look into this Mrs. X thing. And he goes, fucking Charlie, this is the weekly world news. What are you talking about? Yeah. And he's like, no, but look at all these things. He's pointing out all this stuff and he says something about where you. You know, uh, the lounge singer like was famous or something for his cover of Only You or something like— it was something like that. And Tony goes, does she even know the words to Only You? And he's like, I don't know if she knows, you know, but he just really wants Tony to like look into it.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

Very, very important.

Nic

Uh, Charlie— this is a good moment of the time where Charlie is, uh, he's at Harriet's, I think.

Steve

Yes.

Nic

And he's watching a current affair. And I remember as a kid thinking that that was so like compelling, even though I didn't know what they were ever talking about. But just the way that triangle goes like, like flies at you, right? Good-ass sound. And then he's using the ThighMaster.

Steve

Yes, he is. The Suzanne Somers ThighMaster.

Nic

Great. I— we, uh, have a ThighMaster, uh, at our house. My wife has one. She's had it for a long time. One time when, uh, when we were dating, we didn't live together yet, my daughter and I went by her house to like feed her cats and stuff. And, uh, she was out of town and the ThighMaster was there. And Wren is like 3 years old. She's like, what is this? I'm like, oh, you put it between your legs and you squeeze. And I have this video of her struggling so hard, like She's so mad at this thing. She's like, like trying to squeeze the thigh mask.

Steve

Like, damn it, it doesn't work. This one's broken.

Nic

So I love seeing the thigh mask.

Steve

Very good.

Nic

But one of the things he's seeing on, uh, a current affair is that poisoning murders are on the rise.

Steve

And it's always people you know, right? Yeah. Inside the family, people you live with, people you trust. Like, that's— and yes, and poisoning is becoming very important. So of course, this is the point where Harriet comes in with a drink that she says is a health shake, and she spent half an hour making it. But it looks like Hawaiian Punch with frothy foam on top. It's very weird. It's a little frothy on top, but it looks clear, kind of reddish pinkish. Yeah, does not look like a shake of any kind.

Nic

You should have said juice or something.

Steve

Maybe. Yeah, and maybe that was the idea because we got the juicer. The mom had a juicer, so maybe it was like a juicing thing. But to call it a health shake, I was looking at going, there's no— it's not even like blended with ice. There's nothing here that's giving it any texture at all. Yeah, this just looks like like, you know what it really looked like to me? You're old enough now, you've had a colonoscopy, right? You know that shit you got to eat, drink ahead of time the day before? That's what it fucking looked like to me. So I also would not have drinking that shit, Charlie.

Nic

Maybe that's what, uh, maybe that's what she wanted. It's pretty convenient if you're Scottish and you get a colonoscopy. You just have the kilt on, you don't really need to pull the pants up and down.

Steve

Is that convenient or is that worse somehow? It might be worse.

Nic

Might be worse. Um, so he doesn't want to touch this because he's just been freaked out by the current affair He's like, get this away. Like, no, no, no, sorry, I can't. Shit. And she's saying, well, I spent a lot of time making this. I made this for you. What's going on? What's happening? And then he finally just goes and hides in the closet. She's like, all right, whatever, dude. Fuck you. She leaves. And then there's a good gag of the closet collapsing on him, which I always like to see that.

Steve

It's always funny when there's like more shit coming from above what you can see in the closet than could possibly be in any number of shelves above there, you know?

Nic

Exactly. Like it's a vaulted ceiling closet to be able to hold all that.

Steve

Skylight 3 floors up. And there's a dump truck on the roof just pouring shit down. Exactly. Um, but yeah, but then so they go to go to go to bed and she's kind of like, you know, I'm so sorry, it's not a big deal that you didn't want to drink my shake, it's okay. And then she was saying something like, I just feel so comfortable with you and I trust you so much and I'm so glad that we're so comfortable with each other. I mean, boy, if you think about it, like, we sleep next to each other and I mean, I could do anything to you. And you—. And it's like— and this is like one of the, one of the scenes, one of the moments in the movie that really doesn't work for me because this is a woman who— let's just like lay it all out— she is not a killer. She has had 3 husbands disappear mysteriously on her honeymoon.

Nic

Mm-hmm.

Steve

She must be aware in some way that that is something other people would think is strange. She doesn't talk about it openly. So it's like a source of either guilt or shame or something, right? There's that. And so why would she talk about this? Like, this feels like very— you're gonna get people thinking you're a fucking killer if you talk shit like this. Like, it's just a little strange. Strange. I feel like somebody in this— in her position would feel that much more guarded and sort of like unwilling to sort of just say shit like this. It's a little weird.

Nic

Yeah, it does seem like she, she would have to know all this stuff. She would have to know that it's really fucking with them. Otherwise, it's a weirdly like clueless thing to say.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

Um, so we're at the, uh, at the San Francisco Globe, right? I like the fake newspapers.

Steve

Yes, clearly the, the font or the text is all very Chronicle, right? It's clearly the Chronicle.

Nic

Yeah, um, and we're at the marriages, uh, desk.

Steve

Yeah, it's like the announcements basically.

Nic

And so he's putting— Charlie's gonna go make an announcement, right?

Steve

Because they're for his parents' 30th anniversary. Yeah, throwing—.

Nic

Have an anniversary party coming up.

Steve

Um, just like not a thing. I mean, it's not a thing anybody does anymore, I assume, is— I didn't really realize that was a thing before, announcing anniversary. Like, I guess I know there's marriage announcements, obviously there's obituaries, like maybe even births potentially, but like an anniversary is like a weird thing. It's not like you're inviting the public to their anniversary party.

Nic

Like, yeah, I, I know it's odd, but it's probably one of those things. His parents are big newspaper clipping people. That's true. It's probably important for them to have really good cutouts.

Steve

Yeah, make it, cut it out and put on the fridge. That's a good point, actually.

Nic

Yeah. Uh, while he's there, he overhears a couple of the, uh, the workers there who are kind of talking back and forth about one of these cases, right? And, uh, one of them, uh, played by Michael Richards, right? And, uh, fuck, who's the other guy?

Steve

I don't remember his name, but he was, he was like the, uh, the landlord— not the landlord, the superintendent on Friends that was always like fixing stuff for, for, uh, Rachel and Monica. He was like, that guy, he's been in a ton of movies that we've seen, and then others. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those character actor guys that was in everything in the '80s and '90s, it felt like.

Nic

Uh, and, and Charlie's trying to get— he's like trying to get some info from them, but they, they keep— or Michael Richards keeps assuming that he's just offended at what he overheard him say.

Steve

Because he was talking about how like the Ralph Elliott would die, like, because Ralph Elliott went missing, but then they found out like, no, he died, and he was found in a like sewage drain pipe or And he goes, well, you take your work— he was a plumber— you take your work home and that's what happens, you know, kind of thing. And somebody who isn't Charlie says like, hey, that's somebody's like family, like you should be nicer. And he goes, no, no, wait, wait, did they say anything about the wife? And he goes, no, no, I get it, kid. I get it, pal. Like whatever, I'm sorry, I was being offensive. No, no, did they say anything about the wife? Look, I'm sorry that I said— and you know, he's like freaking out. And like Kramer, whatever, Michael Richards walks away like, you know, oh, look at me, I'm the insensitive guy.

Nic

It's funny, if you guys, uh, it's a really funny scene. If you guys look up, uh, Michael Richards offensive joke tirade on YouTube, I think this will be the first thing that pops up.

Steve

This will be the first hit.

Nic

You're gonna love it.

Steve

Don't go to the second page though, because boy, it's gonna get real dark real fast. But yeah, this would definitely be the first thing. It's this and the fire hose scene from UHF.

Nic

Yeah, yeah. Uh, so, uh, so, you know, more stuff happening. He's like, right, what the fuck's going on? Uh, he's with Harriet now in front of the Painted Ladies. We get some good SF, like, landmarks here.

Steve

Alamo Square Park.

Nic

Um, and I think he's just at this point, she's like, he's being too weird, he's being too suspicious, he's freaking her out. And she's just like, whatever, dude, I'm done.

Steve

Well, he dumps her. Yeah, I mean, he basically says like, I don't think we should see each other anymore. And she's like, why? And he's just like, I don't think we should see each other anymore. And you know, that's it. But he's, you know, she's pissed at him rightfully. Yeah, but the end.

Nic

And now if Charlie didn't— if he didn't work, uh, for free part-time at the butcher shop. What, what does he do? Like, do we ever get a glimpse of, like, Charlie? He's not an architect. No, he's not anything. Is he just a professional, like, unlit cigarette beat poet? Like, I don't think that pays well.

Steve

I don't think so. I don't think it does. But you're absolutely right. I don't think we get any indication whatsoever. He drives a beautiful classic convertible, right? He's, he's, you know, his parents are clearly wealthy. I mean, if he'd inherited the Butcher shop, he would have said that instead of just my dad was a butcher and I worked in his shop sometimes. He would have said that differently. So yeah, we don't get really any indication, I don't think, of what Charlie McKenzie does for a living. Yeah, why does he have money at all? It's really kind of crazy. Yeah, yeah, we never see his apartment either.

Nic

I think we see it for like one second, but it's so— yeah, it's super short because I was looking forward.

Steve

Oh, that's right, I remember. And it has a great view if I remember. He's like in North Beach. Beautiful place. It's like a beautiful North Beach like he's on the— he's on the roof and it's like a 3rd floor, like, North Beach apartment.

Nic

Fucking crazy, dude. Um, so, uh, so now we've got a, uh, another poetry performance, right? So now that he and Harriet have broken up— Charlie and Harriet are broken up— so we get the, the next woman, whoa man performance, and it's got Harriet's picture in the background.

Steve

And the big difference was when he did the one about, uh, Sherry, I think was his, his ex at the beginning of the movie, he's got this little candle in like a votive, like a glass votive holder thing, and he blows it out at the end of the poem. And with the Harriet poem, he picks that up and puts it in front of his face but does not blow it out and then puts it back down. I think because, you know, he's not 100% sure that the flame is gone.

Nic

Okay, right.

Steve

So that's our little signal there.

Nic

Very nice.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Uh, and so Tony, uh, Tony calls. Yeah, right. And, uh, Tony tells Charlie that someone had confessed to this, to the murder of Ralph Elliott. So it's like, well, it's not Harriet, like, we found somebody.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

Somebody confessed to that.

Steve

Right. And, and, and I think even there's something about— they even hinted that there were others.

Nic

Yes.

Steve

Like, he says that, right? So it's like they're gonna talk about that. So he— Charlie goes running back to Harriet, basically, like, to her apartment, like, Harriet, I'm so sorry, whatever. And she's like, you blew it. No, leave.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And so he does, like, you know, a movie trope. It's not something that doesn't happen often in movies but would never really happen in real life, right? He gets that jazz trio from Rhodes Cafe out to, like, near her window and does, you know, the live poetry version of John Cusack standing, uh, yes, on Ione Skye's lawn with his boombox and say anything. Um, but yeah, like, uh, you know, she takes him back after his, you know, heartfelt little beat poem.

Nic

It's fucking crazy that after him, like, just blowing that whole relationship, he's able to win her back by showcasing his most annoying hobby. Yeah, exactly.

Steve

It really—.

Nic

Hey, what's the thing about me that all your friends say, geez, if it weren't for that one thing, he'd be cool?

Steve

Yeah, right. If I was more impressionable, maybe even if I was— maybe if I was a little older when I first saw this or something, I would've thought that being like a beat poet really would've gotten the girls. And I'm glad I never got that idea 'cause it's definitely wrong, so.

Nic

It's called a beat poet 'cause you're always beating off. So Charlie and Harriet, they were back together and it didn't take much to convince her. I mean, she really— Yeah, just a little. Just that poem and now they're back sharing a bathtub again.

Steve

That's right, yeah, yeah.

Nic

And he's being fucking annoying in the bathtub.

Steve

He really is. But then like the doorbell rings, I think, right? And so Harriet like goes downstairs or something, whatever. He comes downstairs in a towel. Yeah. And Harriet, wearing like a bathrobe or whatever, is introducing him to a woman who I swear in the past I thought was Linda Hamilton.

Nic

Dude, I, I had this down to look up because when we were watching it, Jeanie's like, she's like, that's the chick for—.

Steve

That's—.

Nic

Or, or no, remember in T2, they're in credited, Linda Hamilton has a sister who's also in that. And Jeanie was like, that was like her—.

Steve

Could be Linda Hamilton's sister. Yes.

Nic

And I thought so too, but it wasn't.

Steve

It is not correct. Acted as somebody who I don't think really was in very many other movies, whoever they are, but it's Ralph. Yeah. And so he's like— she's like, hey, look, this is my friend Ralph. And he's like, oh my God, there is a woman named Ralph. This explains, you know, in addition to the fact that somebody else has confessed to the murder of Ralph Elliott, there is now also an explanation for Harriet yelling Ralph. This is great. This is like— it's sort of the, I thought everything was terrible, this is now continuing to prove to me that nope, I had it wrong before. I'm actually— this is actually awesome. Nothing's wrong. Woohoo! This is perfect.

Nic

Yes, and this is, uh, really, really exciting. And there's kind of a fun moment there where he's like, I'm naked, aren't I? He goes to hug her and his towel drops and he's like, I'm naked, aren't I? Like, yeah. And he like still holds the hug and everything, plays that off. He's really charming these ladies.

Steve

Oh my gosh.

Nic

Um, now we're at his parents', uh, 30th anniversary dinner, uh, which is at a restaurant called Cock of the North, which I enjoy.

Steve

Love that. Great name. Cock the North.

Nic

Uh, and at this restaurant, at this party, uh, it ends up that Charlie asks Harriet to marry him.

Steve

He proposes.

Nic

There's too much romance in the air.

Steve

And she's super kind of nervous about that at first, does not give him an answer right away. It's kind of like, uh, are you sure? Whatever. But then like Stuart, like his dad, basically gives like a speech about how thankful he is that, that Charlie threw this party, and I wish for you 30 years like I've had, and like all this stuff, whatever. And it's very like, uh, it's very sweet, very heartfelt, whatever. And Harriet Harriet turns to Charlie and says, yes, like, I'll marry you. And so that's super exciting. We cut quickly to their wedding, right? So they're— it's in a church. Uh, one side, the McKenzie side, is filled with a shit ton of people. Yeah. Uh, Harriet's side, not so much.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Apparently she has no other family because Rose is her maid of honor, but the next person sitting like in the front of her side is Ralph, like the woman that we just met. And there's like— and there's a few other people, but it doesn't look like she has like parents there or anything, you know what I mean? It's an interesting thing. So yeah, there's like 20 people on her side and like 200 on Charlie's side, which I find is kind of interesting.

Nic

Yeah, definitely a Scottish forward.

Steve

Yeah, right.

Nic

Um, there's a— and, and when she's, uh, it's her turn to say I do, Harriet, there's a, there's a very long delay, but she does say it eventually. And then at the reception, we've got Charlie's dad, uh, dancing along with a guy who's playing like cheetah pattern bagpipes. I've never seen bagpipes that had this, like—.

Steve

It's very interesting.

Nic

They're like Guy Fieri's bagpipes.

Steve

They're the hipper, cooler bagpipes.

Nic

And he's playing If You Think I'm Sexy by Rod Stewart, which goes on for a long time.

Steve

That's right.

Nic

And then, and then Harriet makes a request to sing a song.

Steve

Oh, that's right. She wants to sing a song to Charlie. Very, you know, very special. And it's Only You. So now we've gotten, right, you know, Charlie's very relaxed. Yeah.

Nic

Before this song, he feels good about stuff.

Steve

We, as an audience, we get Charlie's in danger, Charlie's in danger, Charlie's in danger. A turn. Oh, no, no, no. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. And then now this is the first sort of tip back the other direction. Wait, so she does know the lyrics to Only You? Yeah, that was a question early on, and that's interesting.

Nic

And it's not the Only You by 112 featuring Biggie Smalls and Mase. That actually didn't come out till a few years later. It's a lesser Only You, right, she was singing.

Steve

Very old and lame. Yeah, exactly. So then this was a funny thing because I know, just because I've seen the movie a lot, that the exterior shots of this place they're going for their honeymoon, this resort, whatever. Those exterior shots were shot at the Claremont in Berkeley.

Nic

Okay.

Steve

In the hills, right? So however, they used matte backgrounds to change what the area around it looks like. You don't see like downtown Berkeley, like, you know, it looks like they're out in the woods or whatever. But I remember thinking that, oh my god, wait, they're driving across the Golden Gate Bridge to the north. Here's another chance for me to be a pedantic asshole about the geography of the Bay Area. No, it's totally legit because they drive north over the Golden Gate Bridge It's the appropriate shot. They're driving along the coast with the water on their left. That's appropriate 'cause they're driving north. And then it's a fictional place that they arrive. So it's like, there's no geography bullshit that I can call out, unfortunately. 'Cause at first I thought I really was gonna fucking nail his ass with this.

Nic

Oh man, it would've been so good.

Steve

No, they were smart to use a fictional location.

Nic

And this area that they're going is called Poet's Corner.

Steve

There you go, that's right, yeah.

Nic

Which I think is the name of a neighborhood in Pleasant Hill. In Pleasant Hill!

Steve

With particularly bad crime rates.

Nic

I totally remember that because back when I was house shopping in bad crime neighborhoods, that was definitely one of them. It's probably great. It's probably $2 million houses now.

Steve

Now, sure.

Nic

But I fully said, when we were watching this, I said to Jeanie, oh, they're going to Pleasant Hill.

Steve

She's like, what?

Nic

And again, they're going to a place that's themed after his most annoying hobby. It would be like someone saying, hey, let's go to the Fantasy Football World Resort for our honeymoon.

Steve

It's called Stadium Swim in Vegas. That's what that's called.

Nic

And Charlie, you mentioned it before, but he has the classic cinema bad connection. Convertible, the bad version of a good convertible.

Steve

It's like old and kind of dirty and kind of shitty looking, but it's also like it's a classic. It's like, yeah, exactly.

Nic

It could get one montage, you buff that thing up, you can pay for the entire wedding.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Um, so Tony is still suspicious.

Steve

Well, no, Tony— no, no, what happens is Captain Alan Arkin busts in on Tony into his office or whatever and is like— and he's doing the— he's doing the tough act that Tony wants. I'm like, you, you fucked up again. If I don't need— like all kind of stuff. And he says, you know, Captain, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Oh, that woman that confessed to the Ralph Elliott murder, she confessed to a few more murders. He goes, I knew she would, I knew she would. Yeah, she confessed to the murders of like Abraham Lincoln and Julius Caesar, you know, whatever. It's like, oh fuck, like, so she's a nut. So she did not kill Ralph. So this gets Tony freaked out because now he is worried about— because he and Charlie shared a moment when at the wedding when she sang Only You, they shared a little look like, oh damn, that's kind of shitty.

Nic

Uh, we're back below 100% again.

Steve

Exactly right, we're back at 98, 99. Now Tony He's at like 80%. Now he's worried because it's like, shit, maybe she did kill Ralph. And so he decides he needs to get up to where they are, but he goes to call, and this is a weird thing that happened. I don't know if this works from like the way telephone systems work. He couldn't call up to Poets Corner because of a storm. There was something about getting his phone call from San Francisco to, you know, let's call it, I don't know, Sea Ranch or something. It's somewhere up along the Sonoma Coast, right? So he couldn't call. So he He commits, like, fucking gets a plane, like, to fly him up there. Yeah. And it's Steven Wright, the comedian, very funny deadpan comedian, is the pilot.

Nic

Good to see Steven Wright.

Steve

Absolutely. And then, and then it's like when they land, he is able to call. It's something weird. Like, why is he able to call through a payphone once they land?

Nic

Yeah, it doesn't make— kind of odd.

Steve

Doesn't make any sense. But anyway, I think I skipped Skip ahead a little there.

Nic

But it does, it does allow us though to see Charlie receiving a phone while he's seated at a restaurant, which is a lifelong dream of mine.

Steve

That is pretty—.

Nic

I really— and not my own fucking phone, not my cell phone. I want a, a wired phone in a tray, on a silver tray.

Steve

100%. If you are answering your cell phone at a nice rest— at the table at a nice restaurant in the middle of a dining room, you are a fucking asshole.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

If a waiter or maître d' brings over a corded phone on a platter and tells you you have a Not only are you allowed to make that— take that call there at the table, everyone else in that room needs to shut the fuck up and let you take that call.

Nic

Exactly.

Steve

Because clearly you are very important.

Nic

And I mean, you're on the border of being able to pull a, can I have the room please, to all the people there at the restaurant.

Steve

If you're in one of those back kind of banquet rooms, you can do that. If you're in the main dining room, that's too far. But if you're in one of those back rooms that's open for dining but could be a banquet room they could close off, totally within your rights to ask for the room to be cleared for you. But yeah, what I did skip over though was Tony confirming, um, that Harriet was married to all the guys who died. So he like calls, you know, somebody who knew the martial arts guy and was like, oh yeah, and he like sends a picture. Oh yeah, she like lost weight since then, but that's her. And then somebody else was like, oh yeah, she's got her hair— hair's longer now, but that was her. So like, he is able to confirm that the lounge singer and Ralph and the martial arts guy, all these people were married to Harriet. And this, for Tony, is all he needs to be like, 100%, she is Mrs. X.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Charlie's absolutely in danger. Danger. Like, this is what's going on. And so now he has— this is when he decides he has to get the plane and get up to, uh, Poet's Corner.

Nic

And this is kind of like, uh, Scatman Crothers making his way to the, um, to the lodge in The Shining. Like, okay, this is an emergency. Like, I gotta get there. I can't just go now from there. And there was a quick scene of Harriet, like, she had all her makeup and stuff, and she opened a big thing of, like, powder foundation and pulled out, uh, it looked like a chain with, like, 3 different rings attached to it. So it was like, is that her old wedding rings?

Steve

Must be, right?

Nic

So we saw that very quickly.

Steve

It's true.

Nic

Um, so, uh, let's see.

Steve

We get the commandeering a vehicle moment. Yeah, yeah. So early on, that was one of the things that Tony complained to the captain about, that he hasn't been allowed to do, right? He hasn't chased a criminal across a crowded city square. I've never commandeered a vehicle. And Alan Arkin's like, that does sound like fun, you know, whatever. So he needs to go get this. So he tries to commandeer this vehicle from the airport after landing to get the rest of the way to the hotel, and it's Charles Grodin, and he's He's like, I need to commandeer this vehicle. And he just goes, no, no, I know you actually don't have the power to do that. Please.

Nic

Yeah, Charles Grodin was good in this. And then, uh, so at the same time where Charlie and Harriet were at the dinner, yeah, and then there's another couple at the dinner celebrating, you know, 30 years or a big anniversary. So they're doing this creepy thing, which always I see as more of like a Game of Thrones type thing than a modern day thing, where it's like the honeymoon chair.

Steve

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nic

So everyone at the restaurant starts getting all excited to carry them in this chair back to their room so that they can fuck and everyone can just put a glass up to the door and listen from the—.

Steve

Just know that they're banging.

Nic

Why are you so interested in this? Um, but Charlie's obviously very uncomfortable with this, but this is happening here, and it's kind of hard to fight.

Steve

Tony was able to tell him over the phone, right? Ralph is— you know, basically the person who said they killed Ralph was lying. Harriet killed Ralph. Harriet is Mrs. X. This is how Tony puts it, because he's done all this confirmation of who she's married to. He said, Harriet is Mrs. X. Tony's like, And he tells him there's no doubt.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Like, this is the case. So now Charlie's freaking out. He is able, once they get into the, uh, honeymoon suite or whatever, he is able to like lock her into the closet, I think, or something like that. He locks her in somewhere. Yeah, the closet, I think. Um, but that's when Rose is suddenly there wearing the, uh, Patrick Bateman, uh, wearing the, the poncho, you know, for getting ready to kill fucking— I don't know if that wasn't Jude Law. Who was that? Jared Leto, right? That he decided to kill. With the axe and everything. And so she's ready to go. She's got the hatchet, she's got the thing, and she starts attacking Charlie.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And now Harriet can see what's happening. Wherever she is, she's behind a glass door or something. And so she's now screaming at Rose. So now Harriet is realizing what's actually happening, as the audience does, as Charlie does. We all get the story at the same time, which is that Rose has been killing Harriet's husband. She even yells at Charlie like, you tried to take her from me, you tried to come between us, so now you're gonna die, kind of thing. It's like, holy shit. Which is like, I think there was a thing she said something about, you weren't supposed to be in the room, like to Harriet or something like that. There was something, 'cause I'm thinking to myself, this is not particularly sneaky. This is not like, how did she get away with this 3 times already? It's very, that's the part that becomes much less kind of believable about the whole thing.

Nic

Leaving town used to do a lot more for you, I think.

Steve

Yeah, just moving from town to town. Pre-internet, that's a big thing. So Charlie's able, I think, to climb out the window, right?

Nic

Yep, so Charlie's out the window and then they're kind of fighting on the roof and of course, you know, bad weather and everything. And we got some exciting axe handle, like, trying to chop his fingers as he's hanging off the roof.

Steve

Yep.

Nic

Um, Tony is trying to get into the room to save the day. He cannot kick the door open for the life of him.

Steve

10 times, 12 times.

Nic

This old fucking hotel, like, it should be easy to police kick a door open in a hotel like that, right?

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Uh, and so Tony takes, like, 5 kicks to boot it open.

Steve

At least so many. But he does get in, and of course then, then lets Harriet out of the closet. Harriet's like, oh, Tony, good, you're here. Charlie's in danger. And he's like, yeah, I know. And he opens the cuffs, they're like, you're under arrest. Like, all this stuff. And there's a great scene where as Rose— this is my favorite part of this— as Rose is up on the roof, yeah, like hacking away at Charlie's— where Charlie's hands are, 'cause he's hanging sort of by the awning or whatever. So you can hear the thunk, thunk, thunk of the hatchet going into the roof over and over again. And Harriet's telling Tony, who's like smoking a cigarette trying to get a confession out of her, he's like, we could do this here, we can do this downtown.

Nic

It is funny how he goes to the cops I've seen on TV mode immediately. Like, he's too juiced up. He got to commandeer a car. There's no landing that guy's ego.

Steve

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, he got a ride. Like, he didn't commandeer anything.

Nic

But in his mind, he's the real cop. Exactly.

Steve

First time. But he's kind of like— she's like, you can hear them, they're on the roof. Like, go save Charlie, he is gonna be killed. Go. Like, you know, and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nic

We get a mutual, uh, nut shot, uh, when they're, when they're fighting up there on the roof. Well, not really nut, but just The— she, uh, Rose gets Charlie in the nuts and then he kicks her in that same area, which she seems to react like it hurt as much.

Steve

Which, I mean, I'm sure it hurts. It hurts. It's— I mean, look, I remember I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I saw a girl get kicked between the legs because some kid said, oh, girls don't have anything there, this won't hurt. And that is not true. That is not what happened. That girl got hurt bad, you know, because somebody kicked her. Like, it doesn't matter where you get kicked, you get kicked hard enough, right? So yeah, so she reacts. The thing about it is that when Charlie got Like, I think they were wrestling over the ax at the time. They both had their hands on the hatchet. If he got kicked in the nuts, there's no way he is maintaining control of that hatchet to keep her from plowing it into his skull at that point, while also keeping his footing on the curved, you know, on a pitched, wet roof. Like, the number of things that he had to simultaneously handle was like, no. Getting kicked in the nuts absolutely zeros out that ledger. Like, you are fucked.

Nic

That would be a death blow for sure.

Steve

100%. Yeah. You're either getting the ax in the head at that point, or you're falling off the roof. Off the roof 30 feet to the ground and dying that way. Either way.

Nic

But Charlie overcomes in the fight and is able to get himself saved. Rose gets taken in.

Steve

Yep.

Nic

And Rose is arrested.

Steve

Rose is arrested. She doesn't even seem unhappy about it.

Nic

No, she's kind of just like, all right, well, this is the next thing I'm doing.

Steve

I think it's just like, yeah, she was kind of like, well, I was gonna get caught at some point. Yeah. And it was this time. All right. Like, so yeah, that's pretty much it. And we get the 3rd music drop of The Laws. There She Goes, as we kind of roll into the, the closing credits. There's not really anything else to it.

Nic

Yeah, we got a final poem, uh, by Charlie.

Steve

That's right, I forgot about the final poem.

Nic

So, so he's got his poem that kind of sums up, you know, a lot of the stuff that, that happened. Uh, it was good. So yeah, life continues now. So Charlie and Harriet are married and they're living off a single butcher shop wage, uh, to cover 2 apartments in San Francisco, and including that loft that apparently is half Rose's, and she's not helping out with now.

Steve

So there's a mortgage or rent on that, whatever. It is. Like, I'm sure she was contributing something, not that we know what she does. Like, we don't— we know nobody's jobs in this entire movie except we know Tony's a cop, Harriet owns a butcher shop, Stuart was once a butcher. Yeah, yeah. I don't think we've got a job for anybody else that aren't people that were met in those jobs, you know what I mean? Like, like the captain and stuff. But yeah, but that, uh, that is So I Married the Next Murderer.

Nic

All right.

Steve

Okay, so look, I, I love this movie. I really do love this movie, but I'm also pretty realistic about this movie. It is not something that is like— this isn't one of those movies that I'm like, oh my God, if you haven't seen this, like, you've got to see it. Like, I love it. I enjoy it. Like I said, a lot of it is shorthand between my wife and I. Negatory, good buddy. We've got a Piper Doon. Like, these are things that we just like, we'll find ways to like fit into everyday conversation. Yeah. And that's so much fun. And I'll love that forever. It's a good movie. I do recommend it. I don't think it's one you need to like rush out and see. So with a little nostalgia bump, like I do with— like I did with Summer Rental, I'm going with a 3.5 out of 5 on So I Married an Actor. Murderer. I think it's very enjoyable, you know, but it is not without its flaws. And, and, and we've, I think, covered most of those. Yeah, last hour or so. But yeah, so what is your take, Nick, on So I Married an Axe Murderer?

Nic

Yeah, I mean, so not having seen this, right, I didn't have the, the built-in nostalgia and stuff. And, and with a lot of comedies that I hadn't seen that are from the '80s and '90s, watching them now, like, comedy is tough. Comedy is tough to hold up. Um, this was surrounded by some great Mike Myers stuff. I love Wayne's World. Wayne's World 2 holds up so well. Austin Powers, still great. Uh, and for some reason, I feel like with Mike Myers is kind of the same, uh, to me as Sacha Baron Cohen, where I like him when he's in a costume.

Steve

Sure.

Nic

But I don't really like him when he's just like being a guy. Um, and, uh, and again, like with what we talked about at the beginning, where this script was not the original I, I think that it could have been better if it was just scrapped. Like, let's take the general outline of it and just redo it.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Rather than keep trying to like change and rework and rework, because then it became a kind of a jumbled thing. Like, the idea of it's a thriller but it's a comedy is interesting. And like, the, the, the plot ideas— I like the cameos. I liked, uh, I liked Alan Arkin. I liked Grodin a lot. I love Charles Grodin, man.

Steve

Phil Hartman is great in this.

Nic

Phil Hartman, Steven Wright. We got some really, uh, some really good people in this. In there. Overall though, a lot of the jokes didn't work that well for me. I didn't like Mike Myers' character. I was not rooting for him in any way. Like we talked about, he doesn't have a job. Like, what does he do? What is he offering this woman except for a very niche type of humor that only she thinks is funny? Because he's never— he's not— other than the would you rather scene, he's not like riffing with his buds. It seems like he's more subjecting everybody to his shit than like going along.

Steve

Fair.

Nic

Fair. So I wasn't a huge fan of this. I definitely see why people like it, and everyone has told me I'm wrong to not like this movie. But for me, So I Married an Axe Murderer is just a 2 out of 5 for me.

Steve

2 out of 5.

Nic

Right.

Steve

So it gets us to 5.5 out of 10, which is, you know, we're there with Rotten Tomatoes. We are kind of right at 5.5. Yes, right there. So yeah, so that is how we land on So I Married an Axe Murderer. And Nick, what hilarious comedy are you going to bring to the table next week?

Nic

Yeah, so I thought we'd continue the run of hilarious comedies. No, so, uh, I had something different picked, but when I slotted this one in, it was for a couple reasons. Uh, we talk sometimes about how many episodes we've done. We're on, what, like 70-something now, right?

Steve

75, I think.

Nic

75. And, uh, and there's certain people that we haven't seen yet who are such big stars of this era. So this movie is— A, it's one of my wife's favorite movies. I've watched it. I, I really have enjoyed it over the years, and it brings us some people we haven't seen yet.

Steve

Okay.

Nic

Uh, and we're gonna get to see Tom Cruise for the first time.

Steve

Big.

Nic

We're gonna get to see Jack Nicholson for the first time.

Steve

Huge.

Nic

Uh, and bigger than all that, we get to see Kevin Pollak for the first time.

Steve

Oh, thank God. I was wondering when we were gonna get to Kevin Pollak, man. Does he do any impressions in this one? Because I really love it when he does impressions. All right.

Nic

Um, so we are gonna watch 1992's courtroom military thriller drama A Few Good Men.

Steve

Yes, I love A Few Good Good Men. I'm a huge fan. Uh, I think this will be the first time we've got an Aaron Sorkin-penned screenplay. Yeah, this is the first time we'll see Demi Moore, I think.

Nic

Yeah, I think you're right.

Steve

First time we'll see Kiefer Sutherland. Yeah, I think probably at least one or two more, maybe. No, sec, I feel like no. Uh, oh no, Executive Decision we didn't do on this podcast, right? Right, we did that on Cinema 9 because he was in that. That's a good point, might be the first J.T. Walsh for us. Like, yeah, a lot.

Nic

Like, this is, this is a wonderful 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon movie. Has Kevin Bacon in it, but it is just like the cast is stacked. Yes. And it's such a different kind of movie where it's just like, this is script and acting and dialogue as opposed to like a First Blood type thing where it's explosions and grunts, you know?

Steve

100%. And, and we'll get into it obviously next week when we watch it. First of all, yes, thank you so much for bringing it. One of my favorite movies of all time. Absolutely excited to talk about it with you next week. Um, you know, and I'm sure you knew this because it says it up front of the movie, but like, uh, this was a play originally, and a couple of Aaron Sorkin's early movies Malice starring Alec Baldwin was also originally a play. And there is a feel to movies when they're adapted from stage plays.

Nic

100%.

Steve

You nailed most of it, right? It's kind of the character dialogue acting core of it really has to land and be really great. And then you'll notice how few locations there really are. There's like, you know, I think in this movie, 4 or 5, like that really dominate kind of everything. And because it's not on stage, they will throw in, you know, other other places they go that maybe would have been inferred potentially on stage play. But yeah, it's like really cool. So, all right, A Few Good Men next week. That's fantastic. I think you're absolutely right to finally bring us Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson and these other actors. It's like Kevin Pollak, most importantly, of course. Yeah, so that's what we will watch.

Nic

And I think we might have a third mic for that podcast, actually. Not a dad, but since it's one of her favorite movies, she's going to Join us for the recording next Wednesday morning when we wake up at five a.m. My wife Jeannie is going to join us for it.

Steve

That's fantastic. I should let you know though, the episodes have been coming out at three a.m. Pacific ever since our buddy Jeff Harrow asked them to be there for his five a.m. Central dog walk.

Nic

Okay.

Steve

Do that for him. So yeah. So even earlier, we got to make sure that Jeannie's here at three to do that. So yeah. Cool. Very much looking forward to that as well. That's a wrap. If you like what you. If you like what you hear, please consider heading over to Apple or Spotify and leaving us a 5-star review. It helps new folks find the show. Be sure to check out our website at twodads1movie.com. That's the number 2 and the number 1. There you can explore the movies we've covered, sign up for our newsletter, The Rewind, which I think Nic has some good shit planned for pretty soon. Yeah. And even get sneak previews of upcoming episodes. Once again, this has been So I Married an Axe Murderer, another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve.

Nic

And I'm Nic.

Steve

Listening. We'll catch you next week.

Nic

Thanks, everyone.