Transcript

Intro Clip

Something on your mind? Just wanna let you know you're sitting in my chair. Is that a fact? Yeah, that's a fact. Well, for a man that don't go healed, you run your mouth kind of reckless, don't you? No need to go healed to get the bulge on a tub like you. Is that a fact? Mm-hmm. That's a fact. Yeah, well, I'm real scared. Damn right you're scared. I can see that in your eyes. All right, man, go ahead. Go ahead, skin it. Skin that smoke wagon and see what happens. Listen, mister, I'm getting awful tired of your—. I'm getting tired of your gas. Now jerk that pistol and go to work. I said throw down, boy. You gonna do something or just stand there and bleed? No? I didn't think so. Here, Milt. Keepsake. Hang it over the bar. All right, youngster, out you go. Don't come back, ever. Oh, what do you say, Milt? 25% of the house take sound about right?

Steve

It's 2 Dads 1 Movie. It's the podcast where 2 middle-aged dads sit around and shoot the shit about the movies of the '80s and '90s. Here are your hosts, Steve Paulo and Nic Briana. Hello everybody, welcome to another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve.

Nic

And I'm Nic.

Steve

And today we are talking about the 1993, like, absolute classic Western movie Tombstone starring Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. This was my pick for us. We're done with 2 Dads, 2 Decades. We're just back to like going on vibes.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Or what movies do we want to rewatch or just think we should tackle? We don't really have a theme right now. We will again in October when we grace you all listeners with Shocktoberfest 2: Electric Boogaloo. There's no actual meaning behind the Electric Boogaloo part. I'm just giving a subtitle to all of the sort of sequel theme months that we're doing. But yeah, so this is just like, I wanted to watch Tombstone. This is one of my favorite movies. Of all time. And so I was like, let's bring it to the pod. Let's talk about it.

Nic

It's been requested by a few listeners.

Steve

Absolutely. Something comes up when people talk about the great movies of the '90s in particular. They bring this up. The cast is like just loaded front to back. It's full of lines that have like survived the test of time. You know, this is a movie that's 33 years old now. And, and it's still, you know, really is quotable still, you know, and actually funny enough, I would say this real quick, quotable in a way that's a little different than I think a lot of the stuff that's quotable today in that it's not really memed that much. You don't see a lot of like, you know, image macros with the text. It's just that people know the words and say things like, I'm your huckleberry, or, you know, throw down, boy, or whatever. Like these things just get repeated more so than like getting into the current generation's way of like making everything an animated GIF.

Nic

Yeah, the visual's not attached as much.

Steve

Yeah, exactly.

Nic

So it's more like people our age saying it to each other.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

But I mean, this is ripe to be discovered by the young generation, and I hope it'll start getting memed more 'cause it's well deserving of it.

Steve

So my history with Hume Stone is, I mean, I saw this in high school. I was probably, you know, a couple years after it came out. I think I just turned 14 maybe, I think, when this came out. And, and so I was probably about 16 or 17 when I first saw it. And it was just one of those movies, again, I think I saw it because people were saying stuff like, I'm your Huckleberry, and whatever. Like, what's that from? Oh dude, you haven't seen Tombstone? Like, you know, kind of thing. So I watched it with some friends and just fell in love with it right away. And it became one of those things where I would watch this movie, you know, a couple times a year for a while. In college, it was the thing where I think I actually introduced this movie to like 2 or 3 people in college who just hadn't gotten around to seeing it. Uh, and I was like, oh my God, Same thing somebody did to me. You got to see Tombstone. Come on, come come watch. You know, it's nice that it's only about you know a little over two hours. It's not like you know a lot of these westerns especially can turn into these epics, right? I mean, the fact that Kevin Costner wasn't involved in this one maybe maybe you know dials back the running time a little.

Nic

It's the Costner cut. It's twenty minutes shorter automatically with him not in it.

Steve

Exactly. So but yeah, so this ended up becoming one of my favorite movies of all time and some something that I quote all the time. My wife is a massive fan of this movie as well. She actually was obsessed for years. With Tombstone the place. She like visited it as a child with her family driving cross-country between California and Oklahoma and, and just kind of fell in love with just the whole mythos of it. And so this has been something she and I have shared as well. So all that having been said, Nic, what's your history with Tombstone?

Nic

My history with Tombstone is just about as dry as all the water bottles in Tombstone, Arizona. I have never seen it before, and there's no good reason for it. It just Barely. It just missed me for some reason, and I definitely was aware of a lot of the the culture around it and the quoting of it and stuff. All my friends love it. It's not like I had somebody that said, "Oh, it sucks. Don't watch it." But I did always, like from when I was a kid, have in my head the idea three things about movies which all proved to be false. One was that black and white movies suck. Two is that westerns suck, and three is that anything with subtitles sucks. Right? So I'm shutting myself out of a lot of plots by that like declaration when I'm eleven years old, and I you know. Live hard the rest of my life that way. So yeah, I'd never seen this. And, uh, I— funny enough, I messaged you before the pod. There's this rap song, uh, where one of the verses— it's this, this rapper's name, Necro, from the early 2000s. Great rapper, producer, terrible person. Don't support him financially. But, uh, he had this verse where every line in the verse was basically a direct quote from Tombstone.

Steve

Wow.

Nic

And I'm just like bobbing my head along with it. I'm like, oh, what's a smoke wagon? And then I never, you know, never watched the movie until 20 years after that song comes out. So I'm very excited to have a little context around one of my favorite jams. And this was an absolute ride to watch. And I'm very excited to talk about it with you.

Steve

That's great stuff. I— yeah, it's— let's just get into it. Let's jump into the facts because we don't want to delay this any longer here. The facts on the movie Tombstone. I got to be honest with you before we get into it, people, a little disappointing for me. I'd just be totally honest with that. I said it, but let's talk about it. It was released on Christmas Day, 1993, December 25th, with an R rating and a running time of 130 minutes. It is directed by George P. Cosmatos. I think that's how you pronounce it. Cosmatos? Cosmatos, probably. Written by Kevin Jarre. Starring Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, and Sam Elliott. Scores, Rotten Tomatoes, 76%. And that's my first big fucking problem with this shit. Like, how did 24% of critics who watched this movie give it an overall negative review? I don't understand. I just don't understand that. I'm not saying this movie should be like 100%. It's not that. But like, 85, high 80s, something like that is more what I would've expected. Mid-70s is a travesty. The IMDb score at 7.8 is significantly more in line with how I think about it.

Nic

Stronger.

Steve

We've talked about how like anything over 7 is reasonable, anything over 7.5 is strong. And when you get to 8.0 and up, you're talking about the top, you know, 50 or 60 movies or whatever on IMDb. So 7.8 is solid and good quality. And then the homies Siskel and Ebert, well, should I say the homie Ebert and the chud Siskel? We got a thumbs down from Gene Siskel and a thumbs up from Roger Ebert. And if you look on our website, we actually have a stats page where we compare my, you know, sort of my, uh, reviews and Nic's reviews and ratings with the, the Siskel and Ebert thumbs up and thumbs down system. And you'll notice that for both of us, we have a significantly higher rate of agreeing with Roger Ebert than with Gene Siskel. Yeah. And it's very interesting to me, that split. It's really, really interesting.

Nic

Gene had a heart filled with hate, and that's why he died early.

Steve

There you go. Uh, 1994 MTV Movie Awards, got a couple of nominations, the only kind of awards activity on this movie. Both of them, by the way, for Val Kilmer, both nominations without a win. He was nominated for Best Male Performance.

Nic

Okay.

Steve

Totally viable. And for Most Desirable Male, which kind of like our— what was it? Brad Pitt in Seven versus Antonio Banderas in Desperado. It was like, this movie in particular is how Val Kilmer is seen as desirable?

Nic

He's kind of sweaty and clammy and sick the whole time. He's sick the whole time?

Steve

He's coughing up blood?

Nic

He's coughing up blood. What are you gonna do?

Steve

He's just really crazy. But, but this is what I thought was interesting. The winners, one of them made sense and one of them didn't. The actual winners that year, and I think I'm gonna start doing this more.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

When we see nominees and not wins. The best male performance that year went to Tom Hanks in Philadelphia. No argument, no disagreement. Fine, absolutely. But the most desirable male at the 1994 MTV Movie Awards was Billy Baldwin in Sliver.

Nic

Stood the test of time.

Steve

Are you kidding me? 4Th of 3 Baldwin brothers.

Nic

Like, yeah, but they were really trying to shoehorn Billy Baldwin into our lives at some point. Like, he had a few-year window where they were really trying to Baldwin it up for us.

Steve

It was, it was— I feel like, because I mean, maybe I'm wrong, there's just Billy, Stephen, and, and Alec, right? We're not— there's not a 4th. They're not actually a 4th Baldwin that's in movies. I don't think—.

Nic

There's probably some other one that uses the last name to like get on Republican fundraisers as like a celebrity host or whatever.

Steve

Stephen Baldwin.

Nic

There's an Adam, I think.

Steve

Oh my God.

Nic

Okay.

Steve

Well, anyway, on a $25 million budget, I'll point out, by the way, the exact same amount of money that the film we watched 2 weeks ago, Basketball, cost. Jesus fucking Christ. 5 years later.

Nic

Oh my God.

Steve

5 years later, Basketball was made for the same amount of money that Tombstone was made for. This one, however, did quite a bit better, pulling in $73.2 million, almost 3 times what it cost, which, to be honest with you, any rated R movie, especially in the '90s, it was tough to pull in, you know, 3, 4, 5, 6 times what it cost. So kudos. Definitely a success, if not like some massive blockbuster in the in the cinemas. But yeah, so those are the facts on Tombstone. All right, and we'll just go ahead and jump in and get started here. Yeah, we start with a cold open. We love a good cold open here.

Nic

Weird cold open. I mean, unconventional relates to unlike any of the other movies we've seen really other than I don't know Starship Troopers has kind of newsreel footage, but it's a different feeling for sure.

Steve

Absolutely. This this starts off with a incredible voiceover from Robert Mitchum, who we've seen in, in, uh, he was in Cape Fear, and I think we've had one or two other movies where Robert Mitchum has showed up. One of those classic voices. Uh, he does the narration here. It's 1879, and he talks all about sort of like post-Civil War, uh, silver discovered in Arizona, you know, the, the march west, all this stuff, but talks specifically about the original kind of version of organized crime in, in the United States, at least by this claim.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Which was a gang of like horse thieves and bank robbers and murderers named the Cowboys. Um, now there, I'm not going to get into all this stuff, but there is actually a really long documentary, uh, slash fictional retelling. It's not fictional, it stays true to it, but it's called Wyatt Earp and the Cowboy War. I think it's on Netflix or Hulu, one of the two. It's well worth watching. It's like 4 or 5 episodes, um, and it really sticks very close to the actual history of Wyatt Earp and Tombstone, Arizona, and the Cowboy Gang, uh, and where it differs from the movie Tombstone. Because there's a heck of a lot of stuff in the movie that isn't really actually all that all that historically accurate. This movie is what you would not call this a biopic. You would call this historical fiction.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Um, so it's very much based with real people in real places, and there are lots of like keystone moments that are true and real. But even the way like the shootout at the O.K. Corral happens is not exactly how it happened in real life. Uh, Ike does run into a building and hide. That really happened in real life, but there's lots of it that's different. So, but we get a little bit of this sort of like historical background, uh, and then we cut very quickly to a wedding in Arizona Territory. This is obviously, well, pre-statehood for Arizona by a significant margin. And so this is a wedding that's happening. It's obviously a wedding of Mexican folks. I think they even say something about Mexican police.

Nic

Yeah, it seems like, yep.

Steve

And the cowboys show up and decide that they've got a beef with the folks here.

Nic

And they, what do they throw the scarves down and say like, you killed 2 of us.

Steve

Yep, so we're gonna kill all of you.

Nic

Watch how we do. Yeah, and it's real brutal. I mean, they proceed to kill every male in sight, basically, except for the priest and the groom.

Steve

Yeah, initially.

Nic

Right. And then, you know, they end up just taking everybody out. And it's, it's really— yeah, it's really rough. And the priest, they spare the priest, right?

Steve

Initially.

Nic

So we kind of see like Curly Bill in his red shirt, Powers Boothe. He's like, you know, kind of the, the main psycho of the cowboys. And then Johnny Ringo is like the quiet, cool, but maybe more of a leader than him.

Steve

Right? Right. Well, Michael Biehn. Yeah. So Johnny Ringo, played by Michael Biehn, he's definitely the right-hand man because even later in the movie, Curly Bill says something about like, oh, boys, yeah, yeah, I don't know what's gonna happen when Ringo takes over this outfit, that kind of thing. So Curly Bill Brocius is in charge, Johnny Ringo's his right-hand man. Ringo is this legendary gunslinger, fastest hand since— was it Billy the Kid? No, Wild Bill. Fastest hand since Wild Bill Hickok, right, is sort of the legend around him. And, uh, this very funny moment where one of the obviously Mexican members of the Cowboys gang is trying to translate for Curly Bill, who doesn't speak Spanish, like what the priest is saying, whatever. And he's like, he says something about Uh, sick horse or something. He talks crazy. And then Ringo's like, that's not what he said. Your English is worse, or your Spanish is worse than your English. Yeah, translates that it's basically quoting the Bible about a pale rider and death camp comes with them. It's from the Book of Revelation. Um, but the priest is like jawing at them as they go sit down to eat, and Ringo's not having any of it. Puts one right between the priest's eyes, which seems to actually surprise the rest of the cowboys. Yeah, like, oh, we wouldn't have killed the priest, dude. Like, apparently they have some, uh, level that they don't generally go to. But also, once Ringo does it, it's not like anybody actually is upset with him in any way. Oh boy.

Nic

Oh man, it's gnarly. And, uh, the guy who plays the kind of Mexican member of the gang, the actor is the guy who played the Greek in season 2 of The Wire.

Steve

Oh, okay.

Nic

He's not— he's not a Mexican guy. He's like a Jewish guy from New York. That's so funny. And it just probably is one of those, like, he can Rob Schneider it up once in a while when needed.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

Um, so great scene, a great job to establish, like, okay, here are the stakes, these are our bad guys, right?

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And then we get our first appearance of Kurt Russell, Wyatt Earp, stepping off a train as he's arriving in town for his adventure. He's left his life as a lawman and he's on to make a fortune.

Steve

Came from Kansas, from Dodge City, Kansas, where he was a celebrated marshal or sheriff or whatever the hell he was or whatever. And he's like, yeah, he's going to go. He's going to Arizona to get into silver mining and strike it rich. When Kurt Russell steps off that train, we get a glimpse at what I honestly believe is the single greatest mustache in cinema history. In a movie full of fantastic mustaches. Like, there are like so many great mustaches in this movie, but something about Kurt Russell's mustache in this is just perfect. The way it like slightly curls up and it's like nice and flat and like, I don't know, man, it's, it's beautiful. Um, he hears as he gets off the train, he hears a man like whipping a horse basically to try to get it to come off the train.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And he does, you know, we get a quick glimpse at what kind of man Wyatt Earp is when he steals the, the whip or whatever it is, the, the leather, uh, strap away from the guy, smacks him with it. It's like, hurt, don't it? You know? And it's like, okay, all right, he doesn't like when people abuse animals. So this is, this is, uh, you know, the Save the Cat moment. Oh, okay, this is our good guy. He just did something nice to an animal.

Nic

So, you know, and, and he immediately— so, uh, he's immediately approached by like one of the local politicians or lawmen who's like, oh, Wyatt Earp, hey, we could really use— like, get out of here. Like, so there's a lot of this throughout the film, like, I'm not interested, like, I'm, I'm retired.

Steve

I think in the first, yeah, 15 or 20 minutes, he, he turns down at least 3 job offers. Yeah.

Nic

Uh, from various.

Steve

Law enforcement officials.

Nic

Um, so he's met by his brothers now and their wives. So his brother Virgil, played by Sam Elliott—.

Steve

So good—.

Nic

Uh, and his brother Morgan, played by Bill Paxton, the late great. And again, just seeing all these faces, every guy that I see throughout this movie, I'm like, yeah, yeah, like it's really— it's awesome. I mean, we can't even stop.

Steve

We even should mention, like, going back to the Cowboys, right? We saw there's Michael Rooker is in that gang. He plays McMasters. There's Thomas Haden Church. Yep, is in that gang.

Nic

Stephen Lang.

Steve

Yeah, Stephen Lang is in it.

Nic

There were— yeah, there were people I didn't even realize until I looked at the credits.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Oh geez.

Steve

And John John Corbett is in that. Like, I mean, this is so loaded. It's a loaded cast altogether. Oh, and then actually Wyatt's wife, Maddie, who we meet as the brothers, you know, sort of connect, their wives all walk up and Maddie arrived with Wyatt. She's played by the actress, can't remember her name now, something Delaney, whatever, but she played Gale Stanwyck in Fletch.

Nic

That's right.

Steve

Is the thing I actually think of her from. But she is obviously also quite the drug addict. She's already like showing very like withdrawal-like symptoms and talking about how she can't find laudanum anywhere. And laudanum was basically a mixture of like opium, alcohol, uh, cocaine and caffeine, I think, is essentially what laudanum was.

Nic

Yeah, good old Long Island iced tea, but of every pharmaceutical, right?

Steve

And also given to you for headaches. It was, it was like Advil for a while, especially in the Old West. So, uh, pretty wild stuff. Um, yeah, so then we— so we got all the herbs together, they're here to strike it rich, they go off together.

Nic

There's a nice, like, kind of, hey, yeah, they all pause in front of a mirror and like, let's get a look at it ourselves, you know? And then someone starts to talk, and Wyatt's just like, just be quiet, let's just enjoy it.

Steve

Exactly. Um, so then we got introduced to a few more characters. We cut to a poker game going on where we meet Doc Holliday, played by Val Kilmer, and his girl— his woman, uh, Kate, uh, who has this kind of hard to, uh, locate accent. But Doc does refer to her as his, like, Hungarian devil. So she's this, like, generically— I mean, the voice, the accent, I don't know what Hungarian people specifically sound like when they speak English, but, like, she just sounds Eastern European, sort of. But they are, you know, he basically— Doc gets accused of cheating and, you know, claims he isn't, whatever. But he like baits the guy into coming at him, you know, to try to attack him, stabs him, and like, and then does steal everything from the rest of the poker room. Like he's taking money and stuff.

Nic

It did look like a non-fatal stabbing at least.

Steve

I mean—.

Nic

But who the hell knows back then, right?

Steve

I was gonna say, I think anything that isn't immediately— I mean, if you twisted that knife at all, you're not gonna get to a doctor in time.

Nic

Well, it didn't show the guy die.

Steve

Immediately. No, that's true.

Nic

So Doc just runs off with like what's on the table, plus steals cash on the way out. I like that they stole some of the casino chips too.

Steve

Like, did they really?

Nic

I thought he was just gonna cash those in. It was just— it was more just to like get everything off, right? Yeah, but it was kind of like Grandma's arm just wiping everything off the table at Teddy KGB's. It was very nice. Um, yeah, so then they, they go to leave and he's like, oh honey, why don't we just forget the luggage? Yeah, he says, uh, I'll calculate that's the end of this town, right? Yeah. And he is just an absolute one-liner machine. I mean, throughout this movie, everything Doc Holliday is just pure gold.

Steve

He says to the guy accusing him of cheating, he goes, if I thought we weren't friends, I don't think I could bear it. He's this sort of Southern gentleman. The accent that Val Kilmer puts on for Holliday is great too, 'cause it's not too thick and too over the top, but it just comes out in little ways. Like when he says, like, you know, Wyatt Earp is my friend, you know, it's like, it almost sounds like Bill Clinton, but it works. So now the Earps arrive in Tombstone. We see some cowboys drive through, you know, on their horses. We pass Boot Hill. We're getting sort of the sense of like, what is Tombstone? It looks like a small town. But there's a lot going on. There's a lot of people walking around, you know, at least a couple of main streets through town and different— there's saloons and there's a theater and there's a grand hotel and like all this different stuff. And when the Earps arrive, they're greeted by John Behan, who is the, I think, the county sheriff, Cochise County. And he, you know, is basically like— he's the only one, it seems like, who doesn't know by sight that Wyatt Earp is Wyatt Earp because he's surprised when the guy says—.

Nic

It's so funny.

Steve

Yeah, like, oh.

Nic

Like, I love the pre, like, readily available photograph era of just identifying someone. Be like, you're not Wyatt Earp, are you? Are you? He's like, sure am. You're like, whoa, sorry, Mr. Earp. Like, what the fuck, dude?

Steve

You got the ID?

Nic

I do. Okay, Bihan. I love how fucking hateable they make him within the first like 10 seconds because he comes up, he looks like an absolute asshole. I think they worked with like the MIT Applied Mathematics Lab to figure out the most infuriating tilt for his hat. Yeah, it's just at this angle that makes you want to punch it off his head. And then he says he's part of the nonpartisan anti-Chinese League.

Steve

I just— it's like, oh God, not—.

Nic

I love—.

Steve

I mean, obviously hate, but love that it's nonpartisan, that they're saying like, regardless of what other political disagreements we have,.

Nic

We can agree on one thing, right?

Steve

Gosh darn it. Like, yeah, Jesus Christ. But, you know, apropos for the time, certainly accurate, uh, for the time. So yeah, so, uh, basically, uh, they get a little, uh, sort of like tour around town then from, uh, Fred White, who's the town marshal.

Nic

Right.

Steve

So we got—.

Nic

And he's the marshal, and then BN's—.

Steve

And Earp even says something, or maybe it was Virgil says something about like, you know, a lot of law in this town. He's like, well, BN's not law, and the only real law is the cowboys. You see it by the red sashes. We get a little bit of that intro. So now— and Virgil even says he had a run-in with them up in Frisco, which I'm assuming he means San Francisco, but he might mean Frisco, Texas. I don't know. Um, but he said up in Frisco, so I figured that's what he meant.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Um, and then they notice, you know, there's all these saloons and all these like casinos and stuff, and Fred says like, hey, everybody, you know, makes money hand over fist except here at the Oriental. Nobody goes in, like whatever. So Wyatt decides to go in, and there's a great line from Virgil, like, there he goes. Like, they just— they're so used to Wyatt just being like doing his thing immediately on his.

Nic

Bullshit the second they get to a new town.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Yep. Um, oh my God, and this scene is just incredible, right?

Steve

It's really great.

Nic

So the reason that the Oriental isn't doing well is that there's one guy there played by Billy Bob Thornton. Very early appearance. Very heavy, right?

Steve

Yeah, he looks very overweight.

Nic

He does look like that. And, uh, and I feel like again As we say this, I would have to go to a personal trainer for 11 months to approach that. 100%.

Steve

Not a personal comment.

Nic

But the reason the casino is not doing business is because this guy's just bullying everybody off the table and yelling at everyone and throwing shit around, and they can't deal with them. Like, the owner of the casino seems like a nice enough guy, but he has no will to take care of this dude who's not a member of the Cowboys.

Steve

No, he is not.

Nic

Which seems like the Cowboys— like, this is too low-hanging fruit for the Cowboys to not kind of like take over the muscle there. But whatever.

Steve

It doesn't seem like they're interested in the way that like the mafia would be, you know, 60, you know, 50, 60 years later. They don't seem that interested in, uh, running businesses or even like protection rackets and stuff. They're more just into like stealing and.

Nic

Killing and like in the moment kind.

Steve

Of doing whatever they want. Yeah, much more, much more frankly. Yeah, like old pirates. Yeah. And that thing, they wouldn't want a stake in a, in a business because then they got to deal with the business and like actually taking money off of people in some kind of reasonable way. And it seems like they enjoy the gambling part. True.

Nic

So I guess what I'm more saying is like the guy, Billy Bob, should have been one of them.

Steve

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Nic

Yeah, right. But whatever.

Steve

Well, he's too much of a wuss probably to join Curly Bill's outfit.

Nic

Uh, but yeah, you, you want to take us through why it's a visit here? Because I, I love the entire thing.

Steve

It's fantastic. He goes up, he talks to the, the bartender, he's Milt, who's the owner-operator, and he tells him kind of about the situation. Like you said, with Billy Bob Thornton's character, his name Johnny Tyler is the name of the character, and he's already Yeah, he's yelling at some guy who's playing Faro, and he's, you know, he's got this guy sitting next to him.

Nic

Apparently he's like, tell him, dealer, you know, oh, you flipped that card over. Yeah, just unreasonable shit, right?

Steve

Being absolutely crazy. And so, and so Wyatt walks up to him and is like, you're in my seat, which is just such a perfect, like, like, like that power move, that initial thing, be like, you're in my chair. Yeah, he says, right? And they go back and forth a little bit, and that's when, uh, Billy Bob, you know, Tyler says, like, you know, well, you sure, uh, Something about like, you talk big for a guy who don't go heel. Like, you talk a big game for a guy who don't go heel, which I think means carry a gun, right? And he's saying, well, no need to go heel and get a drop on a bulge like you or whatever. And it's like, he basically is, you know, they're talking shit.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And it's like Billy Bob gets up, Johnny Tyler gets up and is like, I'm gonna kill you. You know, like, whatever, you're making me real mad. And he goes, yeah, fine, do it. Like, he's basically just, he doesn't have a gun on him.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Like, it doesn't seem to, but he's just not afraid of this guy at all. And he can see it in his eyes, like how scared he is.

Nic

And he—.

Steve

I might— one of my favorite lines in a movie full of great lines is, skin it, skin that smoke wagon and see what happens. I said throw down, boy. Like, when he says, I said throw down, but it's like so good. And finally he just grabs him by his ear and drags him by the.

Nic

End, and he's slapping him. I mean, he's beating him like, you.

Steve

Know, uh, he draws blood. Yeah.

Nic

I mean, just like it's a parental of the time type beating that he's putting on this guy who was so tough that he was driving business away from the casino in the old fucking West, which is so menacing, if nothing else. That guy around, it was really great.

Steve

And he just before leaving Wyatt's like, what do you say, Milt, about quarter, quarter of the house stake sound about right? So he's now got a quarter interest in the game at the Oriental.

Nic

So yeah, so him and Doc Holliday both kind of figured out ways to, to rip off casinos and different, you know, protection racket and then, uh, straight-up robbery. Um, yeah, so, so now, uh, he encounters Doc Holliday, right? And there's kind of a reunion there.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And he calls the sheriff over and the sheriff's like, what the fuck So as this is happening, uh, Billy Bob comes up with a shotgun.

Steve

He's like, oh, why you—.

Nic

And they just like fully ignore his ass. It's really funny. It's funny.

Steve

Doc yells out, Johnny Tyler, where you going with that shotgun? And clearly Tyler knows Doc, and he goes, you know, Doc, I didn't know you was in town. And he's like— and then he says like, this is Wyatt Earp. And now, now Johnny Tyler's scared. Yeah, because, because he knows Doc Holliday personally, and probably not to a point where he would count him a friend. Like, this is somebody that he's Intimidated by, scared of. He knows, and he knows Wyatt Earp by reputation, and he's not about to fuck with Wyatt Earp. So he's just completely like, okay, I'm done.

Nic

But yeah, when he's just like still standing there, right?

Steve

Doc looks up. Oh, Johnny, I didn't realize you were still there. You may go now. And then when Wyatt calls Fred up, and Doc is just like, like goddamn it! Oh, I love it too. There's a line here too where they're talking about how Morgan tells Doc, oh yeah, Wyatt just got us a game at the Oriental. He's like, you know, oh, like I didn't think you'd go for that. Well, didn't you always tell me like you know? Gambling is, is a, is a sport. Or is it— well, I said poker is, you know, like, but, you know, Faro is— no, nobody— you shouldn't play that. The house always wins. And Wyatt says, well, it's not like anybody's holding a gun to their head, make them play. And Doc says, it's what I love about you, Wyatt. You can convince yourself of anything. It's just like, just another classic, like, line from Doc Holliday.

Nic

The sheriff and the marshal are there kind of talking to them about like, oh yeah, we got law and order in this town. Like, as this conversation's happening, And then there's a classic like shootout, like, you accused me of cheating at cards. Yeah, that's right. Cheated at cards. One guy kills the other guy.

Steve

Yep.

Nic

And then immediately the, the punishment for killing somebody on the streets is you have to hand over whatever guns you currently have for an indeterminate amount of time.

Steve

Just until— just so the judge doesn't see it. Like, that's, that's why.

Nic

Until you sober up.

Steve

Yeah. And it's like— and the guy even says, I think— so this is Turkey Creek Jack Johnson and Texas Jack Vermillion, or 2 of these characters. And Turkey Creek is the one who says, you know, like, it was a fair fight. Like, we, you know, we waited for them to draw. Like, he's saying, like, we didn't— essentially the gun version of a sucker punch. We didn't sucker punch. They drew and we defended ourselves. And he's claiming it should be fine. But Fred White, you know, the marshal is like, no, I got to take your guns, you know, kind of thing. At least— and again, yeah, for how long, who knows? Like, doesn't really say. Creek apparently did take a bullet to the ear. He's got his ears all bleeding. So he got lucky, it looks like. Yeah. But these are 2 fairly important guys who will come back later, right?

Nic

Texas Jack and future affiliates.

Steve

Turkey Greek. Yes, good guys.

Nic

Um, so now— oh, now we get the fancy wagon that pulls into town, which is like the theater company, right?

Steve

Yeah, yeah, it's just a group of actors.

Nic

And, uh, and it's— oh yeah, because, because I guess the, the theater there would show like a bunch of different stuff, so it wouldn't necessarily be like one production.

Steve

No, it'd be like traveling crew. Exactly, like they would travel from town to town.

Nic

Yeah. And we get Billy Dane. Billy, Billy, Billy Dane.

Steve

Just fucking cut that.

Nic

Uh, Billy Zane and, uh, Dana Delaney.

Steve

Right, right.

Nic

Here, the, uh, fancy actress who are not a couple.

Steve

No, no.

Nic

So it doesn't complicate anything for us there.

Steve

No.

Nic

It makes this part of the movie very easy for us.

Steve

Right, right. But so she spots, uh, spots, you know, the, the Earps with, I think, Behan and Doc, and they're all kind of standing at the one end of the street and, and makes a comment about, you know, like, I want one, basically.

Nic

Yeah. Who's that tall drink of water over there?

Steve

She's on the back.

Nic

And he's like, drink of water?

Steve

What the hell is that?

Nic

It's 1890.

Steve

Um, but yeah, so, uh, they've arrived. So then we cut next to their performance, which is like this sort of, uh, a, you know, set of small sketches and skits, uh, you know, at the Birdcage Theater. That— the place is all cowboys on the ground floor. There's balconies where, you know, like, Bian and I think his woman, uh, are up there or something. Or then it's like Doc and Kate and Wyatt and, you know, all the, the couples are all kind of sitting up and watching the show. And they start off with a juggler who somebody— I don't know if it's John Corbett or one of the other cowboys— like shoots at him or whatever.

Nic

And like juggling like bowling pins.

Steve

Like bowling pins.

Nic

And he just shoots and he just explodes the pin, so no harm. But Jesus Christ, right? This is the worst possible situation as a performer.

Steve

And then Billy Zane comes on to do the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V, which I'll be honest, I'm actually fairly familiar with that speech, and it didn't sound right to me. I don't even think those are the actual words until the very end. Okay, like there's other stuff in there. I'm like, that doesn't sound right to me. Like, I had— I literally recently had to look it up to put it in a screenplay I'm writing, so I know like the St. Crispin's Day speech is fresh in my mind. And he says a bunch of other stuff first and then gets to the whole like, you know, All who fought with us on St. Crispin's Day. But it's like a very short version of it.

Nic

But they love—.

Steve

The cowboys love it. Curly Bill in particular.

Nic

I love the Curly Bill gets up.

Steve

And he's like, that's all kind of stuff.

Nic

And they're all fucking shooting guns in the air.

Steve

All I can think about when they do that is, what does the ceiling look like? It must just be about to come apart.

Nic

Isn't part of the importance of a theater the acoustics? And you're just ruining that by putting bullets through the ceiling.

Steve

100%. Um, oh man.

Nic

So then there's kind of a longer Oh, and who's, uh, what's Jason Priestley's character? I don't know if we talked about Billy yet.

Steve

So Billy is an interesting guy. I think he's actually with Behan. Like, I think he's like a deputy county sheriff guy.

Nic

He's like with the cowboys, but he's not one of them. He's not, right? It's an interesting position.

Steve

Yeah. Later on, he loves the play though. Yes.

Nic

He— oh, like, this culture come to my town. I can't believe—.

Steve

We also get a sense that he is quite attracted to Billy Zane's character as well. And that's obviously going to complicate things for him at this time and place. But yeah, I think later we see, uh, when the Cowboys have been deputized later on in the storyline, he decides to, to leave them. And it's like, so if he was also deputized but not a member of the Cowboys, I mean, that's why I'm guessing he's actually with BN at this stage as well. But he's friends with Curly Bill, uh, for sure. And, and, you know, Curly Bill has him come over and sit down with him. Billy, um, a lot of really simple names. And there's a lot of guys named Bill or Billy or John or, you know. And.

Nic

I know it's like historical, but I'm like, Curly Bill, if I was trying to think of a really bad, bad guy, which he is, and he's.

Steve

Sure.

Nic

That's not that tough of a name.

Steve

Curly Bill Brocius.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

I mean, just Bill Brocius sounds—.

Nic

Bill Brocius is like Bill Brasky. It sounds good as hell, right? Bill Brasky?

Steve

I know Bill Brasky.

Nic

Bill Brocius is 13 feet tall. Um, so, so the final performance that they have from the theater company is, is Faust. Right, right.

Steve

The deal with the devil, like, right.

Nic

So that's all happening, you know, very much, uh, like, uh, Sun Tzu's The Art of War appearing in Wall Street, you know. It's just like, hey, we're not, we're not foreshadowing.

Steve

Very subtle, very subtle. Yeah.

Nic

But whatever, this is a— it's a fucking dumb guy, basically a dumb guy explosion movie, which I love. And you get a—.

Steve

But it's a little culture.

Nic

So they're leaving and then you got them kind of talking on the way out. And oh, the one who's playing the devil in the play is this woman, Janet Delaney.

Steve

Josephine Marcus.

Nic

Yeah, yeah, who's like— and she's a well-known actress, right? I guess they— it's a big deal that she's in town.

Steve

She's the draw. Yeah, like she's known. People know her by name in this, in this time and place and everything. And it's very funny too, before she unmasks and bows, Wyatt says kind of just to no one in particular, he says, well, who played the devil? And, and, you know, so she takes off her mask and is looking straight at him, which Maddie even notices. And, and, and Wyatt says, well, I'll be damned. And Doc leans over and goes, you may indeed, if you're lucky.

Nic

That's so good. He's on fire, dude. It's great. So yeah, um, yeah, so, you know, he's obviously like, whoa, when he sees her.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Uh, on the way out, we've got Morgan again, a great like kind of plot device being like You guys believe in God? 'Cause I sure do. You know?

Steve

What do you think happens when you die?

Nic

Always beware the character that has like a very, like a lot of plans for the future and a strong belief in the afterlife.

Steve

And also like any youngest sibling, that's just never a good place to be if you're in a large group of family. Like don't be the youngest sibling. You're toast. Yeah, so yeah, so they're talking. And so basically Morgan and Wyatt go off to the Oriental to run the Pharaoh game for the night. But it's a big, big crowd, partly because they got rid of Johnny Tyler. So it's just the place in general is getting more attention. I think because the Earps are involved, that probably attracts a certain amount of talent. And then the actors are deciding to, to kind of post-show there.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

And so that becomes—.

Nic

So people wanna hang where they're at.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

So it's big.

Steve

You got a lot of the cowboys are there.

Nic

It's just like when Mike The Situation from Jersey Shore is at a bottle service type event. It's the exact same thing.

Steve

Only if he's with Sammi Sweetheart though. Like, um, yeah, no, but, uh, so the, the actors show up and like people are dancing with Josephine. And, and it was funny, Doc says something about, you know, if she showed up, how— what would you do? And, you know, do you consider yourself a married man, Wyatt? Forsaking all others? He goes, yeah, I guess, like, whatever. Which is a shitty fucking answer, by the way. Like, I get that you're married to a drug addict, but like, you know.

Nic

But it is funny where it's like, why it's just like, well, it looks like my wife is a drug addict. Not that my wife has a problem that she could use help with. It's like, well, she has become this thing. What can I do?

Steve

How could I have had anything to do with this? How could I? It couldn't possibly be all good.

Nic

First night in a new town, she asked me to stay with her. Well, better go out with the boys.

Steve

And, and, and, and I couldn't possibly have added to her stress being a law enforcement officer for decades. That couldn't possibly have been a problem for her. But anyway, so, so, because I love that when Josephine comes up then to sort of offer Wyatt a dance, basically he just turns around drinking his coffee or whatever. And Doc says, I stand corrected, Wyatt, you're an oak. Which comes back because—.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

But yeah, so, so this is basically it. And it's just a lot of things. But this is, I think, when Curly Bill— yeah, Curly Bill and Ringo show up to play a little faro and they recognize Doc Holliday, I think. Or do they know they recognize— there's some chitchat between all of them at this point. They're all kind of well-known. Why Curly Bill and Johnny Ringo and Doc Holliday are all kind of known to each other by reputation, at least.

Nic

Yeah, yeah, they definitely, they definitely are aware of each other. And oh, one thing it says, you know, Doc Holliday, the reason that he made this move is that he thought the heat would be better for his tuberculosis. Yes, or the dry weather. So basically starting here, he is Bubba from, or what's the name from Con Air? Like he is sweaty. He is like The sweatiest man for the rest of this movie, which is funny why we talk about the most desirable male. Yeah, because you'd slide— Slip Inside was big then. Maybe you jump on Val Kilmer and whoop, right off.

Steve

It's just so pallid in most of this. It's just, I don't see it. But anyway, I'm also not the target audience for the most desirable male award.

Nic

Uh, but this is okay. This is great. And this is like our first, our first good like encounter between the two, right?

Steve

Groups. And it's interesting, Curly Bill and Ike, uh, Ike Clanton's with them as well. So Ike and Johnny and Curly Bill are all kind of menacing a little bit and kind of threatening. But Earp's just like, Wyatt's just like, well, let's just play, play cards. Like, I'm not here to be a lawman, whatever. I'm here to play cards. And so, and sure enough, Curly wins $500 real quick. $500 in 1879 was like a year's wages for like the average person.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Uh, you could buy a house for $500. Like, I've seen some estimates depending on if you're looking at like regular inflation, you know, Consumer Price Index, like what you could actually buy with it. $500 in the mid— in mid-19th century was anywhere between several thousand and nearly a million dollars. Just depending on exactly how you want to, right, you know, determine value.

Nic

Real estate.

Steve

Yeah, because you could buy a house for $500, right? So, so it's very wild that he wins that on like a single hand of— I don't even know, by the way, no clue how you play the game Faro.

Nic

So Faro, I looked it up. Okay, it's almost like war kind of, but you have like, uh, there's like 5 cards on each side, so you're trying to like beat the dealer's card or whatever. Okay. Um, so it's a very simple like higher card type.

Steve

Oh, interesting.

Nic

And I think— I forget how the odds slightly favor the house. Yeah, but I mean, it's one of those Like you know 52-48 type game.

Steve

Probably a draw to the house probably does it or something like right?

Nic

Yeah, yeah.

Steve

Interesting.

Nic

And it is funny when it shows how successful the casino is and they're winning like deeds to mines and stuff like that. It's really cool.

Steve

Very good stuff.

Nic

Yeah. So the cowboys they encounter the table there and it's a little tense.

Steve

It's a little tense.

Nic

Bill is playing and he won but they're still the fucking cowboys.

Steve

He's still Bill's Bill's fine because Bill wins and he's like and he even said because Ike's been like John like you're law dog we don't want no law around here law dog you start. And so then Bill wins $500. He goes, shut up, Ike. Like, this is good. You know, we're kind of cool. But Ringo and Doc Holliday start talking to each other, and I love it is that like, you know, Ringo— Doc says something about Ringo, whatever, and Wyatt goes, don't worry about him. He's drunk. He goes, in vino veritas. And I don't know the rest of it, but they then speak back and forth to each other in Latin several times.

Nic

I was disappointed in the subtitles because I really wanted to see what they were saying.

Steve

But he then says to Kate, Doc does, he goes, oh, it would appear that Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate him.

Nic

Yeah. Oh, first he said he hated him because he reminded him of him or something, right?

Steve

Reminds me of me. But then, so Ringo decides to pull his gun and do the, like, you know, sort of, I'm twirling around and back and forth and spinning it and doing this, which I'm always thinking to myself, man, you know, the amount of pressure you need, if maybe if the hammer's not cocked back, it takes more. But like, that seems dangerous.

Nic

I don't think that gun had a safety on it back then.

Steve

There's no such thing. So it's like, that's gonna potentially go off in any direction. But he does this really impressive stuff.

Nic

Everyone loves it.

Steve

Who's cheering? And it's like very much like, wow, this is the entertainment of 1879. Like, you know, um, and so then Doc, not armed, uh, has his little, uh, tin cup that he's got, you know, whiskey or whatever he's got in it, tequila or something, and he starts flipping it around using the little like handle of the mug. And everybody loves that as well. I love that. But it also diffuses the situation completely, and Bill laughs about it, and it's like, all right, come on, let's go. And so it's really great. Great. We get a scene real quick in this moment too. We're showing how prepared Wyatt is. He's got a— it's like a sawed-off shotgun attached to the bottom of the table that he can reach and shoot at somebody who's across from him. So he is, you know, prepared for, for the worst to happen. But luckily he doesn't have to deal with it because, uh, Doc actually both started the shit and defused the shit.

Nic

And as unpredictable as Doc was, that was a big kind of moment because like he could have turned that into a bloodbath and probably taken out all those Like the idea is that as good as Johnny Ringo is, Doc is so legendary and good that like he's like unfuckwithable, you know, even if there's multiple people there. So Wyatt is kind of like the next day he's on a little I'm gonna go on a ride up and he encounters Josephine, yes, who's on a pale horse. Dun dun dun. But they've kind of a nice, you know, little flirty get to know each other. And the thing is that the horses want to fuck each other. So it's like springtime.

Steve

It's like hey, I can't help it.

Nic

I'm on top. Of this thing that wants to fuck the thing that you're on top of. So we just gotta go.

Steve

Well, he suggests that they just go their separate ways. And she's like, let's run it out of them. And she's sidesaddle. So the amount of like crazy horse racing she's doing sitting sidesaddle is impressive. 'Cause that would have to be very easy to fall off.

Nic

You know what I mean?

Steve

Like, but she's able to not fall off. So they go and they find a little picnic spot, sort of, not really with like food, but they sit down and like the horses water. It's really cute too when the horses are— They're like, they're tall. Their little heads are like next to like their horse kissing or whatever. Luckily they're not actually banging, but you know, You know, that would have been a lot more graphic. It would have got it the NC-17 instead of R here.

Nic

Um, and we would have had a link to Boogie Nights too.

Steve

Exactly right. But, uh, but yeah, so they're just chatting and, you know, she's asking him questions about what he wants out of life. Are you happy? And he thinks it's even ridiculous to ask yourself questions like that. And yeah, he comments that he's never met a woman who talks like you and all this stuff.

Nic

And so he's like, well, I'm happy as the next man, I guess.

Steve

Which is like, oh man, that's not a great answer. Yeah. Uh, and but this is clear, this is the romance building. You know, we— it was made clear right away Josephine wanted him. Like, yeah, we've seen several things of that. And he's obviously finds her attractive. But now we're getting to where he recognizes that life might not be the same if he were with Josephine as it is that he's with Maddy, right? And that's, and that's sort of the real first sort of seed of my marriage is not going to last forever kind of thing, right?

Nic

Well, and she's, you know, in his world, like, he's a lawman in Kansas, and then to him, the greatest possibility for the expansion of his universe was going to Tombstone and striking it rich there with his wife and his brothers, right? And he now has shown him that the world is millions of times bigger than even that. So he's just like, what the fuck?

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And, uh, he's— oh, and she says that she's with, like, since they can't be together, she's.

Steve

With B-Man right now. Just for now.

Nic

Can you fucking untilt his hat, please?

Steve

And she just says he's handsome and he's charming and that's it. But he, you know, she does— she makes it clear she doesn't have, like, long-term interest in B-Man. Like, you know, whenever her troupe moves on, right, they're obviously there for a little while to do some shows in town. She's not gonna bring him with her or come back to him. That's just while they're there.

Nic

It's a good guy to connect yourself to, honestly, when you're in a new town, like the lawman. And like you said, like, he's a good-looking guy. He's well-dressed, except for one fucking thing.

Steve

We could lose the cane on top of the hat. We could lose both the cane and the hat.

Nic

We could use the cane to knock the hat off his head, then he's wonderful. Then I'll marry him. So yeah, this is really a nice little encounter. And she's like, you know, I'm not a lady. And Doc's like, oh, you're a wife. It's like, you're a lady, all right. You know, it's very—.

Steve

It's, it's, it's cute while we're also making it clear we are talking about adultery here.

Nic

Oh, 100%.

Steve

But it's still somewhat cute. So—.

Nic

That's why they had to show him save the horse from getting slapped early on, because they're like, remember, good guy here.

Steve

So then, uh, he goes home and Maddie is just destroyed, wasted on Laudanum, uh, giggling in bed, sweating, just like— it's a real nightmare. And he tries to like sort of— oh, like they talked about room service, Wyatt and Josephine. So he goes to Maddie and is like, why don't we just just pick up stakes. So apparently they've already made a ton of money. There's not a real clear sense of how much time has passed since their arrival in Tombstone. If you told me it was 5 days or you told me it was 5 months, I'd probably believe you either way, right?

Nic

Sure.

Steve

But apparently it's enough that they've already made a ton of money just running the game at the Oriental. They're only getting a quarter of the profits as well. But he says, why don't we just pull up stakes and keep going and we'll get room service, whatever? And she just thinks this is the most ridiculous thing. She laughs at it, but then— but is also like laughing in the way you laugh at someone because you think they told a joke. You know what I mean? Like, she's not really laughing at him so much as she's laughing at the funny joke she thought he told, and he was being serious.

Nic

And she seems so out of it anyway that her response to a lot of things will just be laughing at it. Like, something that she doesn't want to have to seriously consider is something she's just gonna laugh at.

Steve

Yep.

Nic

Um, yeah, so she's really out of it, and that's disappointing for, for Wyatt.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Because he's like, man, you know, comes home from meeting Josephine, and it's not even quite in his head yet, like, I'm gonna run away with Josephine.

Steve

No, but—.

Nic

Hey, what if we did this?

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Hey, what if you became this different chick?

Steve

He's trying— like, that's— see, that's a good point at the end. What you just said at the end there is why it doesn't work for him in sort of a good guy way. But he thinks he's being the good guy by falling for this other woman, and instead of just leaving his wife for her off the bat, he tries to twist his wife into her. Yeah. And in his mind, that's like more noble, better. That's like— it's like, no, no, no, no, no, dude. That's still cheating, still emotional, whatever. Whatever it is. It's all bad, but yeah, betrayal of some kind. So, um, later that night we're back at the Oriental. Uh, Doc is playing piano, Kate's sitting against him, and a couple of cowboys including Thomas Haden Church and Ike Clanton are both there.

Nic

And, uh, and I love Thomas Haden Church so much. Uh, he's great in this. I— it— again, we're talking about the lack of name diversity.

Steve

Yeah, yeah.

Nic

It's like, it's like the wedding at Goodfellas, right? Everyone's either named Billy or Bill.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Or, well, like, he's another young Billy, but he's not Billy the Kid.

Steve

Nope.

Nic

He is Billy A.

Steve

He's also not the Jason Priestley Billy. He's not Bill— well, he's not Curly Bill. He's not Wild Bill. He's not— yeah.

Nic

And Jason Priestley has a curly mustache. He's not Curly Bill.

Steve

That's correct. Powers Boothe with a straight mustache is Curly Bill. Um, but anyway, so yeah, so this is another— this is Billy Clanton. I think this is Ike's brother, I think, is who this is. I'm not 100% sure, but, but they're, they're, uh— he basically— Doc is playing Chopin. He's playing Nocturne by Chopin on the piano, and, and Thomas Haden Church doesn't like this, and he's like, you know, why don't you play some Oh, Susanna, Camptown Races, you know, uh, Stephen Foster, you know, Stephen Stinking Foster. And Doc looks at him and goes, well, this is Nocturne. He's like, what? You know, Frédéric fucking Chopin.

Nic

This is so good. This is really good. And I love that they had their, like, Stephen Foster was like their, uh, like New Kids on the Block of the day.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

If you're like a cultured guy, you're like, Stephen Foster, you piece of shit. Uh, yeah, really fun. He's like, look, man, I only know 4 songs. Like, we're gonna be here all night. I'll get to it.

Steve

I don't know, Doc probably does know a lot. He probably does like Mozart and Beethoven and Bach and shit. Like, I could see all that.

Nic

I kind of like the pre-recorded music era is so interesting because like you had to know a guy who could play like a piano or guitar, whatever the fuck, or sing, or be okay with someone who's trying who's not that good.

Steve

Yeah, you know, if you're lucky there was a player piano. That was like the first, the first type of recording, right?

Nic

Right? Uh, so we've got, uh, we've got Curly Bill in an opium den, right? And he's out of his mind, right?

Steve

Looking like Matty.

Nic

And he comes out of there, yeah, and he's like, oh, this actually—.

Steve

She's correct, I feel fucking great.

Nic

Like, and he has this crazy— I mean, I love how they make him like 25% Captain Hook in this movie. Like, there's some goofiness to him that they add that really—.

Steve

I love Powers when he says, I feel.

Nic

Capital.

Steve

Yes, I love it.

Nic

It's so good. And he comes out and he's like shooting it, and then there's a great camera shot of him like firing his guns at the moon, but he's coming straight at the camera.

Steve

Yeah, really good stuff. I will say though, this is the first, uh, one of many indicators in this movie that, uh, all guns— no gun ever needs to be reloaded.

Nic

Nope.

Steve

Because he has 2 6-shooter revolver pistols and he fires 20 shots. I counted 5 from the gun in his left hand, 7 from the gun in his right hand, and 8 that we can't see him when he's firing, so we don't know which hand it came out of. But that's 20 shots, and there's no— there's no way in his state that he's sitting there carefully reloading the little cylinder.

Nic

Here's the thing, Steve does not need to be a ballistics expert to understand how many shots a 6-shooter would have available to it.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

I love it. This would be a good analysis someday, is, uh, which movie has the most, like, superfluous gunshots that, like, couldn't have been possible.

Steve

There's so many later in the movie too. But, but yeah, a lot of— a lot of shotguns that clearly have 2, barrels and 2 shells that get fired 7, 8, 9 times without being opened. Yeah, it's pretty funny. Uh, but basically, uh, Fred White, the marshal, comes out to try to take Curly Bill's guns away because—.

Nic

Very reluctantly, because all the lawmen are kind of like— the sheriff and the marshal are looking at each other. He's like, oh, someone should do something. The sheriff's like, oh, this is not a county issue, this is a town.

Steve

It's like, be in, you punk. So he goes out, uh, to try to take the guns away from Curly Bill, and Bill at first is kind of like, oh hey, Fred, sure. And he's like, you know, you know, sort of like does that thing where you haven't dropped the guns, but you're not holding the, uh, the handles anymore, you know, the, the whatever. And so he goes up, but he still ends up kind of pointing the guns upside down at Fred and shooting one of them right in his chest. I mean, because that's gonna kill you instantly. Yeah, especially back then. I mean, if not instantly, it's not like it's recoverable, right? You know, that kind of thing. And so he shoots, and it seems like Curly Bill's even surprised. He goes, Fred? Like, he almost like he didn't mean to or something.

Nic

Yeah, was he that fucked up, or was he just messing with him? Yeah, because it gave us a real good blast of like the Cape Fear score dramatic music. It was like, yeah, like really, uh, really hit you hard.

Steve

So Wyatt comes out of the Oriental and slams Curly Bill in the head, knocking him out with a gun. And, and everybody out now, all these townspeople are like, he killed Fred White, get a rope, like go hang him up. And Wyatt's like, no, no, he'll stand trial. He'll go before a judge, he'll stand trial, you know, whatever. There'll be justice, but it's not going to be street justice. Of course, all the cowboys, Thomas Haden Church, Ike Clanton, they're saying like, cut him loose, let him go, he's a cowboy, not none of your business, like whatever. Wyatt's not gonna do that either. I love when he gets— Ike comes and kind of rushes at him and he gets his pistol, Wyatt does, right up against Ike's forehead. And it's like, he's like, you die first, you get it? Your friends may get me in a rush, but not before I turn your head into a canoe. Do you understand? Like, I mean, he's just like— and you know, they're all like, oh, he's bluffing. And Ike's like, you're not bluffing.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

He's not bluffing. Back off, back off. He's not bluffing. Um, and then I love Doc comes out to help and Thomas Haden Church is like, oh, it's the drunk piano player. You're probably so drunk you're seeing double. And Doc just pulls a second gun and goes, I've got a gun for the both of you.

Nic

Oh my God.

Steve

I think that would work, actually. Yeah, right?

Nic

I think so.

Steve

Yeah, both. You probably hit one or the other, right? Maybe it would just go to either side of the actual target though. I don't know.

Nic

Oh my God, it's so good. And so luckily, you know, they were able to get them to, to take off.

Steve

Well, Morgan and Virgil show up and kind of, you know, disperse the crowd. They got their own guns, whatever. And it's whatever. But the very next scene is we find the Urp Boys all talking to each other, and White's explaining how the judge said, well, did you see White get shot? He goes, no, by the time I got there, White was dead. He's like, well, then there's no crime if there's no witness, which is like Like the most amazing legal argument I think I've ever heard in my entire life.

Nic

Dude, it's totally a like I don't it's Friday at four forty-five p.m. and I don't feel like doing the paperwork kind of thing. Like B plus B plus B plus Ednik Roboppel like just trying to end her day. Yeah, so great billiards room by the way for the time. I mean how great of a spot would that have been to hang out?

Steve

Absolutely. Looks like maybe it's a side room at the Oriental, not the same room with the Pharaoh tables in it, but and Bill passed.

Nic

Oh, I love this game. You know someday when I have me my own big house, I'm gonna build me. My own billiards table. You know why? Because I believe in God and I'm gonna live forever.

Steve

And I wonder if anything bad will happen to him while playing billiards later on. Okay, so, um, this is actually also— this is a good scene though because they're talking about how much money they're making on this stuff, and you start seeing Virgil not being super comfortable with it. Yeah, he's sitting, he's kind of hanging his head, he's drinking pretty hard. It's clear that he is struggling a bit, and he's the first one to really start commenting to them about, you know, that the town is in trouble. Like, the people who just live here and want to just live their lives are hurting. Yeah, the cowboys are hurting them, and we're just making money off this town, and that sucks. Like, I don't— I'm not happy about that. I don't like that. Um, when he goes outside, Virgil goes to go home, he like pulls a kid out of the street before he's about to get run over, you know, gives him back to the— I can't tell if it's the mother or the schoolteacher, but it's a woman with a bunch of kids with her. Yeah, she's got a huge scar down her face, and it's all these things reminding Virgil like, this is a fucking hard place to live.

Nic

Yeah, this is like a terrorized population here, and we just happen to have like one of the few profitable types of businesses, right?

Steve

And, and are, are men who are— which is no problem defending themselves.

Nic

On the population, like, how many women with a scar in their face like that is because their husband lost at fucking Faro the night before?

Steve

Or got super drunk at a bar, right? Like, right, yeah, between alcohol and gambling, that's, that's, you know, who knows what else is happening at that place too. Um, so then we cut to the next scene and Virgil is now the town marshal. Town needed a new marshal, Frank White died, uh, and he's now town marshal and he's putting up a decree that says you cannot carry guns in And people are up in arms with this. And it's not just the cowboys. This is like townspeople are pissed about it, right? They're kind of like, this is stupid. And he's like, well, my—.

Nic

They're calling him Virgil Hussein Earp.

Steve

Exactly. You know, thanks Obama, Virgil. But he says, we're not saying you can't own a gun. We're not saying you can't carry a gun. We're just saying you can't carry a gun in town. The world's first gun-free zone, apparently.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And you know, it doesn't really—.

Nic

But what am I gonna put my holsters?

Steve

Right. So, but then, and then Wyatt shows up and is pissed. He's like, I told you we're staying out of it. Like the whole thing he's arguing with him with, with Virgil. And then Morgan, he's like, Morgan, back me up. And Morgan, you know, you back your brother's play. So they're now both marshals, and Wyatt is pissed about it. He is just not happy about it at all. Um, but yeah, that's, that's it. Yeah.

Nic

And Morgan's response is like, you know what, Wyatt, I did the thing that I thought you would do, and I backed my brother up.

Steve

There you go.

Nic

So we got some good conflict between them.

Steve

Yeah, exactly.

Nic

Um, so, uh, so Doc, and, uh, Doc is now He's still at the Oriental.

Steve

He's still playing at the Oriental.

Nic

And they say he's been going 36 hours.

Steve

36 hours, which, you know, not great for anybody. Mike McD would have a tough time. I would say it's not a great idea to be awake gambling, drinking, and smoking cigarettes for 36 hours, no matter who you are. If you have tuberculosis, I think in particular, maybe don't.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

I'm not a medical professional, but that's my thing. So he's playing—.

Nic

And depending on when your monthly glass of water was.

Steve

You only get a couple. But yeah, but Ike is playing poker, actually. That's right, he's not playing Faro, they're playing poker. And, uh, Ike accuses Doc of cheating. Doc gets accused of cheating a lot.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

So either he does cheat, which it seems like is very likely, or he's very good at cards and just gets accused of it a lot. Um, but you know, I'm trying to see here. So Ike basically threatens, uh, Doc. Uh, they kind of defuse it, but then Doc starts coughing up blood and falling down, and they gotta get get— like, White and a couple people got to get Virgil, got to get him out of there to get him to like a doctor or something. Um, and then before Ike leaves, he like slaps Milt the bartender and is all talking shit about the Earps, whatever. And so Virgil just knocks him out and arrests him, um, puts him in the drunk tank or whatever they've got there at Tombstone County City Jail or whatever the fuck it is.

Nic

And Ike is accusing the Earps of like, you're in league with Doc Holliday. Yeah, yeah, like you're, you're all working here like helping to rip me off. And he kept calling them And I remember, like, when my friends were all watching this movie in the late '90s, if someone was like, you're a pimp, you're a pimp, I'd be like, no, thank you. It had a very similar phrase.

Steve

P to the I to the M to the P.

Nic

Um, so, so yeah, Ike wants to kill them, and they're able to take him into jail. Uh, in the meantime, the doctor is visiting Doc Holliday and being like, all right, bro, like, you have to rest hard as hell. Like, you're not going to get better unless you do that. Also, you're not allowed to fuck.

Steve

Yeah, exactly. Don't, don't drink, don't smoke, don't gamble, don't stay up late, don't have sex, all this stuff.

Nic

And, and he's like,.

Steve

No, that's not gonna happen. And Kate, by the way, is a horrible enabler as well, because she walks over, you know, look, frankly, looking all good and like getting on the bed with him, but then gives him the cigarette to smoke. And it's just like, man, that, that, you know, he even says something about, I think you'll be the death of me or something. Yeah, it's like, no shit, dude. Um, but now the, the, the Clantons, Billy and Ike Clanton, and a couple other cowboys, about 6 of them altogether, have come back into town and are telling everybody that they're gonna kill the Earps.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

They're just making sure everybody knows, we're gonna kill the Earps. And so they all hang out at the sort of this area behind the O.K. Corral. And initially Wyatt's like, let's just let 'em sober up, it'll be fine. And Virgil's like, no, it won't. Like, they're just gonna, you know, even if they don't do anything today 'cause they're drunk and they sober up and don't do anything, they're just gonna be back. Like, it's not anything. He goes, and this is the important part about Virgil's sort of decree about town is that they're carrying guns, they're breaking the law, we can arrest them.

Nic

We're not shit unless we're enforcing these laws that we just put in. Like, no one's gonna respect us if we say this is the law Yeah, and then let these guys do whatever the fuck they want.

Steve

Exactly. Wyatt's argument is like, oh, that's a misdemeanor, like whatever, you know. But it's like, you know, Virgil's pointing out, look, they're threatening our lives. We're law enforcement. They're threatening our lives and they're doing this. They're carrying guns, they're breaking laws. Like, we need to go enforce the laws. Yeah. And so Wyatt acquiesces and goes, all right, well, you might as well swear me in then. So now he's a marshal as well.

Nic

Uh, I feel like at that time, it's funny, like the misdemeanor talk. I feel like there were 3 punishments you could have. You could have get out of town, You could have one night in jail or you can have hanged.

Steve

Yeah, pretty much.

Nic

Like, just nothing else.

Steve

Maybe there was a duel in there somewhere. I don't know. Yeah. But basically they swear Wyatt in and then Doc shows up with a shotgun. Or no, he doesn't show up with a shotgun. He just shows up and they're like, shouldn't you be in bed? And he's like, no, I heard what was going on. I'm here, you know? And so they give him the long gun and they all, just the 4 of them, the 3 Earps and Doc decide to walk down to the O.K. Corral.

Nic

And what a shot. What a scene. It's really great. It's so, it's so—.

Steve

There's a building on fire for some reason. I'm not really sure what got set on fire, but something got set on fire.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And, and, you know, again, I'm just— I haven't done it yet, but almost certainly the, the COVID art for the episode today will be some form of them walking down the street with that burning building behind them. It's a classic look. Um, but they're heading to the O.K.

Nic

Corral.

Steve

This is like— this is the kind of thing that you've heard of even if you've never seen the movie Tombstone.

Nic

For sure.

Steve

Like, if you have any— have had any education in the history of the Old West at all, the shootout at the O.K. Corral, or the showdown at the O.K. Corral, whichever it's referred to, is a famous real-life event that occurred in Tombstone, Arizona. It's not made up. So they get there, and luckily for them, immediately 2 of the cowboys run off. Like, they basically are like, we're here to arrest you.

Nic

Well, the sheriff— as they're walking there, the sheriff runs by them, right, and is like, uh, I just disarmed them, so don't even worry about it.

Steve

It's like, what the fuck?

Nic

And then he goes and like hides in some, you know—.

Steve

Oh yeah, he hides in what appears to be like a boudoir photo shoot for Josephine. Um, but yeah, so, so there's that. And they're right— that's right there. So they're kind of watching through the window, and there's all this stuff that's like everybody's kind of And I just paused, right? There's 4 on 4. Everybody's like, nobody's pulled their guns yet. Although, although obviously, uh, Doc's holding the shotgun.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

But again, everybody else is holstered and there's kind of whatever. But then Doc winks at Thomas Haden Church's character, who then reacts, and Wyatt like clocks it and is like, oh damn, or whatever. It's like, and they just start shooting and everybody's, you know, left, right, center. Ike runs off into the same building Behan's hiding in. Uh, I think, was it like, uh, Virgil gets— catches one in the leg. Morgan catches one in the arm. But the Earps do prevail.

Nic

Doc does a great move where there's a guy kind of taking cover behind a horse, and Doc shoots the shotgun to spook the horse so the horse like does a wheelie, and then he fucking shoots the guy. It was really great.

Steve

It was really smart stuff.

Nic

And I feel like if— I like that this happens so quickly because I think, you know, in real life it was one of those things that all was over in a minute, minute and a half.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

And I— if this movie was made 5 years later, there would have been so much slow motion in this scene, I feel like. So I kind of like the straightforwardness this.

Steve

100%. Yeah, that's— it's good stuff.

Nic

So, uh, Billy, uh, got killed, I believe.

Steve

Yeah, Thomas Haden Church gets shot.

Nic

THC gone.

Steve

And a couple others— Ike survives. Um, yeah, this is one of the times also when I said no one ever reloads a gun in this movie, because like the shotgun in particular that Doc has, he probably fires 5, 6, 7 shots that we see in order. And this is not— there's no drum barrel associated with this, with this shotgun. It should be like a 2-shot thing at most. And so, yeah, so there's that.

Nic

Um, oh, oh, someone was about to kill Doc.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And he's like, I'm gonna— I'm gonna take you out. And he's like, you're a daisy if you do. And then Morgan ended up saving the day and shooting that guy.

Steve

Morgan saves the day. But, uh, but so then they got to go in and, uh, uh, Virgil is getting worked on because he, he took that shot to the leg. Or no, no, he took the shot—.

Nic

He got shot in the arm.

Steve

The arm, right.

Nic

Um, well, we've got a—.

Steve

No, no, sorry, I've got 2 different things. That's right.

Nic

So now, uh, we have this later. The funeral of the guys who got killed in that shootout going through town in these horrific caskets that have like sunroofs in them. Miss me with that forever, dude. I want to be in the most opaque casket that's ever existed.

Steve

It's like a permanently open casket.

Nic

Yeah, out of here, right?

Steve

And they've got like really ridiculous like makeup on.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

Like the coroner or whatever, like put them in, you know. The mortuary guy.

Nic

Um, and they're carrying a sign that says like— the cowboys are leading this funeral procession and they're carrying a sign that says murder in the streets of Tombstone, you know, as they go to bury their buddies.

Steve

Hey, look at that, every accusation is a confession.

Nic

Seriously, go all the way back there.

Steve

Uh, and then come, you know, next scene, drunk Ringo is stumbling through the streets and, you know, there, and he says, I want your blood, I want your souls, and I want them both right now. And he basically threatens the Earps, and then Curly Bill drags him away, like, not, not the time, not the time, whatever. But this is when he says, oh boys, I'm scared of what'll happen with this outfit once Ringo's in charge.

Nic

Like, yeah.

Steve

Because he is a crazy person. But clearly the cowboys are going to get their revenge. This is not something they're just gonna let sit here.

Nic

Well, and Doc says, I'm like, Doc's like, I'm your Huckleberry during this Johnny Ringo kind of meltdown. So it's like, it doesn't happen, but it shows us like, dude, Doc is the only one who's down to fight this guy who's wildly waving his guns around, right?

Steve

Yeah. So, so yeah, so now it's a dark and stormy night, uh, lightning off in the distance, etc. And the ladies, uh, uh, all 3 of the Earp wives are hanging out, uh, in one of the houses together.

Nic

Um, doing tarot cards.

Steve

That's right, doing tarot cards, and it's the death card, etc., you know, all the bad stuff. Uh, Behan goes to see Josephine, who doesn't want anything to do with him anymore because of the way he like hid during the gunfight.

Nic

Fucking Uvalde'd it up there, dude.

Steve

What a fucking coward. But yeah, so, so she's basically like, fuck off. And he says something like, well, after tonight, like, everything, you know, I'll be the only law in, in Tombstone, or some shit like that, whatever it is, basically talking about how the Earps are in trouble, right? So she actually runs and goes to the wives, the Earp wives, and even says to Mattie, like, I know it's terrible that I'm here, don't— but I think something awful is gonna happen. At which point a masked, you know, sort of hooded figure bursts through the door and fires a shotgun into the house. Now, it doesn't hit anybody.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

But like, they tried to kill their— the wives, which is like, again, there are not a lot of sort of mores and rules around, you know, frontier justice, but it does seem like that's a line a lot of people wouldn't cross.

Nic

They mostly don't seem to be going after family members, right? Yeah, wives and kids, just in general. Person you have the beef with.

Steve

Yeah, it doesn't seem like this is a, uh, everybody, you know, gets killed along with you. It's, it's more like, no, no, you did wrong, so we'll kill you. We'll leave everybody else alone. And in particular, women and children seem to be off limits for most. So this is a surprising thing.

Nic

Yeah. And, and now, uh, Wyatt and Morgan, I think, are at the bar, like at the billiards area. Uh, Wyatt keeps going and filling himself like the tiniest drops of beer. Like, fill yourself a full fucking beer. How was beer then, do you think? Pre-refrigeration? It's like cask. Like you've had that cask beer.

Steve

It's like, that's gotta be terrible.

Nic

That's rough.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

I mean, at the time it must have been like, whoa, this is amazing.

Steve

But I mean, a little, you know, easier drinking than liquor. So that's nice. And, you know, uh, more portable and less fragile than wine, right? Wine would've gone bad easily.

Nic

Wine's a rough one to transport.

Steve

Exactly. So, you know, um, you do what you gotta do.

Nic

So they're playing there and they're, you know, just after the shooting has happened at the women's thing and the door opens and Virgil comes in and they're just kind of like, hey Virgil, how you doing?

Steve

Yeah. Yeah. What'd you forget?

Nic

Dry enough out there for you? Just kind of bullshitting, but he clearly has been shot badly in the arm real bad. Yeah, uh, missing or artificial limb, can we call it? We haven't had it in a while. See, because they do say in the epilogue that Virgil didn't have the use of his arm.

Steve

That's right. So that's what I would argue. I would argue, is it actually missing if it's still physically there? Yeah, uh, because it's definitely not artificial. Like, we're too— we're too early in, in world history really for artificial limbs.

Nic

It would have been quite the thing.

Steve

That would have been that Wild Wild West movie with Kenneth Branagh and Will Smith.

Nic

Yeah, but, uh, nice steampunk arm for him.

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

Um, all right, well, we.

Steve

We were close.

Nic

We haven't added it in a while. It's one of our favorite hashtags on, uh, 2 Dads 1 Movie.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Um, so, uh, so like while they're kind of tending to Virgil, like they're under attack now by the cowboys, uh, Morgan gets shot in a very gnarly.

Steve

Way in the back, deep, just lower back.

Nic

There's no— and they're trying to get the, the bullet out of him and really like, it looks awesome. What hope? I mean, this is the crazy thing about this era is you can have these injuries which would be minor and treatable in the present day.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Yeah, where it's like, oh no, you're just fucked. Oh, you got a cut there? Well, you got a week. Yeah, it's wild.

Steve

And, and, and, you know, Wyatt's got Morgan in his arms as Morgan is basically just, you know, the doctor says like, I can't do anything, the bullet's too deep, there's no way to fix this, like this is it, you know. And they got the, the, you know, his wife, Morgan's wife, and Maddie, they're all screaming at the door and stuff. And, and, you know, Morgan turns to Wyatt and is saying, hey, you know, like, he goes, you know, they say about that thing about a light when you're dying, I can't see that I can't see shit. Like, and then he dies. So we got all that. We paid off all that foreshadowing about Morgan and the near-death experience.

Nic

We did. We did. Yeah. And I, and I put in my notes, never be a true believer with plans for the future. There you go. You're signing your own death ticket there.

Steve

So now the Earps are leaving town.

Nic

Oh well, first when Wyatt runs out.

Steve

To react to Morgan's death. This—.

Nic

So there are 2 parts of this movie, uh, where when I was watching it, I kind of thought like, I feel like this was a replacement director. Like, I feel like this wasn't the original director, just because I know the other movies that I know of George P. Cosmatos are Rambo: First Blood Part 2, right? And, uh, Cobra, Sylvester Stallone, right? And this scene of Kurt Russell out in the rain, and then later on a scene which I'll mention, yeah, seems like they were directed by a guy who knows how to direct Sylvester Stallone. It was like a little insane. It was like, I think we could have done a little better here. But I like Wyatt's reaction to it.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

And then he has to rappel his mistress as he's like reacting to his brother dying.

Steve

He's like, get away from me!

Nic

It's a good meltdown, but it was very over the top.

Steve

It's the sort of like—.

Nic

No pun intended—.

Steve

You know, look right there, over the top. Oh, that's such a good movie. Anyway, uh, it's sort of the, you know, everybody around me gets hurt, so get away, right? You know, but the problem is he turns the other direction and there's his wife.

Nic

Oh, okay.

Steve

I thought he was like, bitch, my wife is right there. No, no, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I'm toxic.

Nic

That makes his character a little better of a.

Steve

Yes, it's, it's, it's, it's, don't you see? Like, look, because he's got his brother's blood is all over his hands. Literally, he's like, my— his blood is on my hands. It's not a metaphor, it's literally here. You should go away or you'll get hurt too. But then that caring sort of, you know, thing that he gives to, to Josephine, he turns around and Maddie witnessed it. So now Maddie knows, well, clearly you care about this woman enough to say that to her. And this was a time when I feel like adultery was like— the bar was low.

Nic

Oh yeah.

Steve

Like, it was, it was like, you know, you were meant to be not even looking at other women or other men if you were, you know, in a relationship. Unless you were somebody who just, you know, went to whores. Like, there were only 2 levels, it seemed like.

Nic

Yeah, it's weird. It seems like, yeah, the best of times and the worst of times for adultery, right? If you're like someone with the status of a sheriff or like a Wyatt Earp type guy, it almost seems like, oh yeah, it's a no-brainer that these guys go and cheat on their wives. They have hard jobs, they travel a lot or whatever. But also biblically, you can't even look. You can't look at an ankle or.

Steve

You're gonna get shot. Exactly. Um, but yeah, so now it's time for the Earps.

Nic

Oh, and during this scene where he's out in the rain, this is like— my wife was watching, not making a lot of comments during the movie, which she really enjoyed, but while he's yelling, and she just says at the end of it, to me, the wet mustache was the funniest part.

Steve

It does hang a bit, doesn't it, when it gets really sopping? Um, all right, so now it's the next day. They're leaving town. They've packed up. They got Morgan's casket in the back. Virgil's got that arm in a sling. He can't use it anymore. And they roll past Ringo and Curly Bill are sitting on a porch, and this is that really is definitely a very common meme or animated GIF that gets used a lot, right, is Wyatt rides up and says to Curly Bill, I want you to know that it's over. Like he's saying, like, we're not doing anymore. And Curly Bill looks at him and goes, well, bye. So good. But as they leave town, Curly Bill says to Ike, hey, grab a couple of— he says a couple of people, go grab 'em, go finish it.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

You know, go take 'em down, whatever. And this is—.

Nic

And Curly Bill and Ringo and the crew were were sitting in front of the oysters and beer place.

Steve

It was weird.

Nic

So maybe Wyatt was just like, you know what? Those oysters will kill him in 2 days. I don't need to kill this.

Steve

This is a landlocked state, uh, landlocked territory.

Nic

We're getting them from Lake Mead. Where are these oysters coming from? Havasu?

Steve

Um, oh man. Can you imagine what the, uh, what the crabs and clams and oysters and horrible things inside Havasu are?

Nic

Oh my God, right?

Steve

A lot of crustaceans.

Nic

So, so Virgil— he gets Virgil to leave town with his wife, you know? So he's on his way out on the train, and like immediately at the train station, you know, Wyatt is attacked. He ends up taking out one of the henchmen. Yep. And then, uh, Ike, I think, is remaining. And instead of killing Ike, he does this sick— he slices his face with the spur. Oh, I love it.

Steve

And he says, you tell him I'm coming and hell's coming with me. Again, I see a red sash, I kill the man who's wearing it. Oh man. So this is Wyatt's rampage.

Nic

Oh, he's flipped now.

Steve

We get a big, uh, sort of montage of just hunting down cowboys, shooting them in opium dens, and killing them on horseback. And just all kinds of stuff. Um, we get to— they've killed a ton of cowboys. Oh, by the way, I say they, uh, the night that they attacked Virgil and Morgan and the women, McMasters, played by Michael Rooker, he came up along with Turkey Creek and, uh, Jack, uh, Texas Jack, and told Wyatt they went after your women. I'm not okay with that. Like, I'm out.

Nic

Like, yeah, that was too far for me. Yep.

Steve

Well, I don't even know that Turkey Creek and Texas Jack were actually in,.

Nic

But the Rooker was.

Steve

McMasters, Rooker He threw down his sash like, I'm done, I'm out. Uh, and they all say, Wyatt, if you need us, you let us know. So now we've basically— the posse is Wyatt and Doc and McMasters and Turkey, you know, Creek, and, uh, and Texas Jack. And so it's— that's who, by the way, both guys named Jack. It's another thing. You got Turkey Creek Jack Johnson and Texas Jack Vermillion. Like, they're all named Jack.

Nic

I don't even—.

Steve

I'll bet you Doc's hollering. I think Doc's first name is John or Jack as well.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

So, but anyway, um, so they're, you know, doing the ones— they're the ones hunting down the cowboys, killing and stuff. They get to a river where it looks like they're gonna even possibly just stop for a little bit, water their horses and stuff, but they start getting fired at from across the river and they have to duck. And it's Curly Bill and a bunch of his guys, and they got them on both sides.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

They're coming on both sides of them and pinning them in. And this is, you know, a little, um, maybe a little unrealistic. I think this is where the historical fiction part of the movie really kicks in, is Wyatt just says, no! And he like gets up and walks into the river.

Nic

Uncovered. He just like starts walking across the river, shooting straight. And again, uh, George P. Cosmatos learned this when he made Rambo: First Blood Part 2. If you're determined enough to shoot who you're shooting at, then you will not get shot yourself if you fully expose yourself. This is Rambo standing in the river with his bow and arrow while he's got like 9 machine guns missing him, right?

Steve

Exactly.

Nic

So yeah, this is the other scene where I was like, that's a Stallone director right there.

Steve

So, uh, Wyatt does kill Curly Bill there in the river, uh, and And, you know, basically, like, they win, basically. The cowboys who aren't dead run off.

Nic

Yep.

Steve

And so, uh, Turkey Creek and Jack and Doc are all standing around kind of cleaning stuff up. He goes, you ever seen anything like that? I've never seen anything like that. And, you know, they're basically like, what do we do? And I think it's, uh, you know, like, well, I can't remember exactly how Turkey Creek opens it up, but Doc's response is, Wyatt Earp is my friend.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

And Turkey Creek goes, well, I got— hell, I got a lot of friends. And Doc's like, I don't.

Nic

I love it.

Steve

It's so good.

Nic

It's such like a— for such a testosterone movie, that's such a sweet like realization for a character to have on screen.

Steve

And so, uh, I think the next thing we see is, uh, so B.N. Has deputized the Cowboys. So Ringo and, and the remaining Cowboys, they're actually, I guess, county sheriff deputies, right?

Nic

Because the way you become a sheriff is to have the badge. Yeah, that's what it seems like in this. Yeah, if you— and you kill the sheriff, you take his badge, you are the new sheriff. It is like the WWF. Intercontinental champion.

Steve

But nobody even killed the sheriff. Behan's with them. That's the thing. Like, he's just hanging out. He's like, he's on their side. Like, yeah, he's just got a ton of badges.

Nic

Uh, Billy Zane has been killed. Yes, exactly. And, you know, basically, uh, Josephine's like, what the fuck? Someone tried to steal my watch and he called them cowards and they killed him. This is out of control. You guys suck ass.

Steve

Yeah. And this is when Jason Priestley's Billy quits and he says like, I'm not gonna be a part of this, whatever. Um, and, uh, and yeah. And then, uh, I think while they're riding, or that while the posse is riding Doc like passes out and sort of almost falls off his horse or whatever.

Nic

So they have to find somewhere to stop with him. And yeah, they end up at Hooker's Ranch, which is run by Hooker, who's played by Charlton Heston.

Steve

Yeah, that's right.

Nic

And what I read about the director switching, the original director of this film did direct these Charlton Heston scenes. Oh, and they left him in. So it's weird that like that was in there, and then they had the other guy— like all the other stuff is the other guy.

Steve

Really?

Nic

Yeah. Yeah, so maybe they only had Heston for a very brief period of time or something like that.

Steve

Certainly not in a lot of scenes.

Nic

So, um, yeah, so, uh, so Johnny Ringo— like, they come to announce, like, Johnny Ringo wants a one-on-one with Wyatt. Yeah, like, we'll tell him where to meet. And they—.

Steve

The Cowboys got McMaster basically and dragged his dead body. I mean, like, mutilated him, it seems like.

Nic

If you turn on your gang, you're never gonna survive in a movie.

Steve

So they got McMaster. Doc is holed up there at Hooker's Ranch. Actually, Josephine stops there and they chat a little bit. Like her stagecoach stops to water the horses, so they chat a little bit. Wyatt and Josephine do. And of course, Wyatt at this point, like Maddie's gone. Whether or not he and Maddie are actually done, she's definitely not around, right? Right. She she went off with Virgil. But yeah, so they chat for a little bit, and then Ringo challenges Wyatt. And then you know Wyatt's asking Doc. He's like, you know, I can't beat him, can I? Like like what makes what makes Ringo do the things he does? A man like that. And and Doc's got this great little kind of mini monologue where he's like. Like he's got a hole in him that just has been there forever, and he doesn't know how how to fill it. Everything, all the killing, all the drinking, all the women, like he doesn't fill the hole. You know what does he want? He wants revenge for what? He goes for being born.

Nic

Yeah, and it's cool. You see like Wyatt because earlier in the movie, like when Doc and Ringo encounter each other, Doc is telling everyone like Ringo reminds me of me. Yeah, like Doc is talking about himself. Oh yeah, in that moment you see Wyatt getting like a little heartbroken over it as Doc. Is like, again, like you didn't expect like a Mikey and T sweetness of like a male friendship in, in a movie like this. But yeah, a really great scene between them.

Steve

Yeah. And then, uh, Doc asks Wyatt for his badge. He's never, he's never known what it's like to wear one, you know. And Wyatt's thinking, well, I'm off, I'm walking off to my death now, so yeah, have my badge. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm gonna die. Ringo's going to kill me. And so, uh, so he gave— he gives Doc his badge and then Uh, you know, basically Wyatt goes to where he's supposed to meet Ringo, and, and Jack— Texas Jack and Turkey Creek are there, and they tell him, like, hey, he's up around the bend or whatever, you know, waiting at this oak tree. And so Wyatt's gonna go, and then we see from Ringo's perspective, a man in an overcoat and a hat shows up, and he's like, you know, I didn't think you'd show, whatever. And like, you know, Doc, this is his arm, you Huckleberry, you know. And it's—.

Nic

I love Doc coming out of the shadows.

Steve

So good.

Nic

Oh my God.

Steve

And he's basically like saying, hey, it's not your— I don't have a problem with you, you know, I was just joking or whatever. And Doc's like, I wasn't Let's do this. Yeah, you know, and it's a great— they circle each other and, and, and, you know, like, it's just fantastic because it's like, it's so menacing and kind of, um, it doesn't look like a duel. It doesn't look like the duels that like we like learn about.

Nic

No, you know, it's almost like a sword fight more.

Steve

The Aaron Burr, Alexander Hamilton shit. It doesn't, it doesn't feel like that. It's so much more— yeah, like there's so much more strategy and sort of of like agility and things that are part of it. Yeah. And sure enough, Doc's the one that gets the shot off and puts it right in between Ringo's eyes. And he's like, come on, come on, as he's like about to fall down. He's really, you know—.

Nic

Definitely did not turn his head into a canoe.

Steve

No, it did not. The, the bullet kind of seemed like it just went in and maybe even rattled around in there a little bit. Uh, yeah.

Nic

And yeah, and then Doc seemed to— he really needed Ringo to get his shot off before he died, right? Like, that seemed like an important— like, for Doc's honor, I can't shoot a guy who wasn't Even able to shoot back.

Steve

Yeah, that's what you know. By that time, it didn't really matter. But yeah.

Nic

So yeah, that was super great. And and then Wyatt shows up.

Steve

Right, right. Well, Doc had put the the badge like on Ringo, and so Wyatt comes and sees it and realizes what happened. Whatever. But Doc's not there. I don't think. Is he or does he still there? Oh, I can't remember.

Nic

Still there. Yeah, I forget.

Steve

Yeah, but but anyway, now it's the four. It's it's just oh no no because Doc's there because yeah it's like Wyatt and Doc and Turkey and Turkey Creek and and Dex and Jack, they go on their kind of final ride.

Nic

Their little montage of taking out the rest.

Steve

I wrote down the last charge of Wyatt Earp and his immortals. You know, it's sort of what it is.

Nic

Yeah, let's go get the rest of them.

Steve

Even to the point where they get Ike Clanton to just drop his sash from horseback, and Doc and Wyatt kind of shake hands like, well, that was it.

Nic

I love that they're shaking hands mid-horse ride, which I love so much. I really— and this scene, it is cool. I mean, they could have manipulated the timeline to have Curly Bill be the final death of the movie in like a big dramatic thing, whatever. But it's kind of cool that it's like, oh, you know, the job of a lawman's never done, and we're always chasing this. So we have this kind of like triumphant, like finishing the job kind of thing.

Steve

It sort of— it feels more, quote, realistic to have— yeah, you killed the 2 big bad guys, but then really the end of the job is mopping up. Yeah, you know, getting rid of all the other folks. So yes, then we cut to basically one of our final scenes. There's another one after this, but you know, we would call this the coda, right? This is after the climax, like the, you know, the main story is done. Let's just wrap up the bits. We're at the Glenwood Sanatorium in Colorado where Doc Holliday is, uh, actually receiving last rites, it sounds like.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

In Latin, so, uh, from a Catholic priest. And, uh, Wyatt shows up and is ready to play cards with Doc, and Doc does not sound good. You know, he's barely able to talk. You hear him wheezing through every breath. Um, and he basically begs Wyatt, you know, hey, if you've ever felt any affection for me, if you've ever loved me at all, like, leave. Like, I don't want you to see me like this anymore, and I'm almost done, right? Kind of thing. So Wyatt leaves him a book he wrote Apparently he self-published in the 1880s the book My Friend Doc Holliday, and he gives it to Doc, but Doc does not have time to read it because as soon as Wyatt leaves, basically Doc gives that death rattle, you know, that final exhale.

Nic

Doc is, uh, as he's talking to Wyatt, he's like, I don't want to play cards, like, let me just talk. And this is where he starts giving his, like, deathbed thing. He's like, oh, I was in love once. And Wyatt's like, hey, buddy, that's awesome. Them with my cousin. He's like, hey, well, why don't we get some— she was 15. All right, buddy. Hey, well, look, there's lots of crime down there in Tombstone. I better get out of here.

Steve

But didn't she like join a convent because of the scandal or something too? So now she's—.

Nic

Oh, so you ruined your 15-year-old's life. Um, whatever, normal for the time. But yeah, really, really sweet scene between them. And that he had written the book— I mean, imagine how hard it was for a guy to even like look at another guy and be be like, you are my son, you know, let alone write a whole like ode to your pal. So, uh, I like that. And Doc dies, and now, uh, Josie is backstage for her performance. Josephine and Wyatt shows up there backstage.

Steve

Yeah, they're in Denver, so not far obviously from wherever, uh, in Colorado Doc was. And Wyatt basically shows up and is like, I want to do room service, I want to be with you forever. And then I always love this little part of Josephine at the end, you know, she's like, don't worry, Wyatt, my family's rich. And it's like, oh well, fuck, all right, it all just landed in such a fun—.

Nic

Landed in place for Wyatt Earp, didn't it?

Steve

Jesus. Like, because Maddie apparently died. Like, we get a little more narration from Robert Mitchum at the end, and it was like Maddie died and Josephine and Wyatt lived off happily ever after.

Nic

So that's right. Uh, great. The voiceover does— it sounds great. Oh yeah, it sounds so cool. And then it's funny that they connect it— like, it seemed important to the filmmakers to like connect it to early Westerns, right? Because they were talking about when Wyatt Earp died, you know, and he was very old when he died and had a very long successful life. These Hollywood and Western actors were there. Then the last words of the movie are, Tom Mix wept, which is just like—.

Steve

I don't even know who Tom Mix is. Some Western actor.

Nic

Yeah, yeah, obviously. Uh, but the end credits where we have the most ass-kicking music and the credits are playing over the 4 of them doing an endless walk to the OK Corral is so fucking cool. So yeah, that is Tombstone, man. Holy moly.

Steve

Yeah. Um, all right, I'll give my thoughts first. I brought this to the table, and like, I'll just be honest, I, I know I've told you this, Nick, but I'll say it to the listener as well. Um, this is like one of my top 5 movies of all time. I think that this is the greatest Western that was released in the '90s, in a decade that frankly had few Westerns, but the ones it had were fantastic. When you look at Dances with Wolves, Unforgiven— well, those are the '80s, uh, or at least Young Guns 1 I think was. Young Guns 2 might have been the early '90s. But like, you know, thinking in the '90s, you had, uh, uh, Dances with Wolves, you had Unforgiven, You had this, you had Wyatt Earp. Like, there were a lot of really— there weren't a lot, but the ones that we had were very good westerns.

Nic

Yeah.

Steve

This to me is the top. And I know it didn't win Best Picture like Dances with Wolves. I know Unforgiven didn't. Like, it didn't win awards the way those other movies did. But to me, this is like the crux of what like a Hollywood western is, right? It's a star-studded cast. It's got a great screenplay. It's got tons of action. It's got that particular brand of gore that feels very apropos to the time. There's sort of the way like the gore in Braveheart feels very appropriate because it's like, yeah, at this time war was fought with like, you know, this is the 15th century or whatever. War is fought with like heavy metal things being slammed into human skulls.

Nic

Right.

Steve

Like that's what war was. And it's like, this was like, yeah, like, you know, iron, you know, disgustingly dirty balls of iron getting thrown into your body at rapidly high speeds would kill you. Even if somebody could dig the fucking thing outta you, you would just die from the poisoning or whatever. You know, there's just all kinds of like horrificness about this is just accurate to like the middle of the 19th century. And so that part's great. I love the cast. I love the screenplay. I love the dialogue. I don't think the movie— the movie doesn't lag. It's a little over 2 hours, but I feel like it earns it. I don't really think personally for me, there aren't really slow parts to this movie. I'm a 5 out of 5 on Tombstone. I've been giving out a lot of 5s lately, but fuck it. We just haven't really— we've had a lot of really good movies. And this one to me is another clear 5.

Nic

Awesome. Yeah. Like I said, dude, I had never seen this before. I'm so excited that I've seen it now. I watched it twice in the, in the weeks leading up to us, uh, recording here, and I'm glad that I did. Um, yeah, so enjoyable. Every member of the cast I thought was fantastic. It was great just being able to recognize so many. Oh my God, oh, like, who's that behind the mustache and everything? Um, I got a couple things that I need to talk about here.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

Uh, one, one thought that I had that really delighted me, and then if you could indulge me for a minute, every morning the actors have to You arrive at set, 6:30 in the morning, and you're there and you're getting your fake mustache put on and everything. About 11 AM every morning, Sam Elliott walks in just with the mustache he woke up with, holding a Budweiser, and he goes, morning, ladies, and walks into his trailer. So I picture that, that like added in my head.

Steve

I don't think there was a single fake mustache in this movie, to be honest with you.

Nic

I knew you would, I knew you would no-butt it with your improv skills, but you know what, I'm allowed to make my jokes. Number 2 is that Powers Boothe. Okay, greatest name in the history of actors, I think. I love it so much. Fantastic. I think that because he died does not mean that that name should die. I think that it should be like the Dalai Lama. Powers Boothe should be a title, and it should be a new guy. So we gotta find someone who has like a subpar name that could be the new Powers Boothe. So if anyone wants to write in, tell me that.

Steve

Uh, well, should it be somebody that is in any way like Powers Boothe? Do we just give that name to Stacy Keach?

Nic

Ah, I mean, he's a— oh, he's a good Powers Boothe. Yeah, he'll have a short reign as Powers Boothe because he's pretty old, but.

Steve

I like that though.

Nic

Good one.

Steve

Yeah.

Nic

So we'll think of which Powers booths might be out there for us. The way I would have ended this movie after the whole Wyatt Earp, like, and Josephine, like, hey, I got nothing to offer you, but let's go live like rich people for the rest of our lives. She's like, hey, guess what? My dad's rich. All right, perfect. They should have ridden off on like a just-married, like, stagecoach with like cans tied to it and shit and splashed Maddie with a huge-ass mud puddle as they were driving out of town.

Steve

Oh, yeah. That would have been perfect.

Nic

This is the most fuck my bitch wife movie that I've ever seen in my life.

Steve

It's really bad. It's really bad.

Nic

Look, and I gotta say, this movie has everything that I wanted from it. I love it. It's changed my mind on Westerns. I enjoyed the shit out of it. There's a couple things that might just keep it from being perfection for me when I'm looking at the other 5s. This is a 4.5 for me. I'm gonna watch this again within 2026, most likely. Great movie.

Steve

Beautiful.

Nic

Great pick. Thank you, Steve.

Steve

9.5 out of 10 on Tombstone from the 2 dads. So again, we're not doing any theme or whatever. You can go any which way, any direction, any year you like, Nic. So what spectacular peak of cinema are you bringing to the table for next week?

Nic

Well, you know, it's funny when we, when we did the 2 Dads, 2 Decades thing, we kind of, we planned it all in advance. So I was thinking like, you know, back what, months and months ago, like, okay, what am I going to pick? Like, what needs to come up? And this is, I know some pitchers who are normally like fastball pitchers, once in a while, once in a while they'll throw you a curveball.

Steve

Sure.

Nic

This is an eephus that I'm throwing underhanded and, and kicking off my back heel like a hacky sack.

Steve

All right.

Nic

Before it gets to home base, because I picked a movie that my wife and my daughter really liked during the pandemic.

Steve

Okay.

Nic

And I thought this was like a cute movie, and I didn't know how many people had seen it before, were familiar with it. It's like a fun— there's a lot of '80s in it. It's very like visible '80s, like really funny over-the-top '80s rich people stuff. And, uh, this is just a goofy, lighthearted movie. Uh, we're going to watch, uh, we're going to Beverly Hills and we're gonna hang out with the local Girl Scouts and we're gonna watch Shelley Long and a bunch of other— hey, I remember that person— in, uh, Troop Beverly Hills.

Steve

Nice.

Nic

I don't know if you've seen this one before.

Steve

I absolutely have. This is definitely one I saw several times as a kid. Like, it was, it was one of those movies I think my mom liked and It was PG, and so it was just like we had it at the house and it was just on. Yeah, a lot. We would watch it fairly often. I had a huge crush on Carla Gugino in this in this movie because we were kids. You know, still think Carla Gugino's gorgeous in everything she's done since. But like yeah, like it was definitely a movie I watched many many times. So very much looking forward to watching Troop Beverly Hills again. I think it's been thirty years or something since I've seen it.

Nic

Probably.

Steve

I really was a kid.

Nic

Probably still the same about it.

Steve

It might be. But yeah, I'm super excited to watch that with you. So very cool. So next week, Troop Beverly Hills.

Nic

All right.

Steve

So that's a wrap. If you like what you hear, please consider heading over to Apple or Spotify and leaving us a 5-star review. It helps new folks find the show. Be sure to check out our website at twodads1movie.com. That's the number 2 and the number 1. There you can explore the movies we've covered, sign up for our newsletter, The Rewind, and even get sneak previews of upcoming episodes. Once again, this has been Tombstone. Another episode of 2 Dads 1 Movie. I'm Steve.

Nic

And I'm Nic.

Steve

Thank you so much for listening, and we'll catch you next week.

Nic

Thanks, everyone.