Home Alone (1990)

This week, the dads open another door on the Dadvent calendar with Home Alone (1990), the Christmas classic that feels impossible to skip during the holiday season. Steve and Nic dive headfirst into the beautiful chaos of the McAllister household, marveling at the absolute sociopath behavior of packing for a two-week international trip the night before a morning flight. They wonder aloud why an eight-year-old is trusted to pack his own bag when Nic's own wife still has to check his suitcase for missing socks. The dads dissect every baffling detail: the family's inexplicably red-and-green permanent decor, the suspicious number of mannequins in the basement (Buffalo Bill would be proud), and the staggering fact that $122.50 bought ten pizzas in 1990. They also note, with some alarm, that every single pizza appeared to be topped exclusively with kalamata olives and zero pepperoni.

The conversation turns to the many adults who should have called the cops but didn't. The grocery store clerk, the pizza delivery boy, the town Santa, Old Man Marley. An entire village conspired, through sheer negligence, to let an eight-year-old nearly get killed by burglars. Speaking of those burglars, the dads conduct a thorough injury audit, tallying up blowtorched scalps, paint cans to the face, BB gun shots to sensitive areas, and the tar situation that led to Marv's barefoot ornament stomp. They agree that Daniel Stern's tarantula scream is the greatest man-scream of the decade, possibly ever, and praise the film's surprising physical comedy chops from both Stern and an against-type Joe Pesci. Nic gives particular love to John Candy's brief but perfect turn as the pushy polka bandleader, calling it the detail that elevates the whole thing.

It's a warm, chaotic, deeply 90s time capsule that somehow makes you feel cozy even while children commit felonies and criminals sustain injuries that would kill lesser men.